ADHD - Adults

[RichTT]

This is one of those threads that I could swear almost every post had been written by myself on various different days and states.

Unlike most others on here I was actually diagnosed reasonably early at around 17ys old (just turned 40). I took medication for the final year or so of secondary schooling but stopped soon after. I seem to recall that I felt there was some mood / personality changes that I didn't enjoy. But same as most of you here, clever, passed with decent scores on most things (80-90%) but never really had to study. Report cards and university results all just indicate that I could have done better if I'd only applied myself.

That being said I seem to have progressed through life and career at a reasonably stable level. Thankfully due to a career choice that generally meant I was able to manage my own time whilst I was working and also gave me extended periods off to do my own thing. I've always viewed my work as a means to an end. Work was just what enabled me to do / buy / experience the things I really wanted to do. I was never invested in it as a career or something to enjoy on the whole.

Hobbies and interests usually last me between 2-4 years, before I've either reached a level of competence that I'm happy with, or it's just time to move on to the next thing. I can be impulsive and obsessive, tendencies to self medicate to slow my inner monologue down. I can swing wildly between social awkwardness and have to force myself to be social in a work situation, or after a few drinks be the gregarious life of the party. However I've been finding more and more that I have to spent time recharging my social battery. Case in point, had an event over a weekend with my partners family over the holidays a few years ago. Large house all rented out, 25+ people. After two days we were due home but my partner wanted to stay an extra night. I couldn't. I ended up making my apologies and driving home and left her with her family to party on. I just needed away from such a crowded social situation that would involve endless small talk and being around loads of people.

This year, as I ended up spending 10 months at home due to the restriction on international travel, my mental health certainly deteriorated massively to a point that I had never experienced before. In the middle of the lockdown I had exhausted almost all of the personal projects that I had needed to do. I no longer enjoyed looking up recipes to cook for dinner, I barely did any exercise and ended up drinking far too much. I spent 6 weeks away on the first work trip of the year and found myself completely unable to focus and engage with the project. After returning home I had to spend another 14 days isolating at home and I think that was the lowest I've ever been in my adult life. Possibly due to a level of unhappiness and disillusionment with my work, lack of social interaction with friends and various other factors.

But i'm also not unaware that I am my own worst enemy. I tend to self medicate with alcohol, i don't exercise enough and can be a bit isolationist and withdrawn when I should try to get out more.

I've been considering speaking to a doctor about medication again, however concerns over being able to travel with it overseas and/or my company being aware of it are holding me back. Certainly can't afford a career change for another 3-4 years at minimum.

[sparkyhx]

Woodrow Wilson said:

sparkyhx said:

There are some behavioural techniques that can help, but unfortunately medication is often a game changer for many, nothing to be scared of and worth a try...... if it doesnt work you can always stop but if you never try.........

I did try for a short while, a few years ago, but I didn't notice any improvement -I was working in a particularly boring role at the time, though.
.

when you say tried, what do you mean. The titration of the dosage needs to be closely monitored for effects and effectiveness by your psychiatrist/GP, do you mean you reached a point where either the max dose wasnt working or the max tolerable dose wasnt working (i.e. too many side effects)

Edited by sparkyhx on Tuesday 24th November 14:23

[sparkyhx]

Hugo Stiglitz said:

sbarclay62 said:

Found this podcast on ADHD with Adrian Chiles on the Guardian.

Worth a listen.

https://www.theguardian.com/news/audio/2020/nov/13...

The last 6mins with the Professor were very good to listen to for me.

I personally don't 'understand' those who self medicate with pharmaceutical's be it illegal or legal. Throughout my life I've hated all medication with a passion. I do get the self medication with alcohol though sadly.

This is exactly the atttitude that confuses me, and its particularly prevelant in men, as is a general ignoring of medical issues..
If someone is struggling with life (and people do), under achbieving0 their potential and there is a 'fix' that isnt worse than the problem, why go thru life denying that fix for yourself. Nobody in a wheelchairs says .....oh I hate this, I really would prefer to just haul myself around the ground on my hands.

