How did you know you wanted kids?
Discussion
The Selfish Gene said:
example - a few weekends ago I was racing, then the weekend after I was at Goodwood Revival for 3 days, then I did sky diving training after that, then watched a pal race weekend after, then went out on one of the motorbikes off road for all day the Sunday. Next week I've got a indoors date with a beautiful girl on Friday night, Saturday out with my mates at all day party thing, Sunday off to another race.
My life is constantly like that - some days I just want to sit in and watch TV because I'm f
king knackered.
Newsflash. You can still do that with kids. A close friend has 3, yet he still manages to combine that with his 'day job' in the SBS. A lifestyle which, I can assure you, is even more action packed than yours.My life is constantly like that - some days I just want to sit in and watch TV because I'm f
king knackered.Or what about Michael Schumacher? Multiple time F1 champion. And a devoted family man.
Joey Ramone said:
Newsflash. You can still do that with kids. A close friend has 3, yet he still manages to combine that with his 'day job' in the SBS. A lifestyle which, I can assure you, is even more action packed than yours.
Or what about Michael Schumacher? Multiple time F1 champion. And a devoted family man.
I totally agree, some people can..........but most rarely do. It's got to be hard to justify spending 50k a year on racing cars if your kids are at a sOr what about Michael Schumacher? Multiple time F1 champion. And a devoted family man.
tty comprehensive right? I think if you're Schumacher, and wealthy as f
k it can work. Or your SBS mate - who clearly is a total legend for doing that job.
When you're a normal human like my good self, I know I would begrudge having to give up the freedom and the things I love for something I never wanted.
The Selfish Gene said:
I totally agree, some people can..........but most rarely do. It's got to be hard to justify spending 50k a year on racing cars if your kids are at a stty comprehensive right?
I think if you're Schumacher, and wealthy as fk it can work.
Or your SBS mate - who clearly is a total legend for doing that job.
When you're a normal human like my good self, I know I would begrudge having to give up the freedom and the things I love for something I never wanted.
Honestly, with the right woman in your life, you can do all those things and still enjoy the benefits that family life brings. Trust me. tty comprehensive right? I think if you're Schumacher, and wealthy as f
k it can work. Or your SBS mate - who clearly is a total legend for doing that job.
When you're a normal human like my good self, I know I would begrudge having to give up the freedom and the things I love for something I never wanted.
Joey Ramone said:
Honestly, with the right woman in your life, you can do all those things and still enjoy the benefits that family life brings. Trust me.
let me know if you have any spares of 'the right woman'incidentally , I've been hearing about the right woman since I was 14 when my old man first mentioned it.
alas - many many many practice attempts have taught me there is no right woman, because I don't want one!
Joey Ramone said:
The Selfish Gene said:
I totally agree, some people can..........but most rarely do. It's got to be hard to justify spending 50k a year on racing cars if your kids are at a stty comprehensive right?
I think if you're Schumacher, and wealthy as fk it can work.
Or your SBS mate - who clearly is a total legend for doing that job.
When you're a normal human like my good self, I know I would begrudge having to give up the freedom and the things I love for something I never wanted.
Honestly, with the right woman in your life, you can do all those things and still enjoy the benefits that family life brings. Trust me. tty comprehensive right? I think if you're Schumacher, and wealthy as f
k it can work. Or your SBS mate - who clearly is a total legend for doing that job.
When you're a normal human like my good self, I know I would begrudge having to give up the freedom and the things I love for something I never wanted.
People say those who don't have kids are selfish, but the world would be a boring place if we were all the same. I cannot think of how my life would be without my children, but that's because i'm genuinely happy with everything.
Some people just aren't cut for parenthood and if they end up doing it, make a bit of a pigs ear of it.
I go to the gym pretty much every day, I go cycling once or twice a week and i'm happy with those things. Some people need to spend more to be happy, that's fine, like I said, we're all different, but my children don't stop us doing what we want to do, they fit into our lives.
That being said, we choose to be part of theirs....we travel the country watching them swim and it's immensely satisfying watching your own flesh and blood compete. It's pretty cool watching a mate do something, but we have this stuff on tap 24/7.
However, our friends think we're mad. I look at this way....you're a long time dead, let's hit life full on together, have as many experiences as possible and share those memories.
I love sitting at the table on a Sunday for a roast and we're all doing the "do you remember" thing....it's great, the kind of stuff that lives with you a lifetime.
Experiences are nothing if you don't have anyone to share them with. It's that latter life reflection I suppose. A partner would provide that too though, not just kids.
