Do I have a drinking problem?
Discussion
Firstly, apologies for the long post!
I'm asking for some feedback on my drinking habits from the forum ... my wife told me that she thinks I have a drinking problem this morning whereas I don't think I do but I'm open to being educated.
The fact she has an issue with my drinking automatically means I have a problem by proxy I suppose.
So here goes ....
I don't drink Sunday to Thurs as a general rule. Other than if I'm out for a Sunday lunch where I'd have a couple of pints or if I'm away with work where I'd have 2 maybe 3 pints in the evening and might feel a little dusty at work the next day (usually every 6 weeks or so)
However on a Friday and Saturday night I'll regularly sit at home in front of the TV and have 3 cans of strong lager. Every so often this will turn into quite a few more and I end up drunk. Last night was one of those nights ... this occurs once or maybe twice a year.
She went to bed early and I stayed up to watch a film. I had 3 cans and one large bottle of beer (1500ml total so 3 pints ish) I then opened a 500ml bottle of port and finished it, I knew I shouldn't but couldn't help myself. So about 22 units in total, I was drunk but not steaming.
We have a 3 month old son so I was pretty useless helping her during the night so she's extremely pissed off. She's said she's going to stay at her mum's tonight ... this feels like a punishment.
Some other relevant info:
I have never felt the need or desire to have a drink in the morning.
I don't feel my drinking affects my life or prevents me from doing anything but I didnt go running this morning as I was hungover so I suppose it does a little.
Her grandma is a recovering alcoholic so she's a little sensitive on the topic. I don't know how bad it was but I know her mother still controls all her grandmother's money to prevent a relapse.
Thoughts? Do I have a problem? Am I an alcoholic?!
I'm asking for some feedback on my drinking habits from the forum ... my wife told me that she thinks I have a drinking problem this morning whereas I don't think I do but I'm open to being educated.
The fact she has an issue with my drinking automatically means I have a problem by proxy I suppose.
So here goes ....
I don't drink Sunday to Thurs as a general rule. Other than if I'm out for a Sunday lunch where I'd have a couple of pints or if I'm away with work where I'd have 2 maybe 3 pints in the evening and might feel a little dusty at work the next day (usually every 6 weeks or so)
However on a Friday and Saturday night I'll regularly sit at home in front of the TV and have 3 cans of strong lager. Every so often this will turn into quite a few more and I end up drunk. Last night was one of those nights ... this occurs once or maybe twice a year.
She went to bed early and I stayed up to watch a film. I had 3 cans and one large bottle of beer (1500ml total so 3 pints ish) I then opened a 500ml bottle of port and finished it, I knew I shouldn't but couldn't help myself. So about 22 units in total, I was drunk but not steaming.
We have a 3 month old son so I was pretty useless helping her during the night so she's extremely pissed off. She's said she's going to stay at her mum's tonight ... this feels like a punishment.
Some other relevant info:
I have never felt the need or desire to have a drink in the morning.
I don't feel my drinking affects my life or prevents me from doing anything but I didnt go running this morning as I was hungover so I suppose it does a little.
Her grandma is a recovering alcoholic so she's a little sensitive on the topic. I don't know how bad it was but I know her mother still controls all her grandmother's money to prevent a relapse.
Thoughts? Do I have a problem? Am I an alcoholic?!
John Laverick said:
I knew I shouldn't but couldn't help myself.
Thoughts? Do I have a problem? Am I an alcoholic?!
Not necessarily but if you're asking the question it suggests a problem exists.Thoughts? Do I have a problem? Am I an alcoholic?!
Why not sit down and have a chat with your wife about it if it's a touchy subject? Could you abstain without any difficulty?
I would suggest the fact that you chose / were compelled to get drunk rather than be available / help with a 3 month old baby would indicate selfishness rather than alcoholism.
Also understand that having a baby means a hard time for both parents and the best way to get through it intact is to be more considerate and patient with each other.
Also understand that having a baby means a hard time for both parents and the best way to get through it intact is to be more considerate and patient with each other.
Fattyfat said:
Not necessarily but if you're asking the question it suggests a problem exists.
Why not sit down and have a chat with your wife about it if it's a touchy subject? Could you abstain without any difficulty?
I didn't really think it was a problem until I met her and she raised it. That's why I'm asking...because I don't know. She thinks any amount of 'drinking on your own' is unacceptable.Why not sit down and have a chat with your wife about it if it's a touchy subject? Could you abstain without any difficulty?
