The autism thread

[sparkyhx]

gazza285 said:

sparkyhx said:

gazza285 said:

He is seeing a psycotherapist called Martyn Magill.

Not one we know, good luck with CBT, it can work, but often the rigidity of thinking and resistence to change of an autistic person can self sabotage.

All the best

He has been very responsive to it in the past, and seems to be responding again, so we will continue down this path. The NHS is currently providing no viable alternative.

I don't want to sound arsey or preachy, but he looks like a counsellor not a psychotherapist, the terms are often interchangeable, but they are in fact different in terms of approach, experience, training, qualifications and cost...……………...but if they work it doesn't matter. Think of it as the Counsellor will treat the symptoms, the psychotherapists will treat the cause.

All the best

[gazza285]

sparkyhx said:

I don't want to sound arsey or preachy, but he looks like a counsellor not a psychotherapist, the terms are often interchangeable, but they are in fact different in terms of approach, experience, training, qualifications and cost...……………...but if they work it doesn't matter. Think of it as the Counsellor will treat the symptoms, the psychotherapists will treat the cause.

All the best

I am aware. My son stated a preference for a male therapist, the location was convenient, and the need for quick help influenced our decision. If it works in the short term, then we are all happy, and it gives CAMHS/CHEWS time to get their act together. If it does not work in a longer time scale, then we will be persuing other options.

[oldbanger]

sparkyhx said:

Not one we know, good luck with CBT, it can work, but often the rigidity of thinking and resistence to change of an autistic person can self sabotage.

All the best

I tied CBT for my eldest and she couldn’t cope with it at all. She’d sit facing the wall and we had to stop it after a couple of sessions. The therapist totally freaked her out.

Person centred therapy has helped more but ymmv

[sparkyhx]

80% of my wife's clients are on the spectrum, she's been building this side for just under 10 years. She's had clients that have sat and said nothing for about 4 sessions. She just talked at them, but didn't give up as she knew they were testing her. They now want to come twice a week.
She's walked round the block with people, sat in a car cos the person wouldn't get out, talked on Skype, even spent 3 sessions texting a client cos they wouldn't/couldn't come into the room. One client would only speak to her thru a puppet, questions were asked to the puppet and the puppet answered. She buys a packet of sweets every session for one client, the same ones every week.

She works with the client in whatever way that works, and is incredibly good at finding that, I am in awe of her skills and commitment sometimes.

Edited by sparkyhx on Thursday 6th February 09:46

[wiggy001]

Anyone got any useful tips or thoughts for helping children with autism deal with the current turmoil that is the Coronavirus?

Victoria is obviously picking up bits of info about it all as people are talking in school, but she doesn't understand it and is struggling a little to deal with the fact that I am working from home permanently now. And I'm struggling with the fact she doesn't understand that I need some space to work. She is used to me WFH, but normally this is on thursdays when she isn't home from school until 5.30, so her bounding into my room signals the end of my working day. It's not so easy when it's just after 3pm and I'm on a video conference!

Luckily everyone at work is in the same boat, so random family members joining team meetings is met with humour! But this will only get worse if/when her school closes.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[superlightr]

Our daughter has also found it a little disconcerting - she is very up on the factual side of things and why the govt are doing what they are so has accepted it well. That has helped her by talking about it all openly. she is very logical and factual based which helps and helps her recognise the Govt has only a few options.

But yes the physical side of letting her have her own space is important to keep going if you can. ie her safe space. Our daughter is lucky to have her own bedroom but also she can go in the garden when she needs her own space or quiet times.

She listens to her own music/you tube things with headphones on as well - so again cocoons herself when she needs to.

hope this can help - sorry if its telling you how to suck eggs.

[sparkyhx]

wiggy001 said:

Anyone got any useful tips or thoughts for helping children with autism deal with the current turmoil that is the Coronavirus?

Victoria is obviously picking up bits of info about it all as people are talking in school, but she doesn't understand it and is struggling a little to deal with the fact that I am working from home permanently now. And I'm struggling with the fact she doesn't understand that I need some space to work. She is used to me WFH, but normally this is on thursdays when she isn't home from school until 5.30, so her bounding into my room signals the end of my working day. It's not so easy when it's just after 3pm and I'm on a video conference!

