The autism thread
Discussion
shirt said:
she has been in therapy previously, diagnoses with high anxiety and complex ptsd. i can see that, but for me reading your experiences makes me think those are/were situational but underneath that there's someone who sits somewhere on the spectrum. i just don't think its for me to point this out, essentially due to the risk of argument.
It is a complex area and cPTSD is a common feature with autistic people, the constant drip feed of negative comments thru childhood and adolescence can cause it, However - there are other causes such as childhood trauma. Bi-Polar and BPD are also common mis-diagnosis often with quite horrific consequences. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF2dhWWUyQ4&t=...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82HYK6iPBE8 -
I would suggest looking first at the online tests - see here https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/ these will give a good indication as to whether to pursue a diagnosis
davek_964 said:
GilletteFan said:
I can see their may be a chance to change them
Not sure that's likely to be a popular term when talking about people who are on the spectrum....Efforts to change us provoke a lot of our meltdowns.
Forcing autistic people to act according to neurotypical standards is mean.
Thank you sparkyhx and Sporky for your replies about sharing diagnosis at work. I’m only on the waiting list for assessment at this stage so still have time to think about who to share it with and in what way. There are risks of people not understanding and/or not giving a toss and without a doubt some people will misuse or judge as well, but I don’t feel there is a better option. I do have meltdowns sometimes and need support/cover in order to recharge before it gets to the point of being unmanageable. I think I’m in the right job to be able to be open about it (large company, solid HR processes, diverse etc).
My current thinking of what could be useful to share is my tendency to drill into the detail, to analyse and sometimes overcomplicate things. To need time and clarity in order to process information - I may ask to repeat instructions or I may ask about detail that may seem unimportant - this is my way of processing information and not me trying to undermine/challenge the idea. I am often taking things very literally and if there is ambiguity I will ask for clarifications in an attempt to eliminate it. I am best at achieving long term goals that are clear and require a sustained focus over a period of time. For example, I am good at performing because a good performance requires a thorough preparation. I am not so good at making decisions about things I don’t fully understand, quickly. Masking is a concept that many neurotypical people aren’t aware of so worth explaining too.
This is already quite a ramble so I will have to condense it to something succinct and useful. I also think that ability to share diagnosis indicates a high degree of psychological safety - workplaces where there are no autistic people are usually workplaces where people aren’t feeling safe to share. So that’s a credit to my employer.
My current thinking of what could be useful to share is my tendency to drill into the detail, to analyse and sometimes overcomplicate things. To need time and clarity in order to process information - I may ask to repeat instructions or I may ask about detail that may seem unimportant - this is my way of processing information and not me trying to undermine/challenge the idea. I am often taking things very literally and if there is ambiguity I will ask for clarifications in an attempt to eliminate it. I am best at achieving long term goals that are clear and require a sustained focus over a period of time. For example, I am good at performing because a good performance requires a thorough preparation. I am not so good at making decisions about things I don’t fully understand, quickly. Masking is a concept that many neurotypical people aren’t aware of so worth explaining too.
This is already quite a ramble so I will have to condense it to something succinct and useful. I also think that ability to share diagnosis indicates a high degree of psychological safety - workplaces where there are no autistic people are usually workplaces where people aren’t feeling safe to share. So that’s a credit to my employer.
Possibly naive question from someone who scored low on a self test but has an autistic friend. I don't expect it's really possible to answer this objectively, but is it likely that even proven none ND people can display very similar characteristics to NDs at times of stress? Speaking from personal experience and a dawning self awareness which has become apparent since meeting and observing someone who is diagnosed?
I'm just wondering how much crossover there is in situations where both parties are faced with the same problems sometimes? I thought it might be a useful thing to know in trying to find common ground when one needs input from the other?
I'm just wondering how much crossover there is in situations where both parties are faced with the same problems sometimes? I thought it might be a useful thing to know in trying to find common ground when one needs input from the other?
Sporky said:
I think so, in that NTs can have traits that are typical of autistic people, especially in terms of how those traits appear to others. They may be quite different internal experiences though - I'm not certain on that.
Thanks, that tallies with some of my experiences. Although NT, I have what might be described as meltdowns in private. I can only compare what I do with what I've seen in my friend when she has one. The similarities are a little disturbing if I'm honest. The difference is that I'm able to limit mine to only allowing it to happen when I'm alone, she's had a couple in my presence. As you say, we may feel entirely differently to the way the other does at these moments.Heaveho said:
Possibly naive question from someone who scored low on a self test but has an autistic friend. I don't expect it's really possible to answer this objectively, but is it likely that even proven none ND people can display very similar characteristics to NDs at times of stress? Speaking from personal experience and a dawning self awareness which has become apparent since meeting and observing someone who is diagnosed?
I'm just wondering how much crossover there is in situations where both parties are faced with the same problems sometimes? I thought it might be a useful thing to know in trying to find common ground when one needs input from the other?
I would think it's entirely possible, as most behaviours, actions/reactions operate on a spectrum. As such, some people might permanently inhabit one end of the spectrum, whilst others might be temporarily driven to it by external factors.I'm just wondering how much crossover there is in situations where both parties are faced with the same problems sometimes? I thought it might be a useful thing to know in trying to find common ground when one needs input from the other?
Also - apologies for the pedantry - the "spectrum" analogy isnt meant to be linear, with "slightly quirky and really likes trains" at one end, and "can't function in society" at the other. It's more like a cloud, and each autistic person has a web of points in that cloud.
You're right that we don't have fixed positions in the spectrum.
You're right that we don't have fixed positions in the spectrum.
timeism0ney said:
Thank you sparkyhx and Sporky for your replies about sharing diagnosis at work. I’m only on the waiting list for assessment at this stage so still have time to think about who to share it with and in what way.
My useless advice is to try not to over think it. If you get the diagnosis you can judge how, when, and whether to disclose person by person. I'd think, given what you've said, that telling HR us a hood starting point. I'd suggest emphasising the strengths as well as any potential issues. Sporky said:
Also - apologies for the pedantry - the "spectrum" analogy isnt meant to be linear, with "slightly quirky and really likes trains" at one end, and "can't function in society" at the other. It's more like a cloud, and each autistic person has a web of points in that cloud.
You're right that we don't have fixed positions in the spectrum.
Of course, I intended to mean that the spectrum applied to individual, specific traits, and that any person can be at a variety of different spectrum points, on a trait by trait basis, but you expressed it better with the web/cloud analogy.You're right that we don't have fixed positions in the spectrum.
Sporky said:
My useless advice is to try not to over think it. If you get the diagnosis you can judge how, when, and whether to disclose person by person. I'd think, given what you've said, that telling HR us a hood starting point. I'd suggest emphasising the strengths as well as any potential issues.
Yeah that is useless 
because I can't help it 
but good advice nonetheless!Agree about strengths too.
I went through the same process, so I think I do understand - especially that you can't not over think it.
I had to tell my brother early as he was the childhood reference for my assessment (both my parents are dead). For everyone else I told individually it was just a convenient time. Then I went public hua LinkedIn. A bit more public than I'd anticipated, as it turned out, but that was a good thing; I found telling people individually a bit scary, even though they were all people I was sure would be gibe.
I had to tell my brother early as he was the childhood reference for my assessment (both my parents are dead). For everyone else I told individually it was just a convenient time. Then I went public hua LinkedIn. A bit more public than I'd anticipated, as it turned out, but that was a good thing; I found telling people individually a bit scary, even though they were all people I was sure would be gibe.
sparkyhx said:
Womans Perspective
Have a look at the blogs on here, many from a womans perspective. The blogs are real lived experience. The podcasts also a good resource. A mix of lived experience and theoretical, with some big names in these
https://aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk/
Book wise, there are lots available these days, both theoretical and autobiographic. My wife recommends these in particular
Just finished Strong Female Character - I thought it was very powerful (and also triggering). I'm curious if this would be an interesting read to a: 1) man; 2) neuro-typical person.Have a look at the blogs on here, many from a womans perspective. The blogs are real lived experience. The podcasts also a good resource. A mix of lived experience and theoretical, with some big names in these
https://aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk/
Book wise, there are lots available these days, both theoretical and autobiographic. My wife recommends these in particular
- My Autistice Fight Song - Rosy Wheldon
- Strong Female Character - Fern Brady
- Odd Girl |Out - Laura James
- Drama Queen - Sara Gibbs
Sporky said:
I went through the same process, so I think I do understand - especially that you can't not over think it.
I had to tell my brother early as he was the childhood reference for my assessment (both my parents are dead). For everyone else I told individually it was just a convenient time. Then I went public hua LinkedIn. A bit more public than I'd anticipated, as it turned out, but that was a good thing; I found telling people individually a bit scary, even though they were all people I was sure would be gibe.
Your message about assessment made me think about childhood reference! I have no idea who I could/should ask. My mum only associates autism with non-verbal people and to her I don't 'look autistic'. My daughter doesn't 'look autistic' to her either despite having a diagnosis I had to tell my brother early as he was the childhood reference for my assessment (both my parents are dead). For everyone else I told individually it was just a convenient time. Then I went public hua LinkedIn. A bit more public than I'd anticipated, as it turned out, but that was a good thing; I found telling people individually a bit scary, even though they were all people I was sure would be gibe.
. My brother is so obviously autistic (to me, anyway) but in denial about it, that he'd probably go off on a tangent and not notice, so it may be useless. Hmmm....With LinkedIn, what do you mean by 'more public than anticipated'? (Feel free not to answer if it's too outing).
timeism0ney said:
Just finished Strong Female Character - I thought it was very powerful (and also triggering). I'm curious if this would be an interesting read to a: 1) man; 2) neuro-typical person.
I just read the sample and have bought it. From the sample I'd say "familiar but different" if that makes sense - the description of the angry meltdowns was spooky, though I don't think I have them to the same extent or regularity she seems to. I will report back once I've read more and can contribute something more considered and useful.On the men vs women thing, my wife is autistic; we are different, but we understand each other's things pretty well. I'm still unsure how much autism itself is different for men and women, and how much it is because society treats autistic men and women differently. I am not making any claims there, it's just some thinking out loud.
timeism0ney said:
Your message about assessment made me think about childhood reference! I have no idea who I could/should ask. [snip]
With LinkedIn, what do you mean by 'more public than anticipated'? (Feel free not to answer if it's too outing).
On the first bit, I'd say that the assessors are used to having references who don't think you're autistic, and will be able to unpick it. My brother is not autistic (I'm pretty sure), is generally a jolly decent chap, and was entirely OK with it. Actually, I think I over-worried him by not being direct and saying I was having my brain checked. His description of our childhood was hilariously at odds with mine - he experienced it as a bit dull and repetitive, where to me it was a terrifying roller coaster of unpredictability.With LinkedIn, what do you mean by 'more public than anticipated'? (Feel free not to answer if it's too outing).
The LinkedIn thing was that about six months after my diagnosis, and probably 15 months after I already knew, I was off on a week-long work trip to a big trade show (tens of thousands of attendees, very bright, quite noisy). We take customers, so I have to be "on" for about sixteen hours a day, and it's a bit past exhausting.
I'd stopped shaking hands a couple of years before covid, because before that I always brought a cold home. My wife is a biochemist (worked in virology and microbiology) and said "do you touch people? Don't. They are all filthy bags of disease." I already knew I didn't like touching strangers (which in this context is anyone except for my wife). I also knew I was more sensitive to a lot of things since the diagnosis, and I wanted to make the trip as easy as possible.
So (sorry, this is a bit rambly as usual) I decided that the easiest and most efficient way to tell my colleagues, customers, and the suppliers we'd see at the show was to post on LinkedIn. Our marketing manager gave me some suggestions on structure, and it was basically "I need quiet time now and then - please let me have it, and if I have fiddle toys while we talk it means I'm paying more attention". By agreement, our marketing manager tagged it to the customers who were coming with us and some of the suppliers we were going to visit, so I figured that'd be fifty people at most. It hit (from memory) over two thousand unique views.
The event was like the end of Spartacus - it's not like I thought I was the only autistic person in the industry, but I'd not figured just how many of us there are.
Hi what is the general consensus on declaring autism if you did not declare it during the interview process but then got an offer etc. Are you meant to share it before you start ? As I don’t know how it would be received and they might ask why it wasn’t disclosed during interview process. If they ask what adjustments to make if any I don’t know as only got diagnosed 12 months ago.
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