I occasionally binge because I enjoy it ... Not to mask anything (that I'm aware of). I've got a good job, a beautiful wife and a new son...life is good. I just enjoy the odd session.
Can I abstain? I'll be honest, I find it difficult.
That's not a drinking problem, it sounds more of a tired wife lashing out problem, which I gather is perfectly normal occurance with babies. Make a gesture but its also perfectly reasonable for you both to have hair down nights! Possible to take a night off together with grands babysitting overnight etc?
I have similar drinking habits as you, will drink alone if my partner isn't around, but probably drink more, and don't think I have a drinking problem - but I don't have a young son. If it's impacting your ability to do your parental duties, maybe you should consider cutting down on the binge sessions unless you are not expected to look after your son that evening?
John Laverick said:
She thinks any amount of 'drinking on your own' is unacceptable.
Very strange , would your wife prefer you did your drinking in the pub ?I do all my drinking on my own [ you dont have to buy rounds ] , and while I dont neck as much as you per week
I did stop completely for a couple of months and found it relatively easy, which indicates I don't have an serious alcohol addiction,
so it can be done.
I did lose weight, and saved money [ Scottish booze is dearer thanks to the SNP fuhrer Sturgeon ] but I didn't feel any healthier.
On paper that's not a problem. What does that work out in units per week against the recommended? Don't work too hard on it as it will already put you in the "functioning alcoholic" category.
But if you're asking and she feels the need to point it out, are there other fact? When you're drunk are you sarcastic or more brave / outspoken towards her? It sounds as if you've found her limits, not necessarily yours.
Sit down when you're clear headed and ask some questions.
- Why does she think you have a problem?
- Does she feel neglected when you drink?
- is it affecting her time spent with you / your time spent with the wee one?
- What can be done different?
Everyone is different and handle booze in their own way.
But if you're asking and she feels the need to point it out, are there other fact? When you're drunk are you sarcastic or more brave / outspoken towards her? It sounds as if you've found her limits, not necessarily yours.
Sit down when you're clear headed and ask some questions.
- Why does she think you have a problem?
- Does she feel neglected when you drink?
- is it affecting her time spent with you / your time spent with the wee one?
- What can be done different?
Everyone is different and handle booze in their own way.
John Laverick said:
We have a 3 month old son so I was pretty useless helping her during the night
This is the problem. You drank too much, you couldn't help out. That's why you're being punished (and rightly so IMO, it's not the 50's anymore)I pretty much gave up drinking whilst my daughter was young, mostly for my own sanity so I didn't have to get up at 3am completely hammered. Also it would help your relationship with your wife, even if you didn't actually get up each time, but offering to/making a cuppa/checking all is ok when she gets back into bed.
Now, if you can't fathom the thought of not drinking at all to help with a 3 month old baby, maybe you do have a drink problem.
You're not an alcoholic.
You are a binge drinker.
If it's routinely affecting your relationships, then it's a problem associated with drink.
Personally, seems more like a relationship issue. You want to forget about the fact you have a new child for a few hours and remove yourself from any responsibility. That's not unhealthy when it's done in agreement with the other carer (i.e. the mother).
Do you ever give your wife child-free time?
You are a binge drinker.
If it's routinely affecting your relationships, then it's a problem associated with drink.
Personally, seems more like a relationship issue. You want to forget about the fact you have a new child for a few hours and remove yourself from any responsibility. That's not unhealthy when it's done in agreement with the other carer (i.e. the mother).
Do you ever give your wife child-free time?
FN2TypeR said:
Not by a long chalk I would say, but getting drunk whilst there's a young baby to care for seems like pretty selfish behaviour to me, knock it on the head
It's how I'd read it.Throw in some sensitivity about the alcohol issue in close family and probably being knackered from looking after a three month old and perhaps it's a culmination of things.
I would say that if you feel you can't simply stop drinking even on a weekend that is something to be thinking about as to why that is.
Two friends of mine, both say that they dont have a drink problem, one has 4-6 cans of beer a night, the other has 8 pints most nights.
I was in France two weeks ago and bought them a 12 bottle box of French beer, all different. I thought that they would like to compare the different tastes. They were only interested in the alcohol content.
These guys have a problem. They even look crap, same age as me but look 15 years older.
I was in France two weeks ago and bought them a 12 bottle box of French beer, all different. I thought that they would like to compare the different tastes. They were only interested in the alcohol content.
These guys have a problem. They even look crap, same age as me but look 15 years older.
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