Luckily everyone at work is in the same boat, so random family members joining team meetings is met with humour! But this will only get worse if/when her school closes.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

I work from home(remote) and so does my wife(self employed), yet even she doesn't understand boundaries, constantly interrupting and asking me to do 'errands'..... so what chance a small child. Sorry no advice, I just say in an annoyed way "I'm working"...…..but that's not appropriate for a child. I think you are going to have to accept it at some level yet keep plugging away and reasoning why you are not just available.

On a wider note its good she doesn't understand whats going on. Many autistic people are getting seriously paralysed by anxiety by all this.

[wiggy001]

Following the announcement that schools are to close, we should find out later today or tomorrow whether our daughter will still actually be going to school, but it currently sounds possible that she might as she is on the special needs register (but doesn't have an EHCP).

I didn't actually consider until today that this doesn't mean all schools are open - they plan to open one school in the area and run classes just for those with additional needs, so Victoria would be in a class with children and teachers she's never met before.

Will wait and see what, if anything, is offered, but not sure how well she would cope with that change. Would probably be a case of "try it and see"...

[sparkyhx]

wiggy001 said:

Following the announcement that schools are to close, we should find out later today or tomorrow whether our daughter will still actually be going to school, but it currently sounds possible that she might as she is on the special needs register (but doesn't have an EHCP).

I didn't actually consider until today that this doesn't mean all schools are open - they plan to open one school in the area and run classes just for those with additional needs, so Victoria would be in a class with children and teachers she's never met before.

Will wait and see what, if anything, is offered, but not sure how well she would cope with that change. Would probably be a case of "try it and see"...

My son is a primary school teacher, but didnt mention SEN kids, only 'key worker' kids, but doesn't yet know what that means in practice yet until tomorrow, I cant see its that big a deal if you choose to keep her off, especially bearing in mind the disruption any arrangements would mean.

This is exactly the situation where those arrangements you describe are a 'face palm' moment and prove the well trodden and oft repeated word 'we know all about autism' are proven to just be paying lip service with no real understanding behind them and exactly our experience with our daughter until her last school. I've just told my wife and she just laughed (and not in a funny way) apParently she already knew

Edited by sparkyhx on Thursday 19th March 21:27

[wiggy001]

Government advice says "disabled" children should still be allowed to attend school, and the definition of "disabled" includes learning disabilities. However the head has quoted point 2 of the government advice that says that if children can be kept off school they should be.

So here is the start of a 5 month break from school.

We are going to spend some time this weekend creating a timetable for her which will be a mix of "formal" learning (maths, reading etc), "informal" learning (getting out to the park/woods and making up activities) and play time. We've been given some work from the school as well and are being given access to Google Classroom where I believe work can be set and we can communicate with teachers.

Luckily my work are being very flexible with everyone and I am working from home, so taking some time out each day to take some of this responsibility so it's not all on my wife should be possible.

Interesting times...

[Last Visit]

Myself and my wife are both key workers and my son has an EHCP, he's ASD. So he's pretty much guaranteed schooling from next week.

That said, compared with his current set up (He attends mainstream primary school) we are uncertain about what the provision will look like.

Day care, kids lumped in a classroom across all age groups with an adult at the back keeping order. We fear it won't be a good environment for him and hence are trying to sort out our jobs so he has to go as little as possible until normal school commences again.

[dhutch]

wiggy001 said:

Interesting times...

Indeed, all but unpresidented. We are without kids, but my whole office as been working from home since tuesday.

[TroubledSoul]

I've been reading this thread out to my Mrs tonight. We're both 38 and have Aspergers. She's had a diagnosis (two years ago), I never have but have self diagnosed and had her telling me how "aspie" I am, over and over. She's got two boys, 19 and 10, both with ASD, the younger lad also having ADHD (something else which I believe I have).

She isn't on here, but wanted to say something, so the following comes from her:

Hello, after hearing all of this, it really touched my heart because I have been there. The ridiculous assumptions and misdiagnosis from all sorts of people... folk telling you all the time that it's this that and the other, but all along you know that your child is autistic. And then when they hit upon it, it's like you've done something wrong. WE should have spotted it first, but how could we know?! The tests and interviews and ridiculousness are relentless... just for you to hear something that you already knew anyway. "Your child is different". So what? You know that, so help them. Help ME to help them. Help eventually comes, but you're still looked upon as a bad parent, because you didn't see it from the day they were born. But here we are, faced with a child on the autism spectrum. The mood swings, the food denial (because sometimes they'll only eat food that's green!), but then the less humorous stuff; the meltdowns, the threats from a small child... My son at six years old threatened me with a knife, because he was so frustrated and I didn't understand what he was talking about. My eldest son watched this going on and he punched my six year old in the face because he couldn't understand why he was being so aggressive. They both had aspergers but they couldn't understand each other. It's so different with each child...

(She's crying now because she bottles all this stuff up and never lets it out, so thank you OP for giving her an opportunity to get it off her chest)

People think that everyone on the spectrum are the same, and they're not. There are so many different beliefs and values to what they have... My eldest son thought he was sticking up for me, my youngest son thought that I didn't believe in him so I should be dead... It's just so extreme. Eventually, because they had different dads, I decided to separate them for their own safety. It broke my fking heart to do that, and still does every day. While this was all going on, at the age of 36 I was told that I had aspergers syndrome. The reasons that I felt SO deeply, and took things to heart so often, the overthinking... was because I was aspie. It made so much sense to me. Again, I don't believe in labels, but this helped me to understand why I was so feeling, why I was so empathic (but apparently people like me can't feel!), but I did... I felt so deeply. Saying that people with aspergers don't feel is wrong. Maybe some don't, but the majority of us are empaths.

To cut a long story short, you're not on your own. You are 100% NOT ON YOUR OWN. It's so difficult and hard to explain to most people, but please believe me when I say, if you ever need to talk then I am 100% here. I will listen to your frustration because I've been there. I will listen to your rage because nobody is listening. And I will listen to your sadness when you've got nothing left.

Mrs TS.

[wiggy001]

TS & Mrs TS, I’m not sure what to say at the moment except thank you for posting that.

[dhutch]

Each that really. Read it last night, I'm 32 with no children, was diagnosed at about 8 I think, and still find the world hard enough at times.

I work in engineering, including small and larger business, and see traits in a huge number of colleagues and bosses if not all, many of which have little of no insight which often exasperats thing.
Over the past few years, looking back at my family will the fresh eyes of my partner, half my family have traits too. We hope to have children, and are very aware we might have to spend additional time helping them fit in with the world of more 'neurotypical' expections and education framework.

Daniel

[sparkyhx]

Last Visit said:

Myself and my wife are both key workers and my son has an EHCP, he's ASD. So he's pretty much guaranteed schooling from next week.

That said, compared with his current set up (He attends mainstream primary school) we are uncertain about what the provision will look like.

Day care, kids lumped in a classroom across all age groups with an adult at the back keeping order. We fear it won't be a good environment for him and hence are trying to sort out our jobs so he has to go as little as possible until normal school commences again.

I would predict that approach could be a disaster for your son depending on his ability to cope with change. But then again there are lots of kids impacted by the 'abrupt' change to being at home. Swings and roundabouts depending on your kid.

[wjwren]

Glad i found this thread. I have 4 step children the 2 middle, female and male 14 and 12 are both autistic. The 12 year old has had a diagnosis. The 14 year old hasn't but she has had SEN at school. They are both very similar in their manourisms which include eating styles and also very immature. I often wonder if they will change as they get older or mature slightly. They can be very testing to the other children in the house and most days they seem to actively iritate and annoy their siblings as a way of getting by.

[page3]

TroubledSoul said:

fantastic stuff

Someone is chopping onions again. Thanks for posting this.

[oldbanger]

Both mine are school refusers. My eldest because she can’t cope socially and she’s insisted on revising for her cancelled GCSE’s anyway, I think to keep things the same. My youngest struggles terribly with frustration, can’t cope with the deluge of emails coming from her teachers, won’t do any of it and won’t let me help her organise anything. She’s also refusing to leave her room. I have just had to back off, for now.

[dhutch]

Testing times for all of us, certainly those who struggle with change, although it depends hugely from person to person.

A facebook post from a friend and regular contributor who as aspergers details the fact that as someone who likes their personal space, avoiding busy and noisy areas, and minimising contact with shared surfaces, it has been quite fantastic for him! This current 'hell' is what he would have as normal, and most peoples 'normal' is his idea of hell!

Personally I would like to be able to do a day or two a week in our (quiet but sociable) office, and slightly miss being able to see dome friend. But generally agree with him and am loving being at home, the quietness, and car free roads when going for a walk. We are blessed like my friend to have a good size garden and plenty to do and feel for those with less space and certainly in city center flats etc.

But it will be interesting to see how 'normal' changes with time.

Daniel