I see no real purpose in living
Discussion
Vasco said:
I just wanted to say that there will be many other people, like myself, who have been reading through this thread - but who are not currently affected.
There's probably little tangible that we can actually contribute but I'd like the various sufferers to know that there's a lot of respect out there for people who start or contribute to these potentially 'difficult' threads.
We (men in particular) seem to be, slowly, realising that sharing serious health concerns can produce a significant improvement in the understanding of the problems experienced by others.
There appears to be a massive desire, by many people, to do whatever they can to further improve the situation for other people. Long may it continue.
.
Spot on. PH as a place for blokes and non blokes, to talk about issues we may not perhaps talk about to relatives/friends who know us personally. to get a sanity check. rarely is the PH massive wrong. There's probably little tangible that we can actually contribute but I'd like the various sufferers to know that there's a lot of respect out there for people who start or contribute to these potentially 'difficult' threads.
We (men in particular) seem to be, slowly, realising that sharing serious health concerns can produce a significant improvement in the understanding of the problems experienced by others.
There appears to be a massive desire, by many people, to do whatever they can to further improve the situation for other people. Long may it continue.
.
Long live the Peoples Front of Judea.
Good luck with the GP visit. Persevere with it. Your GP has plenty tools (pharmaceutical and/or therapeutic) to help you lift your head above the grey fog for a while and take a look around, and remind yourself what the world looks like. You haven't been able to see it for a while, but don't worry, everything is still there, in full high-def colour, and you'll see it again soon.
Hello everyone
Today hasn't been a good day, big dark clouds over my head, doubting that anything will be done on the 27th so what will be the point of seeing the GP, then a letter come from the hospital telling me i have to go for my eyes checking again, more often than not this usually means my eyesight will have got worse down to the type 1 diabetes, for the last 2 or 3 days i have tried putting more effort into keeping my bloods under control,then it comes to testing them and then they are still high, which then in turn my mindset sees what's the point in me putting all this effort in for me to give up as soon as i see my bloods are still not where they need to be, so then the depression gets deeper which it has done today.
I am so so tired of feeling like this.
Today hasn't been a good day, big dark clouds over my head, doubting that anything will be done on the 27th so what will be the point of seeing the GP, then a letter come from the hospital telling me i have to go for my eyes checking again, more often than not this usually means my eyesight will have got worse down to the type 1 diabetes, for the last 2 or 3 days i have tried putting more effort into keeping my bloods under control,then it comes to testing them and then they are still high, which then in turn my mindset sees what's the point in me putting all this effort in for me to give up as soon as i see my bloods are still not where they need to be, so then the depression gets deeper which it has done today.
I am so so tired of feeling like this.
James_33 said:
Hello everyone
Today hasn't been a good day, big dark clouds over my head, doubting that anything will be done on the 27th so what will be the point of seeing the GP, then a letter come from the hospital telling me i have to go for my eyes checking again, more often than not this usually means my eyesight will have got worse down to the type 1 diabetes, for the last 2 or 3 days i have tried putting more effort into keeping my bloods under control,then it comes to testing them and then they are still high, which then in turn my mindset sees what's the point in me putting all this effort in for me to give up as soon as i see my bloods are still not where they need to be, so then the depression gets deeper which it has done today.
I am so so tired of feeling like this.
Hi James, Today hasn't been a good day, big dark clouds over my head, doubting that anything will be done on the 27th so what will be the point of seeing the GP, then a letter come from the hospital telling me i have to go for my eyes checking again, more often than not this usually means my eyesight will have got worse down to the type 1 diabetes, for the last 2 or 3 days i have tried putting more effort into keeping my bloods under control,then it comes to testing them and then they are still high, which then in turn my mindset sees what's the point in me putting all this effort in for me to give up as soon as i see my bloods are still not where they need to be, so then the depression gets deeper which it has done today.
I am so so tired of feeling like this.
Just thought I would share some T1D experiences and its impact on my mental well being. It is definitely a contributory and constant factor in my life.
I'm 49 years old, had diabetes for 42 years now. I am generally of an optimistic disposition, but..... In my younger days, I was convinced I wouldn't live past the year 2000. This meant my diabetes control took a backseat, whilst I enjoyed life. Also meaning a few hospital visits and hypoglycemic comas. I think, the constant reminders when I was a kid of blindness, amputations and kidney failure every time I went for a check-up, planted an almost self destructive seed.
