Overheard conversations..
Discussion
Deedub said:
My father in law ( half deaf ) proudly announced in the pub recently that he had just successfully put up a dildo rail in his hallway
My stepmum did this once, she was in the teachers (full)staff room at the time.
While I was waiting for my son to be brought into this world last year, I was as you would imagine a little nervous/worried/excited (first time dad), any way I was waiting in the reception area of the delivery suite(!!??!) (labour ward) when the mid wife on duty noticed that there were some kids running and playing around by the door. She promptly ran around the desk shouting and screaming at the kids to stop messing about and be quiet, on walking back to her desk she said to her colleague "don't they know children aren't allowed in here". Took me a while to get up off the floor.
V8 Archie said:
>>Removed, cause something very odd just happened .
mike s said:
P.S, they designed the AJP engines
>>Replaced 'cause I've been down the pub.
>> Edited by V8 Archie on Friday 30th January 15:09
Al Melling (A) Or known as John Reid
John Ravenscroft (J)
Peter Wheeler (P) Also known as Neill Anderson
>> Edited by mike s on Friday 30th January 15:28
When we were teenagers a friend of mine beleived that Concorde steered by it's nose.
Same guy was being picked up one day at about 5pm. He came running out the house (they'd lived there about 15 years), tripped over the door frame and went flying. His excuse was "I haven't been out of the house today".
Same guy was being picked up one day at about 5pm. He came running out the house (they'd lived there about 15 years), tripped over the door frame and went flying. His excuse was "I haven't been out of the house today".
I just remembered this.
4 years ago. In a bar in Nurnberg. Man Utd vs Liverpool 4th round cup tie. I'm in there with a couple of Liverpool supporting mates. A whole load of scouse builders turn up.
So there's friendly banter and a few pints. A good bunch of lads.
Liverpool score 8 mins in, and Utd are on the ropes. I'm not enjoying this much :'(
Halftime, and the pool are 1-0 up. One of the builders says "Hey, we should ring steve back in blightly and give him some abuse - he's a Utd fan". There's a chorus of approval for this idea.
Then the interllectual of the group say "Hang on lads, it's not half-time yet in England. They're an hour behind us"
There was an exquisite 4 seconds of silence while most people worked out what he said, and while I tried not to drown on my pint.......
Wonderful. I suspect he'll never live it down.
(United scored twice in the last 15 minutes and won)
4 years ago. In a bar in Nurnberg. Man Utd vs Liverpool 4th round cup tie. I'm in there with a couple of Liverpool supporting mates. A whole load of scouse builders turn up.
So there's friendly banter and a few pints. A good bunch of lads.
Liverpool score 8 mins in, and Utd are on the ropes. I'm not enjoying this much :'(
Halftime, and the pool are 1-0 up. One of the builders says "Hey, we should ring steve back in blightly and give him some abuse - he's a Utd fan". There's a chorus of approval for this idea.
Then the interllectual of the group say "Hang on lads, it's not half-time yet in England. They're an hour behind us"
There was an exquisite 4 seconds of silence while most people worked out what he said, and while I tried not to drown on my pint.......
Wonderful. I suspect he'll never live it down.
(United scored twice in the last 15 minutes and won)
Couple for you...
a group of us were sat talking one lunch time with a female Japanese colleague who was telling us about the high number of earthquakes they experienced in her home town. Engaging mouth before brain, I turned to her and asked "So have you ever felt a really big one?". Cue about ten minutes of helpless laughter (she was the only woman at the table...).
A few weeks back a group of us were watching a lunar eclipse on the front steps of our building. A couple of girls walked up the steps and stopped to see what we were looking at. Confused, one asked me what was going on,
Me: "It's a lunar eclipse"
Her: "So what's between us and the moon... it must be the sun right???".
Me: "Erm, something like that..."
a group of us were sat talking one lunch time with a female Japanese colleague who was telling us about the high number of earthquakes they experienced in her home town. Engaging mouth before brain, I turned to her and asked "So have you ever felt a really big one?". Cue about ten minutes of helpless laughter (she was the only woman at the table...).
A few weeks back a group of us were watching a lunar eclipse on the front steps of our building. A couple of girls walked up the steps and stopped to see what we were looking at. Confused, one asked me what was going on,
Me: "It's a lunar eclipse"
Her: "So what's between us and the moon... it must be the sun right???".
Me: "Erm, something like that..."
On a slightly different tack, my mate was shouting at another driver whilst his little 4 year old lad was in the back and used the terminology "W*nk*r".
Duly noted, whenever his father became irate at other drivers, his son shouted "W*nk*r!" out of the window.
Somewhat embarassed, my mate goes "No, I said "Wayne's Car" so evry time I now pull up, I get a chorus of "Wayne's car, Wayne's car!". Trouble is, it sounds pretty much the same from a 4 year old....
Duly noted, whenever his father became irate at other drivers, his son shouted "W*nk*r!" out of the window.
Somewhat embarassed, my mate goes "No, I said "Wayne's Car" so evry time I now pull up, I get a chorus of "Wayne's car, Wayne's car!". Trouble is, it sounds pretty much the same from a 4 year old....
It was the start of a her new PGCE course at university, and MrsFlibbles was happily chatting away to her new course mates, when the inevitable topic of "what did you do over summer?" came up.