Nobody is saying you MUST, its a personal choice you have, to balance the +ve's with the -ve's. We all ingest chemicals all the time throughout the day, what is it that makes chemicals any better or worse. natural or man made. Judge 'chemicals' by their effects, not judge and deny before you try.

[sparkyhx]

shirt said:

i was diagnosed with ADD earlier this year. the diagnosis was so accurate i cried when i got home. it didn't feel like a positive cloud lifting / realisation type moment. instead i dwelled on past mistakes and felt deep sorrow, shame and guilt. i'm learning to get past this now, slowly. i am 39.

the 'high functioning' comment rings true with me. i was a very bright child, i never studied for any exams yet never received less than top marks. i wasn't disruptive, the energy i had was largely mental, for which i had a lot of channels to deplete it. i was introspective, a dreamer and an adventurer. in retrospect, my school reports would have a common theme along the lines of 'very capable, if he chooses to apply himself' which i guess has continued ever since.

my career has been a series of adventures and misadventures. i tend to find that once i've mastered something i get bored of it very quickly. hence i tend to drift, literally doing nothing for days on end due to what feels like a physical inability to apply myself, then going into hyperfocus. i've made a lot of sideways career moves, very few upward ones. i am stellar when i apply myself, useless when i don't. my time keeping, organisation, anything to do with 'soft' skills are in total disarray. its a long running 'joke' that i arrive and leave the office 2 hrs later than everyone else.

i found my 'calling' has been in high pressure situations requiring lateral thought and authoritative decision making. i'm in a PMO role at present but spent a lot of time in the field prior to this, and by that i mean in war zones and other such desirable locations. i excel at pulling rabbits out of hats and spinning plates. i can be extremely eloquent and verbose on one hand yet crude and blunt on the other. i find it hard to work with people who are mentally slower than i am [which is often] and i find it hard to mask my emotions [my OH observes that i am dismissive of people i don't feel invested in]. these are great attributes for getting st done with no resources in the middle of nowhere but not so great now i'm trying to move away from field work to a more geographically stable senior position. luckily i have a couple of great heads of department who handpicked me for my current role as i am [their words] half friendly and half a complete bd. i told them about my diagnosis and they agree with it 100%. they give me a long leash, i try not to abuse that.

socially/personally i also find it to be have a lot of positives. i have a small group of close friends but these are people i feel genuinely connected to, some are like family. i am great at reading people, my imagination is limitless and i'm a great storyteller. however i can also be socially inappropriate and rude without intending it, i have poor self control and addictive tendencies, and frequently used to do things to my detriment just for the kicks.

i've struggled with depression and anxiety since my mid 20s and have undergone several periods of therapy which never worked. after the last severe episode i ended up with my current psychiatrist who initially diagnosed me with GAD for which we got quite far into treatment before hitting the ADD nail on the head. i'm currently being weaned off the anxiety meds and have been prescribed concerta for the ADD. some days it works perfectly and un-noticeably, others it mades me feel like i've had a crate of redbull and a bag of speed for lunch. i now take rivotril [a sedative] to balance this out. there's a limited range of pysch meds available out here so i'm on quite the cocktail. i absolutely hate having to buy a carrier bag full of happy pills every month. sometimes i get overcome with emotion, sometimes i have to hide away for a day or two. the pills are affecting my short term memory as i can go completely blank mid sentence and have zero recall around what i was saying or was about to say. this can be terribly embarrassing. my sympathies are with all of you who are going down the pills route.

i'm very lucky in that i have my OH in all of this. she really is a diamond and she's helped me a lot in dealing with it. she's a very practical person which is what i need, and i'm continually fascinated by her which is also what my mind needs. i hope we grow old disgracefully together.

Hmm, I dont want to add insult to injury, but have you ever considered a Autism diagnosis as ADD/ADHD can often go hand in hand.withn Autism.

