Depression

Author
Discussion

markiii

3,560 posts

193 months

Thursday 5th May 2022
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best bet is go talk to your GP for a referral, unless your planning in going private?

Arnold Cunningham

3,758 posts

252 months

Thursday 5th May 2022
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I think the NHS is beyond broken, at all levels. So yeah, private.

Ruskie

Original Poster:

3,982 posts

199 months

Thursday 5th May 2022
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JiggyJaggy said:
Im just wondering if anyone has had a dramatic change of lifestyle in terms of moving country or completely changing careers to start a fresh? Has it had any positive affect?
Changed careers, changed countries. Can’t out run it.

Jimmy No Hands

5,007 posts

155 months

Friday 6th May 2022
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JiggyJaggy said:
Im just wondering if anyone has had a dramatic change of lifestyle in terms of moving country or completely changing careers to start a fresh? Has it had any positive affect?
I sold everything I owned and moved 9,000 miles away. Made it worse for me, just enhanced the existing demons and I fell into the worst pit of my life so far. The separation from friends and family coupled with being in an alien country just pushed me over the edge. I lasted just short of a year and came back. The stress from the whole process still affects me now, 3 years on.

Could work for some, but I believe ultimately, unless you're content and happy in the moment I aren't sure the answer lies at the other end of a 22 hour flight.

In terms of careers, during lockdown I made the decision to quit my dead end job in an industry I didn't like to go back to do a degree. It has done wonders for certain aspects of my wellbeing but certainly hasn't been a cure all.

SpeckledJim

31,608 posts

252 months

Friday 6th May 2022
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Difficult to say, but speaking in generalities I'd say that lifestyle and work/life balance changes are to be recommended. Especially changes that lead to more physical activity and more time spent outdoors.


But complete career changes are risky unless you've plenty of money, and emigrating is even riskier-still.


Not that it's not the answer. Just that there's a good chance it will exacerbate things. Particularly if the change physically distances you from friends and family.

Derek Smith

45,512 posts

247 months

Friday 6th May 2022
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My experience is that there's no quick, easy fix. For me, it was a case of one step at a time.

The other thing, which according to my psychiatrist is something to watch out for, is in making decisions. I kept getting these brilliant ideas, all of which were nonsense. My wife would agree, say we'd have to go into details, and at decision time, I'd gone onto something else. More or less what she'd done all my life I suppose.

Most decisions are made on emotional/reactive grounds. That goes for even the most logical of us. When emotions are all mixed up, so are our decisions. I still get that a little, but can often recognise the indicators and just stop. It was a bugger though, no mistake.

Babber101

83 posts

117 months

Friday 6th May 2022
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Everywhere you go, whatever you do - there you are

Distraction works best for me - exercise, being out, listening to music, watching you tube and the tv all at the same time - anything to dull and distract

Even fall asleep listening to podcasts which has helped but suspect it’s masking over the fundamental issues but it works for now!

twohoursfromlondon

1,133 posts

40 months

Friday 6th May 2022
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Evening guys, seems quite busy in here at the mo with lots of new posters?

I documented my struggles from around this time last year, when my wife unexpectedly left after 8 years together which threw my world into turmoil, and I faced some huge mental and physical health challenges to the point I became suicidal, basically two months ago.

Fast forward to today, almost 12 months on from when the bombshell was initially dropped, and I am a completely different person. I’m living life not surviving life, I don’t worry about menial or things beyond my control, my social anxiety is pretty much non-existent, I’m busy most of the time and my life has changed dramatically.

So how did I get to this point? Well, a variety of different things, which I’ll try and summarise:

- saw my GP
- had 3-4 sessions with a private counsellor (which initially helped me get through the sadness of the breakup)
- started writing a journal of my thoughts, feelings, highs and lows
- accepted and understood the traumas in my life which lead to my depression and behaviours
- wrote an action plan of things I needed/wanted to do
- reconnected with all the people who were/are important to me, and who I had isolated myself from (due to my social anxiety and fear of negative judgement)
- recognised and accepted that the past is the past, it’s done and dusted and there is no value in focusing on the negatives
- no longer take work home with me, if something out my control hasn’t been done or goes wrong, that’s the way it is, I no longer feel any responsibility towards it but I’m still extremely professional in my work
- had 3-4 sessions with a psychologist, which helped me deal with certain aspects of my childhood (absent and abusive father, sexual abuse) that lead me to behave in certain ways
- was prescribed Zopiclone, which helped me get back into a better pattern of sleep, however I haven’t needed a sleeping tablet for at least a month or more
- was prescribed Mirtazepine, and I’m in week 9 of taking 15mg daily
- got out and about more, pretty much when the clocks went forward as it coincided with good weather, and I’m only 30 minutes from some beautiful coastline in Hampshire/Dorset for early morning walks
- booked four holidays abroad so far this year, just got back from an incredible break in Tenerife, on my own, and I genuinely had the best time ever
- I’m massively more relaxed, I don’t suffer any anxiety to speak of any more, I readily and happily chat to anyone and it comes naturally now, as I’m not worried what anyone thinks of me
- had 3 sessions with a clinical psychiatrist, normally it would need 12-16 weeks of sessions but I turned a corner very quickly and she made me realise I’ve had a fantastic and interesting life, not the negative shambles I’d convinced myself so I paused that but can always go back if needed
- started gardening and doing bits around the house, trying things I’ve not done before
- I do zero social media, aside from Instagram as I find it a creative outlet for sharing content about my life and travels
- I don’t watch any news, don’t read the papers, don’t watch too much crap TV
- I started reading books instead
- I stopped giving myself such a hard time
- I eat what I want, I exercise, I have a few beers here and there, I actively seek to meet up with others
- I am grateful for what I have, a nice house, nice car, good job, a garden, the countryside, friends and family, fresh air, food etc etc
- I no longer compare myself to others, I accept me for me and that’s pretty unusual as I have lived with a hatred of myself most of my life
- had blood tests done to check testosterone, thryroid function etc, was all fine. I now take Vitamin B complex, Vitamin D, Magnesium Citrate and B3 Nicotinamide supplements daily

There’s probably a lot more I could add, but I realise I’ve already written a very long post. I hope that this might help others, even if it gives you a few ideas of things to try or consider. We are all different and have suffered varying traumas to be posting in this thread, so there isn’t a one-stop shop where you’ll find the cure. My advice would be to try lots of different things one by one and try to stick at it, as I’m evidence that there is a brighter future and the dark days really can be left behind. I know there may well be bumps in the road ahead, but I’m massively more prepared for them and have more capability to deal with them too.

Take care all and be strong, you can get through this!

Edited by twohoursfromlondon on Friday 6th May 19:05

Ruskie

Original Poster:

3,982 posts

199 months

Friday 6th May 2022
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Babber101 said:
Everywhere you go, whatever you do - there you are

Distraction works best for me - exercise, being out, listening to music, watching you tube and the tv all at the same time - anything to dull and distract

Even fall asleep listening to podcasts which has helped but suspect it’s masking over the fundamental issues but it works for now!
Not slept without headphones and podcast on for 5 years now. Horrendous habit but can’t break it.

Jimmy No Hands

5,007 posts

155 months

Saturday 7th May 2022
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twohoursfromlondon said:
Stuff

Edited by twohoursfromlondon on Friday 6th May 19:05
Great post, thank you. I am glad to hear you are in a better place from such a traumatic and disruptive turn of events. I will take note of a lot of that advice.

JiggyJaggy

1,449 posts

139 months

Saturday 7th May 2022
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Likewise that was a very useful post. Especially the social media aspect and keeping busy / distracted all the time.

I would like to make new friends locally but without sounding like a 5 y/old find it difficult to do so feeling the way I do and generally being quite a shy person. I guess that's also the social anxiety kicking in.

twohoursfromlondon

1,133 posts

40 months

Saturday 7th May 2022
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Jimmy No Hands said:
twohoursfromlondon said:
Stuff

Edited by twohoursfromlondon on Friday 6th May 19:05
Great post, thank you. I am glad to hear you are in a better place from such a traumatic and disruptive turn of events. I will take note of a lot of that advice.
Thanks, and you’re very welcome. If I can share or impart any of my experience to help someone else I’d be happy to.

twohoursfromlondon

1,133 posts

40 months

Saturday 7th May 2022
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JiggyJaggy said:
Likewise that was a very useful post. Especially the social media aspect and keeping busy / distracted all the time.

I would like to make new friends locally but without sounding like a 5 y/old find it difficult to do so feeling the way I do and generally being quite a shy person. I guess that's also the social anxiety kicking in.
The thing is, you don’t have be to busy or distracted all the time, as such. In my situation I found it’s a balance that needed to be reached.

Today I have no plans to physically see anyone else, so I’ve washed the car, done my washing, sat in the garden for a bit, checked on the bulbs and seeds I’ve planted, wrote some Amazon product reviews, just cracked open a beer, got some good tunes playing, chatting to mates on WhatsApp etc.

I used to spend my weekends thinking I should be spending time with other people, whereas I’ve now realised what’s important to me is doing what I want when I want, not worrying that I should be doing something ‘interesting’ as perceived by others who probably haven’t got the slightest interest in me anyway! Our minds can be very damaging, it’s about retraining your brain to think differently.

Tomorrow I’ve invited my folks for a Sunday pub lunch, as they aren’t local and I’ve not seen them in a few months, and that’s my weekend in a nutshell.

My weekends up until mid-June all have something going on, be that visiting friends/family around the country or going to motorsport events. Curiously, whenever I used to plan things I used to ruminate and catastrophise about what I’d say or that it would ultimately go badly, I don’t even think about it now.

The biggest lesson I learned about social anxiety is that no-one sees it except for you, and it’s because we have a warped or negative view of ourselves which is largely unfounded and can certainly be overcome. I know, having suffered since being under 10 years old (I’m 50 next year!), how difficult it can be to live with.

As an example, the weekend I was suicidal I’d visited friends and they were gobsmacked when I told them how I was feeling, as I didn’t come across any differently to how they know me, which is a pretty chilled out guy. Reassurance and support from friends and family has really helped, and I would suggest sharing how you feel with close friends who you trust as it can be massively helpful.

All I can say is keep going, make changes and over time your situation can improve. If it needs medication that’s fine too, I have no issue whatsoever that I take an anti-depressant, quite the opposite.

Arnold Cunningham

3,758 posts

252 months

Saturday 7th May 2022
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I think a touch of aspergers and depression are also commonly linked.

anxious_ant

2,626 posts

78 months

Saturday 7th May 2022
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twohoursfromlondon said:
Thanks, and you’re very welcome. If I can share or impart any of my experience to help someone else I’d be happy to.
I also find what you've posted really helpful, appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Most of what you say deeply resonates with me, especially on social anxiety which I am still trying to manage today. I suspect this can be traced back to my late teens when I was a victim of assault. I am just not the same ever since.

I went out for a walk in the woods earlier. For a moment, when the wind blew gently, trees swaying, the smell of the flowers in the air and the light hitting my face I felt bliss. No more worrying, no more feeling low just feeling genuinely happy. It was only for a very brief moment, but it was that moment where I naturally stopped overthinking, and focussed on the present. I get this from time to time, and I am trying to practice so that I can apply the same thinking whenever my anxiety is triggered.

Distractions can help, but I find that I need to be careful of what distractions I pick. I used to distract myself by working very long hours. This was ok for a bit but one day I burned out and it wasn't a good period to go through. I now find healhtier distractions, for example working on my garden. I am not much of a gardener but I force myself to learn and push boundaries of what I think I can't do. It's going well so far smile

I have been on a few CBT sessions and did learn a lot from it. The challenge is applying what I've learnt. Mood diary does help, reading back and understanding why I feel on certain days helps me manage similar triggers better.

I also like to socialise, however due to my anxiety I find it very difficult to do this in real life. I am always very self concious. I however fair better online though. I wouldn't have shared these thoughts if it's not online, which is a bit sad...

twohoursfromlondon

1,133 posts

40 months

Saturday 7th May 2022
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anxious_ant said:
twohoursfromlondon said:
Thanks, and you’re very welcome. If I can share or impart any of my experience to help someone else I’d be happy to.
I also find what you've posted really helpful, appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Most of what you say deeply resonates with me, especially on social anxiety which I am still trying to manage today. I suspect this can be traced back to my late teens when I was a victim of assault. I am just not the same ever since.

I went out for a walk in the woods earlier. For a moment, when the wind blew gently, trees swaying, the smell of the flowers in the air and the light hitting my face I felt bliss. No more worrying, no more feeling low just feeling genuinely happy. It was only for a very brief moment, but it was that moment where I naturally stopped overthinking, and focussed on the present. I get this from time to time, and I am trying to practice so that I can apply the same thinking whenever my anxiety is triggered.

Distractions can help, but I find that I need to be careful of what distractions I pick. I used to distract myself by working very long hours. This was ok for a bit but one day I burned out and it wasn't a good period to go through. I now find healhtier distractions, for example working on my garden. I am not much of a gardener but I force myself to learn and push boundaries of what I think I can't do. It's going well so far smile

I have been on a few CBT sessions and did learn a lot from it. The challenge is applying what I've learnt. Mood diary does help, reading back and understanding why I feel on certain days helps me manage similar triggers better.

I also like to socialise, however due to my anxiety I find it very difficult to do this in real life. I am always very self concious. I however fair better online though. I wouldn't have shared these thoughts if it's not online, which is a bit sad...
I really loved reading this, as it is so important, it’s about focussing on the present not the past or even the future, just that point in time. It’s about living in the moment, and I feel exactly the same when I’m doing something which takes my mind off anything that could typically affect my mood. The more often we do this, the less we ruminate on the negativity and so we can change our thinking/behaviours.

I was the same as you with work, all my life. I lived to work as that was where I wasn’t worried as such because I would just focus on my work. It’s unsustainable though and when you can switch off from it, as I do every evening/weekend, you soon realise that life is for living not surviving. It’s about meaningful experiences for me, not going out and getting smashed (although I will readily do that too!).

On my holiday last week I got up at 6am one day and did a 15km walk to take in sunrise from a mount on Tenerife. I can honestly say I’ll never forget it. I was the only person there, I had no thoughts except for being in the present, taking in the incredible vista, enjoying what nature has created and being at one with myself. It cost nothing yet the impact it had on me cannot be valued.

Here’s a video I shot, you’ll see what I mean - https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cc5aVcBKkfD/?igshid...

BobSaunders

3,027 posts

154 months

Sunday 8th May 2022
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Day 29 of sertraline and I’ve swapped branding/manufacturer of sertraline. Didn’t look/realise when I picked up from pharmacy last week.

I’ve taken the tablet as pretty much don’t have a choice and can’t get to the pharmacy until Wednesday.

To date I’ve had pretty much zero side effects from millpharm other than initial bedding in period.

I’ve read that I can expect possible regression and new side effects possibly. Apparently active ingredient is the same but fillers etc can be different.

My screw up, but really can’t do with possible regression. Need to forget about it mentally.

matrignano

4,344 posts

209 months

Sunday 8th May 2022
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I'm about two weeks into the Prozac, I can't feel it working yet and still haven't managed to start therapy - another 2 weeks to wait (about 6 weeks total wait in London at the moment, private).

Saw the psychiatrist yesterday for an update, he said that he can sign me off work for 4 weeks if I feel like I need time off while the meds kick in and I can start therapy.
Work is (I think) my main source of depression, anxiety and stress, and I think I need to remove myself from that environment for a while.

I'd be interested in hearing experiences on how you broke the news to your line manager? How you dealt with clients or people you have stuff pending with - did you tell them you were going away for a while? Colleagues asking what's wrong with you?
Do HR/Occupational Health become quite intrusive and ask all the ins and outs of your issues?
How the return to work is handled and what is expected from both sides?

Babber101

83 posts

117 months

Sunday 8th May 2022
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matrignano said:
I'm about two weeks into the Prozac, I can't feel it working yet and still haven't managed to start therapy - another 2 weeks to wait (about 6 weeks total wait in London at the moment, private).

Saw the psychiatrist yesterday for an update, he said that he can sign me off work for 4 weeks if I feel like I need time off while the meds kick in and I can start therapy.
Work is (I think) my main source of depression, anxiety and stress, and I think I need to remove myself from that environment for a while.

I'd be interested in hearing experiences on how you broke the news to your line manager? How you dealt with clients or people you have stuff pending with - did you tell them you were going away for a while? Colleagues asking what's wrong with you?
Do HR/Occupational Health become quite intrusive and ask all the ins and outs of your issues?
How the return to work is handled and what is expected from both sides?
I e never gotten to the point of actually being signed off albeit have come very close. I have seen 1/2 colleagues do it and they never lasted long on their return to work.

If work is the problem (it is for me too btw) having a break from it could be good but it’s only going to be doubly hard going back to it. If you were signed off I would personally use the time to get a plan B in place to at least give you some comfort if you absolutely hate it when you inevitably need to return.

Prozac never did anything for me at all but equally I know others who it has really helped. Clearly certain drugs work better on certain individuals.

Good luck with everything - let us know how it goes

A500leroy

5,081 posts

117 months

Sunday 8th May 2022
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Still waiting for time to pass till i get to the time im not here anymore.