Work woes- anxiety

Work woes- anxiety

Author
Discussion

dhutch

4,580 posts

146 months

Wednesday 20th November 2019
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I don't know anything about your work, but if practically a 10% pay cut is likely then that is a bummer, however if you can afford it then it is still a no brainer. Else maybe you can work to capitalise on your position to find a job elsewhere on the same money?

Certainly I would be talking with recruiters, getting your CV up to date (getting family, friends etc to proof read and improve), and circulated. You might be surprised what comes your way.


Daniel

Hoofy

69,803 posts

231 months

Wednesday 20th November 2019
quotequote all
10% pay cut, 100% happier?

Birdster

Original Poster:

2,203 posts

92 months

Wednesday 20th November 2019
quotequote all
I’ve started looking for jobs today in my spare time. Will at least update my CV and start the process and get the ball rolling. Like you say happiness is more important and I’m seemingly struggling with getting my backside in gear.

My partner has an interview lined up so maybe this is the start of a positive change.

I guess I just feel the weight on my shoulders, especially until she has an new job.

Thanks again. I really do appreciate it.

RTB

7,326 posts

207 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
quotequote all
Work out what the pay cut would actually mean per day and decide whether your current misery is worth it. I bet it works out at between 10 and 20 quid a day unless you're a proper PHer on 6 figs.


People are willing to allow others to put their mental health at risk in ways they would never allow if it was their physical well being at risk, but the outcomes are often the same.

Severe anxiety and depression can be debilitating and can lead to an early death. If someone was expecting you smash up sheets of asbestos with nothing more than a hanky tied around your face you'd walk off the job because you don't want to end up with a debilitating disease that may lead to an early death.....


Hoofy

69,803 posts

231 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
quotequote all
RTB said:
Work out what the pay cut would actually mean per day and decide whether your current misery is worth it. I bet it works out at between 10 and 20 quid a day unless you're a proper PHer on 6 figs.


People are willing to allow others to put their mental health at risk in ways they would never allow if it was their physical well being at risk, but the outcomes are often the same.

Severe anxiety and depression can be debilitating and can lead to an early death. If someone was expecting you smash up sheets of asbestos with nothing more than a hanky tied around your face you'd walk off the job because you don't want to end up with a debilitating disease that may lead to an early death.....
clap

magarta

30 posts

43 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
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I did wonder why you automatically put the onus on you having an issue when it is quite clear this manager (for whatever reason) doesn't like you and so you are then analysing yourself to death over it.

I was in a similar situation to you (it still eats away at me). Some people just don't like you and its very difficult for the logically minded among us to understand that and so we look inwards. However sometimes there is no deeper level to it, we just sometimes come across people who are a**holes.

The only solution that was ever needed and should have been considered was you should have immediately looked for another job.

By all means carry on with the meditation, CBT etc (thats good for everyone), but all the HR, documenting, making notes, having meetings about it will have absolutely zero effect on this person and ultimately you need to extract yourself from this situation asap. Good luck.

N Dentressangle

3,374 posts

171 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
quotequote all
+1 for bale out.

HR are not your friends, and will usually support their manager.

If the job is making you as ill as it sounds, then a small reduction in salary is well worth taking. Reading your experiences, I'm surprised you've lasted as long as you have - that's some resilience! On the other hand, this kind of grief causes damage, and I would be looking to leave asap.

FocusRS3

3,209 posts

40 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
quotequote all
magarta said:
I did wonder why you automatically put the onus on you having an issue when it is quite clear this manager (for whatever reason) doesn't like you and so you are then analysing yourself to death over it.

I was in a similar situation to you (it still eats away at me). Some people just don't like you and its very difficult for the logically minded among us to understand that and so we look inwards. However sometimes there is no deeper level to it, we just sometimes come across people who are a**holes.

The only solution that was ever needed and should have been considered was you should have immediately looked for another job.

By all means carry on with the meditation, CBT etc (thats good for everyone), but all the HR, documenting, making notes, having meetings about it will have absolutely zero effect on this person and ultimately you need to extract yourself from this situation asap. Good luck.
💯 agree .
They close ranks and lie I’ve had it done to me
Fortunately I had so much on them I sued and won out of court . s

Birdster

Original Poster:

2,203 posts

92 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
quotequote all
Hoofy said:
RTB said:
Work out what the pay cut would actually mean per day and decide whether your current misery is worth it. I bet it works out at between 10 and 20 quid a day unless you're a proper PHer on 6 figs.


People are willing to allow others to put their mental health at risk in ways they would never allow if it was their physical well being at risk, but the outcomes are often the same.

Severe anxiety and depression can be debilitating and can lead to an early death. If someone was expecting you smash up sheets of asbestos with nothing more than a hanky tied around your face you'd walk off the job because you don't want to end up with a debilitating disease that may lead to an early death.....
clap
Blunt and to the point I guess.

I’m just waiting to hear back about a job I applied for.

I’m making the right moves. Just needed that kick up the ass from you all.



Birdster

Original Poster:

2,203 posts

92 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
quotequote all
I guess it’s something that I didn’t realise had gotten worse as I think the CBT was really beneficial. However it’s now gotten to a point where I’m like “yes, it is”, but it doesn’t stop you being immune to complete nonsense and that buffer has been reached when I last updated this thread a few days ago and I’ve stopped making allowances and thought enough is enough. I’m not the same person I used to be but I need to sort that now by looking forward.

DanL

2,956 posts

214 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
quotequote all
Birdster said:
I guess it’s something that I didn’t realise had gotten worse as I think the CBT was really beneficial. However it’s now gotten to a point where I’m like “yes, it is”, but it doesn’t stop you being immune to complete nonsense and that buffer has been reached when I last updated this thread a few days ago and I’ve stopped making allowances and thought enough is enough. I’m not the same person I used to be but I need to sort that now by looking forward.
Good luck! It’s very easy to fall into the “trap” of thinking that a move may leave you somewhere worse than you are now, but what if it doesn’t? What if it’s the best thing that you do in your career?

As people we can be too focused on the possible negatives, without thinking there might be positives as well. smile

fizzwheel

63 posts

75 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
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Birdster said:
I’m just waiting to hear back about a job I applied for.
Good luck, hope it works out for you.



Hoofy

69,803 posts

231 months

Thursday 21st November 2019
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Good luck!

The reality of things like mindfulness and CBT is that they do help you to put up with st but if, for instance, you're walking along minding your own business and someone punches you in the back a couple of times, I'm not going to close my eyes and focus on the breath. I'm either going to defend myself or run ie take action to avoid the situation.

Johnniem

2,421 posts

172 months

Friday 22nd November 2019
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I was recommended CBT back when step son was being a st and I was being like my step mother, whom I despise and no longer contact.

CBT really didn't work for me as it, as someone has already mentioned, tried to teach me to cope with the little st rather than there-there'ing me and making me feel as if my feelings were valid. We all need validation right? OP, your feelings are valid but when you have a problem and the problem doesn't have an answer then what you have left is a decision. I think that your decision should be to move jobs and rid yourself of the toxicity in your life. We only have one life. You will be happier in the long run.


Birdster

Original Poster:

2,203 posts

92 months

Friday 22nd November 2019
quotequote all
Thanks. I think it took me to this point to go enough is enough and look at the CBT and go ‘you’re blaming the victim for feeling a victim’ and telling them how to keep allowing it to happen. Victim may be a strong word but it’s how i feel. I know others would think just get on with it, get paid and go home and some people can do that, but we’re not all the same.

I’ve sorted of taken a weight off of my shoulders and just let out a big breath the last few days and tried to stop caring.