How do you get through divorce?
Discussion
Shadowy_me said:
I have started on some renovation. It’s really hard and I have no motivation. Or friends. Not sure how that happened.
Because you haven't bothered answering questions like "whereabouts are you" earlier in the thread 
There's enough of us on here happy to stand you a pint (on the 4th).It is really hard, so divide the elephant into bite sized portions. Your motivation can be "not living in a building site" if you like.
P.S. Did you get some professional advice?
It's tough - I went through it a few years ago and it grinds you down. But after a few months of feeling low I forced a change of mindset.
Stop dwelling on the past and look to the future. Use it as an opportunity to make yourself a more content person and build a better life.
You mention having no friends. Go and find some (easier said than done under current circumstances I appreciate). Find an online course, maybe in property renovation? This will help you with your current project, and I'm sure folks are running Zoom based night classes, so you can meet new friends.
You mentioned somewhere about drinking and relationships? These two things affect many of us, and there's usually an underlying dissatisfaction or issues that promote these behaviours. So maybe seek some counselling to help you through this period and come out of it as a stronger person.
And finally don't make any rash decisions about anything!
Best of luck.
Stop dwelling on the past and look to the future. Use it as an opportunity to make yourself a more content person and build a better life.
You mention having no friends. Go and find some (easier said than done under current circumstances I appreciate). Find an online course, maybe in property renovation? This will help you with your current project, and I'm sure folks are running Zoom based night classes, so you can meet new friends.
You mentioned somewhere about drinking and relationships? These two things affect many of us, and there's usually an underlying dissatisfaction or issues that promote these behaviours. So maybe seek some counselling to help you through this period and come out of it as a stronger person.
And finally don't make any rash decisions about anything!
Best of luck.
Making friends at school and Uni is easy. There's loads of people your own age, having the same experiences, and developing new interests.
As an adult, you've probably developed most of your interests already. So you need to work out how to find people with the same interests, and go make some friends. It's harder, but needs to be done. If you like cycling, find a cycling club. If you like skiing, find a ski club, etc.
Start with the basics, and eat healthily, take regular exercise and don't drink too much. Go to bed at regular times, and get into a routine.
Find something to throw yourself into. House renovation, training for a marathon or your career, but give yourself some purpose.
Spend time with your kids. (Maybe).
I'm not an expert. I may be wrong. Talk to other people.
As an adult, you've probably developed most of your interests already. So you need to work out how to find people with the same interests, and go make some friends. It's harder, but needs to be done. If you like cycling, find a cycling club. If you like skiing, find a ski club, etc.
Start with the basics, and eat healthily, take regular exercise and don't drink too much. Go to bed at regular times, and get into a routine.
Find something to throw yourself into. House renovation, training for a marathon or your career, but give yourself some purpose.
Spend time with your kids. (Maybe).
I'm not an expert. I may be wrong. Talk to other people.
Oh - and most important.
Start trimming up (again related to exercise is a good endorphin, and booze is a bad weight gainer)
Start collating some canny pictures of you in your new life.
prepare for the fun............
Internet dating.
It is a thankless task at times, and soul destroying, and not to be dabbled in until you are ready (see above ingredients + good mental place) - but some light hearted banter, flirting and ego massaging is good for a human.
Not to mention banging boots, broadening minds and friendships - whilst creating a back catalogue of tales, fails and adventures.
Start trimming up (again related to exercise is a good endorphin, and booze is a bad weight gainer)
Start collating some canny pictures of you in your new life.
prepare for the fun............
Internet dating.
It is a thankless task at times, and soul destroying, and not to be dabbled in until you are ready (see above ingredients + good mental place) - but some light hearted banter, flirting and ego massaging is good for a human.
Not to mention banging boots, broadening minds and friendships - whilst creating a back catalogue of tales, fails and adventures.
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Maybe, but they made the first move, weren’t forced to do anything against their will and are all still friends. And it was FUN,
(Settled down with someone of my own age now!)
Exactly, I did similar when I left the Navy at 28 and had a string of relationships with women 18 + and early 20's. (Settled down with someone of my own age now!)
Still got people giving me s
t for it though "nonce" "cradle snatcher etc".I imagine a 41 year old would get all sorts of s
t.However its perfectly legal and with older women and young men, its looked totally differently. Total hypocrisy really.
Shadowy_me said:
I have no motivation. Or friends. Not sure how that happened.
Do you have no friends because it was never encouraged or it was controlled when you were married? Did you feel guilty for wanting to follow your own hobbies and friendships? It is difficult when you are older but as others have said get into some clubs/ hobbies, golf,classic cars, sailing, rambling, loads out there.
Do something you have always fancied having a go at, something you couldn't or were not allowed to do when married.
I was 52 when I parted from Mrs Tidy in 2011, but thankfully it was a very amicable parting.
House was a definite down-size but my cars have been up-sized, and I can post here at this time with no tuts or rolled-eyes!
Look for the positives and enjoy them would be my advice.
You never know what may be just around the corner!
House was a definite down-size but my cars have been up-sized, and I can post here at this time with no tuts or rolled-eyes!
Look for the positives and enjoy them would be my advice.
You never know what may be just around the corner!
bristolracer said:
Do you have no friends because it was never encouraged or it was controlled when you were married? Did you feel guilty for wanting to follow your own hobbies and friendships?
It is difficult when you are older but as others have said get into some clubs/ hobbies, golf,classic cars, sailing, rambling, loads out there.
Do something you have always fancied having a go at, something you couldn't or were not allowed to do when married.
Yes I did feel guilty and just dropped everything. On reflection a very silly thing to do. As I mentioned I have a project of a house although I'm just sitting in squalor at the moment rather than getting on with it. I have just got a desk from gumtree so feeling a bit better and ordered a skip for Monday. The re-ignition of any hobbies will have to wait until after Covid. Not that I can think of anything at the moment.It is difficult when you are older but as others have said get into some clubs/ hobbies, golf,classic cars, sailing, rambling, loads out there.
Do something you have always fancied having a go at, something you couldn't or were not allowed to do when married.
Mr Tidy said:
I was 52 when I parted from Mrs Tidy in 2011, but thankfully it was a very amicable parting.
House was a definite down-size but my cars have been up-sized, and I can post here at this time with no tuts or rolled-eyes!
Look for the positives and enjoy them would be my advice.
You never know what may be just around the corner!
Yes, money is going to be difficult. Wife took 80% of everything and all my pension and 50% of my salary for life. It's complicated but I agreed in the end. So, downgrade on, well, everything right now.House was a definite down-size but my cars have been up-sized, and I can post here at this time with no tuts or rolled-eyes!
Look for the positives and enjoy them would be my advice.
You never know what may be just around the corner!
louiebaby said:
Making friends at school and Uni is easy. There's loads of people your own age, having the same experiences, and developing new interests.
As an adult, you've probably developed most of your interests already. So you need to work out how to find people with the same interests, and go make some friends. It's harder, but needs to be done. If you like cycling, find a cycling club. If you like skiing, find a ski club, etc.
Start with the basics, and eat healthily, take regular exercise and don't drink too much. Go to bed at regular times, and get into a routine.
Find something to throw yourself into. House renovation, training for a marathon or your career, but give yourself some purpose.
Spend time with your kids. (Maybe).
I'm not an expert. I may be wrong. Talk to other people.
+1 to all that, apart from the last line.As an adult, you've probably developed most of your interests already. So you need to work out how to find people with the same interests, and go make some friends. It's harder, but needs to be done. If you like cycling, find a cycling club. If you like skiing, find a ski club, etc.
Start with the basics, and eat healthily, take regular exercise and don't drink too much. Go to bed at regular times, and get into a routine.
Find something to throw yourself into. House renovation, training for a marathon or your career, but give yourself some purpose.
Spend time with your kids. (Maybe).
I'm not an expert. I may be wrong. Talk to other people.
Shadowy_me said:
Yes, money is going to be difficult. Wife took 80% of everything and all my pension and 50% of my salary for life. It's complicated but I agreed in the end. So, downgrade on, well, everything right now.
You said only a few days ago on this forum that your wife wanted divorce.So seeing as all the paperwork takes time, how have you already lost everything? Are you a troll?
If you have agreed to anything, you have the right to change your mind.A judge would query any application before him that was so one sided.
But as its been a matter of days since your wife asked for divorce, you should be ok.
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