Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Grandad Gaz said:
I have power of attorney, so unless it's life threatening, then she stays at the home.
Exactly that, Gaz ... my wife has PoA for her Mum.We don't want her in hospital not understanding what's going on. In her recent trip she kept removing her canula, which wasn't helping her rehyddration she was being treated for.
We don't want her in hospital for end of life care. My FIL died in Royal Bournemouth Hospital, alone. It took them days to release the body to the undertaker and about 2 weeks to issue his death certificate. It's a bloody shambles there as the staffing's so short.
Also, we HOPE end of life care is still some time away, but with the recent decline, this may not be as far away as we thought.
A bit of an update.
My mum has been gradually getting worse over the last few weeks. She cannot even feed herself anymore. Sometimes she forgets to swallow when you give her a drink, which is terrible to see.
I had a phone call from the home this morning saying that she now needs one to one care, as she has fallen over twice in the last couple of days.
Guess how much this will cost? £4K a week! That's £200,000 per year. Who on earth has that sort of money?
The whole thing stinks. All her savings have been wiped out already and the social services are now deciding whether they can stump up this amount. If not, she will probably have to go back into hospital, the very thing we were trying so hard to avoid.
You wouldn't put a dog through what she has had to put up with these last few months.
It's heartbreaking to see
My mum has been gradually getting worse over the last few weeks. She cannot even feed herself anymore. Sometimes she forgets to swallow when you give her a drink, which is terrible to see.
I had a phone call from the home this morning saying that she now needs one to one care, as she has fallen over twice in the last couple of days.
Guess how much this will cost? £4K a week! That's £200,000 per year. Who on earth has that sort of money?
The whole thing stinks. All her savings have been wiped out already and the social services are now deciding whether they can stump up this amount. If not, she will probably have to go back into hospital, the very thing we were trying so hard to avoid.
You wouldn't put a dog through what she has had to put up with these last few months.
It's heartbreaking to see
I'm sorry to read that, Gaz. £4K / week is simply crazy money. No one can afford that in the real world.... my MIL's fees are about £4K / month, which is more than enough.
Rather than your Mum having 1:1 care at that price, can't she be more easily cared for if she has a wheelchair? My FIL had a chair when he went into nursing care, as he was a significant fall risk with Parkinson's, and it made things much easier for him, MIL and the home staff.
Just a thought.
Best wishes
Rather than your Mum having 1:1 care at that price, can't she be more easily cared for if she has a wheelchair? My FIL had a chair when he went into nursing care, as he was a significant fall risk with Parkinson's, and it made things much easier for him, MIL and the home staff.
Just a thought.
Best wishes
RC1807 said:
I'm sorry to read that, Gaz. £4K / week is simply crazy money. No one can afford that in the real world.... my MIL's fees are about £4K / month, which is more than enough.
Rather than your Mum having 1:1 care at that price, can't she be more easily cared for if she has a wheelchair? My FIL had a chair when he went into nursing care, as he was a significant fall risk with Parkinson's, and it made things much easier for him, MIL and the home staff.
Just a thought.
Best wishes
Thanks for the thought. It's appreciated.Rather than your Mum having 1:1 care at that price, can't she be more easily cared for if she has a wheelchair? My FIL had a chair when he went into nursing care, as he was a significant fall risk with Parkinson's, and it made things much easier for him, MIL and the home staff.
Just a thought.
Best wishes
The real problem is her dementia is so advanced that she cannot follow any instructions. It's not her being awkward, it's just she is unable to process the information. Her spatial awareness has gone right out the window, to the extent that she is unable to even sit in a chair without help. She can see the chair but cannot work out how to get into it! Most of her falls happen this way. She just can't sit still. She keeps getting up and wandering around.
The only way to keep her safe would be to strap her in, but then she wouldn't understand why she can't move, which would cause her great distress.
Thanks all for the kind words
MIL's recent decline and wish to sleep a lot, even during the day, has been diagnosed with one very s
tty word : myeloma
For fk's sake! 
The home have been advised not to pursue any treatment, being chemo, blood transfusions or bone marrow transplants, as she's now very frail having not eaten much for weeks. It's just about making her comfortable now.
She doesn't need to know about the condition, which is incurable and will be terminal, as she won't be able to remember what's been said to her and then be able to worry about it.
tty word : myelomaFor f
k's sake! The home have been advised not to pursue any treatment, being chemo, blood transfusions or bone marrow transplants, as she's now very frail having not eaten much for weeks. It's just about making her comfortable now.
She doesn't need to know about the condition, which is incurable and will be terminal, as she won't be able to remember what's been said to her and then be able to worry about it.
RC1807 I feel for you i really do, i have been through the conversation with the care home where my wife is resident with Dementia and have told them the same, that she shouldnt have any treatment for certain fatal ailments but did ask that appropriate pain-killers where administered as much as resonably practical to keep her calm and as pain free as possible.
So sad to hear that its come to this, life is really so unfair at times.
Thinking of you.
So sad to hear that its come to this, life is really so unfair at times.
Thinking of you.
Thanks for your kind words, Phumy. Your situation must be even more difficult to work with, though. Sorry for yours, too.
My wife's been remarkably matter of fact about it. I think the last 2 years have been very tough on her, putting both parents in care, selling their house, sorting finances. Her Dad died +/-18 months ago, and now her Mum's very ill too. It's all a bit st.
My wife's been remarkably matter of fact about it. I think the last 2 years have been very tough on her, putting both parents in care, selling their house, sorting finances. Her Dad died +/-18 months ago, and now her Mum's very ill too. It's all a bit s
t. RC1807 said:
We don't want her in hospital for end of life care. My FIL died in Royal Bournemouth Hospital, alone. It took them days to release the body to the undertaker and about 2 weeks to issue his death certificate. It's a bloody shambles there as the staffing's so short.
My father passed away last week in a dementia care home in Andover. When it reached the point he couldn't really swallow water any more it was clear the end was near but the doctor gave the option of moving him to hospital, or keeping him in the home. Staying in the home was absolutely the right decision, if he'd been moved to hospital they'd have either kept him alive on drips for another week or two, or possibly made a limited recovery back to the nearly empty shell he'd become before he had another setback and it all started again.The home were brilliant, they sorted out the doctor and we picked up the certificate from the surgery the next morning, it made things a lot easier for my mother.
Before he got really bad my father had signed a document saying he didn't want to be resuscitated in the end, and the doctor took him off all his other medication (he had a heart bypass 25 years earlier and was on loads of pills) and just game him some morphine as needed to keep him comfortable.
RizzoTheRat said:
RC1807 said:
We don't want her in hospital for end of life care. My FIL died in Royal Bournemouth Hospital, alone. It took them days to release the body to the undertaker and about 2 weeks to issue his death certificate. It's a bloody shambles there as the staffing's so short.
My father passed away last week in a dementia care home in Andover. When it reached the point he couldn't really swallow water any more it was clear the end was near but the doctor gave the option of moving him to hospital, or keeping him in the home. Staying in the home was absolutely the right decision, if he'd been moved to hospital they'd have either kept him alive on drips for another week or two, or possibly made a limited recovery back to the nearly empty shell he'd become before he had another setback and it all started again.The home were brilliant, they sorted out the doctor and we picked up the certificate from the surgery the next morning, it made things a lot easier for my mother.
Before he got really bad my father had signed a document saying he didn't want to be resuscitated in the end, and the doctor took him off all his other medication (he had a heart bypass 25 years earlier and was on loads of pills) and just game him some morphine as needed to keep him comfortable.
Yeah it's all a bit st really, but without wanting to sound callous about it I think it really is for the best, he'd reached the point he had no quality of life and on the few occasions he seemed to have some idea of what was going on he really wasn't happy.
My 73 year old mother being as practical as usual had actually prepared pretty well and sorted out stuff like power of attorney etc while he was still fairly with it, and that has made it a lot easier to deal with. She's also now sorted out lasting power of attorney for her so my sister and I can deal with things if when she can't cope any more.
t really, but without wanting to sound callous about it I think it really is for the best, he'd reached the point he had no quality of life and on the few occasions he seemed to have some idea of what was going on he really wasn't happy.My 73 year old mother being as practical as usual had actually prepared pretty well and sorted out stuff like power of attorney etc while he was still fairly with it, and that has made it a lot easier to deal with. She's also now sorted out lasting power of attorney for her so my sister and I can deal with things if when she can't cope any more.
Sorry for your loss, Rizzo.
I completely understand how the decision for end of life care was reached, and this will be very much how we'll deal with my wife's Mum too. Keeping her comfortable. We're just pleased my MIL signed the LPA in front of her solicitor whilst she was still a little more "with it". My wife will be back in the UK in a ocuple of weeks to see her Mum.
I've asked my Mum & step-dad to sort their LPAs out ASAP, more than once, in case. Mum's 72, step-dad is 76. Better to be prepared, etc.
I completely understand how the decision for end of life care was reached, and this will be very much how we'll deal with my wife's Mum too. Keeping her comfortable. We're just pleased my MIL signed the LPA in front of her solicitor whilst she was still a little more "with it". My wife will be back in the UK in a ocuple of weeks to see her Mum.
I've asked my Mum & step-dad to sort their LPAs out ASAP, more than once, in case. Mum's 72, step-dad is 76. Better to be prepared, etc.
Thank you.
I've no intention of wearing a black tie at the funeral. My MIL never wore dull clothes!
As my wife's still in England, she's already cracked on with arranging the funeral, and an 'afternoon tea' after, as we did for her dad's funeral 18 months ago, and registered the death this morning.
The solicitor's also been advised so he can get on with executing the Will, although we know what's in it.
I've no intention of wearing a black tie at the funeral. My MIL never wore dull clothes!
As my wife's still in England, she's already cracked on with arranging the funeral, and an 'afternoon tea' after, as we did for her dad's funeral 18 months ago, and registered the death this morning.
The solicitor's also been advised so he can get on with executing the Will, although we know what's in it.
We said our final farewell to Betty on Friday afternoon at Bournemouth Crematorium.
When the undertakers picked up the coffin, my wife couldn't help but quip, "That didn't take much effort; they could have launched her in the air!"
It was a good send off, although having such a small family lightens the numbers of attendees somewhat. I struggled to keep my emotions under control to support my wife and daughters.
My wife's been absolutely bloody amazing dealing with all of this for the past 2, really stty, years.
I love her to bits.
When the undertakers picked up the coffin, my wife couldn't help but quip, "That didn't take much effort; they could have launched her in the air!"
It was a good send off, although having such a small family lightens the numbers of attendees somewhat. I struggled to keep my emotions under control to support my wife and daughters.
My wife's been absolutely bloody amazing dealing with all of this for the past 2, really s
tty, years. I love her to bits.
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