Difficulty getting pregnant....
Discussion
well, it's done, it's gone and it's over. A simple procedure that lasts 10 minutes required a 5 hour trip to the hospital.
One low point of the day was when the anesthesiologist said to my wife as she is going under "Be more careful next time" I wasn't in the room and he is very lucky! I'm sure he meant something supportive but to say that was even more insensitive than the sister in law asking if we caused it by drinking (no we didn't)
Anyway, this is meant to be a positive thread for those trying and exactly 11 months to the day when we started we are back at the beginning. However, we know that we can get pregnant again and can't wait to start. After one cycle we will be back at it.
Thank you again for the kind words.
One low point of the day was when the anesthesiologist said to my wife as she is going under "Be more careful next time" I wasn't in the room and he is very lucky! I'm sure he meant something supportive but to say that was even more insensitive than the sister in law asking if we caused it by drinking (no we didn't)
Anyway, this is meant to be a positive thread for those trying and exactly 11 months to the day when we started we are back at the beginning. However, we know that we can get pregnant again and can't wait to start. After one cycle we will be back at it.
Thank you again for the kind words.
Does anyone have any advice or reassurance, my Mrs is starting to think that given my semen analysis results the problem must lie with her. This isn't helped by the fact that for the past three months she has started bleeding at about the same time ovulation would occur, the most recent was last night. She really doesn't want to go to the doctors as she is worried about the results and also is struggling to find the time to get to the doctors given her shift pattern for the rest of the week
When i was doing ivf i was told that a small bleed around ovulation time usually meant implantation had taken/tried to take place. Probably TMI to ask if the blood is brown or red??? Brown is a sign of older blood and is more associated with implantation. She should go to the doctors though, it could be that she cant hang on to them once they implant - very common and some medicines help this. Or she could have a tube problem with ovulation, either way they will help. Better to get help and reach the end goal, rather than sit and fester and get more and more stressed/depressed. Good luck Engineer1 
Engineer1 said:
The Mrs is off to the doctors on Wednesday so hopefully they will have some answers. I am just getting a shade fed up with how every month I seem to get a double length grumpyness first when she gets the minor bleed then again if her period comes.
It's tough. I think us guys are hard-wired to deal with stuff like this better.
I have already had about ten text messages from my wife this morning telling me she is having a nervous breakdown over the waiting etc. She knows deep down that her period is on its way but wants to believe it might be this month....
...it has become the main priority in our household and when it keeps not happening we get the monthly melt-down.
Legend83 said:
Engineer1 said:
The Mrs is off to the doctors on Wednesday so hopefully they will have some answers. I am just getting a shade fed up with how every month I seem to get a double length grumpyness first when she gets the minor bleed then again if her period comes.
It's tough. I think us guys are hard-wired to deal with stuff like this better.
I have already had about ten text messages from my wife this morning telling me she is having a nervous breakdown over the waiting etc. She knows deep down that her period is on its way but wants to believe it might be this month....
...it has become the main priority in our household and when it keeps not happening we get the monthly melt-down.
Legend83 said:
...it has become the main priority in our household and when it keeps not happening we get the monthly melt-down.
This is unfortunately so true. You keep hearing stories of how people "stopped worrying" and it just happened. I dont think it works that way. We are about to go through our 4th cycle of IVF, the mrs has pretty severe PCOS. The last 3 times, we have had it cancelled twice, once not enough growth from folicles, another due to massive hyperstimulation and the last time, we got to egg collection, and embryo transfer, we had one which was good enough to implant, the others wouldnt have survived freezing. She started bleeding 2 days before the test date. That was the toughest one to deal with, so close, after so much hurt, then......yet again, nope.We only have one more try on the Funded NHS, and if this one doesnt work, neither of us know quite where we will go. She is only 24 and REALLY wants to have her own children, we are open to adoption, but not until we have tried all we can to make it work as naturally as possible.
h0b0 sorry to hear your news mate, the first one is always really tough, I can only imagine how much harder it is that much further down the road. People dont really have a clue, and comments about the drinking etc, really shouldnt be made, but people just dont seem to think.
The amount of times, people who dont know pipe up with the old "so you must be next then, when you having kids", we have just learnt to laugh it off, and fob it off now, but i know it still bothers the mrs.
Any of you other fellas just feel so bloody helpless? normally, any problems, we sort, get it done, logically, and whatever it takes....this, is so out of my hands, I hate it. I think after time, you do become more objective about it, and when it gets to you, it hurts more, but more of the time you are realistic, and realise it is to a certain extent out of our control.
drivin_me_nuts said:
Legend83 said:
Engineer1 said:
The Mrs is off to the doctors on Wednesday so hopefully they will have some answers. I am just getting a shade fed up with how every month I seem to get a double length grumpyness first when she gets the minor bleed then again if her period comes.
It's tough. I think us guys are hard-wired to deal with stuff like this better.
I have already had about ten text messages from my wife this morning telling me she is having a nervous breakdown over the waiting etc. She knows deep down that her period is on its way but wants to believe it might be this month....
...it has become the main priority in our household and when it keeps not happening we get the monthly melt-down.
It just seems so unfair that the most natural process is seemingly so difficult sometimes. Also the fact that you have absolutely no idea what is going on inside your missus makes it harder.
As with everything, once you decide you want it, it only gets harder when you can't get it....
if you mention "taking a break" this will probably be taken that you are not as serious about it, and it doesnt bother you, you dont care, etc etc etc. Emotions are veeery high, choose your words carefully mate 
May be worth suggesting that you both go to the Drs, or go and have a chat with your local (depending on where you are) fertility centre. So that you are proactively looking for a solution, rather than kjust saying, lets stop trying. Until you have an actual way forward, just a little something to look forward to, this will always be on both your minds anytime you sleep together. Even if neither of you admit it, it just wont go away.
Try and speak with someone, together, its nothing to be ashamed of, and you really are not alone.
May be worth suggesting that you both go to the Drs, or go and have a chat with your local (depending on where you are) fertility centre. So that you are proactively looking for a solution, rather than kjust saying, lets stop trying. Until you have an actual way forward, just a little something to look forward to, this will always be on both your minds anytime you sleep together. Even if neither of you admit it, it just wont go away.
Try and speak with someone, together, its nothing to be ashamed of, and you really are not alone.
leeb said:
if you mention "taking a break" this will probably be taken that you are not as serious about it, and it doesnt bother you, you dont care, etc etc etc. Emotions are veeery high, choose your words carefully mate
May be worth suggesting that you both go to the Drs, or go and have a chat with your local (depending on where you are) fertility centre. So that you are proactively looking for a solution, rather than kjust saying, lets stop trying. Until you have an actual way forward, just a little something to look forward to, this will always be on both your minds anytime you sleep together. Even if neither of you admit it, it just wont go away.
Try and speak with someone, together, its nothing to be ashamed of, and you really are not alone.
Doctors appointment booked for Monday.May be worth suggesting that you both go to the Drs, or go and have a chat with your local (depending on where you are) fertility centre. So that you are proactively looking for a solution, rather than kjust saying, lets stop trying. Until you have an actual way forward, just a little something to look forward to, this will always be on both your minds anytime you sleep together. Even if neither of you admit it, it just wont go away.
Try and speak with someone, together, its nothing to be ashamed of, and you really are not alone.
Perhaps also go the extra mile with the missus with respect to how you feel about all of this. It's not just your missus who needs the emotional / psychological support, it's you as well.
Talk to the clinic and see what type of help is also available for both of you. For many people getting pregnant is as much a psychological struggle as a physical one. There are issues that you need to address. The last thing you want is to become parents who when they have their child, live with deep rooted resentment and frustration every time they hear someone else tell them just how 'easy(ly)' it happened for them - you would be surprised, it actually happens quite a lot.
Be as proactive at dealing with these aspects now as you are about trying to get pregnant and when it does happen it will be a happy positive event rather than just 'phew, thank christ for that!'. All the best.
Talk to the clinic and see what type of help is also available for both of you. For many people getting pregnant is as much a psychological struggle as a physical one. There are issues that you need to address. The last thing you want is to become parents who when they have their child, live with deep rooted resentment and frustration every time they hear someone else tell them just how 'easy(ly)' it happened for them - you would be surprised, it actually happens quite a lot.
Be as proactive at dealing with these aspects now as you are about trying to get pregnant and when it does happen it will be a happy positive event rather than just 'phew, thank christ for that!'. All the best.
Tough times ahead, sympathies and been there. Most of it's already been said.
All the tests, including lost notes by one hospital which lost us best part of a year in tests and examinations, including various ops for the Mrs, including the embarrassing receptionist in front of a smirking waiting room with "is your sample fresh sir?" You'll have been through that already.
In the end we gave up, decided to do something else, started looking at proper offshore sailing cruisers having sold the earlier tiny ditch crawler, competition cars and what not.
Settled down, if it happens it happens. Relaxed. Bingo!
Never quite recovered from the shock of not being able to buy the boat though. Boat would have less trouble and probably cheaper too.
grr grr grizzle grizzle chunter chunter
All the tests, including lost notes by one hospital which lost us best part of a year in tests and examinations, including various ops for the Mrs, including the embarrassing receptionist in front of a smirking waiting room with "is your sample fresh sir?" You'll have been through that already.
In the end we gave up, decided to do something else, started looking at proper offshore sailing cruisers having sold the earlier tiny ditch crawler, competition cars and what not.
Settled down, if it happens it happens. Relaxed. Bingo!
Never quite recovered from the shock of not being able to buy the boat though. Boat would have less trouble and probably cheaper too.
grr grr grizzle grizzle chunter chunter
Leeb said:
......We are about to go through our 4th cycle of IVF......
We only have one more try on the Funded NHS.........
Jesus!....you only get 1 funded crack at it in Leeds.We only have one more try on the Funded NHS.........
We had to pay for the 2nd....worked thank god. For reference, including all the drugs it's about 4.5k a go.
Just in the process of having popsicles put back in (£1500). Mrs has just started the drugs.
Expensive business this, hence why I bought myself a motorbike last week while we still actually have some money in the bank
We always said we would give it 3 tries then adopt. I can see how people end up getting divorced/go bankrupt going through this nonsense. We know a couple that have spent circa 20k to date and still no baby...gutted.
Edited by dave_s13 on Thursday 19th August 10:14
dave_s13 said:
Legend83 said:
......We are about to go through our 4th cycle of IVF......
We only have one more try on the Funded NHS.........
Jesus!....you only get 1 funded crack at it in Leeds.We only have one more try on the Funded NHS.........
We had to pay for the 2nd....worked thank god. For reference, including all the drugs it's about 4.5k a go.
Just in the process of having popsicles put back in (£1500). Mrs has just started the drugs.
Expensive business this, hence why I bought myself a motorbike last week while we still actually have some money in the bank
We always said we would give it 3 tries then adopt. I can see how people end up getting divorced/go bankrupt going through this nonsense. We know a couple that have spent circa 20k to date and still no baby...gutted.
Dave - I think you misquoted me above...we have not had IVF...
Get rid of the stress is the answer according to this: High stress 'delays pregnancy'
Working in a surgery we have had quite a few patients get pregnant almost immediately after they have been referred for fertility, and I'd put it down to a change in stress levels (although I'm no clinician), but it is a catch 22 position, you know not to get stressed, but you get stressed about being stressed.
Don't forget if it is taking the average person 104 times to get lucky: Average couple has sex more than 100 times before falling pregnant then if there are a few problems it might take quite a few more times.
Working in a surgery we have had quite a few patients get pregnant almost immediately after they have been referred for fertility, and I'd put it down to a change in stress levels (although I'm no clinician), but it is a catch 22 position, you know not to get stressed, but you get stressed about being stressed.
Don't forget if it is taking the average person 104 times to get lucky: Average couple has sex more than 100 times before falling pregnant then if there are a few problems it might take quite a few more times.
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