How do you get through divorce?
Discussion
Unfortunately I've gone back on the booze. Otherwise time just drags. I have a HUGE project which is renovating my parents house, but I can't face doing anything. I just want to sit and look at the wall or watch mindless things on the internet.
I am trying to connect with people, but managed to socially isolate myself over the years and have no-one really.
I am trying to connect with people, but managed to socially isolate myself over the years and have no-one really.
Shadowy_me said:
Unfortunately I've gone back on the booze. Otherwise time just drags. I have a HUGE project which is renovating my parents house, but I can't face doing anything. I just want to sit and look at the wall or watch mindless things on the internet.
I am trying to connect with people, but managed to socially isolate myself over the years and have no-one really.
Best way I found to get off the booze. Don't buy it. If it's not in the house, it's harder to drink it.I am trying to connect with people, but managed to socially isolate myself over the years and have no-one really.
Perhaps a smaller project. I was thinking more "learn to draw", or an online course to help with your career
Either way. Don't panic and take your time.
Start small with your parents house. Pick the smallest bedroom, strip the walls, fill any damage, rub down the paintwork. Mindless time consuming stuff. Soon you will be thinking about paint or paper schemes. Take your time. Then stand back and admire your work. Realise you can do it! Next room and so on.
Do reach out yo folks here. Again, what part of the country are you?
Do reach out yo folks here. Again, what part of the country are you?
Edited by elanfan on Saturday 27th June 22:48
When I was 41 I split up with my wife of 16 years (& 3 children).
Had a few weeks of despair and no direction then I got proof that she was seeing someone else so, within a week, I started a fun time of dating girls more than 20 years younger than me.
Got my sel-esteem back and learned to enjoy life.... Not looked back since!
Had a few weeks of despair and no direction then I got proof that she was seeing someone else so, within a week, I started a fun time of dating girls more than 20 years younger than me.
Got my sel-esteem back and learned to enjoy life.... Not looked back since!
Ultra Sound Guy said:
When I was 41 I split up with my wife of 16 years (& 3 children).
Had a few weeks of despair and no direction then I got proof that she was seeing someone else so, within a week, I started a fun time of dating girls more than 20 years younger than me.
Got my sel-esteem back and learned to enjoy life.... Not looked back since!
You were dating teenagers?Had a few weeks of despair and no direction then I got proof that she was seeing someone else so, within a week, I started a fun time of dating girls more than 20 years younger than me.
Got my sel-esteem back and learned to enjoy life.... Not looked back since!
the_stoat said:
Luckily I migrated from Mondeo type lady to a magnificent Maserati.
So something practical, sensible & reliable to a beautiful, expensive, high maintenance status symbol! In the wife stakes that may not be the best thing!!OP it's a s
t time & I can relate totally to your description of how you feel. It's a very difficult period & a times it feels like there is no way out. There will be. You need to get through it. Many of the suggestion of others will help, it's like you need to distract yourself from the thoughts going through your head. Even with all of the suggestions you will still have dark points. Booze does not help, neither does looking back thinking what you could have done different or thinking about what you have lost. You need to avoid those things that pinned you to the relationship. For example there was certain music I could not listen to, certain places I could not look at or see, they would all be triggers. Then one day you will wake up, you won't know why or how, but it will be all over. You will be able to move on & you will wonder why you felt so bad for so long. It will happen almost overnight. You will feel a weight has been lifted Motivation will rocket & you will start enjoying life again.
Stick with it, it will work out!
Moved in to a rented house, got broadband, went on dating sites, within 2 months met my now wife and have been together 15 years now and I am happier than ever and realise my divorce was the best thing ever.
Bearing I mind I went from a lovely detached house, double garage etc to leaving with literally what I could fit in my car and had to buy everything to live, kettle, plates, pans, cutlery, microwave, fridge , tv etc, I had nothing. The first weekend the kids came round it was sleeping bags on the floor for them.
Didnt have much money so it was ebay too, tv was 20 quid, etc etc.
Now I have got back to where I was before but a hundred times happier.
So look on it as a chance to put that miserable life behind you and think thank god I got out of it.
For me it was online dating that saved me, it gave me hope and social contact a focus that got me out of bed in the morning to turn on my pc ( no smartphones in those days)
Bearing I mind I went from a lovely detached house, double garage etc to leaving with literally what I could fit in my car and had to buy everything to live, kettle, plates, pans, cutlery, microwave, fridge , tv etc, I had nothing. The first weekend the kids came round it was sleeping bags on the floor for them.
Didnt have much money so it was ebay too, tv was 20 quid, etc etc.
Now I have got back to where I was before but a hundred times happier.
So look on it as a chance to put that miserable life behind you and think thank god I got out of it.
For me it was online dating that saved me, it gave me hope and social contact a focus that got me out of bed in the morning to turn on my pc ( no smartphones in those days)
GT03ROB said:
So something practical, sensible & reliable to a beautiful, expensive, high maintenance status symbol! In the wife stakes that may not be the best thing!!
You misunderstand me, I have moved from settling for the Mondeo to choosing to be be with someone wonderful. Divorce was hard, but it gave me the chance to be choosey and be with someone I really want to be with as opposed to ended up with. Also she is definitely not a status symbol, she is magnificent in her own right and has done amazing things in life. So am I proud of her and to be with her, yes absolutely, but not for the reason you suggest in your response.To the OP take this time to work out what you really want, once you know and are happy with your own company (this will come over time) go after what you want.
Ultra Sound Guy said:
2 GKC said:
You were dating teenagers?
First one I started going out with on her 18th birthday, she soon moved in with me for about 18 months. Followed by a 20 year old who stayed with me for 2 years. Followed by a string of flings!the_stoat said:
GT03ROB said:
So something practical, sensible & reliable to a beautiful, expensive, high maintenance status symbol! In the wife stakes that may not be the best thing!!
You misunderstand me, I have moved from settling for the Mondeo to choosing to be be with someone wonderful. Divorce was hard, but it gave me the chance to be choosey and be with someone I really want to be with as opposed to ended up with. Also she is definitely not a status symbol, she is magnificent in her own right and has done amazing things in life. So am I proud of her and to be with her, yes absolutely, but not for the reason you suggest in your response.I split from a decade long relationship and had to buy the cheapest run down semi I could find as I had not much more than a deposit to get me going.
Was hard as the house needed everything doing and living on your own can make motivation hard ( might be similar to you now).
I remember not long after getting the keys the boiler shat itself and I was huddling a bony lurcher for warmth while looking at a thermostat that read single digits in the night.
Not long after that it transpired the roof and chimney was quite buggered.
Was pretty bleak as I was skint and had moved from a lovely home.
My advice would be limit the drink and if you are going to watch youtube then watch / learn loads of DIY stuff and get cracking.
51 is not old either.
18 months on I now have a new Mrs and house is well on the way to being sorted, chin up.
Was hard as the house needed everything doing and living on your own can make motivation hard ( might be similar to you now).
I remember not long after getting the keys the boiler shat itself and I was huddling a bony lurcher for warmth while looking at a thermostat that read single digits in the night.
Not long after that it transpired the roof and chimney was quite buggered.
Was pretty bleak as I was skint and had moved from a lovely home.
My advice would be limit the drink and if you are going to watch youtube then watch / learn loads of DIY stuff and get cracking.
51 is not old either.
18 months on I now have a new Mrs and house is well on the way to being sorted, chin up.
For me, it was a lot like grieving. It’s important to not expect things to be reconciled in your head immediately and there are stages. Human nature also leans us to look inwardly for blame. If you were in a toxic relationship, it would never have worked, even if you had compromised yourself fully. Remember you are a valid, loved individual. I was fortunate to have the support of a couple of good friends- we didn’t have the internet then, so forums like this are a good way of sounding off. Lastly, you will love again. In the meantime look after yourself, and consolidate rather than make rash decisions
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