I don't know what to say to my son

[Swampy1982]

blueg33 said:

.

We then drove my son around all day as he wanted to tell their closest friends personally.

You came on this thread asking for advice about your son, but from the above quote and the original post it would appear you have done a sterling job with bringing him up.

In a modern world not many kids would have done the more difficult thing of face to face difficult conversations.

So my advice - keep doing what ever you've done to get him this far, your doing a good job already.

[blueg33]

Tyre Smoke said:

Slightly related, but how bad are the friend's injuries?

Apart from mentally, are the physical injuries likely to be life changing?

Amazingly, the injuries are probably not life changing. He has broken pelvis, broken collarbone, collapsed lung, bleed on the liver, but should be out of IC in a few days.

As far as we can ascertain, he is only the 3rd person in 200 years to survive.

They have already started mental health treatments.

[Tyre Smoke]

Amazing! I know it's easier said than done, but if anything is telling him it wasn't meant to be, surely it has to be that.

Wishing him and your lad all the best. Thinking about it often through the day.

[JimmyConwayNW]

Hope your Son is OK and that his friend gets the help he needs. He sounds like he has had a seriously lucky 2nd chance at life.

For what its worth you sound like a great Dad and both you and your son are handling a difficult situation brilliantly.

[Mezger]

JimmyConwayNW said:

Hope your Son is OK and that his friend gets the help he needs. He sounds like he has had a seriously lucky 2nd chance at life.

For what its worth you sound like a great Dad and both you and your son are handling a difficult situation brilliantly.

+1 to this, OP you are handling this extremely well, your son's reaction is something you should be proud of and testament to his upbringing. Wish you both and the friend all the very best.

[blueg33]

Thanks again people. Supportive comments really help in this situation.

[Jamie VTS]

There is light. An extended family member jumped from a car park and suffered horrific injuries 5 years ago. Fast forward to now, touch wood, they’re living life to its fullest.

Your son sounds like a good bloke.

[The Moose]

How’s your kid doing? And the other kid?

[blueg33]

The Moose said:

How’s your kid doing? And the other kid?

Thanks for asking

My lad is Ok I think, I helped him move digs etc yesterday, he was pretty stressed out by the combination of it all, but was also able to have a laugh sometimes. I have arranged for him to have counselling ASAP as I think that its best if he talks about it sooner rather than later. Thank heavens for company healthcare cover.

The family of the lad that jumped have nothing but praise for my son, it seems he has been massively supportive of them too. I am proud of him and can forgive him his head tattoo (see the other thread).

The lad that jumped, is out of IC and importantly has said that he wants to live, the fact that he has a second chance is about as close to a miracle as I have ever seen.

Edited by blueg33 on Tuesday 27th August 16:33

[The Moose]

blueg33 said:

The Moose said:

How’s your kid doing? And the other kid?

Thanks for asking

My lad is Ok I think, I helped him move digs etc yesterday, he was pretty stressed out by the combination of it all, but was also able to have a laugh sometimes. I have arranged for him to have counselling ASAP as I think that its best if he talks about it sooner rather than later. Thank heavens for company healthcare cover.

The family of the lad that jumped have nothing but praise for my son, it seems he has been massively supportive of them too. I am proud of him and can forgive him his head tattoo (see the other thread).

The lad that jumped, is out of IC and importantly has said that he wants to live, the fact that he has a second chance is about as close to a miracle as I have ever seen.

Edited by blueg33 on Tuesday 27th August 16:33

That's good to hear!

I have to say, I was tempted to make a joke about his head tattoo...but wasn't sure how you'd take it!

[Lost ranger]

blueg33 said:

Thanks for asking

My lad is Ok I think, I helped him move digs etc yesterday, he was pretty stressed out by the combination of it all, but was also able to have a laugh sometimes. I have arranged for him to have counselling ASAP as I think that its best if he talks about it sooner rather than later. Thank heavens for company healthcare cover.

I'm a bit wary about this, why not let him talk in his own time?

[blueg33]

Lost ranger said:

blueg33 said:

Thanks for asking

My lad is Ok I think, I helped him move digs etc yesterday, he was pretty stressed out by the combination of it all, but was also able to have a laugh sometimes. I have arranged for him to have counselling ASAP as I think that its best if he talks about it sooner rather than later. Thank heavens for company healthcare cover.

I'm a bit wary about this, why not let him talk in his own time?

He asked. Its up to him to call them to initiate it. He has the number.

[1ians]

Think I have read about this locally and was also surprised they survived. I did meet someone in hospital years ago that also claimed to have jumped from there, they were in a wheelchair and had spent time in local mental health hospitals so it was possible.

As for what to say to your son, I’ve been in the position before where close friends have attempted to commit suicide. Basically you can just do your best and be there for the person, he’s not medically trained to deal with such issues so there’s only so much he can do.

[Petrus1983]

Blueg33 - on a tangent - also make sure you’re ok. You’ve admirably dealt with everything - but the gravitas of everything must be so close to home when it involves your own son so closely. Grab a beer with a friend, or don’t be worried about seeking the help that you suggested before - but for you - there’s nothing wrong in that at all.

[blueg33]

This has made me feel pretty emotional today.

The lad that jumped has found a piano in the hospital and is already playing it.

It’s good news but for some reason I feel more upset than I have so far. Probably down to tiredness. Struggling to focus on work. Think I’ll gind a strong coffee and snap out of it.

[Bikesalot]

Sounds like your son has handled this immensely well.

I was reading the tattoo thread about your son not too long ago, and now reading this thread...funny isn't it, we're all quick to judge but it sounds like your son has offered the support to others when it's been needed.

Time will heal, and it's great his friend is on the mend.

[crofty1984]

I think as a mate, and arguably more so as a bloke, you feel like you should be able to fix things. I know when my Mrs has struggles with mental health it also hits me hard, like I've failed to protect or make her feel better. Your son may feel the same about his mate. The thing is, his friend is ill. There's a disease he has and thankfully he will pull through but he so easily couldn't have done.

If the disease had been cancer, it would be ridiculous to feel responsible for not "fixing it", it's not like your lad's an oncologist. Or if it had been AIDS, or any host of horrid medical things. It's completely natural to go "that person has x, I'm not a doctor for x, so the responsibility to cure is not mine, as much as I feel sorry for my friend".
It seems to be very different for friends with depression. They're your mate, why couldn't you cheer them up? If you'd only asked them to the pictures that time, or not taken the piss out of that T-shirt, etc. The thing is, as easy as it is to feel those things, all of that is bks. They're ill, with a disease and it's up to trained doctors to fix if they can. You and your son just need to be there to help if possible, but he's in no way whatsoever at fault.

I hope you all pull through this well.

Edit: No one is suggesting for a second that he is at fault or should feel that way. I'm just saying that it's not an unusual way to feel, even if it has no basis in reality.

Edited by crofty1984 on Thursday 29th August 17:22

[Derek Smith]

blueg33 said:

The lad that jumped, is out of IC and importantly has said that he wants to live, the fact that he has a second chance is about as close to a miracle as I have ever seen.

I live in an area where people come in order to kill themselves by jumping. A surprising number survive, many with serious and life-changing injuries, but the all but universal reaction to surviving has been gratitude they have a second chance, even from a quadriplegic. I would assume, therefore, that your son's friend will be significantly changed in attitude. It might be useful for you lad to be aware of this. Guilt is often missing.

What the guy needs is a friend like your son. You must feel proud of him.

And rightly so.

[blueg33]

Derek Smith said:

I live in an area where people come in order to kill themselves by jumping. A surprising number survive, many with serious and life-changing injuries, but the all but universal reaction to surviving has been gratitude they have a second chance, even from a quadriplegic. I would assume, therefore, that your son's friend will be significantly changed in attitude. It might be useful for you lad to be aware of this. Guilt is often missing.

What the guy needs is a friend like your son. You must feel proud of him.

And rightly so.

Thanks, we are proud of him, he has handled all of this brilliantly. His friends family can't speak highly enough of him. He visited his friend in hospital on saturday and spent 4 hours with him, before collecting his friends sister from the station and driving her back to their family home an hour away.

The lad that jumped is lucky, he does not have permanent or life changing injuries. His attitude has always been fantastic TBH (not sure if you really meant attitude), but severe depression is properly hard to understand if you don't suffer from it. He has said he wants to live, but is scared that the "illness" will take him on a different path. IMO its probably more important that he has the illness treated than the physical damage.