I need help or advice

I need help or advice

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scottyp123

Original Poster:

5 posts

1 month

Friday 2nd August
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Hi, my name is Wayne and I'm at a loss as of what to do. This isn't a cry for help or anything I'm just after advice on how to make things better if its possible although I can't see how.

This is my story so far, I've been self employed for nearly 20 years with pretty much average results but its been enough. About 15 years ago I took on an apprentice, he actually started when he was about 14 doing Saturday mornings and such like. and we've been together working ever since and for the last 9 years he's been a 50/50 partner. We've had our ups and downs like everyone but just plodded on as you do. We've worked all over the Country together on occasion but for the last few months its been going steadily down hill, less work than we've ever had and at the minute we've got none at all. All the people we have recently worked for have all been tts really, its not like it used to be 10 years ago, not a chance, all the decent tradesmen we knew and worked with have either retired or are dead, replaced with idiots that think they are kings. The straw that has broke the camels back though is a client going bust on us and owing us a couple of grand and my partner wants out, hes had enough and I can't blame him to be fair.

This is the bit I'm struggling with, I can't see a way forward in all this, I'm absolutely distraught, its as if a close family member has died, there is no way I can see myself carrying on in business without him. When we work away together I'm all for it and enjoy it immensely but I did a job by myself the other month away for a week and hated every second of it, from the drive down there, staying in an empty hotel to actually struggling on the job myself, I couldn't wait to finish it and get back home, it just wasn't the same.

If its all over I just don't know how I will cope, I don't want another or different job, I just wan't him to drive to my house in the morning and pick me up to go and do a days work together, I live alone and don't really do much socialising really but going to work with him was enough. I've got enough money together to not have to worry about any work for a few years but I don't want an empty life, I can't imagine getting up in the morning and seeing the front door knowing he will not be arriving shortly to go off for the day, I can't see a way forward from any of this

I know this is a really trivial and a stupid problem compared to some people but its really hit me for six, I know its pointless telling him any of this because he has a mortgage and kids to support and needs money as well as less stress, it would be grossly unfair to land this situation on him.

How can I make this better, all I can do for now is buy a bottle of brandy every night so I can fall asleep otherwise I would be up all night thinking about it. I can't imagine how people feel after losing a wife or husband after such a long time together. Please tell me there is a magic cure for how I feel.


JapanRed

743 posts

56 months

Friday 2nd August
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Sorry to hear this OP. Sounds like you’ve had a great bond with him over the past 1.5 decades.

I agree that you shouldn’t burden him with this story, it could drive a wedge between you both. Do you see him or socialise with him outside of work? Will you never see him again?

If you are comfortable financially why not close the business down and use this as an excellent opportunity to do something that you enjoy? Many people would kill for an opportunity like this; maybe travel the world for a few months? Buy a camper van and travel up to Scotland? Learn a new hobby? Golf, Chess anything. Read books. Buy an old car and restore it.

Is there anything else that you could do to occupy your time?

Regarding missing the guy, time is a great healer in this scenario. You will hurt for a few weeks and maybe months but I guarantee you will feel a little better about the situation by the end of this month. I’d stay away from alcohol completely for at least a few weeks. It’s definitely not the answer to life’s challenges and can only make things worse.

How old are you by the way and what trade do you have?

Wacky Racer

31,511 posts

192 months

Friday 2nd August
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Yes, stay off the booze, that's not going to solve anything.

scottyp123

Original Poster:

5 posts

1 month

Saturday 3rd August
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JapanRed said:
Sorry to hear this OP. Sounds like you’ve had a great bond with him over the past 1.5 decades.

I agree that you shouldn’t burden him with this story, it could drive a wedge between you both. Do you see him or socialise with him outside of work? Will you never see him again?

If you are comfortable financially why not close the business down and use this as an excellent opportunity to do something that you enjoy? Many people would kill for an opportunity like this; maybe travel the world for a few months? Buy a camper van and travel up to Scotland? Learn a new hobby? Golf, Chess anything. Read books. Buy an old car and restore it.

Is there anything else that you could do to occupy your time?

Regarding missing the guy, time is a great healer in this scenario. You will hurt for a few weeks and maybe months but I guarantee you will feel a little better about the situation by the end of this month. I’d stay away from alcohol completely for at least a few weeks. It’s definitely not the answer to life’s challenges and can only make things worse.

How old are you by the way and what trade do you have?
48, Electrician. I will probably still see him, I was at this house yesterday helping him tile his bathroom, you know how it is though, you start seeing less of someone then the weeks turn to months and eventually you end up seeing someone once or twice a year.

I just don't understand why its hit me so hard, I've had other friends that have moved away and its not really bothered me that much, both parents are dead and that didn't affect my life in anyway, I think maybe because I had this friend then nothing else really mattered, kind of like all your eggs in one basket. Anyway woke up today still feeling as st as ever.

Davie_GLA

4,963 posts

144 months

Saturday 3rd August
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Can’t really offer a solution other than booze will, eventually take hold and you will feel much worse. I can assure you!

It’s a depressant and it’s effects multiplied when you’re in this state of mind. In all honesty I’d reach out for some help before it’s too late, I wish I could turn back time and give myself this advice knowing what I know now and the effects it’s had on my health. Borderline liver failure is no joke.

HustleRussell

16,798 posts

105 months

Saturday 3rd August
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Some people prefer working alone, personally I always found that curious- I think I’d go a bit mad if I spent my whole working day in an empty house.

Seems like you do need to buddy up with someone.

I realise that finding the right person might not be easy, and you have to be careful not to expect that person to fill the void left by your previous partner, but you’ll have companionship during your working day which will improve your working life- where you spend half your waking hours- immensely.

My main point is that your reaction is completely understandable so don’t beat yourself up.

HustleRussell

16,798 posts

105 months

Saturday 3rd August
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P.S. I realise you probably won’t make the same money this way but have you considered joining a company of tradesmen or alternatively a change of trade, as this might be an opportune time to change.

scottyp123

Original Poster:

5 posts

1 month

Saturday 3rd August
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Thanks for the replies, its comforting. As far as a change of career or another job goes I'm not sure I can stomach it, like I said I'm really struggling contemplating doing anything at all without him. I've been at his house again today helping him with the bathroom and its great when we are there, I can hold it together but when I get home to an empty house its absolutely horrific. You see he has helped me re-do my house as well over the last couple of years and just about everything I look at reminds me of what we did in happier times.

Although the last thing I want is to die, I do want to try my best to lead a long and happy life but I have had thoughts about ending it all, it would stop this immense pain I'm feeling at the moment and also sort all his future money worries out as I would leave the house and any money to him obviously. But I'm not too sure how that would sit with him really.

I don't know if I'm being melodramatic really, it sounds well over the top for what is just a job at the end of the day but it just hurts so much at the moment.

JapanRed

743 posts

56 months

Saturday 3rd August
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I’ll be honest it does sound over the top, but I’m not in your shoes and everyone feels differently about different things - it’s what makes us human.

People lose loved ones all the time - time is a great healer. Get out and about and keep your mind busy with other things. Your “loss” is pretty small compared to losing partners and children.

The Moose

18,531 posts

154 months

Saturday 3rd August
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It does sound madly over the top. I don’t know about anyone else reading this, but to me it sounds like you have more feelings for this person than friend and colleague.

scottyp123

Original Poster:

5 posts

1 month

Saturday 3rd August
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The Moose said:
It does sound madly over the top. I don’t know about anyone else reading this, but to me it sounds like you have more feelings for this person than friend and colleague.
I'd say its more like father and son, I don't fancy him or anything like that. I would take a bullet for him though absolutely no danger.

You do know I've spent virtually every day with him since he was a child, it was the stereo-typical council house single mother scenario with kids who would almost certainly have gone off the rails, I'm not being big headed or anything but I can say without any doubt whatsoever I saved him, if I didn't step up he would have been either dead or in prison by now.


Edited by scottyp123 on Saturday 3rd August 20:24

Gargamel

11,867 posts

206 months

Saturday 3rd August
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Perhaps it is time to evaluate your priorities in life.

You have some money behind you, and the work seems to be at a low ebb, why not pack everything into storage, rent the house out for a year and go and travel.

Just pick up and go, explore a bit.

Might give you some fresh perspective and make a few new friends?\


scottyp123

Original Poster:

5 posts

1 month

Saturday 3rd August
quotequote all
Gargamel said:
Perhaps it is time to evaluate your priorities in life.

You have some money behind you, and the work seems to be at a low ebb, why not pack everything into storage, rent the house out for a year and go and travel.

Just pick up and go, explore a bit.

Might give you some fresh perspective and make a few new friends?\
you know a lot of what people say rings true, I should do something like this. I wouldn't know where to start though, doing stuff like that is for people with confidence isn't it, its not me, I don't know how people can do something like that alone. Maybe I've got a disorder or something I really don't know but at the minute anything is possible.

Lets take the working away, if there was two of us (not just my friend but anyone really) I wouldn't think twice about jumping in the van and driving to the other end of the Country, we might not have a hotel booked but I'm sure it will all work out, if the van breaks down then we can always walk a few miles to get help. It would be an adventure at the end of the day.

If I was on my own I would be stting myself about all sorts of stupid things from getting stranded to not being any car parking spaces when I arrived at the hotel, or I couldn't get hold of the materials I needs when down there, the whole week would be a nightmare, I just don't do well on my own.

AlexC1981

3,341 posts

162 months

Thursday 22nd August
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How are things going Wayne? Any better news?