Your story has LOTS of red flags

Your reaction is natural, you can go thru a kind of grief for the 'what if' . The 5 stages of grief can become relevant in tho journey from diagnosis, good luck.

[shirt]

Red flags? Such as?

I don’t remotely identify with any of the signs and of autism or aspergers (I think that’s what you’re driving at?), nor has it ever been suggested by anyone I’ve seen professionally.

I think for most with high functioning ADD, it’s not something you focus on, but is a prolonged pattern of behaviours that Is only apparent when viewed in retrospect. Hence a diagnosis that gets everything spot on is a heady mix of emotions which, because of the speed of thought, can be overwhelming. I’m ok with everything now beyond having to take so many bloody pills, but learning how to catch myself doing certain things and keep the positive attributes whilst not allowing the negatives to be quite so apparent.

[Hugo Stiglitz]

sparkyhx said:

Hugo Stiglitz said:

sbarclay62 said:

Found this podcast on ADHD with Adrian Chiles on the Guardian.

Worth a listen.

https://www.theguardian.com/news/audio/2020/nov/13...

The last 6mins with the Professor were very good to listen to for me.

I personally don't 'understand' those who self medicate with pharmaceutical's be it illegal or legal. Throughout my life I've hated all medication with a passion. I do get the self medication with alcohol though sadly.

This is exactly the atttitude that confuses me, and its particularly prevelant in men, as is a general ignoring of medical issues..
If someone is struggling with life (and people do), under achbieving0 their potential and there is a 'fix' that isnt worse than the problem, why go thru life denying that fix for yourself. Nobody in a wheelchairs says .....oh I hate this, I really would prefer to just haul myself around the ground on my hands.

Nobody is saying you MUST, its a personal choice you have, to balance the +ve's with the -ve's. We all ingest chemicals all the time throughout the day, what is it that makes chemicals any better or worse. natural or man made. Judge 'chemicals' by their effects, not judge and deny before you try.

I believe I am also on the spectrum. An example is I can't have a washing machine or vacuum cleaner on anywhere near me. So its not ignorance per se interns of my attitude towards meds I don't think?

Edited by Hugo Stiglitz on Tuesday 24th November 15:54

[Woodrow Wilson]

sparkyhx said:

Woodrow Wilson said:

sparkyhx said:

There are some behavioural techniques that can help, but unfortunately medication is often a game changer for many, nothing to be scared of and worth a try...... if it doesnt work you can always stop but if you never try.........

I did try for a short while, a few years ago, but I didn't notice any improvement -I was working in a particularly boring role at the time, though.
.

when you say tried, what do you mean. The titration of the dosage needs to be closely monitored for effects and effectiveness by your psychiatrist/GP, do you mean you reached a point where either the max dose wasnt working or the max tolerable dose wasnt working (i.e. too many side effects)

Edited by sparkyhx on Tuesday 24th November 14:23

I saw a specialist, who seemed a little sceptical about what I was saying. I tried a dose of Concerta XL for a few weeks. I went back to my GP, told them I didn't think it was giving much benefit. It was suggested that I stopped taking it and I never had another appointment with the specialist. I suspect I was at the bottom of the list for treatment as somebody who appeared outwardly fine, could function and had a job.

I didn't really want to be taking controlled stimulants long-term.

[Woodrow Wilson]

shirt said:

i was diagnosed with ADD earlier this year. the diagnosis was so accurate i cried when i got home. it didn't feel like a positive cloud lifting / realisation type moment. instead i dwelled on past mistakes and felt deep sorrow, shame and guilt. i'm learning to get past this now, slowly. i am 39.

the 'high functioning' comment rings true with me. i was a very bright child, i never studied for any exams yet never received less than top marks. i wasn't disruptive, the energy i had was largely mental, for which i had a lot of channels to deplete it. i was introspective, a dreamer and an adventurer. in retrospect, my school reports would have a common theme along the lines of 'very capable, if he chooses to apply himself' which i guess has continued ever since.

