Depression

[wiliferus]

Welcome. As I think you’ve identified, this thread is very useful, both if you want to just be an observer, or if you’re seeking support or advice.

[EFH189]

Good morning to those who frequent this thread, I truly hope you are all doing well.

I’m sadly having a dreadful time at the moment. After taking what I thought were positive strides to address my problems, this last week the reality of my marriage breakup and effectively losing my best friend has made me bitterly unhappy and unsettled.

I’m hardly sleeping, my chronic back pain is making it difficult to stand up and even walk, I’m in a very nasty place mentally. I’m not eating properly and I feel utterly despondent with life.

I broke down in tears at work and then did the same at home in the evening, I had to call 111 for mental health support as I just don’t know where to turn. I’m expecting to see my GP today who can hopefully prescribe something which will help me through this. I didn’t want to turn to meds but I don’t know what else to do.

Everyone is telling me it’ll get easier, but I’ve got so much trauma coming out from my past it’s overwhelming me and I really can’t cope.

[Lemanandbeyond]

EFH189 said:

Good morning to those who frequent this thread, I truly hope you are all doing well.

I’m sadly having a dreadful time at the moment. After taking what I thought were positive strides to address my problems, this last week the reality of my marriage breakup and effectively losing my best friend has made me bitterly unhappy and unsettled.

I’m hardly sleeping, my chronic back pain is making it difficult to stand up and even walk, I’m in a very nasty place mentally. I’m not eating properly and I feel utterly despondent with life.

I broke down in tears at work and then did the same at home in the evening, I had to call 111 for mental health support as I just don’t know where to turn. I’m expecting to see my GP today who can hopefully prescribe something which will help me through this. I didn’t want to turn to meds but I don’t know what else to do.

Everyone is telling me it’ll get easier, but I’ve got so much trauma coming out from my past it’s overwhelming me and I really can’t cope.

EFH, You will have ups and downs and whilst the process of divorcing may be painful it does get easier over time, your true mates will stand by and support you. Try and knock drinking on the head for a while, it has a huge impact on metal health. Please keep seeing professional help, with trauma in the mix and all of the emotions its a huge help to work through it.

I'm supporting my sister who we nearly lost and she didn't reach out until it was almost too late. The mental health support we found was incredible and really helped her through the dark times.

Keep pushing you will come through it, post away as many people find it cathartic and sometimes even a small reply from a stranger may help.

Wishing you and all the people who suffer a good day :-)

[sevensfun]

EFH189 said:

That’s great to read your story Crofty, I’m really pleased for you. I also recognised similar some years ago, because work has such a big influence on our lives.

I left a c. £40k basic pay role for a 50% pay cut in a completely new sector and, although that job was highly stressful and ultimately only lasted a year but I still smashed it, it was the stepping stone into my current role of over two years and things have worked brilliantly and I’m earning well in excess of what I used to now.

Short term pain equals long term gain. I wish you well mate.

Mind if I ask - what was the career change?

[FNG]

A500leroy said:

Hey, Im just bored I think, I cant find enjoyment in anything anymore so it just seems like the highlight is earning money to pay bills, and that feels a bit pointless really! ( yes i know only I can change it but like I said if I dont find enjoyment in anything its hard to find the motivation)

Perhaps you could have a look at the low testosterone threads (I've just bumped mine, and there are some links in the first few replies to other threads that are much more useful reading) and see if the symptoms look like they might fit. From what you've written, it's a possibility.

[EFH189]

sevensfun said:

EFH189 said:

That’s great to read your story Crofty, I’m really pleased for you. I also recognised similar some years ago, because work has such a big influence on our lives.

I left a c. £40k basic pay role for a 50% pay cut in a completely new sector and, although that job was highly stressful and ultimately only lasted a year but I still smashed it, it was the stepping stone into my current role of over two years and things have worked brilliantly and I’m earning well in excess of what I used to now.

Short term pain equals long term gain. I wish you well mate.

Mind if I ask - what was the career change?

Of course, I worked in travel for many years. I left around 2018, which was very lucky given what has happened to the sector since, due to Covid.

I was able to secure an opportunity working in property sales, with the drop in pay I mentioned, in a very fast paced and dynamic environment. It was a great buzz with excellent earning potential, but I burned out in a year!

I no longer work in residential sales but I am still within the property sector. I enjoy my work immensely, and also benefit from substantially better remuneration and career prospects now, so it has worked out very well, thankfully.