RTB said:
dandarez said:
I didn't have her cesarian either! I did the easy bit, unless you find it hard! Well, you know what I mean. 
C sections don't look too difficult, my Mrs was back in the kitchen a couple of days after the first one. Her Sunday dinner wasn't quite up to it's usual standard and it took her a bit longer to do the washing up (there were still a couple of roasting pans left in the sink when I got back from the pub), but other than that, it hardly slowed her down at all.......Just like there are bad cops, bad plumbers, bad accountants, there are sadly bad docs too.
A little background. Our first born, a girl, involved a C section and was the stuff of nightmares. Was a good while before my Mrs was back in the kitchen. Long story short.
April, late, snow on the ground, deep - perhaps you can guess the year? Wife's waters break. Drive what seems like an age through snow ridden roads. Get to hospital. Like most first time parents we were naïve. Your life in their hands couldn't be more true.
After almost 30 hours in labour, suddenly there is panic everywhere when one in the delivery suite who had been shaking her head that a natural birth was never going to happen.Words like high risk and danger were being said. I'm thinking not am I only going to lose our first child, but possibly my wife too? I am sweltering hot and very anxious sitting there feeling f helpless, so ask a simple question because I can see my wife is in a terrible state - with the midwife etc all in panic mode.
'Can someone assure me that my wife is going to be ok? Guess what reply I received?
A consultant surgeon has come back in and answers me: 'My concern is the baby. Not the mother.'
People skills, absolute f zero!
So, emergency, wife is taken away for a cesarian.
I'm later informed a baby girl had been delivered. 'How is she? More to the point, how's my wife?'
No answer, other than someone will let me know.
Just the start.
One emergency turns into another. I'm taken outside to find my wife, and our little girl - in an ambulance! We are to be bluelighted to another hospital - Our daughter I'm informed requires urgent brain surgery, no thanks to having been left too long in labour.
At hospital two we are greeted kindly by another consultant surgeon who it transpired has been in the UK just weeks, Canadian. He explains to me that he has to operate on our little bundle of joy whose head is now dangerously large. Totally different attitude and brimming with people skills, he asks me (wife has been whisked off for care elsewhere in this different hospital) if I would like to carry my daughter in. He hands her over to me and I follow him climbing the stairs to the top floor holding our little (well, +9 pounds odd) girl all wrapped up and hand her over to him outside the operating theatre.
Keeping it short as I can, he saves her life - I am knackered but have gone through nothing like my wife has done, I find her in a ward being well cared for and I'm told it would be best to go home - so I do, alone, leaving both in the hospital. I'm given time off work and spend as much time as poss attending the hospital while both recover. About 7 days later wife and daughter get returned to first hospital. I meet up and there my wife and I get given the low down on what will be a despairing and bleak future ahead for our child. And the list given is long - she (our child) will have continuous learning difficulties, walking will pose an uphill struggle for her, it will be a 'long road', possibly never ending, of help and care that will be required, and as for our new baby daughter ever having children of her own, forget it.
A real low ebb time for me as my mum had died only weeks before and my dad before, both in their 50s. It did concentrate the mind though as I drove home each day.
Then I get a call my wife is being taken to another hospital to sort severe pain problems, another op! Will this f end?
Eventually, just after a fortnight, my wife is well enough and we both get to take our daughter home. It looked like a future of constant caring for our little girl. And, of course, we did.
But oh boy, they were so f wrong! Sooo f wrong!
Like you should never ever assume anything in this life, also never believe everything you're told either.
5 years later my wife gave birth to our son. All went to plan. Normal labour, delivered in hospital, and back home in a day.
I won't bore you with any more details, except let you know how our daughter has fared so far in her life.
She married in 97, has two children, both girls, one four (started 'big' school the other week), one eight (that's her in that pic when she was just two) both of whom we adore, and with a little bit of irony for those so-called f 'experts' who said she'd struggle to walk, let alone have her own children, our daughter is a teacher in a school - for children with severe health and mental and learning difficulties.
So don't worry about whether you want kids, life is too bloody short as it is.
Edited by dandarez on Thursday 20th September 22:29
bobski1 said:
Wasn't quite sure where to post this but the Mrs is pushing on starting to try for kids recently & we seem to be at a bit of a conflict over when the right time to start is.
We are fairly settled & been together for a good number of years, however I am not quite sure that I am ready (although are you ever?). Curious to know how other people felt before they started.
