Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly

Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly

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Discussion

Bill

52,485 posts

254 months

Tuesday 20th June 2017
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Good news indeed, good luck to anyone else affected.

My year has been decidedly mixed. My mum died at Easter after a couple of weeks in hospital and then the Trinity Hospice in Clapham. Both places were amazing and helped.us through a really stty time. We had time to talk and some very darkly humourous chats about her funeral arrangements, thankfully she didn't have any pain at all and finally died in her sleep.

On a more positive note my MiL has also been going through chemo for a small oesophageal cancer and liver met that would appear now to be invisible on follow up scan. thumbup

And finally, my brother has been diagnosed with an "incidentaloma" on his kidney that was found when he had a CT due to a persistent cough and history of smoking. He has a very rare tumour called a pheochromocytoma and thankfully tests suggest it's benign. Unfortunately it's his adrenal gland so explains some odd spells he's been having due to hormonal spikes giving palpitations and high blood pressure.

As a consequence, before they can operate they need to get his BP low enough to make him ill! So he's living with us for the moment as he can't live in his boat in case he falls in.

sidicks

25,218 posts

220 months

Tuesday 20th June 2017
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On Sunday my dad passed away after bravely battling prostate cancer for almost 7 years.

When diagnosed, the cancer was already well advanced which meant that options were limited, but the NHS looked after him very well. At the time, the diagnosis was months, rather than years, but somehow he battled on for some time, leading an extremely active life up until a few weeks ago.

Prayers and best wishes to all of you battling with this terrible disease personally or with family members affected.

Dgr90

168 posts

131 months

Wednesday 21st June 2017
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Sorry to hear that, sidicks.

Mum started maintenance chemo in may, but today a scan revealed that it isnt working - The tumours in her lung have grown. They are willing to try radiotherapy despite it being very close to her heart, or a much more aggressive chemo. She is already struggling for air and in immense pain, I dread to think how bad this is going to get.

I am also feeling incredibly guilty about all of this. I am her full time carer and I wouldnt have it any other way.

However, I am beginning to really feel down about being 26, with no job or career to speak of, stuck living with parents, relying on carers allowance to scrape together £10 petrol in the car every month to have a drive and escape for a few hours. I feel guilty for hating the situation, as of course I want to look after mum. I tried working nights but due to a previous physical injury that fell through within days, plus i didnt feel I was able to look after her properly on 3 hours sleep.

Those of you who are also full time carers, how do you deal with this?

p1stonhead

25,489 posts

166 months

Wednesday 21st June 2017
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Dgr90 said:
Sorry to hear that, sidicks.

Mum started maintenance chemo in may, but today a scan revealed that it isnt working - The tumours in her lung have grown. They are willing to try radiotherapy despite it being very close to her heart, or a much more aggressive chemo. She is already struggling for air and in immense pain, I dread to think how bad this is going to get.

I am also feeling incredibly guilty about all of this. I am her full time carer and I wouldnt have it any other way.

However, I am beginning to really feel down about being 26, with no job or career to speak of, stuck living with parents, relying on carers allowance to scrape together £10 petrol in the car every month to have a drive and escape for a few hours. I feel guilty for hating the situation, as of course I want to look after mum. I tried working nights but due to a previous physical injury that fell through within days, plus i didnt feel I was able to look after her properly on 3 hours sleep.

Those of you who are also full time carers, how do you deal with this?
You deserve huge praise for being a full time carer for her. Honestly its a huge thing. But...

It cant be doing you any good. Is there no help available to you for this even part time?

And there is no shame in you feeling down about it either.

sidicks

25,218 posts

220 months

Wednesday 21st June 2017
quotequote all
p1stonhead said:
Dgr90 said:
Sorry to hear that, sidicks.

Mum started maintenance chemo in may, but today a scan revealed that it isnt working - The tumours in her lung have grown. They are willing to try radiotherapy despite it being very close to her heart, or a much more aggressive chemo. She is already struggling for air and in immense pain, I dread to think how bad this is going to get.

I am also feeling incredibly guilty about all of this. I am her full time carer and I wouldnt have it any other way.

However, I am beginning to really feel down about being 26, with no job or career to speak of, stuck living with parents, relying on carers allowance to scrape together £10 petrol in the car every month to have a drive and escape for a few hours. I feel guilty for hating the situation, as of course I want to look after mum. I tried working nights but due to a previous physical injury that fell through within days, plus i didnt feel I was able to look after her properly on 3 hours sleep.

Those of you who are also full time carers, how do you deal with this?
You deserve huge praise for being a full time carer for her. Honestly its a huge thing. But...

It cant be doing you any good. Is there no help available to you for this even part time?

And there is no shame in you feeling down about it either.
Indeed. It's a hard enough task when it's just a job, but when it's a family member there is so much additional emotion involved. I really don't know how you do it.

You have my utmost respect.

Dgr90

168 posts

131 months

Friday 23rd June 2017
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Sorry, I cant figure out how to quote without dodgy formatting. In response to above, the guys at the hospital have mentioned getting a nurse in for a little while, maybe a few hours one day a week, but to be honest I would still stick around as I would feel guilty leaving mum to go out.


Bill

52,485 posts

254 months

Friday 23rd June 2017
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That's fine, hang around the first time, and second etc, but as you get to know them and get more comfortable with the idea it it'll enable you to have a break.

Have you got in touch with MacMillan Nurses? That's part of what they do, and they are amazing imo. Also, find a local hospice and talk to them about respite care.

This sounds trite, but you need to look after yourself as well as your mum.

sidicks

25,218 posts

220 months

Friday 23rd June 2017
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Bill said:
That's fine, hang around the first time, and second etc, but as you get to know them and get more comfortable with the idea it it'll enable you to have a break.