I remember as a 10 year old I would OD on insulin, then goto my mum a little later, complaining my blood sugar was low, just so I could have some chocolate bars!
Come 2007, I needed extensive retinal laser surgery, vitrectomy, injections in the eyes, and more latterly double cataracts operation. But amazingly, I can still see and drive! Although I now have the additional complication of glaucoma.
I have slowly learnt that, despite my self destructiveness, the medical community are there to help me - and they are great. I was really skeptical when I first had Libre installed about three years ago about sharing the data with the hospital. I didn't want them to know two Saturdays ago, I had a large pizza, followed by cookie dough ice cream. But, they don't care, they want to help and encourage.
My relationship with T1D feels like it is getting better, still maturing and learning. But it is always a battle and constant worry, probably even more so now, with my phone reminders of high and low blood sugars.
The eye appointments are always worrying as I always associate it with bad news. But, in my experience finding the bad news early is so much better than the alternative path I could have taken..... which reminds me I haven't had my circulation and feet checked for a couple of years.....
If you want to PM me about your diabetes, do so.
I have a couple of T1D friends and a reality chat really helps, despite them doing better than me!
[quote=James_33]Hello everyone
Today hasn't been a good day, big dark clouds over my head, doubting that anything will be done on the 27th so what will be the point of seeing the GP, then a letter come from the hospital telling me i have to go for my eyes checking again, more often than not this usually means my eyesight will have got worse down to the type 1 diabetes, for the last 2 or 3 days i have tried putting more effort into keeping my bloods under control,then it comes to testing them and then they are still high, which then in turn my mindset sees what's the point in me putting all this effort in for me to give up as soon as i see my bloods are still not where they need to be, so then the depression gets deeper which it has done today.
You are feeling pessimistic and full of doubt right now, that's part of depression.
I have no experience of diabetes, but have been coping with depression for 20 yes.
It can feel like there's a dark cloud in your head, and a weight on your shoulders. Thin gs seem meaningless, and it feels like your just going through the motions. You can't believe you will ever got rid of the dark moods, and happiness can seem impossible. This is the depression. It limits your view of the world. Having to wait another fortnight to see the doctor is going to be tough. Actually going to see the doctor will be tough. You may get more apprehensive and reluctant as the day approaches.
Don't give up. Don't let it beat you.
When you talk to the doctor it can be extremely emotional. It may feel like your heart is being torn out. It can hurt.
BUT when it's over, it feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
Later that day, you will hopefully feel like you have achieved something, and you will have. You will have started a journey. It can be a long journey, but all journeys, however long, start with a single step. Make that first step, and keep making steps. You may not feel better straight away, it can take a week or a month, but your outlook will change. You may need to try more than one medication, keep your doctor up to date about how you are feeling. You will probably still have days where you feel it's pointless, but don't give up. You have control over your own future. You need help, help is out here, you need to accept that help.
All the best, Super.
Today hasn't been a good day, big dark clouds over my head, doubting that anything will be done on the 27th so what will be the point of seeing the GP, then a letter come from the hospital telling me i have to go for my eyes checking again, more often than not this usually means my eyesight will have got worse down to the type 1 diabetes, for the last 2 or 3 days i have tried putting more effort into keeping my bloods under control,then it comes to testing them and then they are still high, which then in turn my mindset sees what's the point in me putting all this effort in for me to give up as soon as i see my bloods are still not where they need to be, so then the depression gets deeper which it has done today.
You are feeling pessimistic and full of doubt right now, that's part of depression.
I have no experience of diabetes, but have been coping with depression for 20 yes.
It can feel like there's a dark cloud in your head, and a weight on your shoulders. Thin gs seem meaningless, and it feels like your just going through the motions. You can't believe you will ever got rid of the dark moods, and happiness can seem impossible. This is the depression. It limits your view of the world. Having to wait another fortnight to see the doctor is going to be tough. Actually going to see the doctor will be tough. You may get more apprehensive and reluctant as the day approaches.
Don't give up. Don't let it beat you.
When you talk to the doctor it can be extremely emotional. It may feel like your heart is being torn out. It can hurt.
BUT when it's over, it feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
Later that day, you will hopefully feel like you have achieved something, and you will have. You will have started a journey. It can be a long journey, but all journeys, however long, start with a single step. Make that first step, and keep making steps. You may not feel better straight away, it can take a week or a month, but your outlook will change. You may need to try more than one medication, keep your doctor up to date about how you are feeling. You will probably still have days where you feel it's pointless, but don't give up. You have control over your own future. You need help, help is out here, you need to accept that help.
All the best, Super.
I can’t add anything that’s going to flick a switch and make things magically different, however I will tell you you’re not alone. Many people have gone through similar and will have come out of the other end - winning the ongoing battle.
You can email or pm me if it helps, as you can most of the people on this thread - if you need to vent - get stuff off your shoulders - go for it. For what’s it’s worth, I had what I now describe as “a wobble” 6 years ago. . My GP got me help. No drugs or tablets, just chats with a professional on the phone and some CBT techniques. At the time I thought my life was over. Couldn’t see a way forward, wanted to write goodbye letters to my kids, thought I was seeing my last ever Christmas etc. It had a huge impact on my life at the time - but I look back now and it was a blip - a wobble, I got thought it and I have a pretty low opinion of myself, so if I can manage it, I honestly believe you will be able to. It wasn’t overnight. I did put the work in as I didn’t want to feel the way I did, but it wasn’t an impossible task, one day I just realised I’d had a run of “good” days and so knew I could do them again and again.
I didn’t mean to ramble, but honestly, things will get better.
You can email or pm me if it helps, as you can most of the people on this thread - if you need to vent - get stuff off your shoulders - go for it. For what’s it’s worth, I had what I now describe as “a wobble” 6 years ago. . My GP got me help. No drugs or tablets, just chats with a professional on the phone and some CBT techniques. At the time I thought my life was over. Couldn’t see a way forward, wanted to write goodbye letters to my kids, thought I was seeing my last ever Christmas etc. It had a huge impact on my life at the time - but I look back now and it was a blip - a wobble, I got thought it and I have a pretty low opinion of myself, so if I can manage it, I honestly believe you will be able to. It wasn’t overnight. I did put the work in as I didn’t want to feel the way I did, but it wasn’t an impossible task, one day I just realised I’d had a run of “good” days and so knew I could do them again and again.
I didn’t mean to ramble, but honestly, things will get better.
Hi James,
Don't know if an option for you to self fund counselling to get things moving?
I paid around £100/hour. Best money I have spent in a long time.
I found mine on google but she is also listed here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling
Don't know if an option for you to self fund counselling to get things moving?
I paid around £100/hour. Best money I have spent in a long time.
I found mine on google but she is also listed here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling
imck said:
Hi James,
Don't know if an option for you to self fund counselling to get things moving?
I paid around £100/hour. Best money I have spent in a long time.
I found mine on google but she is also listed here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling
Glad it helped, shame it's so expensive so not everyone able to afford and not available to more. I would consider it, I am never sure if it's worth digging up the past in these things, did they do that with you?Don't know if an option for you to self fund counselling to get things moving?
I paid around £100/hour. Best money I have spent in a long time.
I found mine on google but she is also listed here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling
imck said:
Hi James,
Don't know if an option for you to self fund counselling to get things moving?
I paid around £100/hour. Best money I have spent in a long time.
I found mine on google but she is also listed here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling
I'm a retired psychotherapist. Don't know if an option for you to self fund counselling to get things moving?
I paid around £100/hour. Best money I have spent in a long time.
I found mine on google but she is also listed here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling
Although not impossible, It is extremely difficult to 'think' oneself out of depressive symptoms. Attachment to negative thoughts can be overwhelming at times.
A therapist can help the process of healing, by allowing the individual to explore those difficult thoughts and behaviours in a caring and supportive manner.
jm8403 said:
Glad it helped, shame it's so expensive so not everyone able to afford and not available to more. I would consider it, I am never sure if it's worth digging up the past in these things, did they do that with you?
I had 6 sessions.£600 is a lot of money but a car, boiler, roof, etc problem could throw that at you. I do appreciate £600 could be hard for many to find.
It was the therapist that said we should put a session limit on.
The therapist asked about my life, upbringing, education, work, current life, etc.
Almost felt she was being a bit too careful. Not pushing me or probing.
Quite a few times I said 'This must sound stupid' and she assured me it didn't.
I guess if things are affecting the way you feel and how you live your life (or don't), then they are not stupid.
It was very liberating to get things off my chest and talk freely without any judgement.
I made some changes to my life and pushed myself out of my comfort zone.
I can usually recognise when things are going wrong now and a lot of the time can deal with it or distract myself.
Mindfulness, CBT, grounding, meditation (one of my new things is yoga!) are often mentioned in threads like this
If things are bothering you and affecting your life, then it is worth a try.
I am really hoping that we hear back from James soon.
imck said:
jm8403 said:
Glad it helped, shame it's so expensive so not everyone able to afford and not available to more. I would consider it, I am never sure if it's worth digging up the past in these things, did they do that with you?
I had 6 sessions.£600 is a lot of money but a car, boiler, roof, etc problem could throw that at you. I do appreciate £600 could be hard for many to find.
It was the therapist that said we should put a session limit on.
The therapist asked about my life, upbringing, education, work, current life, etc.
Almost felt she was being a bit too careful. Not pushing me or probing.
Quite a few times I said 'This must sound stupid' and she assured me it didn't.
I guess if things are affecting the way you feel and how you live your life (or don't), then they are not stupid.
It was very liberating to get things off my chest and talk freely without any judgement.
I made some changes to my life and pushed myself out of my comfort zone.
I can usually recognise when things are going wrong now and a lot of the time can deal with it or distract myself.
Mindfulness, CBT, grounding, meditation (one of my new things is yoga!) are often mentioned in threads like this
If things are bothering you and affecting your life, then it is worth a try.
I am really hoping that we hear back from James soon.
Caddyshack said:
100% agree, we spend money on our cars, holidays, hobbies but as a Nation we are reluctant to spend money on our mental health.
I agree its money well spent compared to all the other things I buy, I think I am just a bit skeptical on the benefits after reading many people with a different account of their experiences like: 'you need to try a few to see what works for you'....where do I stop, when im 600 quid in or 6k?Hi James, how was your weekend? Weekends can be difficult, everyone so happy and excited, it's the reason I used to hate going to work Fridays, everyone bouncing off the walls, especially back in the days of Friday lunchtime cash payments, are you old enough to remember that, having to work w people who consider Guinness a nutritious lunch FFS! Anyway please post something even if it's only to say you're ok. Please don't give up. All the Best, Super.
jm8403 said:
I agree its money well spent compared to all the other things I buy, I think I am just a bit skeptical on the benefits after reading many people with a different account of their experiences like: 'you need to try a few to see what works for you'....where do I stop, when im 600 quid in or 6k?
Set your own limit but I do agree to try a few unless the first one works for you.It is rubbish to feel like you do, it is worth everything you can afford if you get results.
ALSO: Make this your hobby - try guided meditation and self help audio on audible - you can buy a chunk of 20 credits...I listened to loads...do it when you feel good and also when you feel bad....also enjoy the times that you feel more normal.
Hello everyone
I'm as good as can be expected, over the weekend and today would be considered my more "normal" days, clouds above my head, anticipating something bad happening to me, for what it's worth i am a bus driver, so usually expecting some form of abuse is a daily occurrence, I do often wonder whether the job is part of the reason i am like i am as working with the public and seeing what it's like out there everyday makes you realise how bad society is in places.
I'd like to say that i can't wait for the 27th, but i am rather dubious on whether anything will get done at all, I suspect mental health is a very common thing in GP surgeries where its probably like a conveyer belt of people with similar stories, but then again maybe that's just my negative mind telling me that?
I'm as good as can be expected, over the weekend and today would be considered my more "normal" days, clouds above my head, anticipating something bad happening to me, for what it's worth i am a bus driver, so usually expecting some form of abuse is a daily occurrence, I do often wonder whether the job is part of the reason i am like i am as working with the public and seeing what it's like out there everyday makes you realise how bad society is in places.
I'd like to say that i can't wait for the 27th, but i am rather dubious on whether anything will get done at all, I suspect mental health is a very common thing in GP surgeries where its probably like a conveyer belt of people with similar stories, but then again maybe that's just my negative mind telling me that?
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