It depends on your reason for not being ready. Are you not ready for children or do you have a nagging doubt about your partner? If your relationship is strong, then you don't know how long it will take to conceive and if it does happen, it will never be at the right time and there will always be a reason why the timing isn't perfect so I'd say just go for it...so to speak.We are fairly settled & been together for a good number of years, however I am not quite sure that I am ready (although are you ever?). Curious to know how other people felt before they started.
We have a due date of 28th November and I'm ruddy excited!! I know it's going to be difficult, but I've read a book and everything so am well prepared.
dandarez said:
Depends doesn't it? Crossing the road shouldn't be difficult, doesn't prevent some coming unstuck each year.
Just like there are bad cops, bad plumbers, bad accountants, there are sadly bad docs too.
A little background. Our first born, a girl, involved a C section and was the stuff of nightmares. Was a good while before my Mrs was back in the kitchen. Long story short.
April, late, snow on the ground, deep - perhaps you can guess the year? Wife's waters break. Drive what seems like an age through snow ridden roads. Get to hospital. Like most first time parents we were naïve. Your life in their hands couldn't be more true.
After almost 30 hours in labour, suddenly there is panic everywhere when one in the delivery suite who had been shaking her head that a natural birth was never going to happen.Words like high risk and danger were being said. I'm thinking not am I only going to lose our first child, but possibly my wife too? I am sweltering hot and very anxious sitting there feeling f helpless, so ask a simple question because I can see my wife is in a terrible state - with the midwife etc all in panic mode.
'Can someone assure me that my wife is going to be ok? Guess what reply I received?
A consultant surgeon has come back in and answers me: 'My concern is the baby. Not the mother.'
People skills, absolute f zero!
So, emergency, wife is taken away for a cesarian.
I'm later informed a baby girl had been delivered. 'How is she? More to the point, how's my wife?'
No answer, other than someone will let me know.
Just the start.
One emergency turns into another. I'm taken outside to find my wife, and our little girl - in an ambulance! We are to be bluelighted to another hospital - Our daughter I'm informed requires urgent brain surgery, no thanks to having been left too long in labour.
At hospital two we are greeted kindly by another consultant surgeon who it transpired has been in the UK just weeks, Canadian. He explains to me that he has to operate on our little bundle of joy whose head is now dangerously large. Totally different attitude and brimming with people skills, he asks me (wife has been whisked off for care elsewhere in this different hospital) if I would like to carry my daughter in. He hands her over to me and I follow him climbing the stairs to the top floor holding our little (well, +9 pounds odd) girl all wrapped up and hand her over to him outside the operating theatre.
Keeping it short as I can, he saves her life - I am knackered but have gone through nothing like my wife has done, I find her in a ward being well cared for and I'm told it would be best to go home - so I do, alone, leaving both in the hospital. I'm given time off work and spend as much time as poss attending the hospital while both recover. About 7 days later wife and daughter get returned to first hospital. I meet up and there my wife and I get given the low down on what will be a despairing and bleak future ahead for our child. And the list given is long - she (our child) will have continuous learning difficulties, walking will pose an uphill struggle for her, it will be a 'long road', possibly never ending, of help and care that will be required, and as for our new baby daughter ever having children of her own, forget it.
A real low ebb time for me as my mum had died only weeks before and my dad before, both in their 50s. It did concentrate the mind though as I drove home each day.
Then I get a call my wife is being taken to another hospital to sort severe pain problems, another op! Will this f end?
Eventually, just after a fortnight, my wife is well enough and we both get to take our daughter home. It looked like a future of constant caring for our little girl. And, of course, we did.
But oh boy, they were so f wrong! Sooo f wrong!
Like you should never ever assume anything in this life, also never believe everything you're told either.
5 years later my wife gave birth to our son. All went to plan. Normal labour, delivered in hospital, and back home in a day.
I won't bore you with any more details, except let you know how our daughter has fared so far in her life.
She married in 97, has two children, both girls, one four (started 'big' school the other week), one eight (that's her in that pic when she was just two) both of whom we adore, and with a little bit of irony for those so-called f 'experts' who said she'd struggle to walk, let alone have her own children, our daughter is a teacher in a school - for children with severe health and mental and learning difficulties.
So don't worry about whether you want kids, life is too bloody short as it is.
Wow! What a wonderful and life affirming story. Just like there are bad cops, bad plumbers, bad accountants, there are sadly bad docs too.
A little background. Our first born, a girl, involved a C section and was the stuff of nightmares. Was a good while before my Mrs was back in the kitchen. Long story short.
April, late, snow on the ground, deep - perhaps you can guess the year? Wife's waters break. Drive what seems like an age through snow ridden roads. Get to hospital. Like most first time parents we were naïve. Your life in their hands couldn't be more true.
