Discussion
Thanks for asking oldbanger. Pretty much a mixed bag to be honest.
I had a meeting with school where they have updated her plan to go to all her teachers, but they have currently rejected the option of her dropping more subjects as apparently no other ASD student has more than 1free period per day. They want to see how she goes. Judging by her last couple of weeks not great. She is incredibly intelligent but struggles so much with the environment of the school.
The psychologist at her assessment was very concerned about her anxieties and mental health, he wanted to keep her on his books but his manager said no she has to be referred back to primary care. He has referred her out of our local area to a more specialist psychologist so hopefully that will help us. He requested the they also liaise with her school so that should give us a bit of sway for more support at school.
Another big downer at the moment is friends. She had made one good friend in her class which was great as that really helped her cope, but this friend is going to a private school next year so she is so scared about being on her own again. On top of that her friend in our village is moving to Germany this month, so ultimately she is going to end up friendless as she doesn't make friends easily.
On the positive it is the school holidays now which are always a blessing. My parents are up at the mo, so she is doing things with them while I'm at work and is currently quite happy.
How are things with you?
I had a meeting with school where they have updated her plan to go to all her teachers, but they have currently rejected the option of her dropping more subjects as apparently no other ASD student has more than 1free period per day. They want to see how she goes. Judging by her last couple of weeks not great. She is incredibly intelligent but struggles so much with the environment of the school.
The psychologist at her assessment was very concerned about her anxieties and mental health, he wanted to keep her on his books but his manager said no she has to be referred back to primary care. He has referred her out of our local area to a more specialist psychologist so hopefully that will help us. He requested the they also liaise with her school so that should give us a bit of sway for more support at school.
Another big downer at the moment is friends. She had made one good friend in her class which was great as that really helped her cope, but this friend is going to a private school next year so she is so scared about being on her own again. On top of that her friend in our village is moving to Germany this month, so ultimately she is going to end up friendless as she doesn't make friends easily.
On the positive it is the school holidays now which are always a blessing. My parents are up at the mo, so she is doing things with them while I'm at work and is currently quite happy.
How are things with you?
I dropped down from 11 to 9.5 GCSEs amongst some muttering about how that was only for the kids with learning difficulties. Didn't get the Aspergers diagnosis until the year after I left school, worse luck. Spent the free periods in the 'learning support room' - a space with a teacher who'd help you with whatever you were working on and basically just help you concentrate and not get distracted and whatnot. It was a MASSIVE help - I ended up with a load of As and A*s and one B, having been headed for Bs and Cs when I was doing the full 11.
Not sure if the mechanisms for doing so have changed - the above happened in the academic years ending in 2000 and 2001 - but I believed there was something along the lines of being 'disapplied' from bits of the National Curriculum (the technology requirement) to enable it.
Best of luck. It's not an unreasonable thing to ask at all, far better to do a couple fewer and do well than to struggle with the full load. It's hard to explain problems with executive function or general coping in a clearly able kid, but finding a bit of breathing room is well worth it.
Not sure if the mechanisms for doing so have changed - the above happened in the academic years ending in 2000 and 2001 - but I believed there was something along the lines of being 'disapplied' from bits of the National Curriculum (the technology requirement) to enable it.
Best of luck. It's not an unreasonable thing to ask at all, far better to do a couple fewer and do well than to struggle with the full load. It's hard to explain problems with executive function or general coping in a clearly able kid, but finding a bit of breathing room is well worth it.
AMLK, it's good hear of progress. Transitions are very hard though and we have the same issue with friends with my youngest who is starting year 6 in September, including the likelihood that most if not all of her friends will wind up at private schools, and she won't. There are a few resources for transitioning - I think the curly hair project does the occasional webinar for example.
