Accepting/coping with the death of a grandparent

Accepting/coping with the death of a grandparent

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Discussion

RP64

Original Poster:

76 posts

86 months

Sunday 11th August 2019
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Can anyone share any experience about what to expect losing a grandparent. I have a poorly grandparent and the time is getting near.

RegMolehusband

3,959 posts

256 months

Sunday 11th August 2019
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Having lost both my elderly parents within three months of each other in 2013, I should focus on whichever parent is going to lose his or her mother or father. They are likely to be suffering considerably more grief than you. Help and support them, and this will help you.

bristolbaron

4,756 posts

211 months

Sunday 11th August 2019
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My grandads been on his way out for over two years now. Current thinking is he’d be better gone than suffering, but I’ll be crying like a baby when he goes.
In terms of real life impact, minimal really. I’ve seen him much more in the last couple of years than I ever did and found our a lot about his life I didn’t know. Cherish the time you have.

oldaudi

1,306 posts

157 months

Sunday 11th August 2019
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I’ll write something up in the morning. My father died 15 years ago, he was the alone child. That left me to care for my grandparents who were of good health at the time. His death pushed them down hill over 15 years really slowly. My grandfather died on New Year’s Day this year at the age of 92. My gran is still alive but in care.

rossub

4,400 posts

189 months

Monday 12th August 2019
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Depends how close you are...

My 96 year old grandfather is a miserable old tt that I've seen twice in 20 years, so it won't bother me.

evilmunkey

1,377 posts

158 months

Monday 12th August 2019
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As said all depends on the relationship you had, i lost my mother a couple of years ago and that was and still is extremely hard to deal with, then last year lost my gran and a great aunt within 2 months of each other. with my gran it wasnt good but she had dementia for years and it was upsetting but not traumatising she had been in hospital for a while and gave time to deal with it.

but my great aunt ..she was a second mother to me and was there for me all the way since i was a baby she died aged 102 in a care home and she knew here time was ending . So did i but didnt make it any easier. for 4 years id gone to see her 4 times a week in the care home , took her her favourite bacon butties in etc even before that id go see her at her house and do shopping pay bills. the loss of her was almost as bad as my mum. you dont get over it , you just learn to cope i think . hardest thing for me was having to arrange all the certificates and funerals but funeral directors etc were extremely helpful and did there best to take the pressure off somewhat.

Autopilot

1,298 posts

183 months

Monday 12th August 2019
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It’s very sad, but unless you were more or less brought up by them, it’s not something that you won’t recover from fairly easily.

My grandad kept quiet that he was ill. It materialised that he had lung cancer. He got thinner and thinner over two weeks. I popped in on a Thursday for a cuppa and although thin, he was ok. My mum called on the Saturday morning to say I need to get there as it will be the last time I see him. I thought this was a bit dramatic. I could hear him from outside the house. I remember the death rattle as though it was yesterday. While I cope with most things, this still hangs around in my mind!

sjj84

2,390 posts

218 months

Thursday 15th August 2019
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Mine died a few years ago, it was sad of course, but he was 93 and in his words as a life long cricket fan, he'd had a good innings. My father in law died earlier this year, that has been really hard to take, didn't even make retirement age.

popeyewhite

19,622 posts

119 months

Thursday 22nd August 2019
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RP64 said:
Can anyone share any experience about what to expect losing a grandparent. I have a poorly grandparent and the time is getting near.
You have my sympathy. Are you asking how the loss of your grandparent will make you feel? Everyone copes with bereavement in their own way.

jimPH

3,981 posts

79 months

Thursday 22nd August 2019
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My grandad died last week, a year after my grandmother, he was as fit as a fiddle, but didn't cook his chicken properly apparently. They were great people, I'll miss them for sure, but I hardly ever saw them. Great memories when we were growing up thars what counts for me.

He was 92, had a good innings. He should have easily seen 100.

HTP99

22,443 posts

139 months

Thursday 22nd August 2019
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My Granny died coming up to 6 years ago, she wasn't the first death in the family that I've experienced; my grandad died when I was about 16, however my Granny's death affected me more and I still miss her every day whereas my grandad, I wasn't so close to; he was a lovely and generous man, it was just that I was alot younger and he lived further away.

I used to see my Granny at least every 2 weeks, the 2 of us would get together and have a good gossip about the family, she always had more of a soft spot for her 2 grandsons. She was very independent, still lived in her house in the centre of town, slept upstairs, walked to Church etc, only really going down hill during the final year of her life; cancer got her and it was hard seeing this strong woman deteriorate so rapidly, my mum said she had never seen her cry until the moment that I left, after seeing her for the last time, my mum said that she knew she wouldn't be seeing much of the family again; she died 2 days later at 92.

I just remember how she was and what a wonderful and ultimately healthy and happy life she had, she wouldn't want me moping about, I do still have the odd moment though and really do miss our chats, however life must go on.

My Grandma is still going strong; 98 in October, still has her marbles, still walks to town, lives in a warden assisted flat but still very independent, likes a drink, likes to take us out for lunch, she is hoping that her aortic aneurysm gets her though as it will be instant!! I'm pretty sure that one day I will get a phone call from one of my aunts telling me that she just didn't wake up.

Badda

2,655 posts

81 months

Thursday 22nd August 2019
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rossub said:
Depends how close you are...

My 96 year old grandfather is a miserable old tt that I've seen twice in 20 years, so it won't bother me.
I assume the OP is close to his. Pretty sure you’re aware of that too so...

PostHeads123

1,042 posts

134 months

Thursday 22nd August 2019
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I lost my uncle in April this year, my Nan in May this year and my dad in June this year, its tough grieving is process, I don't think there has been a day since April this year I haven't shed a tear. It happens to us all, my dad passing was an eye opener changes your perspective on things, your own life and how you live it and how you use your life. I thought I had coped ok but on reflection may be not so much, I've gained nearly 2.5 stone in weight since April from over eating.

Edited by PostHeads123 on Thursday 22 August 20:13

cholo

1,126 posts

234 months

Thursday 29th August 2019
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My Nan died about 2 weeks ago.

Obviously upsetting, but the worst thing is seeing how it has affected my mum. It must be very hard for her right now.

theboss

6,878 posts

218 months

Friday 30th August 2019
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We lost my Mum’s Dad last year at 88, he had dementia badly and had suffered a gradual decline. Come the end, there was more a sense of relief than grief because he’d lived to a good age in good health and had no awareness of his surroundings or quality of life when he passed. My Stepdad died 2 days later to cancer at 66 and this was much harder to accept.

My Mum’s Mum is on her way out now at the same age, she has soundness of mind generally but poor kidney and heart functions. At her last test she was on 3% kidney function so should technically be dead (imagine somebody dependent on dialysis not taking further treatment) and so it’s only a matter of time.

I was always close to my mum’s parents as I lived with them in my teens.

In spite of this I don’t feel a huge sense of loss about them passing away. I’m 38 and am lucky to have had far longer with them in my life than most. It’s also hard watching their life quality diminish. My Nan has needed round the clock care for a while and has also been lucky to be able to remain at home all this time. I would far rather she went peacefully now in her bed or chair at home, than carted off to a care home against her will for the final few months.