Discussion
Another one of those anxiety threads...
So I had to come clean. I was due to be going to the phillipines with work tomorrow on a charity gig. I’ve been looking forward to it. 8 of us in a great team and our final fundraiser was last Thursday. As soon as this finished anxiety took over me. A situation I can’t control. I had to tell my work that I couldn’t go and it was upsetting that something in my head has stopped me doing something physical.
My work were very good about the situation but it has made me aware of my health and how I have felt in the last few years.
Looking back, I couldn’t enjoy my wedding day until the last guest left. I worry about one thing to the next.
Coming clean to others was very difficult and I now need to get help. I don’t see myself as a weak person, i’m the life and soul so can’t really see where it has all gone wrong?
The worst thing is now that I am not going, the fear has gone and I wonder what the fuss was about. I feel like I’m letting everyone down about nothing then I think about going again and get palpitations. It’s not flying all ok with that it is just... everything. I bloody worry about everything.
Anyone else with anxiety... sorry for the long read. I just feel i missed a great opportunity because I just well... can’t.
So I had to come clean. I was due to be going to the phillipines with work tomorrow on a charity gig. I’ve been looking forward to it. 8 of us in a great team and our final fundraiser was last Thursday. As soon as this finished anxiety took over me. A situation I can’t control. I had to tell my work that I couldn’t go and it was upsetting that something in my head has stopped me doing something physical.
My work were very good about the situation but it has made me aware of my health and how I have felt in the last few years.
Looking back, I couldn’t enjoy my wedding day until the last guest left. I worry about one thing to the next.
Coming clean to others was very difficult and I now need to get help. I don’t see myself as a weak person, i’m the life and soul so can’t really see where it has all gone wrong?
The worst thing is now that I am not going, the fear has gone and I wonder what the fuss was about. I feel like I’m letting everyone down about nothing then I think about going again and get palpitations. It’s not flying all ok with that it is just... everything. I bloody worry about everything.
Anyone else with anxiety... sorry for the long read. I just feel i missed a great opportunity because I just well... can’t.
Yep I've had it lots in the past.
You are not weak and no one whose opinion would count thinks you are.
I know what you mean about now its past you wonder why you were so worried. But that's the problem with anxiety, its irrational. Its your body going fight or flight mad for no reason. One phrase I like to remind myself of often is "Today is the Tomorrow you were worrying about Yesterday". I was.terrible for catastrophising, thinking the worst outcome. Its good to remind yourself that the worst rarely happens.
For me it was very physical symptoms, constant butterflies I couldn't control. Panic attacks.
Now what to do about it. There are plenty of ways to approach it. Self help: I took up triathlon, it was a way of burning the energy off and gave me something else to focus on. Your GP, their go to tool is anti depressants. Some people have found these to be great
Personally I thought they were f
king awful. It might worth trying. Your GP might offer counselling. Depending on where you are that might take a while and might be st. If you can afford it go private, its normally about 40-50 quid a session once a week. Not all counsellors are the same so try a few and find one you like. I had two. One was great, one terrible.
For me as well some of my anxiety came from low testosterone. I am now being treated for that. Always worth a blood test at the GP to check for things.
You dont need to suffer in silence and you've taken the right step by admitting that you are struggling and looking at how to deal with it.
You are not weak and no one whose opinion would count thinks you are.
I know what you mean about now its past you wonder why you were so worried. But that's the problem with anxiety, its irrational. Its your body going fight or flight mad for no reason. One phrase I like to remind myself of often is "Today is the Tomorrow you were worrying about Yesterday". I was.terrible for catastrophising, thinking the worst outcome. Its good to remind yourself that the worst rarely happens.
For me it was very physical symptoms, constant butterflies I couldn't control. Panic attacks.
Now what to do about it. There are plenty of ways to approach it. Self help: I took up triathlon, it was a way of burning the energy off and gave me something else to focus on. Your GP, their go to tool is anti depressants. Some people have found these to be great
Personally I thought they were f
king awful. It might worth trying. Your GP might offer counselling. Depending on where you are that might take a while and might be st. If you can afford it go private, its normally about 40-50 quid a session once a week. Not all counsellors are the same so try a few and find one you like. I had two. One was great, one terrible. For me as well some of my anxiety came from low testosterone. I am now being treated for that. Always worth a blood test at the GP to check for things.
You dont need to suffer in silence and you've taken the right step by admitting that you are struggling and looking at how to deal with it.
Just re read your post. Worry about everything. Yep that's me. I had a job interview last week. I got a train that got my in an hour early, just in case. I researched my route from the tube on good maps and built a picture in my head. I still worry. But I do have the horrible physical symptoms.under control.
The counselling I had was a lot about how my upbringing and early years dictated how I felt. For me, when I was young whatever I did was never good enough, and i was a wounded child needing validation from people, and worrying I wouldn't get it. I learnt to give less of a fk about what others felt.
Other types of counselling like CBT are about training you to think in different ways. To stop negative thoughts. Might be worth exploring both of those.
Stay strong brother.
The counselling I had was a lot about how my upbringing and early years dictated how I felt. For me, when I was young whatever I did was never good enough, and i was a wounded child needing validation from people, and worrying I wouldn't get it. I learnt to give less of a f
k about what others felt.Other types of counselling like CBT are about training you to think in different ways. To stop negative thoughts. Might be worth exploring both of those.
Stay strong brother.
Scabutz said:
Yep I've had it lots in the past.
You are not weak and no one whose opinion would count thinks you are.
I know what you mean about now its past you wonder why you were so worried. But that's the problem with anxiety, its irrational. Its your body going fight or flight mad for no reason. One phrase I like to remind myself of often is "Today is the Tomorrow you were worrying about Yesterday". I was.terrible for catastrophising, thinking the worst outcome. Its good to remind yourself that the worst rarely happens.
For me it was very physical symptoms, constant butterflies I couldn't control. Panic attacks.
Now what to do about it. There are plenty of ways to approach it. Self help: I took up triathlon, it was a way of burning the energy off and gave me something else to focus on. Your GP, their go to tool is anti depressants. Some people have found these to be great
Personally I thought they were fking awful. It might worth trying. Your GP might offer counselling. Depending on where you are that might take a while and might be st. If you can afford it go private, its normally about 40-50 quid a session once a week. Not all counsellors are the same so try a few and find one you like. I had two. One was great, one terrible.
For me as well some of my anxiety came from low testosterone. I am now being treated for that. Always worth a blood test at the GP to check for things.
You dont need to suffer in silence and you've taken the right step by admitting that you are struggling and looking at how to deal with it.
Thank you for your response, i’m sitting here feeling a bit of a mug when everyone is going to be off to the other side of the planet to help those more unfortunate than us who live in poverty and I couldn’t go because I was a bit worried. Irrational.You are not weak and no one whose opinion would count thinks you are.
I know what you mean about now its past you wonder why you were so worried. But that's the problem with anxiety, its irrational. Its your body going fight or flight mad for no reason. One phrase I like to remind myself of often is "Today is the Tomorrow you were worrying about Yesterday". I was.terrible for catastrophising, thinking the worst outcome. Its good to remind yourself that the worst rarely happens.
For me it was very physical symptoms, constant butterflies I couldn't control. Panic attacks.
Now what to do about it. There are plenty of ways to approach it. Self help: I took up triathlon, it was a way of burning the energy off and gave me something else to focus on. Your GP, their go to tool is anti depressants. Some people have found these to be great
Personally I thought they were f
king awful. It might worth trying. Your GP might offer counselling. Depending on where you are that might take a while and might be st. If you can afford it go private, its normally about 40-50 quid a session once a week. Not all counsellors are the same so try a few and find one you like. I had two. One was great, one terrible. For me as well some of my anxiety came from low testosterone. I am now being treated for that. Always worth a blood test at the GP to check for things.
You dont need to suffer in silence and you've taken the right step by admitting that you are struggling and looking at how to deal with it.
The only thing I can take solace in is we raised A lot of money. I got some kind words from others when I cited “personal reasons”. The chest pains have started to subside. I ended up in A&E when buying my house because the pains were so bad I thought I was having a heart attack.
Lets not forget the panic attack i had in thailand and thought I was having a heart attack. Who knew the brain could do some odd things. I just need to be back to that bloke I used to be.
ReallyReallyGood said:
If you haven’t already, consider getting some beta blockers from your gp and take when you feel that doom feeling coming on; they don’t mess with your brain chemistry they just chill your heart and other physical symptoms out. Lots of performers use it for stage fright.
Yes I had those. Slow the HR down. Banned in golf now I think.They act quick and are good when your heart is trying to burst out your chest.
There’s also a large element about trust - learning to trust others - it might be out of your control and in theirs, but that’s ok because they are good people;
trusting that even if something doesn’t go as planned, or someone doesn’t do things the way you would have, that the world won’t collapse;
trusting that very few things are completely unsalvageable.
Ultimately it’s about being more comfortable with ambiguity; that’s not to say it’ll ever be comfortable, but letting the rational part of your brain over rule the irrational part.
trusting that even if something doesn’t go as planned, or someone doesn’t do things the way you would have, that the world won’t collapse;
trusting that very few things are completely unsalvageable.
Ultimately it’s about being more comfortable with ambiguity; that’s not to say it’ll ever be comfortable, but letting the rational part of your brain over rule the irrational part.
ReallyReallyGood said:
If you haven’t already, consider getting some beta blockers from your gp and take when you feel that doom feeling coming on; they don’t mess with your brain chemistry they just chill your heart and other physical symptoms out. Lots of performers use it for stage fright.
They do work.ReallyReallyGood said:
If you haven’t already, consider getting some beta blockers from your gp and take when you feel that doom feeling coming on; they don’t mess with your brain chemistry they just chill your heart and other physical symptoms out. Lots of performers use it for stage fright.
Don’t do this unless you really have to.I have to take a beta blocker for my heart condition. It makes everything feel like hard work, robs me of energy and I often need an afternoon Siesta.
My girlfriend had anxiety for a long time which got quite bad a few years ago. She used to get panic attacks too.
She went on a ‘weekend retreat’ which she was a bit embarrassed about but it’s fixed it completely as far as I know. It wasn’t counselling, as they said that explaining your feelings is never going to help. Going over things just reinforces your mind’s process in making you anxious or panicky.
You need to reprogram your mind to not jump to the panic or anxious stage. You should never let anxiety stop you doing something, as this makes your mind think that it made the right decision. Just do it and the anxiety will pass, and eventually your mind will stop thinking in that way. She said one thing that sounds stupid but really helped is that when you start to feel anxious, just say “cancel” to yourself and continue regardless. Your mind is not you, and you need to tell it what to do for a while until it starts behaving itself.
That’s just from little snippets she’s mentioned to me, but it has helped her overcome it.
Good luck.
She went on a ‘weekend retreat’ which she was a bit embarrassed about but it’s fixed it completely as far as I know. It wasn’t counselling, as they said that explaining your feelings is never going to help. Going over things just reinforces your mind’s process in making you anxious or panicky.
You need to reprogram your mind to not jump to the panic or anxious stage. You should never let anxiety stop you doing something, as this makes your mind think that it made the right decision. Just do it and the anxiety will pass, and eventually your mind will stop thinking in that way. She said one thing that sounds stupid but really helped is that when you start to feel anxious, just say “cancel” to yourself and continue regardless. Your mind is not you, and you need to tell it what to do for a while until it starts behaving itself.
That’s just from little snippets she’s mentioned to me, but it has helped her overcome it.
Good luck.
Scabutz said:
Just re read your post. Worry about everything. Yep that's me. I had a job interview last week. I got a train that got my in an hour early, just in case. I researched my route from the tube on good maps and built a picture in my head. I still worry. But I do have the horrible physical symptoms.under control.
The counselling I had was a lot about how my upbringing and early years dictated how I felt. For me, when I was young whatever I did was never good enough, and i was a wounded child needing validation from people, and worrying I wouldn't get it. I learnt to give less of a fk about what others felt.
Other types of counselling like CBT are about training you to think in different ways. To stop negative thoughts. Might be worth exploring both of those.
Stay strong brother.
I’ve done a lot of work about the effects my childhood had on me....often referred to as the “Inner Child”, I’ve spent 40 years getting anxious or stressed in relatively innocuous situations. It never even occurred to me that these feelings could be as a result of things that happened in my childhood. The counselling I had was a lot about how my upbringing and early years dictated how I felt. For me, when I was young whatever I did was never good enough, and i was a wounded child needing validation from people, and worrying I wouldn't get it. I learnt to give less of a f
k about what others felt.Other types of counselling like CBT are about training you to think in different ways. To stop negative thoughts. Might be worth exploring both of those.
Stay strong brother.
It’s been massively helpful to me working out what these triggers are....I’ve had some proper allelujah moments in the last year when I have realised how certain things my kids would do would make me really, really stressed.
I’ve had it for many years.
Citalopram 20mg for a few years now.
Probably since 18 I’ve had 5 lots of counselling. Seems to get to a high level every 7 or 8 years.
Last counselling was different from the rest. It was a back to the old Susan Jeffers method (Google her book)
Counseller kept repeating questions and in the end you can’t give a rational answer.
Avoidance fuels the fire and for me these little things avoided = acceptance so when you are in the situation the panic starts.
Citalopram 20mg for a few years now.
Probably since 18 I’ve had 5 lots of counselling. Seems to get to a high level every 7 or 8 years.
Last counselling was different from the rest. It was a back to the old Susan Jeffers method (Google her book)
Counseller kept repeating questions and in the end you can’t give a rational answer.
Avoidance fuels the fire and for me these little things avoided = acceptance so when you are in the situation the panic starts.
Philplop said:
My girlfriend had anxiety for a long time which got quite bad a few years ago. She used to get panic attacks too.
She went on a ‘weekend retreat’ which she was a bit embarrassed about but it’s fixed it completely as far as I know. It wasn’t counselling, as they said that explaining your feelings is never going to help. Going over things just reinforces your mind’s process in making you anxious or panicky.
You need to reprogram your mind to not jump to the panic or anxious stage. You should never let anxiety stop you doing something, as this makes your mind think that it made the right decision. Just do it and the anxiety will pass, and eventually your mind will stop thinking in that way. She said one thing that sounds stupid but really helped is that when you start to feel anxious, just say “cancel” to yourself and continue regardless. Your mind is not you, and you need to tell it what to do for a while until it starts behaving itself.
That’s just from little snippets she’s mentioned to me, but it has helped her overcome it.
Good luck.
Love the bit in the third paragraph, thanks for sharing that She went on a ‘weekend retreat’ which she was a bit embarrassed about but it’s fixed it completely as far as I know. It wasn’t counselling, as they said that explaining your feelings is never going to help. Going over things just reinforces your mind’s process in making you anxious or panicky.
You need to reprogram your mind to not jump to the panic or anxious stage. You should never let anxiety stop you doing something, as this makes your mind think that it made the right decision. Just do it and the anxiety will pass, and eventually your mind will stop thinking in that way. She said one thing that sounds stupid but really helped is that when you start to feel anxious, just say “cancel” to yourself and continue regardless. Your mind is not you, and you need to tell it what to do for a while until it starts behaving itself.
That’s just from little snippets she’s mentioned to me, but it has helped her overcome it.
Good luck.
Poppiecock said:
ReallyReallyGood said:
If you haven’t already, consider getting some beta blockers from your gp and take when you feel that doom feeling coming on; they don’t mess with your brain chemistry they just chill your heart and other physical symptoms out. Lots of performers use it for stage fright.
Don’t do this unless you really have to.I have to take a beta blocker for my heart condition. It makes everything feel like hard work, robs me of energy and I often need an afternoon Siesta.
I know someone close to me who went to counselling for similar issues. One suggestion they had was along these lines (apologies I can't remember the exact wording):
- Write down every issue you might be struggling with on a separate piece of paper.
- Divide them into 3 piles - one for issues completely within your control, one for those partly under your control, and one for those issues which are completely out of your control.
- Take the ones completely out of your control, put them all in a box and then throw the box away. You can't do anything about those, just accept that is how things are.
- Put the ones partially under your control in another box and keep them somewhere relatively close to hand. Review from time to time and see if they can be moved to one of the other boxes.
- Take the ones which you have complete control over and keep them nearby. These are the issues to focus on and the ones you have to power to control and change. Talk them through with people you are close to and try to find strategies to deal with them.
Easy for me to say as I'm lucky enough to not have had any problems with anxiety, but it has helped to some degree with the person I know. Good luck, and well done for asking for help
- Write down every issue you might be struggling with on a separate piece of paper.
- Divide them into 3 piles - one for issues completely within your control, one for those partly under your control, and one for those issues which are completely out of your control.
- Take the ones completely out of your control, put them all in a box and then throw the box away. You can't do anything about those, just accept that is how things are.
- Put the ones partially under your control in another box and keep them somewhere relatively close to hand. Review from time to time and see if they can be moved to one of the other boxes.
- Take the ones which you have complete control over and keep them nearby. These are the issues to focus on and the ones you have to power to control and change. Talk them through with people you are close to and try to find strategies to deal with them.
Easy for me to say as I'm lucky enough to not have had any problems with anxiety, but it has helped to some degree with the person I know. Good luck, and well done for asking for help
I had it really quite bad for most of the year in 2017, dreadful time, it was the first time I’ve had it and honestly thought my life was never going to be the same.
was all good up until recently I’ve had another tough couple of weeks but feel I’m coming out of it again
it’s left me with chest pain this time, which I believe is a symptom
was all good up until recently I’ve had another tough couple of weeks but feel I’m coming out of it again
it’s left me with chest pain this time, which I believe is a symptom
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