Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?

Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?

Author
Discussion

RC1807

Original Poster:

12,482 posts

167 months

Thursday 3rd May 2018
quotequote all
Good luck, mate.

The "lump" in the bed is like my FIL was last year. frown

I hope the paperwork's sorted soon so he can be in more pleasant surroundings. smile

RC1807

Original Poster:

12,482 posts

167 months

Monday 7th May 2018
quotequote all
TooMany: any update on yoru Dad and the paperwork to enable his move? *fingers crossed*

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Monday 7th May 2018
quotequote all
RC1807 said:
TooMany: any update on yoru Dad and the paperwork to enable his move? *fingers crossed*
Sorry, forgot about that. He went back to the care home on Thursday. Since then, no real change either way.

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Wednesday 9th May 2018
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Dad down. RIP, mate.

WinstonWolf

72,857 posts

238 months

Wednesday 9th May 2018
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TooMany2cvs said:
Dad down. RIP, mate.
Sorry to hear that, at least he’s free of that horrible disease.


FlyingMeeces

9,932 posts

210 months

Thursday 10th May 2018
quotequote all
TooMany2cvs said:
Dad down. RIP, mate.
So very very sorry.

The next few days are gonna be a bit of a mindfk.

Be kind to yourself.

Give yourself very deliberate permission to feel and think whatever you feel and think - it's all real and valid, none of it is wrong or inappropriate.

All the best.

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Thursday 10th May 2018
quotequote all
Ta, WW and FM. He's at peace now. Today's a day on the phone organising stuff (well, and an MOT just to lighten the mood - pass, at least.), then off up to Sheffield tomorrow for a light-relief day of paperwork and sorting stuff out.

Spoke to my brother this morning, who did a very passable impression of actually giving a toss...

aeropilot

34,297 posts

226 months

Thursday 10th May 2018
quotequote all
frown..............sorry to hear this, even though we knew it was coming soon rather than later. At least they got him out of the hosp in time and back in the home.

Its still never easy, even when you know its coming.


RC1807

Original Poster:

12,482 posts

167 months

Thursday 10th May 2018
quotequote all
I'm so very sorry, TooMany. frown

RIP, TooMany's Dad.

I think it's only too fair to offer if you need any guidance. or to let off steam in here at any time, please go ahead.

Best wishes for the paperwork and everything that goes with it in th eocming weeks.


Russell

WinstonWolf

72,857 posts

238 months

Thursday 10th May 2018
quotequote all
TooMany2cvs said:
Ta, WW and FM. He's at peace now. Today's a day on the phone organising stuff (well, and an MOT just to lighten the mood - pass, at least.), then off up to Sheffield tomorrow for a light-relief day of paperwork and sorting stuff out.

Spoke to my brother this morning, who did a very passable impression of actually giving a toss...
Don't feel too bad if you don't seem to mourn, I was actually quite relieved when he passed. *He* died years ago, we just lived with a dad shaped hole for a great many years.

Still miss the old bugger though.

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Thursday 10th May 2018
quotequote all
WinstonWolf said:
Don't feel too bad if you don't seem to mourn, I was actually quite relieved when he passed. *He* died years ago, we just lived with a dad shaped hole for a great many years.
His dementia had (fortunately) not quite got that advanced, but he made it very clear on recent visits that he really had had enough. There was only one decision left for him to take, and he took it. His choice, and I'd have done the same thing in his shoes.

WinstonWolf said:
Still miss the old bugger though.
That's going to be a lifelong...

In a further development today, through the vagaries of coincidence, I had a call from the hospital ward he was in last week. A staff member had been seen "assaulting" him while he was there, was going through HR "procedures", and did I want it escalated to the police? Turns out dad'd lashed out at the nurse/carer, who'd lightly slapped his hand... I think I'm very pleased that they take accusations so seriously, while simultaneously wanting to scream "ohffs! SERIOUSLY...? Is that ALL?" - I made it very plain that I did not want it taken further, I was delighted with what I'd seen of the care there, and grateful for it...

aeropilot

34,297 posts

226 months

Thursday 10th May 2018
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TooMany2cvs said:
WinstonWolf said:
Still miss the old bugger though.
That's going to be a lifelong...
Indeed.

Been 15 since my old man passed away, and every day I still miss and think about the old sod, my best mate and best 'life' teacher I've ever had.

Edited by aeropilot on Friday 18th May 09:10

RC1807

Original Poster:

12,482 posts

167 months

Friday 18th May 2018
quotequote all
How are you doing, TooMany?