As for mine - my eldest is settling down and I know there will be extra educational resources put in place in the future. Her hair is growing back really well, though it's quite uneven (she'd pulled herself bald at the top and back of her head, in a sort of reverse mullet style Mohican) My youngest is just being put forward for assessment by the school, following observations done at the school. Her behaviour is still quite tough unfortunately, lots of meltdowns and blowouts. She is obsessed with making slime at the moment, which is clearly a sensory need, and is hitting puberty and putting on a lot of weight .
My OH went back to work a couple of months ago, after 11 months off, and I have struggled with childcare since my au pair moved to Germany for work - my replacement after school babysitter got a job at a local uni and both sets of parents have limited availability. I will hopefully have a new au pair for September - the last one worked wonders with the kids - the extra person in the house had a little bit of a calming effect on them both.
As for mine - my eldest is settling down and I know there will be extra educational resources put in place in the future. Her hair is growing back really well, though it's quite uneven (she'd pulled herself bald at the top and back of her head, in a sort of reverse mullet style Mohican) My youngest is just being put forward for assessment by the school, following observations done at the school. Her behaviour is still quite tough unfortunately, lots of meltdowns and blowouts. She is obsessed with making slime at the moment, which is clearly a sensory need, and is hitting puberty and putting on a lot of weight .
My OH went back to work a couple of months ago, after 11 months off, and I have struggled with childcare since my au pair moved to Germany for work - my replacement after school babysitter got a job at a local uni and both sets of parents have limited availability. I will hopefully have a new au pair for September - the last one worked wonders with the kids - the extra person in the house had a little bit of a calming effect on them both.
FlyingMeeces said:
I dropped down from 11 to 9.5 GCSEs amongst some muttering about how that was only for the kids with learning difficulties. Didn't get the Aspergers diagnosis until the year after I left school, worse luck. Spent the free periods in the 'learning support room' - a space with a teacher who'd help you with whatever you were working on and basically just help you concentrate and not get distracted and whatnot. It was a MASSIVE help - I ended up with a load of As and A*s and one B, having been headed for Bs and Cs when I was doing the full 11.
This is my plan with my eldest - she is due to pick her options next term. She is ok academically but tests show that whilst everything else is around average, her working memory is in the 25th percentile. Accordingly it's no surprise she struggles with exams in general and especially in subjects where memorisation of facts is key e.g. history. She does better in subjects where there are sets of rules to learn which you then need to know how to apply over and over again (e.g. maths). She is very good indeed in art and design. I don't think she should do more than 9 GCSEs or equivalent focusing on core subjects, art and ICT. Ultimately she needs to choose the subjects but I am not intending for her to load herself up with commitments.My primary aim is that she get to adulthood mentally and physically well (as much as can be), with the ability to work, support herself and have a pleasant, relatively trouble free life. I work with a lot of successful people who got into professions such as law and accountancy through the vocational route and think that, unless she chooses to do a degree for a specific reason, vocational qualifications are going to be a much better deal for her. She's told me a couple of times that she'd like to have a career where every day is the same and for example accountancy sorta fits the bill (as the work is predictable on an annual cycle).
oldbanger said:
She is obsessed with making slime at the moment, which is clearly a sensory need, .
all of what you said is interesting. Ive highlighted the above as my daughter is doing the slime thing and baking cakes etc so yes a sensory need which is one angle to help her with.Another I may suggest if you all can face is is music. She had taken up the cello and its a deep core movement with the deep sound and again has helped her a lot. From that she is also making friends.
Anyway - little steps and little pointers as to what is helping this side of the woods.
chinup all.
superlightr said:
oldbanger said:
She is obsessed with making slime at the moment, which is clearly a sensory need, .
all of what you said is interesting. Ive highlighted the above as my daughter is doing the slime thing and baking cakes etc so yes a sensory need which is one angle to help her with.Another I may suggest if you all can face is is music. She had taken up the cello and its a deep core movement with the deep sound and again has helped her a lot. From that she is also making friends.
Anyway - little steps and little pointers as to what is helping this side of the woods.
chinup all.
In terms of music both kids have had piano lessons and the youngest has been learning guitar. Neither will practice at home, at all, and there's no point fighting that, but my eldest is really rather good at the piano.