my career has been a series of adventures and misadventures. i tend to find that once i've mastered something i get bored of it very quickly. hence i tend to drift, literally doing nothing for days on end due to what feels like a physical inability to apply myself, then going into hyperfocus. i've made a lot of sideways career moves, very few upward ones. i am stellar when i apply myself, useless when i don't. my time keeping, organisation, anything to do with 'soft' skills are in total disarray. its a long running 'joke' that i arrive and leave the office 2 hrs later than everyone else.

i found my 'calling' has been in high pressure situations requiring lateral thought and authoritative decision making. i'm in a PMO role at present but spent a lot of time in the field prior to this, and by that i mean in war zones and other such desirable locations. i excel at pulling rabbits out of hats and spinning plates. i can be extremely eloquent and verbose on one hand yet crude and blunt on the other. i find it hard to work with people who are mentally slower than i am [which is often] and i find it hard to mask my emotions [my OH observes that i am dismissive of people i don't feel invested in]. these are great attributes for getting st done with no resources in the middle of nowhere but not so great now i'm trying to move away from field work to a more geographically stable senior position. luckily i have a couple of great heads of department who handpicked me for my current role as i am [their words] half friendly and half a complete bd. i told them about my diagnosis and they agree with it 100%. they give me a long leash, i try not to abuse that.

socially/personally i also find it to be have a lot of positives. i have a small group of close friends but these are people i feel genuinely connected to, some are like family. i am great at reading people, my imagination is limitless and i'm a great storyteller. however i can also be socially inappropriate and rude without intending it, i have poor self control and addictive tendencies, and frequently used to do things to my detriment just for the kicks.

i've struggled with depression and anxiety since my mid 20s and have undergone several periods of therapy which never worked. after the last severe episode i ended up with my current psychiatrist who initially diagnosed me with GAD for which we got quite far into treatment before hitting the ADD nail on the head. i'm currently being weaned off the anxiety meds and have been prescribed concerta for the ADD. some days it works perfectly and un-noticeably, others it mades me feel like i've had a crate of redbull and a bag of speed for lunch. i now take rivotril [a sedative] to balance this out. there's a limited range of pysch meds available out here so i'm on quite the cocktail. i absolutely hate having to buy a carrier bag full of happy pills every month. sometimes i get overcome with emotion, sometimes i have to hide away for a day or two. the pills are affecting my short term memory as i can go completely blank mid sentence and have zero recall around what i was saying or was about to say. this can be terribly embarrassing. my sympathies are with all of you who are going down the pills route.

i'm very lucky in that i have my OH in all of this. she really is a diamond and she's helped me a lot in dealing with it. she's a very practical person which is what i need, and i'm continually fascinated by her which is also what my mind needs. i hope we grow old disgracefully together.

Much of what you have written sounds very familiar to me. I really need to find a role that suits me.

[Woodrow Wilson]

RichTT said:

This is one of those threads that I could swear almost every post had been written by myself on various different days and states.

Unlike most others on here I was actually diagnosed reasonably early at around 17ys old (just turned 40). I took medication for the final year or so of secondary schooling but stopped soon after. I seem to recall that I felt there was some mood / personality changes that I didn't enjoy. But same as most of you here, clever, passed with decent scores on most things (80-90%) but never really had to study. Report cards and university results all just indicate that I could have done better if I'd only applied myself.

That being said I seem to have progressed through life and career at a reasonably stable level. Thankfully due to a career choice that generally meant I was able to manage my own time whilst I was working and also gave me extended periods off to do my own thing. I've always viewed my work as a means to an end. Work was just what enabled me to do / buy / experience the things I really wanted to do. I was never invested in it as a career or something to enjoy on the whole.

Hobbies and interests usually last me between 2-4 years, before I've either reached a level of competence that I'm happy with, or it's just time to move on to the next thing. I can be impulsive and obsessive

Again, much, although not all, sounds very familiar to me.

University provided me with some good experiences, and I learned quite a lot about my subject (people would ask me to expalin things to them), but my project and exam results at the end were dire.

