Dealing with stress and anxiety
Discussion
I could have pretty much written the OP myself. I've struggled a lot with this the last 10 years or so, especially since acquiring a GF, who absolutely puts no pressure on me and has been through the same herself, but the acquisition of a partner must have a big bearing, as that's when it started really.
I suffer a lot of social anxiety, and find myself, I always have to sit on the end of a row, I hate feeling trapped in the middle or not being able to find a way out.
My daily / weekly routine is very similar, not much changes. I used to love socialising in my 20s and was always road tripping somewhere, but nowadays, fear going anywhere! which is weird as I have been abroad and ill many a time but just dealt with it. I think I have some health anxieties, especially losing both parents before I'm 40.
Home life isn't exactly easy. Mrs has two kids from a previous relationship, now 11 and 15, both with Autism and ADHD, so home life is hard.
I'm about to have my first session of talking therapy next week. I'm very stubborn in my belief that it won't do jack, but its worth a go. GP prescribed me propanalol not long after we were released from Covid. Did absolutely nothing for me.
Feels a bit like I'm keeping a dirty secret, especially since I work in a mental health team for the NHS and I do actually know my talking therapist from a previous role, but that may well be a benefit rather than a negative. we'll see! I'd rather not take any SSRIs either, as I'm well aware of the side effects of most of them!
Had a bit of a crappy week this week for absolutely no reason at all. Waking up with headaches, stomach turning etc. I am currently having issues with dry eye as well, probably not helping my anxiety, especially as all my work is on a computer!
Vicious circles. Best wishes to everyone going through this, its not easy!
I suffer a lot of social anxiety, and find myself, I always have to sit on the end of a row, I hate feeling trapped in the middle or not being able to find a way out.
My daily / weekly routine is very similar, not much changes. I used to love socialising in my 20s and was always road tripping somewhere, but nowadays, fear going anywhere! which is weird as I have been abroad and ill many a time but just dealt with it. I think I have some health anxieties, especially losing both parents before I'm 40.
Home life isn't exactly easy. Mrs has two kids from a previous relationship, now 11 and 15, both with Autism and ADHD, so home life is hard.
I'm about to have my first session of talking therapy next week. I'm very stubborn in my belief that it won't do jack, but its worth a go. GP prescribed me propanalol not long after we were released from Covid. Did absolutely nothing for me.
Feels a bit like I'm keeping a dirty secret, especially since I work in a mental health team for the NHS and I do actually know my talking therapist from a previous role, but that may well be a benefit rather than a negative. we'll see! I'd rather not take any SSRIs either, as I'm well aware of the side effects of most of them!
Had a bit of a crappy week this week for absolutely no reason at all. Waking up with headaches, stomach turning etc. I am currently having issues with dry eye as well, probably not helping my anxiety, especially as all my work is on a computer!
Vicious circles. Best wishes to everyone going through this, its not easy!
James_N said:
I'm about to have my first session of talking therapy next week. I'm very stubborn in my belief that it won't do jack, but its worth a go.
I work in a mental health team for the NHS
Had a bit of a crappy week this week for absolutely no reason at all. Waking up with headaches, stomach turning etc. I am currently having issues with dry eye as well, probably not helping my anxiety, especially as all my work is on a computer!
Vicious circles.
Firstly, sorry, I hate doing the quote things as I have a good chance of cocking it up and making it confusing so hopefully the way I respond to each point makes sense!I work in a mental health team for the NHS
Had a bit of a crappy week this week for absolutely no reason at all. Waking up with headaches, stomach turning etc. I am currently having issues with dry eye as well, probably not helping my anxiety, especially as all my work is on a computer!
Vicious circles.
1: it would be interesting to see what happens because if you're not open to it (open, but not willing to nod and agree to everything) then it probably won't work. But then again, it might, if you're willing to give it a go - maybe you're "open" enough to try it and that's all that it'll take. I think it will help if you're not going to try to disagree with everything that the therapist says and analyse why something might or might not work.
2: working for the NHS has never been more stressful so I'm not surprised you're suffering with your mental health.
3: mental health affects your physical health, so, yes, vicious circles!
Well I have to admit, my job is far from stressful. I'm only Admin staff so have it easy.
It's just social anxiety and being in crowded places I struggle with. Physical disability probably doesn't help in this regard but I've been having days where I lie in bed in a morning and have the wishy washy stomach, feeling sick etc and if I had the choice I'd happily stay at home but have to get up and get my arse into gear
I know talking therapy works for some so thought I'd give it a go!