I see from other threads, since we seem to look at similar things - I'm NOT stalking you (!) - that your advice remains very good in many situations, but just wanted to check in with you. smile

Russell

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Friday 18th May 2018
quotequote all
RC1807 said:
How are you doing, TooMany?
I'm good, ta. I'm at peace with the fact he's at peace.

Dad's gone to university this week - his body's been donated to medical science, as he wanted. Paperwork's all starting to come back.

So - how's everybody else's demented relatives?

Peanut Gallery

2,418 posts

109 months

Friday 18th May 2018
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Congrats on feeling at peace, it is a good feeling to have.

Had a very pleasant chat recently with my mother, what she wanted for the end of her days. - not a nice chat to think about, but it really puts your mind at ease when you do not have to think what would they have wanted.

All the best.

RC1807

Original Poster:

12,482 posts

167 months

Friday 18th May 2018
quotequote all
I'm content people are at peace.


MIL: well, when she's having forgetful days, it's easier for my wife to deal with on the phone. When her Mum's more "with it", she's miserable and wants to go home.
I can't recall if I mentioned before (there I go again!!), but my wife had written a letter to all those her Mum used to send Christmas cards to, to explain the situation / changes and the fact that they may not have received a card for 2017 at all.
Seems quite a lot DID get cards, and, perhaps more surprisingly, that my MIL wrote notes in them to tell of John's passing. My wife had quite a lot of polite and very nice letters in response to hers.


DOL is still outstanding!
Fook knows why it takes Bournemouth sooooo long to fix these - probably because of the sheer number of carehomes they have to deal with?


Probate's done for FIL's finances, which is a load off, preparing stuff and also financially. smile
The biggest useless bunch of tts we've had to deal with are TSB. Everything was put in place for POA with my wife, internet access requested... failed to deliver - numerous times - turns out they kept sending the details to MIL! WTF?!
Wife wants to close the TSB account now, which they said was easy to do... oh, they lost the POA paperwork!
TSB Romsey : please stay clear of these absolute muppets! They lose everything and anything.
A/c closure will now have to wait until we're there IN PERSON now. rolleyes

Next UK visit will be mid-July, so hoping the weather's good and we can take MIL to the beach for a walk in the sun. thumbup


RC1807

Original Poster:

12,482 posts

167 months

Friday 25th May 2018
quotequote all
Not entirely related to relatives, but spurred on by it all the same, I've signed up for "Running Down Dementia 2018", and have a lot of sponsorhip money in the bag already.

Essentially I must have logged runs (from my Strava account) for a minimum distance of 100km between the beginning of this week and the end of August 2018.

I've also a sponsorship minimum target total of £200.

If anyone wishes to follow and sponsor me smile

ETA link: https://runningdowndementia2018.everydayhero.com/u...



Edited by RC1807 on Friday 25th May 14:56

RC1807

Original Poster:

12,482 posts

167 months

Tuesday 3rd July 2018
quotequote all
Small steps become huge leaps.
House sale exchanged today, completes on Thursday.
smile

MIL seemingly a bit more settled in care.
Care home's fees increase by 6% (FFS!!) later this year. rolleyes

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Wednesday 4th July 2018
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RC1807 said:
MIL seemingly a bit more settled in care.
Good news!

RC1807 said:
Care home's fees increase by 6% (FFS!!) later this year. rolleyes
Minimum wage went up by 4.5% in April, and is going up by another 11% next April - their biggest cost increasing by nearly 17% in just over a year has to hit the bottom line pretty damn hard.

RC1807

Original Poster:

12,482 posts

167 months

Monday 16th July 2018
quotequote all
We'll have to "eat it" with the fees, but it's still the best home around that we'd seen, certainly.
Fortunately we don't have to worry about income / expenditure as my late FIL spent all his life investing for his retirement.

On another note, my wife's seen her Mum a few times in the last days as we're more local in the area for a week or so. Aside from some odd places she packs things, and becoming a bit of a kleptomaniac in recent weeks (much stuff has been returned to others!), she's more settled even if not fully understanding everything all the time. We'll take her out somewhere for a change of scenery this week.

One of the fellow care home residents, a chap called Terry, I used to have very coherent conversations with. He's sadly a much slighter man now, 8 or so months on, and almost impossible to understand his speech, odd words here and there, or how he's switching from one subject to another, but I just went with the flow when he chatted with me on Saturday.

Dementia's st. Really st. frown