I enjoy a range of interests, I am eternally inquisitive, and have done and achieved some good things, but I am definitely somebody who likes to achieve competence in a range of skills and activities, rather than specialise/devote my time to a narrow range for many years.

I am sociable, although prefer a smaller group, and talk a lot -which is something that people often comment on- and enjoy debating about all kinds of things.

Similarly to Adrian Chiles, I'm happy to talk and discuss at length in front of other people, with only a vague plan. I'm not good at planning or carrying-out pre-planned tasks.

My career choices have been poor.

[Hugo Stiglitz]

Woodrow Wilson said:

Much of what you have written sounds very familiar to me. I really need to find a role that suits me.

Frontline bluelight Police Officer working solo

[PopsandBangs]

Reading some of the posts here is incredibly, well, comforting in a way, in so far they are describing exactly what's been happening to me for most of my life, as others have said.

I am certain that this is what is wrong with me. I'm 31 now and despite buckets of opportunity and ability I've struggled.

What I would ask is how do you even begin to address this formally? I feel like I can't just go to the GP and say that's what I think I have, can you investigate? I'd just be met with eye rolls I'm feel. And I feel like I wouldn't be able to describe the problem and it encompasses properly on the day, and steer them towards looking into this for me.

Are there any brief tips to start the process?

[sparkyhx]

PopsandBangs said:

Reading some of the posts here is incredibly, well, comforting in a way, in so far they are describing exactly what's been happening to me for most of my life, as others have said.

I am certain that this is what is wrong with me. I'm 31 now and despite buckets of opportunity and ability I've struggled.

What I would ask is how do you even begin to address this formally? I feel like I can't just go to the GP and say that's what I think I have, can you investigate? I'd just be met with eye rolls I'm feel. And I feel like I wouldn't be able to describe the problem and it encompasses properly on the day, and steer them towards looking into this for me.

Are there any brief tips to start the process?

Firstly ask yourself WHY you want a diagnosis.
- General curiosity?
- you need it for people to make resonable adjustments?,
- access to medication? (can ONLY be done with formal diagnosis),
- If you are someone who is reluctant to take any medication, then ask yourself why you are doing it.
- Getting one can be a mixed blessing and there can be a quite astrong 'grief' response as outlined by someone above.
- What is the mental cost (and possible £ cost of a 'failed diagnosis'
etc

Only you can answer the above

I would also suggest you look at online test tools. The most recognised is the Wender Utah Rating Scale (WURS) which is the one professionals will use. This gives a reasonable indication of ADHD/ADD. However I'm not sure if this is readilly available pnline with the associated interpretation. ( I have a version which I have automated for my wife, but that is commercial). Other tests are available online, but be aware some will ask the question and try to sell you the interpretation at the end.

If there is a strong indication of ADD/ADHD then take it to the next level

If the answer is still Yes after careful consideration

then you have 2.5 routes
1. go to your GP, convince them, wait for a psychologist appointment - lead times are generally massive depending on where you live (and at the moment)
2. go private to a psychologist/[sychiatrist (diagnosis is 3-500 BUT if you want medicationyou will have to pay for appointments at circa 100 a pop for the titration process until they find the right dose.
2.5 - go to your GP get their backing/referal and then if the local lead times are unacceptable, pull the 'right to choose card' and go to a registererd private provider doctor wont be happy and neither will the local authority, but tough This avoids the private route diagnosis and titration expenses.

I'm sure there are a few private partners but we only know of 1 at the moment who will fight with the local care trust for you if they refuse the 'right to chose'. You just leave the matter with them and they do all the work, no effort from you.

Hope this helps

Edited by sparkyhx on Tuesday 23 March 18:50

[Hugo Stiglitz]

My route was get the GP to refer.

Then go private.

The wait is 5yrs+ via the NHS route.

[sparkyhx]

Hugo Stiglitz said:

My route was get the GP to refer.

Then go private.

The wait is 5yrs+ via the NHS route.

depends where you live, it varies.