It's just social anxiety and being in crowded places I struggle with. Physical disability probably doesn't help in this regard but I've been having days where I lie in bed in a morning and have the wishy washy stomach, feeling sick etc and if I had the choice I'd happily stay at home but have to get up and get my arse into gear
I know talking therapy works for some so thought I'd give it a go!
James_N said:
Well I have to admit, my job is far from stressful. I'm only Admin staff so have it easy.
It's just social anxiety and being in crowded places I struggle with. Physical disability probably doesn't help in this regard but I've been having days where I lie in bed in a morning and have the wishy washy stomach, feeling sick etc and if I had the choice I'd happily stay at home but have to get up and get my arse into gear
I know talking therapy works for some so thought I'd give it a go!
Good luck with the therapy. You never know!It's just social anxiety and being in crowded places I struggle with. Physical disability probably doesn't help in this regard but I've been having days where I lie in bed in a morning and have the wishy washy stomach, feeling sick etc and if I had the choice I'd happily stay at home but have to get up and get my arse into gear
I know talking therapy works for some so thought I'd give it a go!
Ok, so your actual job might be fine, but you'll be soaking up the stress from the general environment. Whether it's people having a go at each other because they're stressed or having a go at you, it will affect you.
ItIsPrivate said:
Anyway, I've noticed I do have some unusual quirks:
I don't think these are particularly unusual, much of the above seems to be quite a good description of introversion. Particularly the third point. I am an introvert and I get really worn out to the point where I have to have a day or two of enforced solitary confinement after a big social event. I get very anxious about meeting new people and speaking to people I don't know, even over the phone, and I hate 'networking' with an absolute passion. Often it feels like you have to put on a bit of an act to be sociable, like you say if I'm with people I know I can be very lively and sociable, and this is what causes the exhaustion.- Really hate being sat in between lots of people. Like if there is a table of people, I would always feel 100x more relaxed on the end rather than in the middle of a big row.
- Noise - if there are 10 converations on going around it me it sets me on edge. Similarly, I once went to a theme park and the sound of lots of kids screaming really made me tense up.
- If you met me you'd think I'm a nice guy, sociable, good laugh etc. I am but there is also a point where I get really "tired" in company. Like if I was with some people it's fine for an hour. But if I was with them for an entire day, or two days, then it will really get hard to keep energy levels up. I just get worn down by it.
For me I try to manage the situation as best I can by planning in advance (like someone else mentioned, be early and get the place you want/need for least stress) and plan for days off social activities after big events. Even so, most of the stress/anxiety in my life comes from this. Funnily enough my wife is the exact opposite but understands my need for solitude, which is a big help.
Worth a read of Quiet by Susan Cain on the subject of introversion if it's of interest.
ItIsPrivate said:
Anyway, I've noticed I do have some unusual quirks:
Not trying to diagnose you over a forum of course, but you should also look into ADHD as well. The quirks you describe above would be fairly classic ADHD symptoms. - Really hate being sat in between lots of people. Like if there is a table of people, I would always feel 100x more relaxed on the end rather than in the middle of a big row.
- Noise - if there are 10 converations on going around it me it sets me on edge. Similarly, I once went to a theme park and the sound of lots of kids screaming really made me tense up.
- If you met me you'd think I'm a nice guy, sociable, good laugh etc. I am but there is also a point where I get really "tired" in company. Like if I was with some people it's fine for an hour. But if I was with them for an entire day, or two days, then it will really get hard to keep energy levels up. I just get worn down by it.
ADHD and anxiety are often bedfellows with one causing the other.
Another resource I've found incredibly useful is the ADHD Chatter podcast and associated IG account. I have never felt so heard or connected to someone who understands how my brain works.
I suffer from the panic / anxiety attacks as well and I believe this to be a side effect of ADHD rather than a specific anxiety disorder.
Food for thought etc... Fingers crossed for you.
James_N said:
James_N said:
I know talking therapy works for some so thought I'd give it a go!
Quick update on this. Now finished it. Did nothing for me whatsoever. I get everything my councillor was saying, it all made sense in theory, but in practice, never worked for me at all. Still the same!
Couple of books that I found incredibly helpful. I'm very similar to how you describe yourself:
At Last A Life by Paul David - Great for anxiety.
Quiet by Susan Cain. This is less about directly helping your issues but it sounds like you are an introvert (which doesn't mean you don't like socialising, being in groups of people etc). The book helped me understand why I'm like I am and how to handle it. But also that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert.