Dancing and other rhythmic activities work well (e.g. trampoline - though unfortunately our garden is too small). We get lots of cartwheels and handstands when my youngest is finding things stressful
After managing quite well in the first week of the new school year, things started to slip last week. Both kids are finding the new routines and expectations quite stressful and school refusal has reared it's head again.
My eldest gets headaches, stomach pain and feels sick, and from chats she's finding the new timetable confusing and the school is too noisy. She's so far missed one day as she was completely hysterical - the days before that she had been really quite chirpy and positive. I've let the school know so they will hopefully add some extra support.
My youngest has also started to struggle. I am taking her to breakfast club every morning which means an even earlier start. She put in for head girl and is extremely anxious about the outcome (most of her class stood for election so it's a hard contest) I didn't want her to be excluded, and to be honest am very proud of her for having a go, but realised there would be fall out. So for example she spent 10 mins screaming on her floor this morning before I could get her calmed down enough for her to get ready. I am being consistently late for work, though thankfully my boss is away and I am making up time at the end of each day. I have no other childcare sorted so i am reliant on the on site school wrap around service.
God I am tired! I am going to bed early but taking ages to wind down. Meh! My brain feels like mush but I recently somehow scored in the 99th percentile on cognitive tests despite struggling with keeping my eyes open. As my wits are my source of income, this is reassuring. I would be told off for bragging if I shared my score IRL. Sorry I know it's a bit self indulgent to post it on here, but at least I am doing something right
My eldest gets headaches, stomach pain and feels sick, and from chats she's finding the new timetable confusing and the school is too noisy. She's so far missed one day as she was completely hysterical - the days before that she had been really quite chirpy and positive. I've let the school know so they will hopefully add some extra support.
My youngest has also started to struggle. I am taking her to breakfast club every morning which means an even earlier start. She put in for head girl and is extremely anxious about the outcome (most of her class stood for election so it's a hard contest) I didn't want her to be excluded, and to be honest am very proud of her for having a go, but realised there would be fall out. So for example she spent 10 mins screaming on her floor this morning before I could get her calmed down enough for her to get ready. I am being consistently late for work, though thankfully my boss is away and I am making up time at the end of each day. I have no other childcare sorted so i am reliant on the on site school wrap around service.
God I am tired! I am going to bed early but taking ages to wind down. Meh! My brain feels like mush but I recently somehow scored in the 99th percentile on cognitive tests despite struggling with keeping my eyes open. As my wits are my source of income, this is reassuring. I would be told off for bragging if I shared my score IRL. Sorry I know it's a bit self indulgent to post it on here, but at least I am doing something right
Edited by oldbanger on Tuesday 19th September 20:39
My eldest was promised a lot of extra support at school following diagnosis and I had a very positive metting with the local inclusion service at Easter where they outlined all the additional assistance she would get.
In the last two weeks, the stress of starting year 9, changing sets in maths and languages, getting used to a new timetable and classmates has become too much. Despite really great reports from teachers, she's started having full blown panic attacks, so far resulting in 3 days off school, where she was so hysterical it wasn't in my gift to get her dressed and out of the door. By her own admission, her main problem is feeling confused at the new routines. I asked whether the inclusion service has helped. The school haven't heard anything and have asked me to supply them with contact details. The autism service say it's nothing to do with them, their file is closed. It's a different bit of the council, and they can't offer me any contact details either, despite the fact that this was all arranged through them.
I am trawling through paperwork bundles to locate a record of the meeting. Yes, I know I should have had everything to hand, but we've had building work ongoing and stuff has been packed into boxes and all sorts.
