Divorce, mental health and weight gain
Discussion
kurt535 said:
Lots going on in your post.
Scuse the phrase but how do you eat an elephant? a small piece at a time.
How about setting just 3 targets a week?
1 food based - like dropping choccie bars or masses of carbs
1 exercise based - walk briskly for 30 mins over the week
1 mind well-being based - something that makes you forget time a little
and add a small target every week until you actually fancy running/cycling/swimming. it may take several weeks. no point just going for it as your personal life doesn't sound stable yet so is likely to set you up to fail. keep to things you have control over.
I already don't eat chocolate or sweets, no sugary drinks, I drink loads of water (that's one good thing which has stuck with me from suffering panic attacks years ago!) it's just the carbs really.Scuse the phrase but how do you eat an elephant? a small piece at a time.
How about setting just 3 targets a week?
1 food based - like dropping choccie bars or masses of carbs
1 exercise based - walk briskly for 30 mins over the week
1 mind well-being based - something that makes you forget time a little
and add a small target every week until you actually fancy running/cycling/swimming. it may take several weeks. no point just going for it as your personal life doesn't sound stable yet so is likely to set you up to fail. keep to things you have control over.
I can commit a lot of time to the gym or whatever because I don't have anything else to do, I COULD go every night but obviously need a rest day or two each week.
Point number 3 is an interesting one, I've done that a couple of times, I went to the BTCC season opener this year at Brands but spent the whole time sat there thinking 'I can't afford to be here', then last Thursday, I went to a gig in Peterborough, on my own. That's the problem, doing stuff on your own is rubbish, but I'm going to keep doing it so it gets less strange for me, I'd rather do stuff alone than not do it at all!
Ok so a little update,
After the most stressful start to a week throughout the whole thing, the contracts were signed and exchanged on the house on Tuesday (I thought I was going to totally fall apart on Monday evening because that's when it should have happened so I didn't sleep a wink) and Friday is completion day so I'll be getting my settlement monies and be debt free
That means I can finally start looking for somewhere to live for myself, had a quick look yesterday but there's nothing for sale or even to let where I want to be, not even one house in my price range!
Just my luck!
Can't even begin to explain how much relief it was to exchange contracts and I'm sure there will be even more of that feeling when the money is in the bank.
Downside is I've not been to the gym this week because my head has been all over the place.
After the most stressful start to a week throughout the whole thing, the contracts were signed and exchanged on the house on Tuesday (I thought I was going to totally fall apart on Monday evening because that's when it should have happened so I didn't sleep a wink) and Friday is completion day so I'll be getting my settlement monies and be debt free
That means I can finally start looking for somewhere to live for myself, had a quick look yesterday but there's nothing for sale or even to let where I want to be, not even one house in my price range!
Just my luck!Can't even begin to explain how much relief it was to exchange contracts and I'm sure there will be even more of that feeling when the money is in the bank.
Downside is I've not been to the gym this week because my head has been all over the place.
Robmarriott said:
I'd better learn to dance then!
I've already had a couple of the random acts of kindness like mates turning up to drag me out to the pub when I was still living at home, it's amazing how much it helps.
Might be worth checking out your local dance class as daft as that sounds, I struggle with gyms and other sports, I find exercise terminally dull and don't get the post exercise buzz that some say they get, so dancing killed a few birds with one stone for me.I've already had a couple of the random acts of kindness like mates turning up to drag me out to the pub when I was still living at home, it's amazing how much it helps.
Cheap night out - usually a class followed by social dance £6 inc tea and cake, Plus assorted events like the Halloween Ball
Lady ratios - There is always a shortage of men so you won't be on the side like a lemon
Pullability - Seeing a man dance improves his f
kability no end in the eyes of women and if you attend any of the Latin classes as long as you don't have bad breadth, BO, can avoid standing on their feet and can learn how to swing your hips you will be beating them off. Exercise- surprised myself at how beneficial and enjoyable the exercise was and if you do pull your getting more.
Confidence - I was always a reluctant dancer unless chemically assisted and it was a big boost to my confidence to know that I could learn a few new tricks.
esuuv said:
Run - seriously, doesn't matter how slowly, or how far you go.
Don't take your phone / headphones - just run - its free (you already have trainers - you go to the gym) - weight will fall off, its remarkably good for some quiet time - gets you some time to clear your head, away from distractions......................