At Last A Life by Paul David - Great for anxiety.
Quiet by Susan Cain. This is less about directly helping your issues but it sounds like you are an introvert (which doesn't mean you don't like socialising, being in groups of people etc). The book helped me understand why I'm like I am and how to handle it. But also that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert.
UrbanAchiever said:
Couple of books that I found incredibly helpful. I'm very similar to how you describe yourself:
At Last A Life by Paul David - Great for anxiety.
Quiet by Susan Cain. This is less about directly helping your issues but it sounds like you are an introvert (which doesn't mean you don't like socialising, being in groups of people etc). The book helped me understand why I'm like I am and how to handle it. But also that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert.
I think I've become more introvert the older I've got. That said, I hide my anxiety well. I work in a mental health team and they all like me and say how bubbly I am and how it's good that we can all have a laugh and a joke but they don't know what's going on underneath!At Last A Life by Paul David - Great for anxiety.
Quiet by Susan Cain. This is less about directly helping your issues but it sounds like you are an introvert (which doesn't mean you don't like socialising, being in groups of people etc). The book helped me understand why I'm like I am and how to handle it. But also that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert.
It's certainly kicked off since I have gotten a girlfriend, not sure if it's pressure to do more or the fact I could hide it better when I was on my own!
ItIsPrivate said:
Hi All,
I'm a long-standing PH member and using a new account just as I wanted some anonymity.
I'm having some real issues with anxiety and stress. I always have I think but as I am turning 40 this year, I am more and more concerned about my long term health. I can feel an early grave coming on if I don't find a way to chill out.
I've noticed the following things:
I exercise, have a mostly decent home life, no money issues, etc. I don't sleep well but never have really.
Symptoms
Thanks all
Invest in yourself, go see a counsellor they will help you understand where it's all coming from and that's half the battle, it'll be the best thing you ever do. I'm a long-standing PH member and using a new account just as I wanted some anonymity.
I'm having some real issues with anxiety and stress. I always have I think but as I am turning 40 this year, I am more and more concerned about my long term health. I can feel an early grave coming on if I don't find a way to chill out.
I've noticed the following things:
- It's often when things are out of my control
- Most of the time things aren't even that bad objectively, in fact it's pretty light but due to no control it's hard to relax
- It's also made more intense when there are lots of things all at once, many of which depend on each other and again it's hard to plan/relax
I exercise, have a mostly decent home life, no money issues, etc. I don't sleep well but never have really.
Symptoms
- Shoulders up by my ears very tense and actually a bit painful
- Breathing is heavier and also quicker
- Bit shakey
- Irritable and very moody
- Edgy
- Hard to concentrate and relax in general
Thanks all
I hope everyone here is feeling better now, I didn't want to start a new thread.
I feel like I'm losing my mind at the moment I keep making stupid mistakes, worrying and have a general feeling of being squeezed for time. I'm always thinking about other things to allow me to get things done quicker to catch up /stop things mounting up. All this pressure is being placed on me by myself nobody has given me any hassle about it but its still there.
I love a bike ride but when I'm out it feels like I must "have fun quickly" so I can get other things done so I don't really switch off and actually enjoy it.
My job is challenging for me but mostly ok but modern systems of work can get to me. I have to use a number of apps to sign on, book work, update things and on my lunch/ down time I think I can just get this done now to catch up and it makes me resentful. If I make a mistake I absolutely beat myself up about it. I would say mostly I enjoy my job and feel like it gives me bellonging
I hate being still and having time to think and have to be doing something.
I've had anxiety problems before and this feels slightly different, the anxiety was more fearful and panic feeling. This feels more like dragging a load behind me everything is feels hard work and slower than it should be, but just for me.
I don't really have any friends, I started to find trying to arrange anything tiring or if it didn't happen pretty shut so over time I've stopped bothering and do everything myself.
My brother is severely disabled and I'm reminded often by my mom how I've got to look after him and nobody else will and this just makes me feel I can barely look after myself.
I'm taking a break from everything I feel is the weight I'm dragging and hopefully I will feel better. Even now though I'm thinking what if I doesn't?
Sorry for the long one i just wanted to see if anyone can relate or advise.
I feel like I'm losing my mind at the moment I keep making stupid mistakes, worrying and have a general feeling of being squeezed for time. I'm always thinking about other things to allow me to get things done quicker to catch up /stop things mounting up. All this pressure is being placed on me by myself nobody has given me any hassle about it but its still there.