My wife has just helped someone get a diagnosis in under 6 weeks as they needed it for University - this was via the 2.5 route above. That person was in Uni 400+ miles away (my wife is well known in Autism/ADHD circles), she did the initial triage using the WURS and a Zoom interview and then referal letter to the doctor. Funilly enough it took nearly as long for the person to get their weight and blood pressure tested for the medication to start, as it did for the original diagnosis, all due to Covid.

[sparkyhx]

Woodrow Wilson said:

I saw a specialist, who seemed a little sceptical about what I was saying. I tried a dose of Concerta XL for a few weeks. I went back to my GP, told them I didn't think it was giving much benefit. It was suggested that I stopped taking it and I never had another appointment with the specialist. I suspect I was at the bottom of the list for treatment as somebody who appeared outwardly fine, could function and had a job.

I didn't really want to be taking controlled stimulants long-term.

so basicall the medical professional didnt do his job! The titration process can take a while.

If you are not struggling in life, I get you dont want medication, why bother. But something must have been awry for you to seek diagnosis otherwise why bother?

[sparkyhx]

shirt said:

Red flags? Such as?

I don’t remotely identify with any of the signs and of autism or aspergers (I think that’s what you’re driving at?), nor has it ever been suggested by anyone I’ve seen professionally.

I wouldnt worry about it not having been spotted https://youtu.be/cF2dhWWUyQ4?t=840, at least you havent ended up blind like this woman. The medical profession are fecking useless at times in this area. We have had a few Consultant Psychiatrists on our autism training courses, who have all fed back the introductory course taught them more than their medical training.

Anyway you asked about 'red flags', Obviously I dont have a full history like a psychologist would takeand there is no early life experience in what you wrote. Some of the things I highlight are crossover features with Autism and ADHD, . As are many other feature that cross over with other conditions. Hence the misdiagnosis issues especially around depression and anxiety related conditions e.g. GAD, Bi-polar, Borderline.

Below is what I see from just what you wrote about your life experience. Many of these do not fit the stereotypes and this is one reason it sometimes doesnt get spotted even by professionals.

1. ADD - common co-condition
2. bright child
3. Introspective
4. i tend to find that once i've mastered something i get bored of it very quickly - potentially 'special interest' signs. Its not the subject or the lifelong interest(train spotting) its the 'intensity'. Some autistic people flit from one thing to another, but always with a level of intensity that characterises autism.
5. my time keeping, organisation, anything to do with 'soft' skills are in total disarray - executive functioning
6. requiring lateral thought - creative (two sides of autism - creative and logical, the creative side gets lost in the rainman sterotype.
7. extremely eloquent and verbose on one hand yet crude and blunt on the other - absolute classic signs
8. i find it hard to work with people who are mentally slower than i am - theory of mind
9. i am dismissive of people - theory of mind and social communication
10. i have a small group of close friends - classic
11. socially inappropriate and rude without intending it, - classic
12. my imagination is limitless and i'm a great storyteller - creative - quite funny about imagination https://www.ted.com/talks/rosie_king_how_autism_fr...
13. i am great at reading people - this can be seen as proof not autism, but in reality people can become a special interest and you can develoip the skills . Ive seen it in some autistic people.
14. i've struggled with depression and anxiety - common co conditions
15. diagnosed me with GAD - multiple 'wrong' diagnosis - see the horrendous story linked at the top of the page.
16. overcome with emotion, sometimes i have to hide away for a day or two - not uncommon (meltdowns shutdowns, - not sure if the emotion reference is an empathy thing

Like I said there are lots of crossovers with ADD/ADHD and autism both in diagnosis and in the fact they are co-occuring conditions

How's that for red flags? - like I said it doesnt mean you are Autistic, they could be just traits But your story resonated for those reasons.

Edited by sparkyhx on Thursday 26th November 09:26

[Woodrow Wilson]

sparkyhx said:

so basicall the medical professional didnt do his job! The titration process can take a while.

If you are not struggling in life, I get you dont want medication, why bother. But something must have been awry for you to seek diagnosis otherwise why bother?