^ThisDon't take your phone / headphones - just run - its free (you already have trainers - you go to the gym) - weight will fall off, its remarkably good for some quiet time - gets you some time to clear your head, away from distractions......................
^No seriously just do this.
AndStilliRise said:
esuuv said:
Run - seriously, doesn't matter how slowly, or how far you go.
Don't take your phone / headphones - just run - its free (you already have trainers - you go to the gym) - weight will fall off, its remarkably good for some quiet time - gets you some time to clear your head, away from distractions......................
^ThisDon't take your phone / headphones - just run - its free (you already have trainers - you go to the gym) - weight will fall off, its remarkably good for some quiet time - gets you some time to clear your head, away from distractions......................
^No seriously just do this.
One night years ago I just thought I'll go for a run, yes, I nearly died. But now I'm a shadow of my former self (in a good way) - other than my dick, running gives you a bigger dick
.You only need:
Running shoes
Shorts
Running t-shirt
A house key
A phone if you want to listen to music (don't spend lots of cash on earphones, I killed a pair every 3 months with sweat).
Nothing else
I have come back to running but have had some issues with my feet, but honestly the buzz you get from being able to run a mile without stopping (couldnt have done that last year) is very compelling, if you stick to a decent eating plan, run a bit and dont cheat, the progress comes and that little boost can lift your mood.
I think a lot of mental health issue are exacerbated by a lack of fitness, poor diet etc, it is like a spiral and one feeds the other, if you feel crap it is harder for your mental health to remain good, it drags you down, I am not saying it could all be solved with diet and exercise, far from it but it cant do any harm and it is one less thing to deal with.
And dont beat yourself up about not going to the gym if life has got in the way, sometimes you need to take care of business, only beat yourself up if you couldnt be arsed going an now are sat on the sofa with a family bag of crisps and a six pack (of beer)
I find I like a right dollop if I dont go, its weird as sometimes you dont feel like it yet have a great workout, other times you are up for it but get there and it doesnt come together, I didnt have a great one, feet were giving me trouble and the place was busy so didnt do what I wanted but you know what I did a 30 minute session on the cross trainer, hear rate between 140 and 160, sweat running off, then lifted weights for twenty minutes which really is actually a decent amount of exercise, not going to get me on the cover of Mens Health but I went, and I did a bit, it doesnt have to be personal bests and utter exhaustion after three hours, just going and having an easy one, maybe a swim and sauna, if nothing else it keeps the process going, you have got ready, made the effort and gone, little and often and you dont have to compete with the beasts in there (or here) just keep going regularly, it doeswnt have to be a chore or herculean effort, I swear this is what puts a lot of gyms.
I think a lot of mental health issue are exacerbated by a lack of fitness, poor diet etc, it is like a spiral and one feeds the other, if you feel crap it is harder for your mental health to remain good, it drags you down, I am not saying it could all be solved with diet and exercise, far from it but it cant do any harm and it is one less thing to deal with.
And dont beat yourself up about not going to the gym if life has got in the way, sometimes you need to take care of business, only beat yourself up if you couldnt be arsed going an now are sat on the sofa with a family bag of crisps and a six pack (of beer)
I find I like a right dollop if I dont go, its weird as sometimes you dont feel like it yet have a great workout, other times you are up for it but get there and it doesnt come together, I didnt have a great one, feet were giving me trouble and the place was busy so didnt do what I wanted but you know what I did a 30 minute session on the cross trainer, hear rate between 140 and 160, sweat running off, then lifted weights for twenty minutes which really is actually a decent amount of exercise, not going to get me on the cover of Mens Health but I went, and I did a bit, it doesnt have to be personal bests and utter exhaustion after three hours, just going and having an easy one, maybe a swim and sauna, if nothing else it keeps the process going, you have got ready, made the effort and gone, little and often and you dont have to compete with the beasts in there (or here) just keep going regularly, it doeswnt have to be a chore or herculean effort, I swear this is what puts a lot of gyms.
J4CKO said:
I have come back to running but have had some issues with my feet, but honestly the buzz you get from being able to run a mile without stopping (couldnt have done that last year) is very compelling, if you stick to a decent eating plan, run a bit and dont cheat, the progress comes and that little boost can lift your mood.
I think a lot of mental health issue are exacerbated by a lack of fitness, poor diet etc, it is like a spiral and one feeds the other, if you feel crap it is harder for your mental health to remain good, it drags you down, I am not saying it could all be solved with diet and exercise, far from it but it cant do any harm and it is one less thing to deal with.