Have you got in touch with MacMillan Nurses? That's part of what they do, and they are amazing imo. Also, find a local hospice and talk to them about respite care.

This sounds trite, but you need to look after yourself as well as your mum.
I agree with all the above:
- You need to have a break now and again.
- There is specialist support available to help you.
- You are going through a very difficult emotional time and need extra support.

I am sure your mother is very grateful for all that you are doing for her.

I wish you both all the best.

Dgr90

168 posts

131 months

Friday 23rd June 2017
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Thanks guys, I will take that on board. I think I am feeling a bit suffocated by it all, so if anyone on here fancies a (cheap) coffee around bracknell sometime give me a shout. The support on here has been really helpful, thank you.

Mrs Muttleysnoop

1,412 posts

183 months

Sunday 25th June 2017
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Dgr90 said:
Thanks guys, I will take that on board. I think I am feeling a bit suffocated by it all, so if anyone on here fancies a (cheap) coffee around bracknell sometime give me a shout. The support on here has been really helpful, thank you.
Nowhere near Bracknell but I send you a big hug and thoughts.


ClaphamGT3

11,269 posts

242 months

Wednesday 28th June 2017
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Found out today that one of Mrs Clapham's dear friends, who has two daughters the same age as ours (seven and nine) and has been fighting cancer for two and a half years is unlikely to make it through the week-end and is now in a hospice with her husband and children waiting for the end.

Cancer, you really are a total c**t

Edited by ClaphamGT3 on Wednesday 28th June 13:58

Legend83

9,947 posts

221 months

Wednesday 28th June 2017
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ClaphamGT3 said:
Found out today that one of Mrs Clapham's dear friends, who has two daughters the same age as ours (seven and nine) and has been fighting cancer for two and a half years is unlikely to make it through the week-end and is now in a hospice with her husband and children waiting for the end.

Cancer, you really are a total c**t

Edited by ClaphamGT3 on Wednesday 28th June 13:58
F*cks sake - those poor children.

Stories like this are just relentless in their pain and suffering.

Tumbler

1,432 posts

165 months

Thursday 29th June 2017
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Met my surgeon today he spent and hour and a half discussing all my options, he did his PhD in the molecular biology of ovarian and endometrial carcinoma and specialises in laparoscopic surgery. I will be joining his clinical trial and feel very confident and assured that I have a great team around me.

I don't have a full diagnosis and I am aware things may change once my case has been reviewed by the various disciplines.

It's going to be a long journey but I declined the offer to join the support group which meets at a pottery glazing class.......

motco

15,919 posts

245 months

Thursday 29th June 2017
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Tumbler said:
Met my surgeon today he spent and hour and a half discussing all my options, he did his PhD in the molecular biology of ovarian and endometrial carcinoma and specialises in laparoscopic surgery. I will be joining his clinical trial and feel very confident and assured that I have a great team around me.

I don't have a full diagnosis and I am aware things may change once my case has been reviewed by the various disciplines.

It's going to be a long journey but I declined the offer to join the support group which meets at a pottery glazing class.......
I wish you the very best of good fortune Tumbler. You have someone taking a personal interest; that must be good.

Jonmx

2,536 posts

212 months

Friday 30th June 2017
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Tumbler said:
Met my surgeon today he spent and hour and a half discussing all my options, he did his PhD in the molecular biology of ovarian and endometrial carcinoma and specialises in laparoscopic surgery. I will be joining his clinical trial and feel very confident and assured that I have a great team around me.

I don't have a full diagnosis and I am aware things may change once my case has been reviewed by the various disciplines.

It's going to be a long journey but I declined the offer to join the support group which meets at a pottery glazing class.......
I wish you the best of luck with it. Sounds like a well qualified chap looking after you!
Some of the support groups the NHS offer really are comical. I visit this thread as my BiL had Cancer, but I suffer from Mental health issues and have been given recommendations, amongst other things, for woodland cookery and 'underground sound music classes.' Unfortunately I'm too young for the Men in Sheds organisation as that sounds a little more up my street.

Tumbler

1,432 posts

165 months

Friday 30th June 2017
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Good news today, the cancer has not spread beyond my pelvis, so just need to get this bugger out.

Shame my boss was a complete and utter today.

motco

15,919 posts

245 months

Friday 30th June 2017
quotequote all
Tumbler said:
Good news today, the cancer has not spread beyond my pelvis, so just need to get this bugger out.

Shame my boss was a complete and utter today.
aholes to your boss! Good news on the spread - hopefully it can be contained.

Poisson96

2,098 posts

130 months

Saturday 1st July 2017
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I'm thanking my lucky stars, they found pancreatic cancer in my grandad but he died hours later from other causes (I found him after his stroke 3 weeks prior to his death, not nice) I'm just so thankful he didn't have treatment but even then it was a nasty shock :/ Sorry if this is callous but I wanted to vent that

mp3manager

4,254 posts

195 months

Saturday 1st July 2017
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I've been debating with myself whether or not to post here but fortune favours the brave.

Was diagnosed with bowel cancer two weeks ago but with an added complication of a stomach ulcer which refuses to clot meaning I'm anemic and have had two blood transfusions over the past month. My lowest blood count was 55, normal should be 140/150-ish. The first transfusion took me to over 100, which over time has again dropped to 73, another transfusion took me back to 101 but has again dropped to 93.

Got told I'm going into hospital on Tuesday for keyhole surgery on the tumour on Wednesday. I'm absolutely terrified. frown

CharlesdeGaulle

26,103 posts

179 months

Saturday 1st July 2017
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mp3manager said:
I'm absolutely terrified. frown
You probably should be. However, try and take comfort in the knowledge that you're in expert hands, and the care will be top notch. Good luck, stay strong.