Suicidal child
Discussion
I'm at my wits end and getting no help
My eldest has been through all the antidepressants available to a under 18 and they either don't help or help but then her body adjusts to them and they stop working
Most recently she's been on an SSRI but they interfere with her sleep and she has been getting just an hour or two a night at best. She's failed her ALevels end of year 12 exams and the school wanted to make her retake that year but doing different subjects, all of which she has no interest in. They've now agreed she can do the subjects she wants but she has to do year 12 again. I'm not unhappy at this as it gives her a year to take some pressure off her
What is my worry is she is now unmedicated and despite an urgent CAMHS referral over a month ago nothing is being done. She continually falls through the systems net. I know the NHS is struggling but this is getting really serious. Calls to camhs don't get responded too and to be honest I can't see what they can do anyway. If she's had everything licenced for under18's we're kind of stuck
Comment yesterday was she's working out if life is even worth bothering with. If I take her to a&e they just say she's not suicidal but she knows how to give them the answers they need to hear to send her home. She's giving up as she knows there's nothing else they can do. I don't know what else I can do either other than to keep pills and sharps out of her way 😢
My eldest has been through all the antidepressants available to a under 18 and they either don't help or help but then her body adjusts to them and they stop working
Most recently she's been on an SSRI but they interfere with her sleep and she has been getting just an hour or two a night at best. She's failed her ALevels end of year 12 exams and the school wanted to make her retake that year but doing different subjects, all of which she has no interest in. They've now agreed she can do the subjects she wants but she has to do year 12 again. I'm not unhappy at this as it gives her a year to take some pressure off her
What is my worry is she is now unmedicated and despite an urgent CAMHS referral over a month ago nothing is being done. She continually falls through the systems net. I know the NHS is struggling but this is getting really serious. Calls to camhs don't get responded too and to be honest I can't see what they can do anyway. If she's had everything licenced for under18's we're kind of stuck
Comment yesterday was she's working out if life is even worth bothering with. If I take her to a&e they just say she's not suicidal but she knows how to give them the answers they need to hear to send her home. She's giving up as she knows there's nothing else they can do. I don't know what else I can do either other than to keep pills and sharps out of her way 😢
I speak as someone who has been where your daughter is from a similar age, and now in my 40s.
Speak to Mind. https://www.mind.org.uk
Look into different forms of counselling. I tried loads of antidepressants, but the thing that had a lasting effect was cognitive behavioural therapy.
Keep talking to her. Keep reminding her you're there no matter what. Best wishes.
Speak to Mind. https://www.mind.org.uk
Look into different forms of counselling. I tried loads of antidepressants, but the thing that had a lasting effect was cognitive behavioural therapy.
Keep talking to her. Keep reminding her you're there no matter what. Best wishes.
Sorry to read this OP 
Do you know if there is something that's causing her to feel this way? e.g bullying, academic pressures etc
At 17/18 I felt awful and 'lost'. I had no interest in school or studying yet I was told the only option for the next few years was more school and bulls
t academic courses via university. Do you think your daughter would be happier on a college course learning a trade (beauty, hairdressing, plumbing etc) and seeing that her life has direction?
Do you know if there is something that's causing her to feel this way? e.g bullying, academic pressures etc
At 17/18 I felt awful and 'lost'. I had no interest in school or studying yet I was told the only option for the next few years was more school and bulls
t academic courses via university. Do you think your daughter would be happier on a college course learning a trade (beauty, hairdressing, plumbing etc) and seeing that her life has direction? BenjiS said:
I speak as someone who has been where your daughter is from a similar age, and now in my 40s.
Speak to Mind. https://www.mind.org.uk
Look into different forms of counselling. I tried loads of antidepressants, but the thing that had a lasting effect was cognitive behavioural therapy.
Keep talking to her. Keep reminding her you're there no matter what. Best wishes.
A second vote for mind, and keep talking to her. If you are genuinely fearful that she may attempt to take her own life I'd also suggest keeping any pills she could OD under lock down. All the best. Speak to Mind. https://www.mind.org.uk
Look into different forms of counselling. I tried loads of antidepressants, but the thing that had a lasting effect was cognitive behavioural therapy.
Keep talking to her. Keep reminding her you're there no matter what. Best wishes.
Edit, just re-read your OP and noted that I missed that you're ahead of me RE pills.
Edited by Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah on Sunday 6th August 12:54
Anti depressants are a plaster. They only try to cover the underlying issue. Has she had any psychiatry input (apart from to get a med prescription), or seen a clinical psychologist?
As you say, CAMHS services are massively stretched nationally. If you have a strong concern that your daughter has a plan to kill herself (method or preparation), has intent (expectations or degree of ambivalence about living) and frequent ideation, then get onto CAMHS and let them know that things have deteriorated.
Usually cases were there is a high risk of harm or death are seen very swiftly. It's sad, but resources are such that things have to escalate severely before someone is classified as a "red" risk which mean people are seen sooner.
As others have said, Mind are good help, there are good apps (Calm Harm for deliberate self harm, and Stay Alive for suicide risk), and keep pestering your GP and CAMHS if things your perception of risk changes.
As you say, CAMHS services are massively stretched nationally. If you have a strong concern that your daughter has a plan to kill herself (method or preparation), has intent (expectations or degree of ambivalence about living) and frequent ideation, then get onto CAMHS and let them know that things have deteriorated.
Usually cases were there is a high risk of harm or death are seen very swiftly. It's sad, but resources are such that things have to escalate severely before someone is classified as a "red" risk which mean people are seen sooner.
As others have said, Mind are good help, there are good apps (Calm Harm for deliberate self harm, and Stay Alive for suicide risk), and keep pestering your GP and CAMHS if things your perception of risk changes.
In reply to why she feels this the short version is emotional abuse from my now ex husband in so far as not seeing his child(ren) with me and mainly therefore stopping her from seeing her half siblings he now has with his new woman. There's nothing legally I can do to gain access to the siblings because I am not related and my children cannot either until they attain the adult age of 18. Hence the limbo she is in.
She's tried CBT but talking through the whole saga in therapy just draws her further down. We were doing family therapy where it was picked up my youngest has his own issues but they are ASD related but without any warning it was suddenly stopped. Even though she felt it was helping her so she was very upset at that. We'd identified that my now deceased FIL was probably autistic and that other mental health issues have run in my in laws side of the family so it wasn't just her and that she probably had a predisposition to mental illness. It's having a drastic effect on my youngest and to me to be honest.
She's tried CBT but talking through the whole saga in therapy just draws her further down. We were doing family therapy where it was picked up my youngest has his own issues but they are ASD related but without any warning it was suddenly stopped. Even though she felt it was helping her so she was very upset at that. We'd identified that my now deceased FIL was probably autistic and that other mental health issues have run in my in laws side of the family so it wasn't just her and that she probably had a predisposition to mental illness. It's having a drastic effect on my youngest and to me to be honest.
Up until A levels she's been a high achiever. Failing Year 12 has been a massive blow but that has been down to her lack of sleep and therefore ability to keep focused and retain information.
Having to repeat it is not what she wants, she wants to go to uni and be successful but it is what it is now and is adding now to her pressure for next school year but not for the present time
Her total issue in a nutshell is not seeing her brother and sister. I just can't work out why her dad could be so evil in not allowing contact. The breakup of the marriage was his choice to cheat but I couldn't care about him now as I've seen him for the evil manipulating person he is so it's not like I've stopped him seeing his two kids with me. I've encouraged contact from day one, he just stopped being interested in our kids when he had two more. He's actually said that he doesn't see his first two children as his anymore that really left me reeling.
Having to repeat it is not what she wants, she wants to go to uni and be successful but it is what it is now and is adding now to her pressure for next school year but not for the present time
Her total issue in a nutshell is not seeing her brother and sister. I just can't work out why her dad could be so evil in not allowing contact. The breakup of the marriage was his choice to cheat but I couldn't care about him now as I've seen him for the evil manipulating person he is so it's not like I've stopped him seeing his two kids with me. I've encouraged contact from day one, he just stopped being interested in our kids when he had two more. He's actually said that he doesn't see his first two children as his anymore that really left me reeling.
Codswallop said:
Anti depressants are a plaster. They only try to cover the underlying issue.
I would disagree with how you've phrased this. ADs aren't supposed to 'cover the underlying issue' but to provide the space within which to solve the issue yourself. They're not 'the solution' but they can be a very important part of it.Sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a dreadful time. Bless her.
I cannot help but I will show this to my wife who is a specialty grade CAMHS nurse manager working specifically in acute adolescent mental health. She specialises in CBT and DBT with oodles of family therapy experience also. I'm sure that she can advise you on next steps and what you should be asking for/demanding. Her forte is cutting through the red tape that multi agency involvement tends to create and generally never taking no for an answer!
I cannot help but I will show this to my wife who is a specialty grade CAMHS nurse manager working specifically in acute adolescent mental health. She specialises in CBT and DBT with oodles of family therapy experience also. I'm sure that she can advise you on next steps and what you should be asking for/demanding. Her forte is cutting through the red tape that multi agency involvement tends to create and generally never taking no for an answer!
I've had similar experience to the OP 2 years ago. My youngest daughter came out of school 1 (high pressure Local Authority grammar) to do A levels and still struggled in school 2 (still LA but not so intense). Her mother, my ex, moved home town in the summer after YD’s A levels not realising, and then no making good on promises to fix, the impact this would have on YD’s work and social life. YD started uni in the Oct and had left by November. She had similar thoughts about whether “life is even worth bothering with” and the medication & counselling we could get, both private and NHS, was not much help.
Fast forward to now, 2 years later and YD is much better and happier. She is living with her boyfriend & his family, something neither of us are fully happy about but she has little other choice (my place is not an option for her), she has an apprenticeship which is going well in a job she mainly likes and she is far more even in her mental health.
What’s changed? She has changed contraception from the pill to the injection. She absolutely believes that her MH problems started and stopped with taking the pill and there are now proven links between the two. Might be something for the OP to consider.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-37551855
http://www.thedebrief.co.uk/news/real-life/side-ef...
Fast forward to now, 2 years later and YD is much better and happier. She is living with her boyfriend & his family, something neither of us are fully happy about but she has little other choice (my place is not an option for her), she has an apprenticeship which is going well in a job she mainly likes and she is far more even in her mental health.
What’s changed? She has changed contraception from the pill to the injection. She absolutely believes that her MH problems started and stopped with taking the pill and there are now proven links between the two. Might be something for the OP to consider.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-37551855
http://www.thedebrief.co.uk/news/real-life/side-ef...
Funk said:
Codswallop said:
Anti depressants are a plaster. They only try to cover the underlying issue.
I would disagree with how you've phrased this. ADs aren't supposed to 'cover the underlying issue' but to provide the space within which to solve the issue yourself. They're not 'the solution' but they can be a very important part of it.Collectingbrass said:
I've had similar experience to the OP 2 years ago. My youngest daughter came out of school 1 (high pressure Local Authority grammar) to do A levels and still struggled in school 2 (still LA but not so intense). Her mother, my ex, moved home town in the summer after YD’s A levels not realising, and then no making good on promises to fix, the impact this would have on YD’s work and social life. YD started uni in the Oct and had left by November. She had similar thoughts about whether “life is even worth bothering with” and the medication & counselling we could get, both private and NHS, was not much help.
Fast forward to now, 2 years later and YD is much better and happier. She is living with her boyfriend & his family, something neither of us are fully happy about but she has little other choice (my place is not an option for her), she has an apprenticeship which is going well in a job she mainly likes and she is far more even in her mental health.
What’s changed? She has changed contraception from the pill to the injection. She absolutely believes that her MH problems started and stopped with taking the pill and there are now proven links between the two. Might be something for the OP to consider.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-37551855
http://www.thedebrief.co.uk/news/real-life/side-ef...
Interesting that you mention that. I know of three women who had to alter their contraceptive options due to mental health issues when taking them (two with the 'chip' and one with pills)Fast forward to now, 2 years later and YD is much better and happier. She is living with her boyfriend & his family, something neither of us are fully happy about but she has little other choice (my place is not an option for her), she has an apprenticeship which is going well in a job she mainly likes and she is far more even in her mental health.
What’s changed? She has changed contraception from the pill to the injection. She absolutely believes that her MH problems started and stopped with taking the pill and there are now proven links between the two. Might be something for the OP to consider.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-37551855
http://www.thedebrief.co.uk/news/real-life/side-ef...
I am sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. As a parent myself (to a child who may have specific needs) it is difficult enough with (for lack of a better word) "normal" children.
I do not have much in terms of advice, just that I hope your daughter can get through this and come out stronger for it.
If you ever need to vent, then be sure PH is more than welcoming, as you are if you wish to pm a stranger.
Take care
I do not have much in terms of advice, just that I hope your daughter can get through this and come out stronger for it.
If you ever need to vent, then be sure PH is more than welcoming, as you are if you wish to pm a stranger.
Take care
You mention she tried CBT - how many sessions? The first couple will focus on issues for sure which will be difficult but the whole point of CBT is looking forward and finding coping mechanisms. Usually a minimum of 6 weekly sessions is required, obviously needs vary.
It's also worth noting the quality of counselors varies a lot so if she didn't connect with the one she tried, try another.
BTW, I'm not a CBT counselor so I'm just reproducing what I've heard - my partner is though.
It's also worth noting the quality of counselors varies a lot so if she didn't connect with the one she tried, try another.
BTW, I'm not a CBT counselor so I'm just reproducing what I've heard - my partner is though.
OP I really feel for you and wish I had some useful advice I could give you. All I can suggest is to constantly pester CAMHS until they do something, but I know this isn't the solution.
Try your best to keep the channel of communication open with your daughter, letting her know you are always there to listen to her, no matter how hard the topic maybe.
My daughter told us she had made a plan on ending her life when she was just 11yrs. Almost 2yrs later and still little improvement, but a lot of that is down to ASD and being overwhelmed at high school and struggling to make friends. She has had one course of CBT and is due to embark on a second course shortly. CAMHS have been mixed support, she hasn't gelled with her key worked so often refuses to speak to him. We are on a waiting list for psych involvement, not sure what that will entail.
I truly hope your daughter finds the right sort of help soon. Make sure you have someone to support you too, I know that's where I struggle.
Try your best to keep the channel of communication open with your daughter, letting her know you are always there to listen to her, no matter how hard the topic maybe.
My daughter told us she had made a plan on ending her life when she was just 11yrs. Almost 2yrs later and still little improvement, but a lot of that is down to ASD and being overwhelmed at high school and struggling to make friends. She has had one course of CBT and is due to embark on a second course shortly. CAMHS have been mixed support, she hasn't gelled with her key worked so often refuses to speak to him. We are on a waiting list for psych involvement, not sure what that will entail.
I truly hope your daughter finds the right sort of help soon. Make sure you have someone to support you too, I know that's where I struggle.
SantaBarbara said:
Tell he that she can have a year out
She ca go to a college and not be dictated too by the school
She can choose her preferred subjects
Then her GP may be able to prescribe something, her GP can seek advice from other alternate specialists surely?
Unfortunately not an option as at college you cannot do 3 subjects. She needs 3 A levels to gain the necessary UCAS points to get into Uni.She ca go to a college and not be dictated too by the school
She can choose her preferred subjects
Then her GP may be able to prescribe something, her GP can seek advice from other alternate specialists surely?
Edited by solo2 on Thursday 10th August 13:34
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff