M.I.L. had a meltdown, we are confused and worried.

[PositronicRay]

dandarez said:

PositronicRay said:

Elderly people like to complain.

i think it gives them an element of control, and something to talk about. I think what you're describing is typical of some aging people.

Pot, kettle, black.

I understand the average age of most on here (PHs) these days are in their 40s.

Nearly every thread these days has someone moaning about something or other!

We all need a sense of purpose. .

I've been through this a few times, the pattern is remarkably similar. A friend maintains as long as it's minor stuff, don't try to fix it, rationalise, or use logic, just empathise.

[dave_s13]

I'd be pissed off if you picked me up to go somewhere, I had my breakfast, then you spring a suprise breakfast stop in the way! You bd...I can no longer take advantage of your generosity!

Our elderly grandparents our similar....you can't visit at any time approaching a meal. They will not even consider maybe having lunch and our later, oh no. And when you do visit you better be off within the hour!! That bit suits me.

[Sheets Tabuer]

My old man gets pissed off with schedules and stopping off for meal or changing meal times because it messes with his pills.

[Johnnytheboy]

Jasey_ said:

If you have touched her PC be prepared for months of it didn't do this before you touched it comments.

I was IT support for my late father, and anything that happened to his PC thereafter was MY FAULT.

Yet simultaneously I was an IT genius, apparently.

[sunbeam alpine]

deeen said:

Maybe a mild form of dementia?

OP, I don't want to cause you extra concern, but it may be worth trying to get this checked out - probably best that your OH (or a good friend your MIL knows and trusts) broaches the subject with her mother.

This sounds so much like how my mother was in the early stages of dementia. It was made more obvious because previously she had always been one of the most chilled people you can imagine. On the positive side, we had her for another 5 years or so - she even came to a PH track day - and up until the last 3 months she was mostly good, with occasional meltdowns as you've described (and worse).

[Puzzles]

From experience in my family the older people don’t have much going on so something trivial becomes a big deal.

[randomeddy]

sunbeam alpine said:

deeen said:

Maybe a mild form of dementia?

OP, I don't want to cause you extra concern, but it may be worth trying to get this checked out - probably best that your OH (or a good friend your MIL knows and trusts) broaches the subject with her mother.

This sounds so much like how my mother was in the early stages of dementia. It was made more obvious because previously she had always been one of the most chilled people you can imagine. On the positive side, we had her for another 5 years or so - she even came to a PH track day - and up until the last 3 months she was mostly good, with occasional meltdowns as you've described (and worse).

This is what I was worrying about.
She has led a good life up until recently, the family ran businesses, lived in Saudi for a couple of years when there was a big boom in the building trade, her now departed hubby, wife's dad, was a site foreman.
I will try and suggest to the wife that we need to get her help but it will be dangerous ground to walk on. I will tread carefully.

[Fullook]

She's anxious.

Be kind.

[dirky dirk]

Yep like my mum was
Nightmare for years

[dirky dirk]

Yep like my mum was
Nightmare for years

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Old people... always repeating themselves

[dirky dirk]

Could she have narcissistic personality disorder
My mum had it for years and was hard work

[Carlososos]

I would be super pissed if you told me upon picking me up your going for a meal on the way. Not cricket. Sounds like a visit to the GP would be in order. Possible dementia or maybe she’s just become a bit of a arse in old age.

[xx99xx]

randomeddy said:

She is a widower. She is a confusing and frustrating person, you walk on eggshells when visiting her. Never sure of what to say because she twists everything around and makes you regret the effort to engage her in seemingly normal conversation.

A couple of examples of how her mind works.

My son has a car stored in her second garage, he had a day off to go and do some work on it, she thought it was wrong that he had booked a day off, worried that his boss would be annoyed that he had taken a day off, a booked and authorised holiday day.

She asked me to do something on her laptop, bought and used only to facetime her son working abroad (like I am some sort of I.T. expert LOL, I muddle through). As soon as I started she was telling me what I was doing wrong.

She asked me to take her on a dry run to a hospital, she had been before but needed a refresher on how to get there. Fair enough, no problem, happy to help. I started to turn right out from where she lives only for her to tell me I was going the wrong way. OK I will go the other way, we get to the other side of town and she says, 'oh I know where we are now, we normally come out there'. I say, yes that is the way I was going before you told me I was going the wrong way.

Etc, etc, etc.

We arranged to take her to visit my sons new house for the first time, we rang her to say we would be arriving early, when we got to hers there was a bit of tension in the air, the wife casually mentioned that we were stopping off for breakfast on the way, thinking her mother might enjoy a visit to a nice farm shop plus we were hungry. Well she started going off her head that she had had her breakfast and we were to go without her and she would visit my sons house another time and she did not want to spoil our day, on and on and on. She was like a mad woman almost frothing at the mouth. It ended up a screaming match with the wife trying to tell her we were going to the house no matter what, the breakfast stop off could wait. We left without her, we had our breakfast and visited the house anyway.

I can't emphasise how manic she was, never seen anything like it, no reasoning with her, she had lost the plot.

Is it a sign of things more worrying?

This sounds like my Mrs. I don't think this is a sign of anything sinister other than standard anxiety and insecurity.