I have written at length earlier in the thread.

For me it would appear that I have ended up in a position whereby my employment, what I am paid to do, does not suit me at all and I derive almost zero satisfaction from it. I struggle with many of the generic skills required of many modern jobs, focus on demand, repetition and task-time management/prioritasation/planning, documentation, rules, regulations etc. although it surprises/annoys people as I do not appear as somebody who might have those difficulties. I am a good communicator who typically knows what to say and to whom, although sometimes the effort involved feels too much.

I'm not sure what I could do full time that I would enjoy or how I could find something that would suit me better.

If I was independently wealthy, with no need to earn a wage, I am certain that I could keep myself occupied through my interests and through getting more involved in helpful local activities and organisations.

[sparkyhx]

Woodrow Wilson said:

I have written at length earlier in the thread.

I struggle with many of the generic skills required of many modern jobs, focus on demand, repetition and task-time management/prioritasation/planning, documentation, rules, regulations etc.

Ok, so why not persevere with the medcication so you can cope with the job? Medication is successful for 80%. who take it. ........80% why deny yourself that opportunity
Seeking a diagnosis makes perfert sense given your travails.... but surely finding the right dosethat works for you seems a sensible 'payoff' vs 'taking stuff long term'. Assuming of course a dosage can be found that doesnt cause more problems than it solves.

Equally some of the behavioural techniques can address those things you describe.

It's priorities and at the end of the day you have to decide what is best for you. I maybe misreading, and apologies if I am, but you dont sound too happy at the moment maybe time to change things up.

Edited by sparkyhx on Thursday 26th November 10:14

[VR99]

I've never spoken to anyone about what I believe might be ADD but when I look at all the various patterns fairly sure I may have it to some extent.
39, working but always feel I have never found my 'calling'. Procrastination has been the bane of my life..it has affected everything and anything whether it be professional or personal.
Never been depressed as such but sometimes get anxious about the 'what could of been' if I had been able to make sensible choice early then stick with them especially career-wise. In my 20's there were options that I knew if I take them..they would effectively guarantee that I'd be in a certain type of job and be able to have a certain level of earning power etc but even knowing that I could never get my head down..this isn't new...always been a daydreamer when younger and my mind tends to 'wander' a lot..I could be looking at cars one min, then YouTube random crap then trainers the next minute or some other random forum. Distraction and the habit of sticking to 1 task at a time seems to be a struggle.
It's a vicious circle as with age there is always that niggling feeling that I've lost the most precious commodity (time) and the what if scenarios start playing out even though it's a waste of time stressing about what could of been or anything in the past for that matter as what's done is done. I don't gamble or do drugs..I do booze every now and then but I do tend to have an 'addictive' trait so when something becomes interesting to me I am all in and constantly looking into it etc
To summarise, for me personally the discipline of sticking to one task at a time seems to be a struggle. The concept of 'deep work' interests me but not been able to do it yet!

[Woodrow Wilson]

sparkyhx said:

Ok, so why not persevere with the medcication so you can cope with the job? Medication is successful for 80%. who take it. ........80% why deny yourself that opportunity
Seeking a diagnosis makes perfert sense given your travails.... but surely finding the right dosethat works for you seems a sensible 'payoff' vs 'taking stuff long term'. Assuming of course a dosage can be found that doesnt cause more problems than it solves.

Equally some of the behavioural techniques can address those things you describe.

It's priorities and at the end of the day you have to decide what is best for you. I maybe misreading, and apologies if I am, but you dont sound too happy at the moment maybe time to change things up.

Frustrated is probably a better term, along with disappointment in my experiences of working.

The difference between my cognitive/communication abilities and my executive functioning is what appears to be the problem (although I shouldn't complain too much)

I would prefer to find more suitable work than to rely on taking stimulants or anti-depressants.

I have long passed caring about being wealthy, climbing the corporate ladder or even having a job with status. Comfortable and a sense of some achievement, usefulness and learning things will do.