What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
Breadvan72 said:
The 58 year old lock on the driver's door jammed. It is still jammed, but the passenger doors have been opened.
My friend thinks that is going to involve a lot of swearing. And very careful removal of the door card. Or the employ of a swarthy type of cove with a stripey jumper and a long length of stout wire. No questions asked, know what I mean, son? Drop me a Pony and it'll be sweet.Tyre Smoke said:
A friend of mine (genuinely) had a white XR3i convertible with white interior (you can see where this is going, can't you? 
) and was enthusiastically engaging in Ugandan negotiations with his latest pull. Apparently things were taking while, mostly because of a couple of shandies and an over lubrication issue. It being dark, my friend didn't think to investigate said issue until he decided to err, shall we say, explore with his taste buds. An odd taste apparently, interior light, white leather more red and pink, and the headlining, and the dash, carpets, mats...
My friend being somewhat car proud back in the day (no accounting for taste in cars though) opened the door and promptly emptied his stomach. Followed by a very awkward drive back home. He said the clean up the following day was difficult to stomach. He kept having flashbacks apparently which made him heave, which gave him flashbacks, which...you get the idea.
The White XR3i your friend had , reminded me of my friend who’d ordered an White XR3 back in 1982 from a local Ford dealer in Durham.) and was enthusiastically engaging in Ugandan negotiations with his latest pull. Apparently things were taking while, mostly because of a couple of shandies and an over lubrication issue. It being dark, my friend didn't think to investigate said issue until he decided to err, shall we say, explore with his taste buds. An odd taste apparently, interior light, white leather more red and pink, and the headlining, and the dash, carpets, mats...My friend being somewhat car proud back in the day (no accounting for taste in cars though) opened the door and promptly emptied his stomach. Followed by a very awkward drive back home. He said the clean up the following day was difficult to stomach. He kept having flashbacks apparently which made him heave, which gave him flashbacks, which...you get the idea.
Order was placed in good faith, they changed the production from XR3 to XR3i a few days before the build date, so my friend by default had the first XR3i registered in Durham.
I found out later they had supplied our local constabulary with the same white XR3i models which they drove around unmarked, my friend used to get a friendly wave from officers in traffic cars in acknowledgement.
My friend accepts it’s a totally useless bit of information to anyone but himself.
Buster73 said:
The White XR3i your friend had , reminded me of my friend who’d ordered an White XR3 back in 1982 from a local Ford dealer in Durham.
Order was placed in good faith, they changed the production from XR3 to XR3i a few days before the build date, so my friend by default had the first XR3i registered in Durham.
I found out later they had supplied our local constabulary with the same white XR3i models which they drove around unmarked, my friend used to get a friendly wave from officers in traffic cars in acknowledgement.
My friend accepts it’s a totally useless bit of information to anyone but himself.
A friend of mine had an XR3i on a D plate and if you know Ford's history, then you know what that means.Order was placed in good faith, they changed the production from XR3 to XR3i a few days before the build date, so my friend by default had the first XR3i registered in Durham.
I found out later they had supplied our local constabulary with the same white XR3i models which they drove around unmarked, my friend used to get a friendly wave from officers in traffic cars in acknowledgement.
My friend accepts it’s a totally useless bit of information to anyone but himself.
I digress
So this XR3i was red and had a shoddily fitted RS Turbo bodykit, so my friend went to see a local bodyshop guy he knew and asked him how much to do the bodywork up and fit a new bodykit.
Let me just check the boot floor he said and promptly put his arm holding the screwdriver through the boot floor.
My friend was mildly perturbed as he had been hooning about in this something rotten.
There is another tale involving this friend having a group N rally exhaust on said XR3i but for another time
Do tell. What's the significance of D plate XR3i?
My friend, not the one with the white convertible, but my friend (
) worked at a Cornish Ford 
truck dealership for a year and had a Fiesta Pop Plus as his company car. After about six months the Car Sales Manager asked my friend what mileage his Fiesta was at. About 12k was the reply. Within five minutes my friend was relieved of the Fiesta and dropped into a rough B reg XR3i in slate blue that had been taken in part ex and still had loads of tax on it (remember those days?). My friend had great fun abusing that car for a couple of months. It was always a tosser to start in the wet/damp and would happily cut out anywhere for the first five miles if it was raining. But my friend loved it. Probably because it wasn't his.
My friend, not the one with the white convertible, but my friend (
) worked at a Cornish Ford truck dealership for a year and had a Fiesta Pop Plus as his company car. After about six months the Car Sales Manager asked my friend what mileage his Fiesta was at. About 12k was the reply. Within five minutes my friend was relieved of the Fiesta and dropped into a rough B reg XR3i in slate blue that had been taken in part ex and still had loads of tax on it (remember those days?). My friend had great fun abusing that car for a couple of months. It was always a tosser to start in the wet/damp and would happily cut out anywhere for the first five miles if it was raining. But my friend loved it. Probably because it wasn't his.Tyre Smoke said:
Do tell. What's the significance of D plate XR3i?
My friend, not the one with the white convertible, but my friend () worked at a Cornish Ford truck dealership for a year and had a Fiesta Pop Plus as his company car. After about six months the Car Sales Manager asked my friend what mileage his Fiesta was at. About 12k was the reply. Within five minutes my friend was relieved of the Fiesta and dropped into a rough B reg XR3i in slate blue that had been taken in part ex and still had loads of tax on it (remember those days?). My friend had great fun abusing that car for a couple of months. It was always a tosser to start in the wet/damp and would happily cut out anywhere for the first five miles if it was raining. But my friend loved it. Probably because it wasn't his.
Ford suffered with their cars on the D plate, what they did i dont know but nearly all of their cars that year suffered with rot for some reason.My friend, not the one with the white convertible, but my friend (
) worked at a Cornish Ford truck dealership for a year and had a Fiesta Pop Plus as his company car. After about six months the Car Sales Manager asked my friend what mileage his Fiesta was at. About 12k was the reply. Within five minutes my friend was relieved of the Fiesta and dropped into a rough B reg XR3i in slate blue that had been taken in part ex and still had loads of tax on it (remember those days?). My friend had great fun abusing that car for a couple of months. It was always a tosser to start in the wet/damp and would happily cut out anywhere for the first five miles if it was raining. But my friend loved it. Probably because it wasn't his.My friend was fortunate enough - at the age of 17 - to be given his mother's 1967 two-seater sports car. His mother often seemed surprised that he frequently expressed a preference for the family hack - an Austin Maxi - instead of the aforementioned splendid example of British craftsmanship.
While a 2-seater BRG Sunbam Alpoon (name changed to protect the innocent) with a removable hard top is a splendid device to impress the ladies, it is totally unsuitable for Ugandan negotiations. The Austin Maxi - an oft-maligned but splendid vehicle in many ways - could be folded completely flat to make a very comfortable bed.
It is only with the passing of the years that my friend has realised that his mother was almost certainly aware of his motivations.
While a 2-seater BRG Sunbam Alpoon (name changed to protect the innocent) with a removable hard top is a splendid device to impress the ladies, it is totally unsuitable for Ugandan negotiations. The Austin Maxi - an oft-maligned but splendid vehicle in many ways - could be folded completely flat to make a very comfortable bed.
It is only with the passing of the years that my friend has realised that his mother was almost certainly aware of his motivations.
My friend has had a bump on the head and has started perusing '60s and '70s BMWs for sale on carandclassic.com, despite his ongoing deep seated urge to own something even a touch more exotic and oh so Italian. My friend can only put this down to having watched the excellent 'Baader Meinhoff Complex' film once too often. My friend seems to think that this deviation from the one true path to endless joy might have gone away by morning, but has just ordered two BMW books from Amazon, just in case. My friend does this a lot, which is why he has more car books than cars.
A friend had decided to buy some nice artisan crusty rolls, grilled some chicken burgers and assembled said rolls. He dutifully tidied up so as not to encouter the wrath of his long suffering good lady wife, took a bite of his first roll, and as he turned to leave the kitchen munching away, his dog took that moment as the best time to be sick all over the hallway 
My friend didn't really want his lunch anyway
My friend didn't really want his lunch anyway
My friend has spent a pleasant couple of hours swearing und kursinggeschellsschaft at the rear brake drums of his Trabant. However, after much kursinggeschellsschaft he was pleasantly surprised to find that apart from the drums being fubar, the internals were not all that old (in mileage terms) and only in need of a liberal dose of brake cleaner. He has celebrated with a cup of tea.
For those of you with an East German fetish my friend will update his Trabant thread in due course.
For those of you with an East German fetish my friend will update his Trabant thread in due course.
My friend noticed a green streak in his 16 month old toddlers light blond hair today. My friend also noticed this is a remarkably similar shade of green that the brake fluid that came from the reluctant calliper he was abusing in his kitchen last night also stained the newspaper it was resting on. My friend has the suspicion he has somehow ended up dying her hair with an errant blob of brake fluid... My friend has decided to keep his speculation as to the cause of the mysterious green steak from his other half.
Tyre Smoke said:
Breadvan72 said:
The 58 year old lock on the driver's door jammed. It is still jammed, but the passenger doors have been opened.
My friend thinks that is going to involve a lot of swearing. And very careful removal of the door card. Or the employ of a swarthy type of cove with a stripey jumper and a long length of stout wire. No questions asked, know what I mean, son? Drop me a Pony and it'll be sweet.The solution required the purchase of a second hand door card from a well known online auction site
sunbeam alpine said:
My friend was fortunate enough - at the age of 17 - to be given his mother's 1967 two-seater sports car. His mother often seemed surprised that he frequently expressed a preference for the family hack - an Austin Maxi - instead of the aforementioned splendid example of British craftsmanship.
While a 2-seater BRG Sunbam Alpoon (name changed to protect the innocent) with a removable hard top is a splendid device to impress the ladies, it is totally unsuitable for Ugandan negotiations. The Austin Maxi - an oft-maligned but splendid vehicle in many ways - could be folded completely flat to make a very comfortable bed.
It is only with the passing of the years that my friend has realised that his mother was almost certainly aware of his motivations.
My very best friend found that borrowing his father's Mk1 Austin 1800 could often assist in similar manoeuvrings - the very large front seats that touched with a forward mounted gearlever enabled a very large playground to be created. Best of all it was leather which seemed to act as a stimulant during discussions whilst facilitating the removal of evidence.While a 2-seater BRG Sunbam Alpoon (name changed to protect the innocent) with a removable hard top is a splendid device to impress the ladies, it is totally unsuitable for Ugandan negotiations. The Austin Maxi - an oft-maligned but splendid vehicle in many ways - could be folded completely flat to make a very comfortable bed.
It is only with the passing of the years that my friend has realised that his mother was almost certainly aware of his motivations.
I recall an occasion many years ago, where a friend who I’d known since school was allowed to borrow a company car, a Ford Sierra 1.6, his own car having suffered an engine failure caused by ingesting a large quantity of river water. He was quite happy with this glamourous machine, and managed some success in attracting the attention of a lady with whom he worked. She was some years older than him and very recently divorced. Needless to say, some Ugandan negotiations took place in the Ford Sierra (not entirely sure how they managed this). The negotiations were, I believe, quite frantic at times, and ended up with the lady’s foot going through the glove compartment lid.
My friend had to come up with a very creative excuse for the damage done to the borrowed company car.
My friend had to come up with a very creative excuse for the damage done to the borrowed company car.
matchmaker said:
Going a bit OT, but when the drivers door lock on my friends Skoda jammed, a Catch-22 situation arose. To get at the drivers door lock it was necessary to remove the door card. To remove the door card the drivers door had to be opened.
The solution required the purchase of a second hand door card from a well known online auction site
My friend (an actual friend) once owned a Mk4 Golf on which the driver's door lock was broken, which he wasn't bothered about as he was only keeping it for a few months, and the door unlocked with the fob anyway. One day he returned to the car to find the central locking wouldn't work. Now unable to get into the car from the driver's side, he unlocked the passenger side with the key, climbed across into the driver's seat, and drove home to find the spare fob.The solution required the purchase of a second hand door card from a well known online auction site
Which didn't work either. Upon investigating the issue, it turned out to be a central locking fuse.
Unfortunately, the fuse box on a Mk4 Golf is to the right of the steering wheel ... which means you need to be able open the driver's door to access it.
My friend reports that his first chariot of lust was a Triumph Herald in which the front seats could easily be slid forward off their runners and ‘parked’ under the dash and quite easily slid back on said runners at the conclusion of Ugandan negotiations. This allowed a fair bit of room for the negotiations to ensue and permit the ‘kind of lingers’ that the ‘not the nine o’clock news‘ of the time was famed for. However, it did require a little contortion to enact the activity which resulted in an unfortunate bout of leg cramp for my friend, the agony of which was so intense that he had to break off engagement, throw open the car door and emerge into the, thankfully otherwise deserted, car park b
k naked to undertake the necessary stretches to alleviate the pain.
This, as you can imagine, did not do a lot for the romance of the evening in question but did provide a private continued anecdote of mirth between the participants for some time, until my friend was delivered a ‘dear John’ letter some months later!
k naked to undertake the necessary stretches to alleviate the pain.This, as you can imagine, did not do a lot for the romance of the evening in question but did provide a private continued anecdote of mirth between the participants for some time, until my friend was delivered a ‘dear John’ letter some months later!
Garvin said:
the ‘kind of lingers’ that the ‘not the nine o’clock news‘ of the time was famed for...
My friend remembers being allowed to stay up & watch NTNON.He particularly remembers that particular episode, primarily because he tells me it took him a while (aged 12 at the time, and needing some subsequent discussion at school the next day) to figure out why his father was rolling around the floor pissing himself laughing over a very poorly sung and written sub-standard ballad.
Same friend's over-riding memory of NTNON jokes was the exceptionally poor, but absolutely hilarious at that age, Swedish "ball or aerosol" gag.
My friend re learned what happens when you try to re start a 1970s car that has a dodgy second hand battery without remembering to turn off the lights, fan, and rear screen demister, and what happens when you take the jump starter box out of the boot and don't put it back in. It's called: two taxi rides.
Breadvan72 said:
My friend re learned what happens when you try to re start a 1970s car that has a dodgy second hand battery without remembering to turn off the lights, fan, and rear screen demister, and what happens when you take the jump starter box out of the boot and don't put it back in. It's called: two taxi rides.
Your friend might be well advised to invest in a pocket sized powerbank jumpstarter thingy, easily capable of starting up even quite power hungry motors. My friend once managed to get his Range Rover started on a cold winter's morning with one.
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