The company I now work for are also being amazingly supportive through this turbulent period I am experiencing, which is quite overwhelming.

[Animal]

EFH189 said:

Good morning to those who frequent this thread, I truly hope you are all doing well.

I’m sadly having a dreadful time at the moment. After taking what I thought were positive strides to address my problems, this last week the reality of my marriage breakup and effectively losing my best friend has made me bitterly unhappy and unsettled.

I’m hardly sleeping, my chronic back pain is making it difficult to stand up and even walk, I’m in a very nasty place mentally. I’m not eating properly and I feel utterly despondent with life.

I broke down in tears at work and then did the same at home in the evening, I had to call 111 for mental health support as I just don’t know where to turn. I’m expecting to see my GP today who can hopefully prescribe something which will help me through this. I didn’t want to turn to meds but I don’t know what else to do.

Everyone is telling me it’ll get easier, but I’ve got so much trauma coming out from my past it’s overwhelming me and I really can’t cope.

Not sure where you're based (and so what provisions there are locally), but try your local crisis team: they're basically there to check in on you when you're having an acute period of very low mood. They're not magicians, but I found them really helpful in the past, just having someone turn up just to see how I am.

[oldbanger]

I am finding myself pretty strung out at the moment. I’ve had a sustained period working full time whilst both kids. have had mental health crises (my youngest was out of school 6 month and was admitted to hospital twice - now trying her third educational placement since May.). My dad had also been very ill and unfortunately died 2 weeks ago.

Even though I am insisting I don’t have to deal with dad’s stuff for the time being (my brother is acting as his ‘personal representative’ and my sister is organising the funeral), I am finding I ache all over, am fatigued, struggle with sensory overload, frequently get ‘lost for words’, and am uncharacteristically irritable.

Urgh, this too shall pass, I guess

[oldbanger]

Animal said:

EFH189 said:

Good morning to those who frequent this thread, I truly hope you are all doing well.

I’m sadly having a dreadful time at the moment. After taking what I thought were positive strides to address my problems, this last week the reality of my marriage breakup and effectively losing my best friend has made me bitterly unhappy and unsettled.

I’m hardly sleeping, my chronic back pain is making it difficult to stand up and even walk, I’m in a very nasty place mentally. I’m not eating properly and I feel utterly despondent with life.

I broke down in tears at work and then did the same at home in the evening, I had to call 111 for mental health support as I just don’t know where to turn. I’m expecting to see my GP today who can hopefully prescribe something which will help me through this. I didn’t want to turn to meds but I don’t know what else to do.

Everyone is telling me it’ll get easier, but I’ve got so much trauma coming out from my past it’s overwhelming me and I really can’t cope.

Not sure where you're based (and so what provisions there are locally), but try your local crisis team: they're basically there to check in on you when you're having an acute period of very low mood. They're not magicians, but I found them really helpful in the past, just having someone turn up just to see how I am.

Sorry to read that you feel so terrible

If trauma is especially an issue, you may find something like EMDR or sensorimotor therapy helpful. Some experts are now also offering havening therapy. I am not sure how widespread these are on the NHS.

In terms of free or low cost options include contacting your local mind - most branches do drop in sessions.
You can self refer to IAPT too https://www.england.nhs.uk/mental-health/adults/ia...

Hopefully your GP will prescribe you something. Usually meds take a week or two to kick in, so just be kind to yourself for now

[EFH189]

Good morning all, thanks for your kind responses and various suggestions.

I was able to get a telephone appointment yesterday with my GP who prescribed me Zopiclone, to address the insomnia I’ve been suffering with for the past month. Last night I managed to get around 8 hours sleep, compared to the usual 2-3, so that’s definitely something positive. It’s a 2-week course.

I’m returning to GP on Monday to discuss the anxiety and chronic pain in my spine, so as to begin addressing those problems too. I’ve been signed off work, so at least I can focus on me without any stresses or difficulties from external factors.

Yesterday I was able to have a zoom call with my therapist, which again helped, as I was then able to put my situation into context, and understand that it’s ok to feel sad and cry, I’m losing someone very dear to me. This journey will have ups and downs, I just didn’t expect the down to be quite so severe l…

Finally, I have started reading The Immune System Recovery Plan, which was recommended to me. It’s quite fascinating / worrying how many foodstuffs we consume daily that our bodies believe are invaders, and therefore attack them causing us inflammation, pain and worse. It provides insight into the best types of foods to consume for a healthy gut, which is an extremely important factor and how some autoimmune diseases can be reversed by following certain steps. I went and spent £70 at Waitrose yesterday on ‘whole foods’ and I’m going to give this a good shot.