In the last two weeks, the stress of starting year 9, changing sets in maths and languages, getting used to a new timetable and classmates has become too much. Despite really great reports from teachers, she's started having full blown panic attacks, so far resulting in 3 days off school, where she was so hysterical it wasn't in my gift to get her dressed and out of the door. By her own admission, her main problem is feeling confused at the new routines. I asked whether the inclusion service has helped. The school haven't heard anything and have asked me to supply them with contact details. The autism service say it's nothing to do with them, their file is closed. It's a different bit of the council, and they can't offer me any contact details either, despite the fact that this was all arranged through them.
I am trawling through paperwork bundles to locate a record of the meeting. Yes, I know I should have had everything to hand, but we've had building work ongoing and stuff has been packed into boxes and all sorts.
I really feel for you oldbanger. I know how hard it is having 1asd child let alone two. It is ridiculous how the system relies upon the parents/carers to constantly chase things that should automatically be done. I hope you get solutions soon.
Things aren't great for us either. I have asked school for a meeting with an educational psychologist and camhs but have been declined because the school think everything is fine. Ha couldn't be further from the truth. Her average attendance is 3.5 days a week (only 1 full day and 3 half days this week, and that was a struggle) she feels pressured into self harming and is possibly suffering from anorexia. And yes the school are aware of all of this! Yeah, that sounds like a child doing fine!
Roll on next week when we go on holiday. Half term is eagerly awaited!
Things aren't great for us either. I have asked school for a meeting with an educational psychologist and camhs but have been declined because the school think everything is fine. Ha couldn't be further from the truth. Her average attendance is 3.5 days a week (only 1 full day and 3 half days this week, and that was a struggle) she feels pressured into self harming and is possibly suffering from anorexia. And yes the school are aware of all of this! Yeah, that sounds like a child doing fine!
Roll on next week when we go on holiday. Half term is eagerly awaited!
AMLK said:
I really feel for you oldbanger. I know how hard it is having 1asd child let alone two. It is ridiculous how the system relies upon the parents/carers to constantly chase things that should automatically be done. I hope you get solutions soon.
Things aren't great for us either. I have asked school for a meeting with an educational psychologist and camhs but have been declined because the school think everything is fine. Ha couldn't be further from the truth. Her average attendance is 3.5 days a week (only 1 full day and 3 half days this week, and that was a struggle) she feels pressured into self harming and is possibly suffering from anorexia. And yes the school are aware of all of this! Yeah, that sounds like a child doing fine!
Roll on next week when we go on holiday. Half term is eagerly awaited!
AMLK, having read you last two posts have you tried to get her seen by a psychiatrist? Us doctors are a friendly bunch normally and seen a psychiatrist does have some stigma attached though it shouldn't do. Doctors won't dump her off their books because their managers say so we usually pull out the "clinical need" response with is impossible to counter.Things aren't great for us either. I have asked school for a meeting with an educational psychologist and camhs but have been declined because the school think everything is fine. Ha couldn't be further from the truth. Her average attendance is 3.5 days a week (only 1 full day and 3 half days this week, and that was a struggle) she feels pressured into self harming and is possibly suffering from anorexia. And yes the school are aware of all of this! Yeah, that sounds like a child doing fine!
Roll on next week when we go on holiday. Half term is eagerly awaited!
They are unfortunately really hard to get hold of as their are a huge number of vacancies but if she is truly self harming and has anorexia she needs some help coping with what is going on.
AMLK in my experience your GP is probably an easier route to CAHMS to the school. It doesn't sound like your daughter in a great place, though as difficult as it may seem, I have come to see self harm as a survival strategy (e.g. Releasing endorphins). So, in other words she may be doing her best to protect and care for herself, admittedly in a very dysfunctional way. I hope she gets the support and care that she deserves from the professionals. It is so frustrating that it isn't a given.
I had meant to post earlier as , in my case, I had a call yesterday from the school to say there'd been a mix up between the senco and pastoral care manager, that the inclusion service had already been in to do observations, and that my girls case has now been escalated due to her current problems, to adk if they could start asap. Phew!
My youngest has been pretty hard to handle, with lots of rocking, baby talk, screeching, defiance and aggression at home. However despite this, she made House Captain in the school elections. I had not really wanted her to go for them as it was going to be hard to manage things if she'd failed, but blimey well done her
I had meant to post earlier as , in my case, I had a call yesterday from the school to say there'd been a mix up between the senco and pastoral care manager, that the inclusion service had already been in to do observations, and that my girls case has now been escalated due to her current problems, to adk if they could start asap. Phew!
My youngest has been pretty hard to handle, with lots of rocking, baby talk, screeching, defiance and aggression at home. However despite this, she made House Captain in the school elections. I had not really wanted her to go for them as it was going to be hard to manage things if she'd failed, but blimey well done her
AMLK said:
I really feel for you oldbanger. I know how hard it is having 1asd child let alone two. It is ridiculous how the system relies upon the parents/carers to constantly chase things that should automatically be done. I hope you get solutions soon.
Things aren't great for us either. I have asked school for a meeting with an educational psychologist and camhs but have been declined because the school think everything is fine. Ha couldn't be further from the truth. Her average attendance is 3.5 days a week (only 1 full day and 3 half days this week, and that was a struggle) she feels pressured into self harming and is possibly suffering from anorexia. And yes the school are aware of all of this! Yeah, that sounds like a child doing fine!
Roll on next week when we go on holiday. Half term is eagerly awaited!
AMLK you post struck a cord with me hence my update. How is your daughter doing at present?Things aren't great for us either. I have asked school for a meeting with an educational psychologist and camhs but have been declined because the school think everything is fine. Ha couldn't be further from the truth. Her average attendance is 3.5 days a week (only 1 full day and 3 half days this week, and that was a struggle) she feels pressured into self harming and is possibly suffering from anorexia. And yes the school are aware of all of this! Yeah, that sounds like a child doing fine!
Roll on next week when we go on holiday. Half term is eagerly awaited!
To All - keep your chins up. I'm sure I echo a similar sentiment that we are all in the similar boat and wish each other well in the troubled times.
I haven't read this thread right through, but thought I would share what we are going through as much for cathartic reasons as any. I suspect this will come out as an unstructured brain dump.
My daughter is 17 and in the last 9 months has been diagnosed with Aspergers, anxiety and depression. We had been aware of the anxiety and depression for a couple of years and have been crying out fir help, but Camhs refused to even consider her case until she made an attempt at suicide last Christmas.
We now have weekly sessions with camhs but seem to be getting nowhere with the management of the anxiety and depression and this manifests itself in poor attendance at college where she is doing A levels. My daughter is very bright, she got straight A's at GCSE despite only attending school 3 days a week in the last year.
College have been helpful by providing her with an adult to accompany her at college because her anxiety make her feel unsafe, but she is still struggling to the extent that she is physically sick in the mornings before college and only attending 50% of the time. College insist that she needs 97% attendance or they will kick her out. We have a meeting on Monday and I expect that they will boot her out.
This will be devastating for her recovery and possibly her future, When she has made it into college she is more communicative and happier in herself then when she is at home, college is a key part of her therapy, but they just don't seem to get that. Their position is that if she doesn't make 97% attendance, she won't pass her A levels and that is not acceptable to them.
We are of the view that they should give her a chance to do her A levels even with reduced attendance, if she is kicked out she has no chance at all. There are no other suitable A level providers in the County.
This is all coupled with the difficult to live with traits from Aspergers, we are at our wits end with the way we are treated both by the system and by our daughter, my wife has considered leaving home because she cannot cope with the mental abuse she gets from our daughter and my work has suffered because I am trying to hold the whole thing together whilst doing a complicated and high pressure job. Our son is reluctant to come from fro Uni in the holidays because my daughter is so difficult to live with.
We have a very limited support network, my wifes parents are both deceased and my parents are elderly and infirm. Support from the Council is non existent apart from them providing a phone number for another parent with autistic kids. Camhs are only treating the depression and even then they have given us a consultant who can only have appointments on Thursdays, this impacts hugely on the ability for us both to work. We have asked for family thereapy, but there is a 12 month waiting list and they will stop treating my daughter in March when she becomes 18.
We are at our wits end, we struggle to manage our daughter, we struggle to juggle work with inflexible camhs appointments, we struggle to get her to college (if she doesn't get on the bus its a 2 hour round trip) she often wont get the bus and that impacts on work, our relationship is suffering, we both feel angry all the time and we can see no end, my wife is in tears every day and I really fear for her health as a result of all this.
I find it incredible that there is no support, that we have been asking for our daughter to be assessed since she was 7 and it took a suicide attempt before anyone would even see her.
Quite frankly, its all s
t!
My daughter is 17 and in the last 9 months has been diagnosed with Aspergers, anxiety and depression. We had been aware of the anxiety and depression for a couple of years and have been crying out fir help, but Camhs refused to even consider her case until she made an attempt at suicide last Christmas.
We now have weekly sessions with camhs but seem to be getting nowhere with the management of the anxiety and depression and this manifests itself in poor attendance at college where she is doing A levels. My daughter is very bright, she got straight A's at GCSE despite only attending school 3 days a week in the last year.
College have been helpful by providing her with an adult to accompany her at college because her anxiety make her feel unsafe, but she is still struggling to the extent that she is physically sick in the mornings before college and only attending 50% of the time. College insist that she needs 97% attendance or they will kick her out. We have a meeting on Monday and I expect that they will boot her out.
This will be devastating for her recovery and possibly her future, When she has made it into college she is more communicative and happier in herself then when she is at home, college is a key part of her therapy, but they just don't seem to get that. Their position is that if she doesn't make 97% attendance, she won't pass her A levels and that is not acceptable to them.
We are of the view that they should give her a chance to do her A levels even with reduced attendance, if she is kicked out she has no chance at all. There are no other suitable A level providers in the County.
This is all coupled with the difficult to live with traits from Aspergers, we are at our wits end with the way we are treated both by the system and by our daughter, my wife has considered leaving home because she cannot cope with the mental abuse she gets from our daughter and my work has suffered because I am trying to hold the whole thing together whilst doing a complicated and high pressure job. Our son is reluctant to come from fro Uni in the holidays because my daughter is so difficult to live with.
We have a very limited support network, my wifes parents are both deceased and my parents are elderly and infirm. Support from the Council is non existent apart from them providing a phone number for another parent with autistic kids. Camhs are only treating the depression and even then they have given us a consultant who can only have appointments on Thursdays, this impacts hugely on the ability for us both to work. We have asked for family thereapy, but there is a 12 month waiting list and they will stop treating my daughter in March when she becomes 18.
We are at our wits end, we struggle to manage our daughter, we struggle to juggle work with inflexible camhs appointments, we struggle to get her to college (if she doesn't get on the bus its a 2 hour round trip) she often wont get the bus and that impacts on work, our relationship is suffering, we both feel angry all the time and we can see no end, my wife is in tears every day and I really fear for her health as a result of all this.
I find it incredible that there is no support, that we have been asking for our daughter to be assessed since she was 7 and it took a suicide attempt before anyone would even see her.
Quite frankly, its all s
t!blueg33 said:
Typical story that resonates with several of us.
Sorry to read your going through hard times.One thing that I regret over the years of going through similar was letting my sons autism and the issues around it totally dominate my family's life.
You need to be more selfish and put your and your wife's wellbeing much higher up the list. Tough to do but if you're bumping along at rock bottom you're in no fit state to manage.
Somehow you must get respite/outside help.
Can you not pull your girl out of college, get things back on some sort of even keel all round and restart college at a later date. No idea if that's feasible, just me thinking aloud really.
Hang tough bud. Been where you are. Know what you're going through.
Hammer67 said:
Sorry to read your going through hard times.
One thing that I regret over the years of going through similar was letting my sons autism and the issues around it totally dominate my family's life.
