Discussion
Digger said:
i prefer a flan said:
The daily mail would describe me as a 'recluse / loner / oddball' etc - in fact they did 14 years ago but less of that.
Why even mention that then? That was fourteen years ago.
)i prefer a flan said:
The daily mail would describe me as a 'recluse / loner / oddball' etc - in fact they did 14 years ago but less of that. There's even a disorder for it, called 'schizo personality disorder', of which I tick every box. That said I don't consider it a disorder because I like it. One of my contracts ended almost a year ago and I've only been outside for the essentials since (groceries etc), but I do like to go hill walking which is my main hobby. Naturally I do this alone. I spent most of my life alone so I don't know any different, I like it that way.
Is there a point to your post other than letting us know you exist?Edited by i prefer a flan on Wednesday 12th February 14:39
I don't consider it an issue. I have gone for 3 or 4 days without saying anything to someone, except to thank them for giving my clubcard back to me at Tesco.
Some people need more interaction than others (extroverts). Introverts tend to be able to survive more easily with their own thoughts and reflections.
As long as you feel happy...
Some people need more interaction than others (extroverts). Introverts tend to be able to survive more easily with their own thoughts and reflections.
As long as you feel happy...
Interesting. I think that retaining comfort in yourself without the need for extraneous human involvement can be a huge asset. Providing your comfort is indeed genuine and your post isn't a covert cry-for-help (and if it is, make it covert) - then that displays some serious serious self confidence, which is ironic as such a trait would put you in good stead should you ever feel the need to socialise.
I don't think I could do it. I work away a lot which at times requires some solitary living for short periods of time. There comes a point where I crave some form of interaction with people otherwise I start talking to cats.
I don't think I could do it. I work away a lot which at times requires some solitary living for short periods of time. There comes a point where I crave some form of interaction with people otherwise I start talking to cats.
StevieBee said:
Interesting. I think that retaining comfort in yourself without the need for extraneous human involvement can be a huge asset. Providing your comfort is indeed genuine and your post isn't a covert cry-for-help (and if it is, make it covert) - then that displays some serious serious self confidence, which is ironic as such a trait would put you in good stead should you ever feel the need to socialise.
I don't think I could do it. I work away a lot which at times requires some solitary living for short periods of time. There comes a point where I crave some form of interaction with people otherwise I start talking to cats.
Constructive response, thanks. But yes it's a genuine post. Regarding the social aspect I consider myself pretty confident, perhaps I'm not as socially competent as others but I never need it; my social life's fulfilled via the internet. Not sure how I'd be without that but I think I'd adapt. I don't think I could do it. I work away a lot which at times requires some solitary living for short periods of time. There comes a point where I crave some form of interaction with people otherwise I start talking to cats.
i prefer a flan said:
Evoluzione said:
Is there a point to your post other than letting us know you exist?
I just really enjoy the lifestyle that's all. Perhaps others can relate.
What're your views on it Evoluzione?
Also I can understand and relate to it, I'm a halfway house type, or a 75%er, I spend a lot of time on my own, but do then like to be amongst a select few for good company. Is has to be good company, not just being amongst mindless small talkers. If I am in the company of those then it's only for a short while before I need to get away and do something useful. When I'm with someone there needs to be a purpose to it; to help someone, to trade useful info, to talk about something interesting.I would like to know the psychology behind it.
Evoluzione said:
I would like to know the psychology behind it.
There's volumes written on the matter and no one single reason.One thesis that resonates with me sometimes and I suspect might with you, is this notion of intellectual disparity where those you mix with lack the depth and breadth of your own intellectual capacity. That doesn't mean that you are necessarily smarter than them but the type of intellect differs. Normally, this evens out organically as peer-groups tend to develop their own gravity attracting those on a similar intellectual plane. But sometimes it doesn't.
I'll give you my example.
When we moved into the village where we still live 20 years ago, I got fully stuck into the whole community thing - parish council, village fetes, committee meetings and the like. I enjoyed it. Then around 2005, I started to work internationally within the International Development field which required me to engage with governments at national level in all manner of weird and wonderful countries working on projects aimed at helping people in dire need of help. So I'd be in this position where I'd return from say two weeks of dealing with Ministers on policy development or community engagement in some of the world's poorest cities and dive back into a committee meeting where arguments ensued on the positioning of a new dog-turd bin on the village green.
This should have provided me a bit of balance; a grasp of normality but I found myself becoming increasingly detached from it to the point where, to be honest, it no longer mattered to me. I like that it matters to others but I'm now content that they exists and that I have no driving need to participate.
I'm far from a recluse but the need for me to mingle has grown less and less over the years and this is one of the reasons.
It's a difficult thing to articulate because it's easy to read as the suggestion that I'm somehow better than the others because I get around a bit. That really isn't the case at all it's just a case of the baselines and reference frameworks altering.
Anyway - that's the working hypothesis!
DKL said:
StevieBee said:
There comes a point where I crave some form of interaction with people otherwise I start talking to cats.
There are times when I think you may have got that the wrong way round. Nothing wrong with talking to cats (or dogs).I think its fine to live as you do, i prefer a flan. There are a lot of people who are quite comfortable on their own (me included) for long periods of time.
My only concerns are if you were to fall ill would anybody notice? Also if you did end up being ill for a period of time have you got enough people who would help you?
My only concerns are if you were to fall ill would anybody notice? Also if you did end up being ill for a period of time have you got enough people who would help you?
Evoluzione said:
I think you can do whatever the heck you like Also I can understand and relate to it, I'm a halfway house type, or a 75%er, I spend a lot of time on my own, but do then like to be amongst a select few for good company. Is has to be good company, not just being amongst mindless small talkers. If I am in the company of those then it's only for a short while before I need to get away and do something useful. When I'm with someone there needs to be a purpose to it; to help someone, to trade useful info, to talk about something interesting.
I would like to know the psychology behind it.
I'd investigate introvert vs extrovert. It's not being a party animal vs being shy. Also I can understand and relate to it, I'm a halfway house type, or a 75%er, I spend a lot of time on my own, but do then like to be amongst a select few for good company. Is has to be good company, not just being amongst mindless small talkers. If I am in the company of those then it's only for a short while before I need to get away and do something useful. When I'm with someone there needs to be a purpose to it; to help someone, to trade useful info, to talk about something interesting.I would like to know the psychology behind it.
Hoofy said:
Evoluzione said:
I think you can do whatever the heck you like Also I can understand and relate to it, I'm a halfway house type, or a 75%er, I spend a lot of time on my own, but do then like to be amongst a select few for good company. Is has to be good company, not just being amongst mindless small talkers. If I am in the company of those then it's only for a short while before I need to get away and do something useful. When I'm with someone there needs to be a purpose to it; to help someone, to trade useful info, to talk about something interesting.
I would like to know the psychology behind it.
I'd investigate introvert vs extrovert. It's not being a party animal vs being shy. Also I can understand and relate to it, I'm a halfway house type, or a 75%er, I spend a lot of time on my own, but do then like to be amongst a select few for good company. Is has to be good company, not just being amongst mindless small talkers. If I am in the company of those then it's only for a short while before I need to get away and do something useful. When I'm with someone there needs to be a purpose to it; to help someone, to trade useful info, to talk about something interesting.I would like to know the psychology behind it.
i prefer a flan said:
The daily mail would describe me as a 'recluse / loner / oddball' etc - in fact they did 14 years ago but less of that. There's even a disorder for it, called 'schizo personality disorder', of which I tick every box. That said I don't consider it a disorder because I like it. One of my contracts ended almost a year ago and I've only been outside for the essentials since (groceries etc), but I do like to go hill walking which is my main hobby. Naturally I do this alone. I spent most of my life alone so I don't know any different, I like it that way.
I wish there were more like you (us!) as its fashionable to be a load mouth these days!Edited by i prefer a flan on Wednesday 12th February 14:39
I enjoy lots of time to myself but, also like to meet up with friends and I am sure in these situations, nobody from the outside would think I am a bit of a loner because I can be very sociable as well! But the real me loves solitude and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I had to live alone in the wild for a couple of months.
I have an older friend (in his 70's) who hates being on his own and always wants company , which I find hard to understand but I make time for him as I realise we'll all different!
As long as you're happy, then don't worry- particularly as i would find your traits much more agreeable than any Big brother/love island soul-less loud mouth!!
i prefer a flan said:
That said I don't consider it a disorder because I like it.
I would suggest that many people with serious personality disorders may be ambivalent or even like their condition. However it may still be in their (and possibly also society's) best interests to have the disorder addressed and mitigated.Olivera said:
I would suggest that many people with serious personality disorders may be ambivalent or even like their condition. However it may still be in their (and possibly also society's) best interests to have the disorder addressed and mitigated.
That sounds quite chilling. Precisely the attitude to homosexuals not so long ago.why should being comfortable on your own be a "personality disorder"?
That could easily be said for wanting company and "approval" all the time from "friends" on FB.
There are certain things I would call a personality disorder that we are told are normal nowadays, in fact we are bullied that it is now mainstream.
That could easily be said for wanting company and "approval" all the time from "friends" on FB.
There are certain things I would call a personality disorder that we are told are normal nowadays, in fact we are bullied that it is now mainstream.
loskie said:
why should being comfortable on your own be a "personality disorder"?
That could easily be said for wanting company and "approval" all the time from "friends" on FB.
There are certain things I would call a personality disorder that we are told are normal nowadays, in fact we are bullied that it is now mainstream.
Agreed. The constant need for attention people develop with social media I can understand as a problem.That could easily be said for wanting company and "approval" all the time from "friends" on FB.
There are certain things I would call a personality disorder that we are told are normal nowadays, in fact we are bullied that it is now mainstream.
Being happy walking the hills with your dog hardly sounds like something to see a Dr about. But then I guess I am bias.
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