And dont beat yourself up about not going to the gym if life has got in the way, sometimes you need to take care of business, only beat yourself up if you couldnt be arsed going an now are sat on the sofa with a family bag of crisps and a six pack (of beer)
I find I like a right dollop if I dont go, its weird as sometimes you dont feel like it yet have a great workout, other times you are up for it but get there and it doesnt come together, I didnt have a great one, feet were giving me trouble and the place was busy so didnt do what I wanted but you know what I did a 30 minute session on the cross trainer, hear rate between 140 and 160, sweat running off, then lifted weights for twenty minutes which really is actually a decent amount of exercise, not going to get me on the cover of Mens Health but I went, and I did a bit, it doesnt have to be personal bests and utter exhaustion after three hours, just going and having an easy one, maybe a swim and sauna, if nothing else it keeps the process going, you have got ready, made the effort and gone, little and often and you dont have to compete with the beasts in there (or here) just keep going regularly, it doeswnt have to be a chore or herculean effort, I swear this is what puts a lot of gyms.
I came back from a holiday in Florida 2 weeks ago, ate and drank too much, moved about very little. Put on half a stone.I think a lot of mental health issue are exacerbated by a lack of fitness, poor diet etc, it is like a spiral and one feeds the other, if you feel crap it is harder for your mental health to remain good, it drags you down, I am not saying it could all be solved with diet and exercise, far from it but it cant do any harm and it is one less thing to deal with.
And dont beat yourself up about not going to the gym if life has got in the way, sometimes you need to take care of business, only beat yourself up if you couldnt be arsed going an now are sat on the sofa with a family bag of crisps and a six pack (of beer)
I find I like a right dollop if I dont go, its weird as sometimes you dont feel like it yet have a great workout, other times you are up for it but get there and it doesnt come together, I didnt have a great one, feet were giving me trouble and the place was busy so didnt do what I wanted but you know what I did a 30 minute session on the cross trainer, hear rate between 140 and 160, sweat running off, then lifted weights for twenty minutes which really is actually a decent amount of exercise, not going to get me on the cover of Mens Health but I went, and I did a bit, it doesnt have to be personal bests and utter exhaustion after three hours, just going and having an easy one, maybe a swim and sauna, if nothing else it keeps the process going, you have got ready, made the effort and gone, little and often and you dont have to compete with the beasts in there (or here) just keep going regularly, it doeswnt have to be a chore or herculean effort, I swear this is what puts a lot of gyms.
As soon as I arrived back my mood started to slip, and restarting any form of exercise was a bit tough. But I forced myself to go on a 30km bike ride to start me off again.
2 weeks on and the weight has gone, and my mood is sorted.
The key is definitely forcing yourself to start something, after that I get into it and I'm fine
Henners said:
Do this.
One night years ago I just thought I'll go for a run, yes, I nearly died. But now I'm a shadow of my former self (in a good way) - other than my dick, running gives you a bigger dick .
You only need:
Running shoes
Shorts
Running t-shirt
A house key
A phone if you want to listen to music (don't spend lots of cash on earphones, I killed a pair every 3 months with sweat).
Nothing else
And supportive underwear, it fOne night years ago I just thought I'll go for a run, yes, I nearly died. But now I'm a shadow of my former self (in a good way) - other than my dick, running gives you a bigger dick
.You only need:
Running shoes
Shorts
Running t-shirt
A house key
A phone if you want to listen to music (don't spend lots of cash on earphones, I killed a pair every 3 months with sweat).
Nothing else
king kills when your knob plays your balls like a djembe 
Wobbegong said:
Henners said:
Do this.
One night years ago I just thought I'll go for a run, yes, I nearly died. But now I'm a shadow of my former self (in a good way) - other than my dick, running gives you a bigger dick .
You only need:
Running shoes
Shorts
Running t-shirt
A house key
A phone if you want to listen to music (don't spend lots of cash on earphones, I killed a pair every 3 months with sweat).
Nothing else
And supportive underwear, it fOne night years ago I just thought I'll go for a run, yes, I nearly died. But now I'm a shadow of my former self (in a good way) - other than my dick, running gives you a bigger dick
.You only need:
Running shoes
Shorts
Running t-shirt
A house key
A phone if you want to listen to music (don't spend lots of cash on earphones, I killed a pair every 3 months with sweat).
Nothing else
king kills when your knob plays your balls like a djembe OK, so it's update time...