You need to be more selfish and put your and your wife's wellbeing much higher up the list. Tough to do but if you're bumping along at rock bottom you're in no fit state to manage.
Somehow you must get respite/outside help.
Can you not pull your girl out of college, get things back on some sort of even keel all round and restart college at a later date. No idea if that's feasible, just me thinking aloud really.
Hang tough bud. Been where you are. Know what you're going through.
Thanks, its amazing how few people actually understand, that's why I thought I would post here.One thing that I regret over the years of going through similar was letting my sons autism and the issues around it totally dominate my family's life.
You need to be more selfish and put your and your wife's wellbeing much higher up the list. Tough to do but if you're bumping along at rock bottom you're in no fit state to manage.
Somehow you must get respite/outside help.
Can you not pull your girl out of college, get things back on some sort of even keel all round and restart college at a later date. No idea if that's feasible, just me thinking aloud really.
Hang tough bud. Been where you are. Know what you're going through.
Daughter was pulled out of college last year, but she goes down hill sitting at home, college actually helps with the depression and that's why she needs to be there.
I am generally able to compartmentalise, but my wife dwells on it all 24/7. We managed to get away together without my daughter for a week in the summer, but the benefit from that was lost within a few days of being back home. If my daughter is kicked out of college I don't think my wife will cope with having her around, she is really abusive to my wife. We have raised this with camhs, and they just said if she gets violent call the police, and by the way make sure all knives in the house are locked up!
Hammer67 said:
blueg33 said:
Typical story that resonates with several of us.
Sorry to read your going through hard times.One thing that I regret over the years of going through similar was letting my sons autism and the issues around it totally dominate my family's life.
You need to be more selfish and put your and your wife's wellbeing much higher up the list. Tough to do but if you're bumping along at rock bottom you're in no fit state to manage.
Somehow you must get respite/outside help.
Can you not pull your girl out of college, get things back on some sort of even keel all round and restart college at a later date. No idea if that's feasible, just me thinking aloud really.
Hang tough bud. Been where you are. Know what you're going through.
With A levels - I would hope the college would accept medical reasons for non attendance.
Perhaps get your wife to write/brain dump here as well. PH can be a good source of something !
Would echo Hammer. Blueg33 - hang in there mate. easier said then done I know.
Edited by superlightr on Wednesday 11th October 14:52
blueg33 said:
I haven't read this thread right through, but thought I would share what we are going through as much for cathartic reasons as any. I suspect this will come out as an unstructured brain dump.
My daughter is 17 and in the last 9 months has been diagnosed with Aspergers, anxiety and depression. We had been aware of the anxiety and depression for a couple of years and have been crying out fir help, but Camhs refused to even consider her case until she made an attempt at suicide last Christmas.
We now have weekly sessions with camhs but seem to be getting nowhere with the management of the anxiety and depression and this manifests itself in poor attendance at college where she is doing A levels. My daughter is very bright, she got straight A's at GCSE despite only attending school 3 days a week in the last year.
College have been helpful by providing her with an adult to accompany her at college because her anxiety make her feel unsafe, but she is still struggling to the extent that she is physically sick in the mornings before college and only attending 50% of the time. College insist that she needs 97% attendance or they will kick her out. We have a meeting on Monday and I expect that they will boot her out.
This will be devastating for her recovery and possibly her future, When she has made it into college she is more communicative and happier in herself then when she is at home, college is a key part of her therapy, but they just don't seem to get that. Their position is that if she doesn't make 97% attendance, she won't pass her A levels and that is not acceptable to them.
We are of the view that they should give her a chance to do her A levels even with reduced attendance, if she is kicked out she has no chance at all. There are no other suitable A level providers in the County.
This is all coupled with the difficult to live with traits from Aspergers, we are at our wits end with the way we are treated both by the system and by our daughter, my wife has considered leaving home because she cannot cope with the mental abuse she gets from our daughter and my work has suffered because I am trying to hold the whole thing together whilst doing a complicated and high pressure job. Our son is reluctant to come from fro Uni in the holidays because my daughter is so difficult to live with.
