What's the best/worst car related fib you've ever heard?
Discussion
Boyfriend of a girl i knew in school and went to uni with has just got one of the earlier E48 328's - SE spec with massive wheels on it.
him: "280 brake like, but going to newhall to get schnitzer chip to 320 brake - its like a missile"
me: "I think you'll find its no more than 200 brake, and thats off the top of my head"
him: (googles it) "no way, this one is the scnitzer version"
him: "280 brake like, but going to newhall to get schnitzer chip to 320 brake - its like a missile"
me: "I think you'll find its no more than 200 brake, and thats off the top of my head"
him: (googles it) "no way, this one is the scnitzer version"
I've had the opposite. A work mate had the rustiest ugliest Mini clubman estate You'd ever seen.
It had a loud exhaust.
I once said, "Hey a bet that's quick" with a touch of sarcasm.
His response, "No."
A week later I followed him down a motorway slip road in my Metro Turdo, thinking I'd blast past him before we got to the bottom. He let me get along side and he floored the throttle, and disappeared rappidly into the distance, with a loud screaming sound.
Turns out the spec was 1380, straight cut box, race cam. LCB, straight through exhaust, Twin cut in half dellorto's (straight out of vizards book) and it packed about 110 BHP. The engine was worth 10 times the rest of the car, which was "just a body shell whilst I restore a pickup to put it in"
It had a loud exhaust.
I once said, "Hey a bet that's quick" with a touch of sarcasm.
His response, "No."
A week later I followed him down a motorway slip road in my Metro Turdo, thinking I'd blast past him before we got to the bottom. He let me get along side and he floored the throttle, and disappeared rappidly into the distance, with a loud screaming sound.
Turns out the spec was 1380, straight cut box, race cam. LCB, straight through exhaust, Twin cut in half dellorto's (straight out of vizards book) and it packed about 110 BHP. The engine was worth 10 times the rest of the car, which was "just a body shell whilst I restore a pickup to put it in"
I used to work with a guy called Dave, we called him "Tractor" because he spread bulls
t. He came out with some absolute classics, My favourite 3 were:
"I'm qualified to test MOT testers"
"I used to test the 3,2 Carreras (911) and if I couldn't get 160mph out of them I'de fix them with the Bosche Hammer"
BTW The Bosche hammer is a very basic 80's diagnostic tool and can't change anything or tell you what the problem is.
Best one ever though....
"I did my first 200mph on this road, on a Yamaha Fazer 750"
At this point me and 2 other race mechanics in the car absolutely pissed ourselves laughing, from that moment (2003) to this day anytime any of us see or hear a motorbike someone says "there's Dave doing 200mph"
There were hundreds of other great lies but these were the best.
t. He came out with some absolute classics, My favourite 3 were:"I'm qualified to test MOT testers"
"I used to test the 3,2 Carreras (911) and if I couldn't get 160mph out of them I'de fix them with the Bosche Hammer"
BTW The Bosche hammer is a very basic 80's diagnostic tool and can't change anything or tell you what the problem is.
Best one ever though....
"I did my first 200mph on this road, on a Yamaha Fazer 750"
At this point me and 2 other race mechanics in the car absolutely pissed ourselves laughing, from that moment (2003) to this day anytime any of us see or hear a motorbike someone says "there's Dave doing 200mph"
There were hundreds of other great lies but these were the best.
Years ago, I came back to my home town on leave, and bumped into an old schoolmate in the pub. I remember he was always a bit of a saddo, and prone to a bit of bullst, but his latest story took the biscuit. I had just told the not particularly interesting story of being stopped by the police for a multiple-lepton M3 dash, when he decided he just had to go one better (bear in mind that he had a Mk3 Escort, 1.3 or 1.6 I forget which...):
"Yeah I was heading home the other night, going about a ton down the country lanes, when a police car pulled out and chased me. I decided not to stop, and floored it. I wasn't losing them, so I changed tactics. I went round a bend and saw an open gate into a field, so I took it, tyres screeching, and in the field was a barn full of hay bales. I headed in, then slammed on the brakes. Just managed to stop as I hit the stack of bales, which toppled over and completely hid my car from the cops, who carried on by. I waited a while, then got out, cleared off the hay, and went home."
Pause.
Me: "That didn't happen at all, did it?"
Sad one: "Yeah it did, you weren't there, you calling me a liar? etc etc etc etc"
Me: "Ok. Bye then."
t, but his latest story took the biscuit. I had just told the not particularly interesting story of being stopped by the police for a multiple-lepton M3 dash, when he decided he just had to go one better (bear in mind that he had a Mk3 Escort, 1.3 or 1.6 I forget which...):"Yeah I was heading home the other night, going about a ton down the country lanes, when a police car pulled out and chased me. I decided not to stop, and floored it. I wasn't losing them, so I changed tactics. I went round a bend and saw an open gate into a field, so I took it, tyres screeching, and in the field was a barn full of hay bales. I headed in, then slammed on the brakes. Just managed to stop as I hit the stack of bales, which toppled over and completely hid my car from the cops, who carried on by. I waited a while, then got out, cleared off the hay, and went home."
Pause.
Me: "That didn't happen at all, did it?"
Sad one: "Yeah it did, you weren't there, you calling me a liar? etc etc etc etc"
Me: "Ok. Bye then."
zcacogp said:
Ummm, is it me or did Mr POD just admit to owning a car that isn't a vauxhall?
Oli.
Metro Turdo. Oli.
Usually driven with waste gate chattering, and averaged 5000 miles for the front tyres.
One of many none vauxhalls I have owned.
The MOST fun car I've ever owned. Also the least realiable car.
Edited by Mr POD on Monday 29th September 16:15
I once ended up speaking to someone outside a pub whos brother had a 1200BHP skyline that would run 8 second quaters. I enquired which one it was as there wern't many about that would run 8 seconds on the strip.
'Oh hes completely private not sponcered by anyone or anything'
'oh right... thats interesting, just out of interest is he running one big turbo, two sequential or two parallel turbos?'
'Hes got 4 in parallel'
'Oh really... any how much boost is he running?'
'What?'
'Well how much PSI of boost?'
'about 400 PSI in drag tune about about 250 for the street because otherwise it rips the tarmac off the roads'
'riiiiight ok mate'
'Oh hes completely private not sponcered by anyone or anything'
'oh right... thats interesting, just out of interest is he running one big turbo, two sequential or two parallel turbos?'
'Hes got 4 in parallel'
'Oh really... any how much boost is he running?'
'What?'
'Well how much PSI of boost?'
'about 400 PSI in drag tune about about 250 for the street because otherwise it rips the tarmac off the roads'
'riiiiight ok mate'
There's a guy I know who adds spcific numbers to his bullst boasts to make them more believable, by that I mean he would never say that he once drove at "over 150 mph", it's always an exact number like 157mph, even though it's getting obvious that he makes it up on the spot.
The recent ones have been "The Mazda RX3 was a four door saloon car which has 252bhp as standard, but it only weighs 512kg and could beat everything in its day, it would be faster than your car".
"The reliant robin three wheeler can do 0-60 in 5.2 seconds"
He's so far out that it's just not worth arguing. He also insists that the Nürburgring is pronounced Nuremberg ring because it's in Nuremberg. Next time I'll remind him that I have access to the internet
t boasts to make them more believable, by that I mean he would never say that he once drove at "over 150 mph", it's always an exact number like 157mph, even though it's getting obvious that he makes it up on the spot. The recent ones have been "The Mazda RX3 was a four door saloon car which has 252bhp as standard, but it only weighs 512kg and could beat everything in its day, it would be faster than your car".
"The reliant robin three wheeler can do 0-60 in 5.2 seconds"
He's so far out that it's just not worth arguing. He also insists that the Nürburgring is pronounced Nuremberg ring because it's in Nuremberg. Next time I'll remind him that I have access to the internet
andy400 said:
Years ago, I came back to my home town on leave, and bumped into an old schoolmate in the pub. I remember he was always a bit of a saddo, and prone to a bit of bullst, but his latest story took the biscuit. I had just told the not particularly interesting story of being stopped by the police for a multiple-lepton M3 dash, when he decided he just had to go one better (bear in mind that he had a Mk3 Escort, 1.3 or 1.6 I forget which...):
"Yeah I was heading home the other night, going about a ton down the country lanes, when a police car pulled out and chased me. I decided not to stop, and floored it. I wasn't losing them, so I changed tactics. I went round a bend and saw an open gate into a field, so I took it, tyres screeching, and in the field was a barn full of hay bales. I headed in, then slammed on the brakes. Just managed to stop as I hit the stack of bales, which toppled over and completely hid my car from the cops, who carried on by. I waited a while, then got out, cleared off the hay, and went home."
Pause.
Me: "That didn't happen at all, did it?"
Sad one: "Yeah it did, you weren't there, you calling me a liar? etc etc etc etc"
Me: "Ok. Bye then."
Sounds like the guy I mentioned earlier. t, but his latest story took the biscuit. I had just told the not particularly interesting story of being stopped by the police for a multiple-lepton M3 dash, when he decided he just had to go one better (bear in mind that he had a Mk3 Escort, 1.3 or 1.6 I forget which...):"Yeah I was heading home the other night, going about a ton down the country lanes, when a police car pulled out and chased me. I decided not to stop, and floored it. I wasn't losing them, so I changed tactics. I went round a bend and saw an open gate into a field, so I took it, tyres screeching, and in the field was a barn full of hay bales. I headed in, then slammed on the brakes. Just managed to stop as I hit the stack of bales, which toppled over and completely hid my car from the cops, who carried on by. I waited a while, then got out, cleared off the hay, and went home."
Pause.
Me: "That didn't happen at all, did it?"
Sad one: "Yeah it did, you weren't there, you calling me a liar? etc etc etc etc"
Me: "Ok. Bye then."
Same car as well.A couple of weekends ago I went to the MB world thing at Brooklands and did a driving day. One of the things we did was ‘power’ slide round in a circle effort. The track is very very wet and slippery and you do these ‘power’ slides at about 20mph. All good fun really, well I though so.
Anyway, the old chap who went out in the car with me said that when the water was not on he could do power slides at 60mph round this circle on the inside bit. Really, ok then, you do that.
Anyway, the old chap who went out in the car with me said that when the water was not on he could do power slides at 60mph round this circle on the inside bit. Really, ok then, you do that.
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