How do you get through divorce?

[GT03ROB]

Shadowy_me said:

Yes, money is going to be difficult. Wife took 80% of everything and all my pension and 50% of my salary for life. It's complicated but I agreed in the end. So, downgrade on, well, everything right now.

Sorry that's just plain stupid, lets just be clear 80% of everything, 100% of your pensions & 50% of your salary for life...….

it doesn't matter how complicated things are, unless there is a gaping hole in this story from a financial viewpoint. You are so far off your rocker for agreeing I think the men in white coats might be looking for you.

The positive thing is, it sounds like you've taken no legal advice, so when you come to your senses you may at least be able to get it overturned.

[PushedDover]

Shadowy_me said:

The finance settlement is happening first. A “post nuptial” and then following on to divorce.

I haven’t received any legal papers yet but will do so in the next few days.,

Happening, suggests not happened.

I think a large vocal chorus of "back the fk up" can be heard from the PH' mass.

[abzmike]

Step 1 - Do not sign anything
Step 2 - Obtain paid legal representation
Step 3 - Do that they say

[hyphen]

Shadowy_me said:

The finance settlement is happening first. A “post nuptial” and then following on to divorce.

I haven’t received any legal papers yet but will do so in the next few days.,

Look, if you are determined to get screwed over in your divorce, then stop wasting our time, and don't mention the financials again. If you change your mind then do.

Get a lawyer
Get a councillor booked, and go and see them and talk

Sorry, tough love is needed here. Sort yourself out man.

[Munter]

abzmike said:

Step 1 - Do not sign anything
Step 2 - Obtain paid legal representation
Step 3 - Do that they say

Yes this.

Because otherwise presumably your wife is heavily disabled, has always relied upon you from her teenage years, has no job prospects, and is looking after your 20 children.

Or you're being screwed.

[hyphen]

If kids involved, you also shouldn't do a financial agreement first.

As the split between the parties dictates the appropriate split in finances.

[GT03ROB]

Shadowy_me said:

Yes, money is going to be difficult. Wife took 80% of everything and all my pension and 50% of my salary for life. It's complicated but I agreed in the end. So, downgrade on, well, everything right now.

Well in 2 weeks you have gone from giving her 75% of all assets to way over that......I think I'm heading down the calling this BS …. unless OP post something that makes a modicum of sense

[Muzzer79]

Shadowy_me said:

Yes, money is going to be difficult. Wife took 80% of everything and all my pension and 50% of my salary for life. It's complicated but I agreed in the end. So, downgrade on, well, everything right now.

If this is not BS, let's clarify one thing - she didn't take 80% of everything, you gave it to her.

Again assuming this is not BS, stop everything you're doing and think about it carefully for a while. Guilt is temporary, financial ruin can be permanent.

[Monkeylegend]

Shadowy_me said:

The finance settlement is happening first. A “post nuptial” and then following on to divorce.

I haven’t received any legal papers yet but will do so in the next few days.,

Is this the deal your solicitor has agreed or something your guilt has made you agree?

I would be amazed if any court would order that split of assets.

[hyphen]

Not just that. A post nuptial is when marriage is being saved - i.e. guy cheats, promises wife assets guaranteed as a way to get her to forgive him, as she now knows he will lose a lot if cheats again.

Why would you do a Post Nuptial if divorcing... You would do a consent order only.

I call bullst.

[Shadowy_me]

There is indeed more to this story and time to come clean:

During my twenty year marriage, my wife stayed at home and was effectively isolated from her friends by me while I went away, travelled and continued. Worse than that I went to massage parlours all over the world and had affairs. My wife is truly beautiful and innocent be I broke her emotionally when all this came out a few months go.

[Monkeylegend]

Shadowy_me said:

At the moment I’m broken. As per the other threads, everything is my fault but I don’t know how to get through this. I’m moved out of the matrimonial home into my Father’s house who died three months ago. I do not know what to do. My days are empty, I don’t want to be here anymore.

How do you get over this? I can’t see a way out.

Makes your opening post seem a bit more self indulgent.

[hyphen]

Shadowy_me said:

There is indeed more to this story and time to come clean:

During my twenty year marriage, my wife stayed at home and was effectively isolated from her friends by me while I went away, travelled and continued. Worse than that I went to massage parlours all over the world and had affairs. My wife is truly beautiful and innocent be I broke her emotionally when all this came out a few months go.

Ok, here we go again.

How was your wife isolated from her friends by you?


And how will you pay massage parlour bills in the future if broke

[GT03ROB]

Shadowy_me said:

During my twenty year marriage, my wife stayed at home and was effectively isolated from her friends by me while I went away, travelled and continued. Worse than that I went to massage parlours all over the world and had affairs. My wife is truly beautiful and innocent be I broke her emotionally when all this came out a few months go.

What do you want sympathy? Be told you area piece of st?

Anyway we need more details...what countries did you go?...how many affairs did you have? Pics of the soon to be ex-wife.

[Shadowy_me]

Monkeylegend said:

Makes your opening post seem a bit more self indulgent.

Everything in the opening post is true. I did terrible things, but wanted support as the situation was true and I’m lonely and in despair .

[Shadowy_me]

hyphen said:

Ok, here we go again.

How was your wife isolated from her friends by you?


And how will you pay massage parlour bills in the future if broke

I isolated her by being overly jealous and stopping her going to university as I wanted to keep her for myself.

I’m in therapy and giving the massage parlours up.

[Shadowy_me]

GT03ROB said:

What do you want sympathy? Be told you area piece of st?

Anyway we need more details...what countries did you go?...how many affairs did you have? Pics of the soon to be ex-wife.

I want a mixture of sympathy and being told I’m a piece of st. There is a large part of me that is self destructive.

Countries ... All over the world I used sex workers and put ads to date woman. So certainly in the hundreds. One main affair was in London for many years.

[Shadowy_me]

Dear all, at a risk of polluting this male brotherhood with my female energy (this once only) I would like to clarify this very painful for us all situation. My husband has put us through hell for 20 years with his narcissistic emotional abuse, jealousy, notorious infidelities, lies and selfishness.
Despite all this I have given him multiple chances to step up to be a better man and each time he broke my heart again. My decision to leave this unhealthy marriage is to protect myself and our two daughters from further heartbreak and manipulation. The 80% of assets that he is giving me has its roots in what he did to me that I chose not to disclose here.
I still love him and choose to support him through his difficult and long road to recovery. He is an addict and a very unwell man emotionally and is going through an intensive therapy.
The messages he posted about his loneliness and despair were absolutely true and real despite the fact that he has caused it himself. Having all of your support would’ve been probably very helpful has he been honest with you from the beginning.
Nevertheless I hope you will find in your hearts not to abandon him as he needs this brotherhood support now more than ever.
It’s very easy to judge people but I hope you all can see through the crap he did and give him some constructive support on his road to wellness (suggestions of seeing prostitutes and dating sites isn’t constructive as he did this throughout of our marriage).
On a different note treating women like objects and comparing them to cars isn’t the most respectful way to talk and one day that objectified woman might be your cherished daughter. Aspire to be better, treat women with respect as there isn’t a more sexy and attractive man than one with integrity, carrying attitude, truthful, and loving.

And please don’t ask for my photo.

[GT03ROB]

Shadowy_me said:

I’m in therapy and giving the massage parlours up.

Bet the therapist didn't say go post on PHs about your problems!

[GT03ROB]

Shadowy_me said:

Dear all, at a risk of polluting this male brotherhood with my female energy (this once only) I would like to clarify this very painful for us all situation. My husband has put us through hell for 20 years with his narcissistic emotional abuse, jealousy, notorious infidelities, lies and selfishness.
Despite all this I have given him multiple chances to step up to be a better man and each time he broke my heart again. My decision to leave this unhealthy marriage is to protect myself and our two daughters from further heartbreak and manipulation. The 80% of assets that he is giving me has its roots in what he did to me that I chose not to disclose here.
I still love him and choose to support him through his difficult and long road to recovery. He is an addict and a very unwell man emotionally and is going through an intensive therapy.
The messages he posted about his loneliness and despair were absolutely true and real despite the fact that he has caused it himself. Having all of your support would’ve been probably very helpful has he been honest with you from the beginning.
Nevertheless I hope you will find in your hearts not to abandon him as he needs this brotherhood support now more than ever.
It’s very easy to judge people but I hope you all can see through the crap he did and give him some constructive support on his road to wellness (suggestions of seeing prostitutes and dating sites isn’t constructive as he did this throughout of our marriage).
On a different note treating women like objects and comparing them to cars isn’t the most respectful way to talk and one day that objectified woman might be your cherished daughter. Aspire to be better, treat women with respect as there isn’t a more sexy and attractive man than one with integrity, carrying attitude, truthful, and loving.

And please don’t ask for my photo.

If that is true...you can do far more for him than he will ever get posting on here. There are too many fantasists on here. When he is challenged put forward something with credibility & sufficient information for it to be clear its true. He would get some abuse, but also support.