We have a very limited support network, my wifes parents are both deceased and my parents are elderly and infirm. Support from the Council is non existent apart from them providing a phone number for another parent with autistic kids. Camhs are only treating the depression and even then they have given us a consultant who can only have appointments on Thursdays, this impacts hugely on the ability for us both to work. We have asked for family thereapy, but there is a 12 month waiting list and they will stop treating my daughter in March when she becomes 18.
We are at our wits end, we struggle to manage our daughter, we struggle to juggle work with inflexible camhs appointments, we struggle to get her to college (if she doesn't get on the bus its a 2 hour round trip) she often wont get the bus and that impacts on work, our relationship is suffering, we both feel angry all the time and we can see no end, my wife is in tears every day and I really fear for her health as a result of all this.
I find it incredible that there is no support, that we have been asking for our daughter to be assessed since she was 7 and it took a suicide attempt before anyone would even see her.
Quite frankly, its all st!
I tend to go against the grain here, if she wants to stop doing her A-levels, let her make the choice. She can always go back to studying when she's ready for it. Sometimes we do more harm by pushing kids towards help when all they really want is to be left to make decisions for themselves.My daughter is 17 and in the last 9 months has been diagnosed with Aspergers, anxiety and depression. We had been aware of the anxiety and depression for a couple of years and have been crying out fir help, but Camhs refused to even consider her case until she made an attempt at suicide last Christmas.
We now have weekly sessions with camhs but seem to be getting nowhere with the management of the anxiety and depression and this manifests itself in poor attendance at college where she is doing A levels. My daughter is very bright, she got straight A's at GCSE despite only attending school 3 days a week in the last year.
College have been helpful by providing her with an adult to accompany her at college because her anxiety make her feel unsafe, but she is still struggling to the extent that she is physically sick in the mornings before college and only attending 50% of the time. College insist that she needs 97% attendance or they will kick her out. We have a meeting on Monday and I expect that they will boot her out.
This will be devastating for her recovery and possibly her future, When she has made it into college she is more communicative and happier in herself then when she is at home, college is a key part of her therapy, but they just don't seem to get that. Their position is that if she doesn't make 97% attendance, she won't pass her A levels and that is not acceptable to them.
We are of the view that they should give her a chance to do her A levels even with reduced attendance, if she is kicked out she has no chance at all. There are no other suitable A level providers in the County.
This is all coupled with the difficult to live with traits from Aspergers, we are at our wits end with the way we are treated both by the system and by our daughter, my wife has considered leaving home because she cannot cope with the mental abuse she gets from our daughter and my work has suffered because I am trying to hold the whole thing together whilst doing a complicated and high pressure job. Our son is reluctant to come from fro Uni in the holidays because my daughter is so difficult to live with.
We have a very limited support network, my wifes parents are both deceased and my parents are elderly and infirm. Support from the Council is non existent apart from them providing a phone number for another parent with autistic kids. Camhs are only treating the depression and even then they have given us a consultant who can only have appointments on Thursdays, this impacts hugely on the ability for us both to work. We have asked for family thereapy, but there is a 12 month waiting list and they will stop treating my daughter in March when she becomes 18.
We are at our wits end, we struggle to manage our daughter, we struggle to juggle work with inflexible camhs appointments, we struggle to get her to college (if she doesn't get on the bus its a 2 hour round trip) she often wont get the bus and that impacts on work, our relationship is suffering, we both feel angry all the time and we can see no end, my wife is in tears every day and I really fear for her health as a result of all this.
I find it incredible that there is no support, that we have been asking for our daughter to be assessed since she was 7 and it took a suicide attempt before anyone would even see her.
Quite frankly, its all s
t!In your shoes I'd offer her advice then let her decide.
Have you considered that your desire for her to do well is part of her problem? (asked in an open and non-judgemental way, just something to consider)
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff