Funny things old people say/do

Funny things old people say/do

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ukbob

Original Poster:

16,277 posts

264 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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My girlfriends grandfather doesnt have a computer, or an understanding of the internet, and how it all works. The other day he asked if he could have the internet in his home for just one day, without having a computer

He also drives through gaps which are too small for the car, and has taken the wing mirror clean off about 4 times in the last 18 months.

Her other grandfather was doing some electrical work, and though that by earthing himself to the nearby electricity pylon would prevent him from being harmed in the case of an electrical shock. He also gargled with bleach all his life, and his wife carried a hammer in her bag for personal safety. Eccentric type, he built the kids a roundabout out of a washing machine engine which would plug in, speed up, and then throw the kids all over the garden, but that was before he was old.

Her grandmother once had the an upset stomach, and he thought it would be a clever idea to put newspaper down on the floors of the entire house "in case she didnt make it"

v8thunder

27,646 posts

257 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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Sounds like my parents re their computer. My Mum thinks the words Internet, Website, Email, Webmail, Outlook, Explorer and Search Engine are interchangable

MrFlibbles

7,691 posts

282 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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whenever I'm on mucking about on t'internet my mum always asks if she has any email.

She doesn't have an email address...

WD*

4,045 posts

250 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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My dear great-grandma started to lose it a little towards the end, following several strokes.

Some of the things, though a little upsetting at the time, still make us smile.

At the time, my husband had long hair. I had popped round with him one weekend, then with another male friend the following weekend. She commented that it was such a shame that he had had all his lovely long hair cut off... We tried to explain that it wasn't Matthew, but in the end gave up.

The following weekend, Matthew and I went to visit her again, and it took him 15 minutes to convince her that his hair was his own, and that it wasn't a wig that he had forgotten to put on the previous week.


Another time we were sat chatting, and she had been having trouble with time, not knowing what time it was. She was commenting about going to bed, and how she didn't like to because it meant leaving the little people on their own. I asked which people, to which she gestured at the window and said "the ones that keep staring at me".... a little concerned, I started to worry that maybe someone had been peering through the windows, especially since there had been a number of attacks on old people in the town recently.

I popped to the loo, and while I was gone, Matthew continued talking to her,a nd eventually worked out that the little people who were watching her was actually the various actors on TV.. she truly believed that there were little people in the tele, and didn't like to switch it off because it meant they were on their own!


That one always makes me laugh!




It must run in the family, however...

Her daughter, my grandma, was discussing flowers with me in the run up to the wedding, and talk had moved to button holes... she said that freesias would be better than roses, as roses tend to wilt quite quickly... I asked if freesias lasted longer, hence her choice of them... "well, no.." she replies.. " they wilt just as quickly"


Eh?!

And my great aunty, talking to my cousin and I (my cousin is training to be a hairdresser).. "eeeh, I see those two fellas have opened a new hair-dressing salon in stockton... business must be good, they've got a shop in Middlesbrough as well..."


Those 'two fellas' are Tony & Guy, World famous hair stylists... you know you;ve made it when you have a shop in stockton, obviously!

Wacky Racer

38,099 posts

246 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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My dear departed gran once mused....


Why do men go bald, but can grow beards??

They should have stuck their heads on upside down.....

planetdave

9,921 posts

252 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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Nothing she said but.....

My partially deaf granny used to let tiny farts go.....she must have assumed that we couldn't hear them as she gayly carried on unabashed.

Trying to keep a straight face was a real trial.

ukbob

Original Poster:

16,277 posts

264 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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I remember the time my grandfather accidentally spat his dentures into the sand - he didnt appreciate us laughing, and couldnt see the funny side.

My grandmother (lives overseas, dont think they have many roundabouts) passed her exit, and rather than going round again, slammed on the breaks, and reversed backwards around the roundabout, and off on the exit she had missed.

Balmoral Green

40,660 posts

247 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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My aunty Mary had a few classics, if an electric socket was switched on but without anything plugged in, she was convinced the electricity was leaking out. She would get very concerned and would go nuts if we switched them on deliberatley to tease her. She really would go into a mad panic, charging across the room and diving down to the socket to turn it off.

Best one liner of hers though was watching Planet of the apes, half way through the film she said "Isnt it good how they train those monkeys!". She was serious.

JonRB

74,402 posts

271 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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My grandfather used to habitually refer to his electric massager (which he used to ease back pain) as his 'vibrator'.

My dad and I had a lot of trouble keeping a straight face on that one.

One time it broke down and he asked one of us to fix it.

Cue lots of barely straight-faced questions like "is it no longer giving satisfaction, then?"

top fuel

2,590 posts

252 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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During the War.....

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

254 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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When I were a lad.....

TheExcession

11,669 posts

249 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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top fuel said:
During the War.....


mybrainhurts said:
When I were a lad.....

We had to get up every morning....

>> Edited by TheExcession on Sunday 17th October 17:16

SpaceCowboy

563 posts

235 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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My brother-in-law's Gran's not generally known for her nice nature. His Granda on the other hand, is so easy going it's astonishing that they got together in the first place.

Anyway, through over 50 years of marriage, the Gran had pretty much gone out of her way to make his life as difficult as possible, but he just put up with it for a quiet life.

Until his 80th birthday that is, when after she moaned at him for not putting enough sugar in her tea or something equally trivial, he walked out!

He went for a pint in the next town, then visited the Council and got himself set up with a little bungalow. He returned home, packed his stuff, told her it was over and fd off.

On moving into the bungalow, he bought himself a Playstation (seriously) and widescreen TV amongst the usual essentials and is now living the life of Riley, doing what he likes when he likes.

Quality.

YarisSi

1,537 posts

243 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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My Grandad once told us that he visited that nursery with his mate, indicating as we drove past, once and looked around at it just looked like a normal gardern.

It was only a kiddies nusery with big sign out front.

Tabs

941 posts

271 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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Have you noticed that people under 55 fall over, people over 55 'have a fall'!

GregE240

10,857 posts

266 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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One of my grandmothers, at a trip to an aquarium, mused "...you don't see the fish coming to the surface to breathe much, do you?"

My other grandmother, at a visit to my aunts, commented what a lovely picture of our family home (in Portishead) hung on the wall, and asked who had painted it.

My aunt peered at the signature at the bottom and remarked "You did, Mum."

JonRB

74,402 posts

271 months

Sunday 17th October 2004
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GregE240 said:
My other grandmother, at a visit to my aunts, commented what a lovely picture of our family home (in Portishead) hung on the wall, and asked who had painted it.

My aunt peered at the signature at the bottom and remarked "You did, Mum."
Quality.

WD*

4,045 posts

250 months

Tuesday 19th October 2004
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JonRB said:
My grandfather used to habitually refer to his electric massager (which he used to ease back pain) as his 'vibrator'.

My dad and I had a lot of trouble keeping a straight face on that one.

One time it broke down and he asked one of us to fix it.

Cue lots of barely straight-faced questions like "is it no longer giving satisfaction, then?"


Visiting my step-grandoarents at the weekend, I commented to my Nana that I had to get going as I had an Ann Summers party to do that evening. My nana is quite streetwise and asked how I was getting on with the job... Grandad, on the other hand, aasked "Ann Summers, do they make the perfumes?"


err, yes... something like that

pwig

11,956 posts

269 months

Tuesday 19th October 2004
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SpaceCowboy said:


On moving into the bungalow, he bought himself a Playstation (seriously) and widescreen TV amongst the usual essentials and is now living the life of Riley, doing what he likes when he likes.

Quality.



Now thats cool!

EmmaP

11,758 posts

238 months

Tuesday 19th October 2004
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ukbob said:

Her other grandfather was doing some electrical work, and though that by earthing himself to the nearby electricity pylon would prevent him from being harmed in the case of an electrical shock.


I haven't laughed so much in ages. Thanks for that !