It was somewhat proudly that the taiwanese lad annouced "Over summer, I was a fudge packer!"
Cue hilarious laughter all round.
It was somewhat proudly that the taiwanese lad annouced "Over summer, I was a fudge packer!"
Cue hilarious laughter all round.
Not quite an "overheard", but related....
I was once in a bar in Germany with a gang of Swedish friends, including some very nice-looking young ladies. We were all sitting at a table and chatting in Swedish, as you do. At the same table were six German blokes who decided that as we were "foreign", they were going to pass comment on the various - er - physical attributes of the young ladies present, type "wouldn't mind giving her one", etc.
And then the waitress came over and told us - in German - that one of the drinks we'd ordered was unavailable, so we all switched to speaking German while we decided what to order instead.
Cue some major embarrassment for the blokes, compounded when we finished our conversation and grinned at them.
They left 5 minutes later.
I was once in a bar in Germany with a gang of Swedish friends, including some very nice-looking young ladies.
We were all sitting at a table and chatting in Swedish, as you do. At the same table were six German blokes who decided that as we were "foreign", they were going to pass comment on the various - er - physical attributes of the young ladies present, type "wouldn't mind giving her one", etc. And then the waitress came over and told us - in German - that one of the drinks we'd ordered was unavailable, so we all switched to speaking German while we decided what to order instead.
Cue some major embarrassment for the blokes, compounded when we finished our conversation and grinned at them.
They left 5 minutes later.
Graham said:
'Nah, but the drivethrough is ' .. brief pause as drunken bloke 'thinks' about this.. 'But I dont have a car' he replies despondently and shuffles off..
Ah yes but a few year back me and a m8 slightly pissed in coco beach florida... everything was shut as it seems to be after abou 9pm out there, othere than the drive through at the taco bell. so round we walk and all the 20 stone bint behind the glass can say is
"You Have to have a car"
But i've got one, didnt get any other response
G
Following on from this, after a particularly heavy session at a conference myself and four colleagues found ourselves at the McD Drivethrough on the A4 at Heathrow at 4am and were told that we had to be in a car, whereupon we formed ourselves up 2 in front 3 behind, 'driver' with imaginary steering wheel and then 'drove' up to the window (with sound effects), and did all our orders through the driver - guy was laughing so much he had to serve us !!!
The first time I went to America, I flew to phoenix, then rode up to Flagstaff, on the way to see the Grand Canyon. I got into Flagstaff about 6 in the evening, booked the Motel room, and went to a bar for a beer. Got chatting with a group of bikers ( I'd hired a Harley), and mentioned that I'd only just arrived. One of them said
"Have you seen the Grand Canyon, then?"
I said no.
"Why not?" he said.
"Because its dark!"
Cue all his mates pissing themselves laughing, while he worked it out.
"Have you seen the Grand Canyon, then?"
I said no.
"Why not?" he said.
"Because its dark!"
Cue all his mates pissing themselves laughing, while he worked it out.
In the States I keep on getting this (several times a week):
random person - "so how was your weekend?"
me - "it was OK, i didn't do much though"
random person - "awesome!" (option b) "neat!")
After months of "awesome" comments about my empty weekends i don't find it fUnny (which i pronounced "fAnny" the first time i was in Ireland, for the uttern enjoyment of my host family's friends - I didn't get the joke until some time later) anymore.
Be patient with us poor foreigners.
random person - "so how was your weekend?"
me - "it was OK, i didn't do much though"
random person - "awesome!" (option b) "neat!")
After months of "awesome" comments about my empty weekends i don't find it fUnny (which i pronounced "fAnny" the first time i was in Ireland, for the uttern enjoyment of my host family's friends - I didn't get the joke until some time later) anymore.
Be patient with us poor foreigners.
lazyitus said:
Our local pub landlord (A few years ago) was a little slow to say the least.
During a Wednesday night pub quiz, he read out the question "Who won the 1990 Silverstone Grand Prix".
O.K, quite a normal question but he pronounced it Grand Pricks
The pub erupted into fits of laughter.
Obviously annoyed at his embarrasing cock up, he tried in vein to blame somebody else.
He shouted out "Its not my fault, the wife wrote the question down, not me. She's spelt it wrong!"
The laughter was deafening for the next 5 minutes.
On the subject of quizzes, we've had a few classics over the years:
In one quiz a few years ago, the question was which chemical element has the symbol S. After the quizmaster had read the question a friend of mine (she's not blond, but should be!) looked pensive for a moment, then went "Ssssssssss.... Must be some sort of gas!". Errrr... quite.
On another occasion, we were asked what the name of the dish was that consisted of beef wrapped in pastry (or something along those lines anyway). The answer was Beef Wellington, but the same girl in another flash of genius immediately piped up with the answer "some sort of pie".
On yet another occasion, we were asked a question which none of us knew the answer to. This obviously irritated my mate's girlfriend becasue as we were all pondering she snapped angrily "Why the hell do they ask these questions?". Errr it's a quiz love, that's what they do...
Finally, we once had a question about a 1920's dance to which I knew the answer was the charleston. I whispered it to my mate who was doing the writing, but he misheard me and wrote "Charles Dunston". Needless to say we got that one wrong
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