Found myself a flat in the village I grew up in, which is where all my immediate family still live. It's great having my own space but it's got electric heating and after struggling to keep it warm over the winter, I've been hit with a humungous electricity bill, so my heating has been off and I've had to cope with being cold permanently. I'm definitely not going to be able to be here another winter but i'll worry about that in six months or so...
It's also the first time ever I've lived alone so I'm constantly checking I've paid bills, I must have checked that I'd paid my car insurance 8 times last month for fear of forgetting something.
I've dug my bike out of my brother's garage and used it a few times but the weather still isn't really warm enough for me, not being able to stick the heating on when I get home means I don't fancy freezing my self half to death on a bike ride!
I thought I'd be good at cooking for myself again but I'm not, definitely need to work on that again because my diet it absolutely terrible, although I have lost about half a stone since moving in which is a start I suppose.
The biggest issue I've been having is my panic attacks have started creeping back in, mainly when I'm at work (it all stems from not being able to escape a situation so being at work and not being able to take myself away for ten minutes for a breather doesn't help and my work isn't particularly accommodating of ad hoc breaks) but also in some social situations. I spent a whole day with a couple of mates a few weeks back and ended up having to attempt to hide a full blown panic attack in a restaurant in front of them after having a really good day out. I've read Aaron Gillies' excellent book on depression and anxiety and decided it's time to get some proper help again, if I can work out where to start with that so hopefully that will help, if I can get the time off work that is.
I've stopped going to the gym because the place I've moved in to has an on site health club with a pool, however, since moving in in December, it's been 'closed for maintenance' ever single day, so I'm paying more rent than I should be for something I'm not getting, which is nice, found my running shoes the other day though so I'm might give that a go one evening this week.
I'm still single as well, my colleagues keep mocking me because it's been almost two years since me and my ex wife decided it was over and I've not bothered trying to find anyone new, I've always been pretty terrible at talking to women anyway and the stress of divorce, anxiety, low self esteem and so on hasn't helped.
Oh and half my beard has gone grey, all on one side. I look like a Cruella De Vil's fat brother.
Rambled on a bit again then but it felt great to get it all off my chest!
Found myself a flat in the village I grew up in, which is where all my immediate family still live. It's great having my own space but it's got electric heating and after struggling to keep it warm over the winter, I've been hit with a humungous electricity bill, so my heating has been off and I've had to cope with being cold permanently. I'm definitely not going to be able to be here another winter but i'll worry about that in six months or so...
It's also the first time ever I've lived alone so I'm constantly checking I've paid bills, I must have checked that I'd paid my car insurance 8 times last month for fear of forgetting something.
I've dug my bike out of my brother's garage and used it a few times but the weather still isn't really warm enough for me, not being able to stick the heating on when I get home means I don't fancy freezing my self half to death on a bike ride!
I thought I'd be good at cooking for myself again but I'm not, definitely need to work on that again because my diet it absolutely terrible, although I have lost about half a stone since moving in which is a start I suppose.
The biggest issue I've been having is my panic attacks have started creeping back in, mainly when I'm at work (it all stems from not being able to escape a situation so being at work and not being able to take myself away for ten minutes for a breather doesn't help and my work isn't particularly accommodating of ad hoc breaks) but also in some social situations. I spent a whole day with a couple of mates a few weeks back and ended up having to attempt to hide a full blown panic attack in a restaurant in front of them after having a really good day out. I've read Aaron Gillies' excellent book on depression and anxiety and decided it's time to get some proper help again, if I can work out where to start with that so hopefully that will help, if I can get the time off work that is.
I've stopped going to the gym because the place I've moved in to has an on site health club with a pool, however, since moving in in December, it's been 'closed for maintenance' ever single day, so I'm paying more rent than I should be for something I'm not getting, which is nice, found my running shoes the other day though so I'm might give that a go one evening this week.
I'm still single as well, my colleagues keep mocking me because it's been almost two years since me and my ex wife decided it was over and I've not bothered trying to find anyone new, I've always been pretty terrible at talking to women anyway and the stress of divorce, anxiety, low self esteem and so on hasn't helped.
Oh and half my beard has gone grey, all on one side. I look like a Cruella De Vil's fat brother.
Rambled on a bit again then but it felt great to get it all off my chest!
Robmarriott said:
I already don't eat chocolate or sweets, no sugary drinks, I drink loads of water (that's one good thing which has stuck with me from suffering panic attacks years ago!) it's just the carbs really.
I can commit a lot of time to the gym or whatever because I don't have anything else to do, I COULD go every night but obviously need a rest day or two each week.
Point number 3 is an interesting one, I've done that a couple of times, I went to the BTCC season opener this year at Brands but spent the whole time sat there thinking 'I can't afford to be here', then last Thursday, I went to a gig in Peterborough, on my own. That's the problem, doing stuff on your own is rubbish, but I'm going to keep doing it so it gets less strange for me, I'd rather do stuff alone than not do it at all!
Get some regular exercise, even if it's just a brisk 30 mins walk around local areas.I can commit a lot of time to the gym or whatever because I don't have anything else to do, I COULD go every night but obviously need a rest day or two each week.
Point number 3 is an interesting one, I've done that a couple of times, I went to the BTCC season opener this year at Brands but spent the whole time sat there thinking 'I can't afford to be here', then last Thursday, I went to a gig in Peterborough, on my own. That's the problem, doing stuff on your own is rubbish, but I'm going to keep doing it so it gets less strange for me, I'd rather do stuff alone than not do it at all!
Work out why the heating costs so much - on too often/thermostat too high etc
I know exactly what the issue was, the 3kw immersion heater had been on 24 hours a day since I moved in, so along with the heating, I was using 4.75kw of electricity a day relentlessly! Since switching it off (which means I can't have a bath, only showers and have to boil the kettle for hot washing up water) it's back to normal, I'm using hardly any. Very stressful trying to find the money for the bill though, it's really not what I needed but like I say, it's something I've made an error with and have to deal with so it is what it is.
Sounds like you're in a better place than you were last year so that's progress and next week aside you shouldn't need anymore heating until Autumn.
It's already been said but diet for weight management and exercise for fun, enjoyment and mental health.
Absolutely no point slogging away in a gym if you hate it and you'll never run off a bad diet with casual exercise.
It's already been said but diet for weight management and exercise for fun, enjoyment and mental health.
Absolutely no point slogging away in a gym if you hate it and you'll never run off a bad diet with casual exercise.
Keep your chin up - things always get worse before they get better. From what I have read you are past the worst of it and can begin to look at the light at the end of the tunnel.
You have moved out and have your own place, you have the onsite facilities instead of gym, you are losing weight.
Your beard is easily fixed - just shave it off (will make you look younger too - might help you find a lady friend).
Use that bike, fresh air and being out and about always helps me when im low, find a local route away from the hustle and bustle.
Try time to talk about your panic attacks and mental health - I have not used them personally but its a good first step into getting back on track.
Tidy home, tidy mind - this is always true for me. I find as I tidy up my mind tidies too, dont just post that its messy when you get home later just fix it. Before you do anything at all just start putting things away or in the wash or whatever - dont give yourself time to make an excuse to skip doing it again.
Hope im not coming across rude - trouble with the internet is things can be misread - and hope you stay on track with getting better
You have moved out and have your own place, you have the onsite facilities instead of gym, you are losing weight.
Your beard is easily fixed - just shave it off (will make you look younger too - might help you find a lady friend).
Use that bike, fresh air and being out and about always helps me when im low, find a local route away from the hustle and bustle.
Try time to talk about your panic attacks and mental health - I have not used them personally but its a good first step into getting back on track.
Tidy home, tidy mind - this is always true for me. I find as I tidy up my mind tidies too, dont just post that its messy when you get home later just fix it. Before you do anything at all just start putting things away or in the wash or whatever - dont give yourself time to make an excuse to skip doing it again.
Hope im not coming across rude - trouble with the internet is things can be misread - and hope you stay on track with getting better
I have to agree with the poster above, just look at how far you've come since your 1st post.
I'm also going to give another plug to parkrun. I dropped a from 14 st to 12.5 in 2 months thanks to a simple 5k run.
I walked a bit the 1st couple of times but there's no feeling like finishing knowing you've run the whole way!
It does give me (just under
) half an hour to mull things over and I find that helps.
There's a couch to 5k program that can build you up to the full run if you think that would help.
I'm also going to give another plug to parkrun. I dropped a from 14 st to 12.5 in 2 months thanks to a simple 5k run.
I walked a bit the 1st couple of times but there's no feeling like finishing knowing you've run the whole way!
It does give me (just under
) half an hour to mull things over and I find that helps.There's a couch to 5k program that can build you up to the full run if you think that would help.
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