I love a bike ride but when I'm out it feels like I must "have fun quickly" so I can get other things done so I don't really switch off and actually enjoy it.
My job is challenging for me but mostly ok but modern systems of work can get to me. I have to use a number of apps to sign on, book work, update things and on my lunch/ down time I think I can just get this done now to catch up and it makes me resentful. If I make a mistake I absolutely beat myself up about it. I would say mostly I enjoy my job and feel like it gives me bellonging
I hate being still and having time to think and have to be doing something.
I've had anxiety problems before and this feels slightly different, the anxiety was more fearful and panic feeling. This feels more like dragging a load behind me everything is feels hard work and slower than it should be, but just for me.
I don't really have any friends, I started to find trying to arrange anything tiring or if it didn't happen pretty shut so over time I've stopped bothering and do everything myself.
My brother is severely disabled and I'm reminded often by my mom how I've got to look after him and nobody else will and this just makes me feel I can barely look after myself.
I'm taking a break from everything I feel is the weight I'm dragging and hopefully I will feel better. Even now though I'm thinking what if I doesn't?
Sorry for the long one i just wanted to see if anyone can relate or advise.
Edited by Greenbot35 on Tuesday 14th May 16:45
I've half typed out a response to this thread several times and changed my mind/got distracted. Now I know I need to get it on paper.
I am really not well. Haven't been for a long time. I had a stressful (tight deadlines, lots of unknowns) job over the last few years designing EVs. I pulled the ripcord about a year ago after a decade in the industry and moved to an adjacent one. Hoping that it would allow me to relax a bit. I'm in a more innovation/research based role now so timelines aren't as tight but the technical requirements are even higher.
But what the new role has uncovered is that I'm my own worst enemy. I am beating myself up to no end when I don't understand something. Partially because I really struggled at university due to depression/anxiety issues then, but also since I'm no longer wet behind the ears there's a lot of "should know". The university one is particularly difficult (and brings a low ability to persevere) because I convince myself I'm not capable, and brings up painful memories from uni. All this whilst having top level appraisals for my entire career. However, getting there is eating up my entire psyche. The end of each day I'm a broken person and I have been very withdrawn in my personal relationships and friendships. Surprised my other-half is still with me.
It all came to a head in March when we were taking the first roadtrip in my new Porsche (which I bought to try and make myself feel better - what a silly way to spend £80k). She has a habit of crossing her legs when in the car, with her shoes on and has scratched the interiors of our boring normal cars, but when she did it to the leather of the new car I did get snippy. I was highly strung. She turned around to say that I loved the car more than her, and reeled off the reasons why over the last at least 18 months I've been useless. Non communicative. Distant. Cold. This triggered a cascade of a major anxiety & depression episode that I'm still right in the middle of now. And it appears to have triggered a new midlife crisis too, because well I'm 36, and if I've been coasting in my relationship the last 2 years wtf am I doing? I guess the Porsche was an early sign of that crisis...
Anyway, they've upped my meds, I've been in therapy since January but things are very delicate right now. Last night got 0 mins of sleep, because my brain was obsessing how st a boyfriend I've been. I had 2 months of insomnia tail end of last year and really can't go back there - was on a handful of hours a week, and it was torture.
I've been here before. Far too many times. I've been a very existential person since my teen years (hence the midlife crisis), and this urge to know everything/be the best is tied into that - that if I'm not the best, what's the bloody point in anything? How will I be remembered? So the pain and torture is like a trial that I need to sustain on myself. But from the outside I'm sure it looks absolutely ridiculous.
So I'm really looking at my entire life and trying to throw out what I don't like and add in what I want. I don't have enough close friends (I'm not good at sustaining them as I'm too in my own head, and I'm sure rubbish company a lot of the time). I had put off the decision of wanting kids, and now this is making me feel like I need to, but making such a decision right now I know is bonkers...but it feels like time is running at 100x so I "have" to. I don't have any hobbies as I've been too drained/depressed to do anything over the last few years. What HAVE I been doing?
My job today is to not implode, and get some sleep.
I am really not well. Haven't been for a long time. I had a stressful (tight deadlines, lots of unknowns) job over the last few years designing EVs. I pulled the ripcord about a year ago after a decade in the industry and moved to an adjacent one. Hoping that it would allow me to relax a bit. I'm in a more innovation/research based role now so timelines aren't as tight but the technical requirements are even higher.
But what the new role has uncovered is that I'm my own worst enemy. I am beating myself up to no end when I don't understand something. Partially because I really struggled at university due to depression/anxiety issues then, but also since I'm no longer wet behind the ears there's a lot of "should know". The university one is particularly difficult (and brings a low ability to persevere) because I convince myself I'm not capable, and brings up painful memories from uni. All this whilst having top level appraisals for my entire career. However, getting there is eating up my entire psyche. The end of each day I'm a broken person and I have been very withdrawn in my personal relationships and friendships. Surprised my other-half is still with me.
It all came to a head in March when we were taking the first roadtrip in my new Porsche (which I bought to try and make myself feel better - what a silly way to spend £80k). She has a habit of crossing her legs when in the car, with her shoes on and has scratched the interiors of our boring normal cars, but when she did it to the leather of the new car I did get snippy. I was highly strung. She turned around to say that I loved the car more than her, and reeled off the reasons why over the last at least 18 months I've been useless. Non communicative. Distant. Cold. This triggered a cascade of a major anxiety & depression episode that I'm still right in the middle of now. And it appears to have triggered a new midlife crisis too, because well I'm 36, and if I've been coasting in my relationship the last 2 years wtf am I doing? I guess the Porsche was an early sign of that crisis...
Anyway, they've upped my meds, I've been in therapy since January but things are very delicate right now. Last night got 0 mins of sleep, because my brain was obsessing how st a boyfriend I've been. I had 2 months of insomnia tail end of last year and really can't go back there - was on a handful of hours a week, and it was torture.
I've been here before. Far too many times. I've been a very existential person since my teen years (hence the midlife crisis), and this urge to know everything/be the best is tied into that - that if I'm not the best, what's the bloody point in anything? How will I be remembered? So the pain and torture is like a trial that I need to sustain on myself. But from the outside I'm sure it looks absolutely ridiculous.
So I'm really looking at my entire life and trying to throw out what I don't like and add in what I want. I don't have enough close friends (I'm not good at sustaining them as I'm too in my own head, and I'm sure rubbish company a lot of the time). I had put off the decision of wanting kids, and now this is making me feel like I need to, but making such a decision right now I know is bonkers...but it feels like time is running at 100x so I "have" to. I don't have any hobbies as I've been too drained/depressed to do anything over the last few years. What HAVE I been doing?
My job today is to not implode, and get some sleep.
Not the best solution, but have you considered an antidepressant such as Sertraline?
There's a long thread about it on here...
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
They can be helpful when you're at your wits end.
There's a long thread about it on here...
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
They can be helpful when you're at your wits end.
have you tried magnesium supplements?
I found it helps greatly with my ability to manage my mind.
Studies suggest most people are deficient in magnesium these days
I tried it as an experiment and I can really tell the difference if I forget to take it for a couple of days.
So far its kept me off going back on sertraline
I found it helps greatly with my ability to manage my mind.
Studies suggest most people are deficient in magnesium these days
I tried it as an experiment and I can really tell the difference if I forget to take it for a couple of days.
So far its kept me off going back on sertraline
markiii said:
have you tried magnesium supplements?
I found it helps greatly with my ability to manage my mind.
Studies suggest most people are deficient in magnesium these days
I tried it as an experiment and I can really tell the difference if I forget to take it for a couple of days.
So far its kept me off going back on sertraline
Do you have any you can recommend? It sounds worth a go. I've heard there good for joints too.I found it helps greatly with my ability to manage my mind.
Studies suggest most people are deficient in magnesium these days
I tried it as an experiment and I can really tell the difference if I forget to take it for a couple of days.
So far its kept me off going back on sertraline
Munka01 said:
Prescribed medical cannabis for my anxiety a year ago, haven't looked back since, Its a shame that baseless claims 45 years ago regarding cannabis are still believed by most today.
I’m eligible for it but after reading about people losing their license and having to go to court to fight it with medical defence, I decided it would cause more anxiety than it would cure. It’s a vicious cycle of anxiety and stress not letting me sleep, I get less sleep so I get worse anxiety and stress easier. Only time I don’t seem as stressed is if I’ve had a drink but I can’t get drunk daily to get sleep and cope with life. That’ll just lead to a whole new issue in itself.
Typical meds and therapies haven’t worked and the irony is, I’ve studied psychology and worked in mental health supposedly helping support others yet I can’t even practice what I’ve preached!
Greenbot35 said:
Do you have any you can recommend? It sounds worth a go. I've heard there good for joints too.
good friend of mine makes this product ... seems to be picking up momentum with it.https://www.ohmgwater.com
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