I did say to myself yesterday that tomorrow will surely be a better day. While I wasn’t 100% sure, I can say today already feels better.

Take care everyone, and keep talking / writing, it’s incredibly helpful.

Edited to add: my friends and colleagues have been amazing as this situation has unfolded. Without their help, care, advice and support I would be in a very different place right now.

Edited by EFH189 on Thursday 1st July 19:08

[loskie]

regarding Zopiclone. I found it worked really well for the first three or so nights. I slept and woke the next morning feeling like I had had a good sleep and not groggy BUT on to about night 4 it became LESS effective. I found the best thing for me was NOT to take it as a full course of 10 days worth but to take it odd nights here and there rather than feel I had to rely on it routinely.

I would recommend it but not as a course.

[Slowboathome]

loskie said:

regarding Zopiclone. I found it worked really well for the first three or so nights. I slept and woke the next morning feeling like I had had a good sleep and not groggy BUT on to about night 4 it became LESS effective. I found the best thing for me was NOT to take it as a full course of 10 days worth but to take it odd nights here and there rather than feel I had to rely on it routinely.

I would recommend it but not as a course.

I agree with this. I rotated it with Night Nurse and Nytol so I had 2-3 decent night's sleep each week. GP was fine with this.

EFH sounds like you are going at it from all angles - nice work!

[EFH189]

Hello all, hope you people who may be suffering had a restful night.

Interesting to read your feedback and reaction to the sleeping tablets, thanks for that it’s useful to know.

I have found the Zopiclone knock me out pretty quickly, but then this morning I woke at 4:45am after taking the pill at 9pm. I struggled to nod off again this morning as I started ruminating about complete and utter bks, until I got up at 7am feeling really frustrated. I had tried listening to a couple of guided meditations but just couldn’t focus as my mind was all over the place and I wasn’t comfortable in bed.

I hope once they can identify what is causing me the chronic pain and stiffness in my back/neck, it will be a huge weight off my mind as this is getting me down as much as everything else as it’s also preventing me from exercising and getting out and about. Seeing GP on Monday for this.

I would like think that if I can begin sleeping ok along with reduce the physical pain I am in, it’ll only be my head and heart left to heal, which will happen over time.

I truly appreciate the input I’m getting from you guys on this thread, and I plan to give back whatever advice/experience I can when I’m in a better place myself.

[Slowboathome]

Re the back pain, it's worth looking at this guy's stuff: https://www.tamethebeast.org/ He's a well-regarded expert in neuroscience and pain. I personally found this approach very helpful when navigating my own pain issue. The approach is pretty mainstream now, but not every GP will be aware of it.

[EFH189]

Thanks for the above, I’ll take a look into it.

My back pain could be linked to a lumbar spinal fusion 10+ years ago. However I had dreadful pain even before the herniated disc and, despite many tests because I had concerns about my body, was told I was fine… clearly something isn’t/wasn’t doing what it should!

I get tired very fast when doing certain physical activity and my muscles become very weak, achy and ‘burning’. Like yesterday I did some very small touch up painting in the house and the muscles in my shoulders/arms were on fire within 5 seconds of brushing. It’s quite weird and clearly not normal.

The Zopiclone effect has diminished, I woke up at 4:45am after taking the pill at 11’ish. I’m going to grab some Nytol today and alternate as others have done.

Thankfully though, the sleep I have been getting plus the positive actions I’ve been taking over a few days has put me in a stronger place mentally (hope it lasts!).

Today is our 6th wedding anniversary, I removed my ring yesterday and applied for the decree nisi. I’ve accepted it’s done and she’s moving out next week, so there will be a physical distance between us which could also help the healing.

Have a good and peaceful day everyone.

[crofty1984]

deadtom said:

Thread bump

This is my first reply in this thread and I haven't really got anything specific to contribute, but I think I belong here and it helps just reading through and seeing that many others go through life feeling much the same way as I do.

Hope all are well.

You're not on your own, chap. It can sometimes be hard to talk to family/friends (at least I felt like I didn't want to worry them) but if just reading these stories or, if you feel you wanted to, yell into the void of the internet to a load of strangers helps our them great.

[crofty1984]

EFH189 said:

Good morning to those who frequent this thread, I truly hope you are all doing well.

I’m sadly having a dreadful time at the moment. After taking what I thought were positive strides to address my problems, this last week the reality of my marriage breakup and effectively losing my best friend has made me bitterly unhappy and unsettled.

I’m hardly sleeping, my chronic back pain is making it difficult to stand up and even walk, I’m in a very nasty place mentally. I’m not eating properly and I feel utterly despondent with life.

I broke down in tears at work and then did the same at home in the evening, I had to call 111 for mental health support as I just don’t know where to turn. I’m expecting to see my GP today who can hopefully prescribe something which will help me through this. I didn’t want to turn to meds but I don’t know what else to do.

Everyone is telling me it’ll get easier, but I’ve got so much trauma coming out from my past it’s overwhelming me and I really can’t cope.

If you need meds, then take them. We all need a hand sometimes. My Mrs was on setraline for a bit and I don't know if it was the specific chemical reaction of the medication, or just the fact that she was feeling proud of taking a positive step in managing her well-being, but I could tell the difference.

[CubanPete]

tonyvid said:

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

Me, today I had what I consider to be a rather unhelpful CBT session, feeling it was too generalised, following a script/ process rather than being specific to me and where I'm at. Has left me feeling worse, rather than better. Once I've chewed it over and gained full clarity in my head regarding it I may elaborate further.

That's very interesting about your CBT session, a few years ago I felt just the same and I've come to learn that therapy is so much more about the individual rather than simply following a process(which it what some organisations and therapists do). Following stages is very effective for things like addiction or substance abuse but, in my view, the therapy should be adaptable and tailored to the person in the session.

CBT is a collection of tools. It takes time to learn which ones work for you and how to use them (and why they work). Once you have learnt how to use them it takes time for you to use them instinctively. Often the time you need them the most is the time it is hardest, at least initially, to work out which ones will help.

I had anxiety issues for some time, and there were two methods in particular I found that helped, but there were many that didn't.

[Matt p]

EFH189 said:

Thanks for the above, I’ll take a look into it.

My back pain could be linked to a lumbar spinal fusion 10+ years ago. However I had dreadful pain even before the herniated disc and, despite many tests because I had concerns about my body, was told I was fine… clearly something isn’t/wasn’t doing what it should!

I get tired very fast when doing certain physical activity and my muscles become very weak, achy and ‘burning’. Like yesterday I did some very small touch up painting in the house and the muscles in my shoulders/arms were on fire within 5 seconds of brushing. It’s quite weird and clearly not normal.

The Zopiclone effect has diminished, I woke up at 4:45am after taking the pill at 11’ish. I’m going to grab some Nytol today and alternate as others have done.

Thankfully though, the sleep I have been getting plus the positive actions I’ve been taking over a few days has put me in a stronger place mentally (hope it lasts!).

Today is our 6th wedding anniversary, I removed my ring yesterday and applied for the decree nisi. I’ve accepted it’s done and she’s moving out next week, so there will be a physical distance between us which could also help the healing.

Have a good and peaceful day everyone.

Just checking in that you’re keeping your chin up chap. Once the distance between you both has started, in time you'll find things a little easier.

I was in a very similar state of mind to yourself three years ago. It took my sister to intervene and book me a visit to Relate which was a very big help. They helped me try to understand why I was thinking the way I was and to help find my own answers rather than rely on the ex’s, which looking back after some time I know would never come.

If you can, utilise Relate, Mind and or a psychologist. I found that just talking to someone other than friends or family was a massive help.

When time allows and things are lifted a little more, take yourself on holiday for a solo trip. One of the best things I ever did.

[deadtom]

crofty1984 said:

You're not on your own, chap. It can sometimes be hard to talk to family/friends (at least I felt like I didn't want to worry them) but if just reading these stories or, if you feel you wanted to, yell into the void of the internet to a load of strangers helps our them great.

Thanks Crofty. You are right that it is hard to talk to people, I think in large part because I struggle to articulate the way I feel sometimes and also because in the face of the real difficulties that so many people less fortunate than me are faced with, it just seems pointless and trivial to talk about it.

EFH I admire your pragmatic and pro-active approach to things and I hope it remains manageable and of course in time get better