After almost 30 hours in labour, suddenly there is panic everywhere when one in the delivery suite who had been shaking her head that a natural birth was never going to happen.Words like high risk and danger were being said. I'm thinking not am I only going to lose our first child, but possibly my wife too? I am sweltering hot and very anxious sitting there feeling f helpless, so ask a simple question because I can see my wife is in a terrible state - with the midwife etc all in panic mode.
'Can someone assure me that my wife is going to be ok? Guess what reply I received?
A consultant surgeon has come back in and answers me: 'My concern is the baby. Not the mother.'
People skills, absolute f zero!
So, emergency, wife is taken away for a cesarian.
I'm later informed a baby girl had been delivered. 'How is she? More to the point, how's my wife?'
No answer, other than someone will let me know.
Just the start.
One emergency turns into another. I'm taken outside to find my wife, and our little girl - in an ambulance! We are to be bluelighted to another hospital - Our daughter I'm informed requires urgent brain surgery, no thanks to having been left too long in labour.
At hospital two we are greeted kindly by another consultant surgeon who it transpired has been in the UK just weeks, Canadian. He explains to me that he has to operate on our little bundle of joy whose head is now dangerously large. Totally different attitude and brimming with people skills, he asks me (wife has been whisked off for care elsewhere in this different hospital) if I would like to carry my daughter in. He hands her over to me and I follow him climbing the stairs to the top floor holding our little (well, +9 pounds odd) girl all wrapped up and hand her over to him outside the operating theatre.
Keeping it short as I can, he saves her life - I am knackered but have gone through nothing like my wife has done, I find her in a ward being well cared for and I'm told it would be best to go home - so I do, alone, leaving both in the hospital. I'm given time off work and spend as much time as poss attending the hospital while both recover. About 7 days later wife and daughter get returned to first hospital. I meet up and there my wife and I get given the low down on what will be a despairing and bleak future ahead for our child. And the list given is long - she (our child) will have continuous learning difficulties, walking will pose an uphill struggle for her, it will be a 'long road', possibly never ending, of help and care that will be required, and as for our new baby daughter ever having children of her own, forget it.
A real low ebb time for me as my mum had died only weeks before and my dad before, both in their 50s. It did concentrate the mind though as I drove home each day.
Then I get a call my wife is being taken to another hospital to sort severe pain problems, another op! Will this f end?
Eventually, just after a fortnight, my wife is well enough and we both get to take our daughter home. It looked like a future of constant caring for our little girl. And, of course, we did.
But oh boy, they were so f wrong! Sooo f wrong!
Like you should never ever assume anything in this life, also never believe everything you're told either.
5 years later my wife gave birth to our son. All went to plan. Normal labour, delivered in hospital, and back home in a day.
I won't bore you with any more details, except let you know how our daughter has fared so far in her life.
She married in 97, has two children, both girls, one four (started 'big' school the other week), one eight (that's her in that pic when she was just two) both of whom we adore, and with a little bit of irony for those so-called f 'experts' who said she'd struggle to walk, let alone have her own children, our daughter is a teacher in a school - for children with severe health and mental and learning difficulties.
So don't worry about whether you want kids, life is too bloody short as it is.
Edited by dandarez on Thursday 20th September 22:29
We adopted our boys just over 6 years ago and my eldest is 8 today. He loves his policeman's uniform!
We're all different in our desires for life but for me, life without children would be a desert with no water.
The youngest boy has mild learning problems and also attachment issues (he is 6), but them's the breaks. The 8 year old could choke on his own halo he is that perfect.
If I wasn't in my early fifties we'd adopt more. Such an utter joy to see them grow, listen to them chatter, read them stories, wipe their tears away, put plasters on their cuts and teach them how to be good human beings and, for me, most importantly, reattach yourself to the child within. Yes, we fail, we are human after all. But good parents succeed far more than they fail and hopefully leave the world with more good human beings to follow them.
dandarez said:
All you guys bragging 'I had my first...' I had my second...' etc
I love my 2 sons, and I’d die for them, if they needed an organ, liver, kidney, heart, whatever, here you go boys, help yourselves, but I’d loved to have had a daughter to make a fuss of. bragging 'I had my first...' I had my second...' etcBetween my 2 boys, their wives gave me 3 grandsons that I worship, but when the one and only granddaughter came along, that was it, the boys took a back seat.
We have a relationship based on points, she points at it, and says “Granddad, can I have it?”
and she gets it.
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