Best smoker barges 1-5 large [vol11]

[dai1983]

cat220 said:

Perfect Le Mans road trip transport!

I imagine parking it up would be a nightmare but could be a decent Uber car! My wife would probably be onside with it only to ps off the neighbour who has at least 4 cars* parked on the street at any one time.

An ex-colleague was a bit unhinged and had a Granada hearse as a daily for a while.

• 2 4x4s, a diesel hatch and a 2 seat coupe for just him and his mrs. He has a rusty as hell 1960s Rover on their drive.

Edited by dai1983 on Tuesday 26th September 22:39

[Usget]

Gandahar said:

The problem with thread, and has been from day one, and 10 volumes back is that a best smoker barge seems to indicate it is a cheap thing to run. It's not. So the word Best is completely out of place.

It might be to buy and then will statistically cost more to run over the next 20 000 miles than a small Citroen C1 diesel that does 60mpg and can be chipped ! When something goes wrong, like the engine, it's cheap to fix.

I guess that is not sexy though.

What this thread should be called is

MEN WHO LIKE CARS TRY TO MAKE ANOTHER EXCUSE FOR GETTING ANOTHER CAR TO STROKE THEIR CAR FETISH WHILST THE WIFE EITHER NODS HER HEAD SAGELY OR JUST LEAVES YOU FOR A VEGETARIAN LIBRARIAN WHO RIDES A BIKE AND HAS NO BELLY PAUNCH.....



This is just a mutual masturbation session for men who should know better.

Continue wk wk wk for the next 10 volumes .....

Now looking forward to

"I bought an M5 E90 and using chip fat oil has cost me less than 20p over the last 14 276 miles. I also have 3 wives"

Edited by Gandahar on Tuesday 26th September 20:19

u ok hun? xx

[louiebaby]

MorganP104 said:

louiebaby said:

Following on from the V8 dog-carrier love, this is not one I've spotted this Spanish E39 540i Tourer before:

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/2017...





I dislike the wheels. The M5 and M nonsense would need to come off. Ideally the trim would be switched to walnut, which would make the gear lever look much nicer.

Being an 02 it should have Isofix in the back too, so the perfect family wagon.

Should be haggle-able into thread budget, right?

A 2002 540i with 144k miles for £5,500? I'm thinking this should be in the "overpriced cars" thread. I do like an E39 (especially wagons), and I'm a big fan of BMW's 4.4 V8 of the era, so much love, but not at this price.

It's a £3,500 car, all day long... But five-and-a-half-large? Nah.

Don't be silly, they're obviously on the "up". I hear that black Autos with a couple of wife generated parking dings, blobs of sunscreen welded on to the boot trim where she's taken the kids to the beach and possibly a drivers side front caliper that isn't retracting enough so gets hot very quickly are now worth slightly North of £6k. Right?

[JF87]

Crack-pipe pricing on that 540 Touring. I really like them, but that's only £2.5k less than I paid for an E55K estate with fewer miles.

[idiotgap]

bob-lad said:

ian316 said:

idiotgap said:

I barge half way to work and cycle the rest. I was cycling home the other night through the badlands of South London and I saw a curious car, it's the second time I've seen it. The first time was a few months ago, I tried to take a video but it was too dark to make out the reg plate. This time I just noted down the number.

It was a pre-facelift S124 E200 (or 200E, I forget which), quite scrappy looking.

The reg number: LN03JXA

How can this be?

the reg doesn't work in the mot check

Works here.
Vehicle MERCEDES 200 TE
MOT valid until 14 September 2018

Yes, I verified the number checked out before I posted it. Would be very boring if it was just a dodgy made up plate.
I'm still mystified. This wasn't one of the Indian built saloons that Trade Sales in Slough were selling back in 2001, very definitely a pre-facelift estate.

[bob-lad]

idiotgap said:

bob-lad said:

ian316 said:

idiotgap said:

I barge half way to work and cycle the rest. I was cycling home the other night through the badlands of South London and I saw a curious car, it's the second time I've seen it. The first time was a few months ago, I tried to take a video but it was too dark to make out the reg plate. This time I just noted down the number.

It was a pre-facelift S124 E200 (or 200E, I forget which), quite scrappy looking.

The reg number: LN03JXA

How can this be?

the reg doesn't work in the mot check

Works here.
Vehicle MERCEDES 200 TE
MOT valid until 14 September 2018

Yes, I verified the number checked out before I posted it. Would be very boring if it was just a dodgy made up plate.
I'm still mystified. This wasn't one of the Indian built saloons that Trade Sales in Slough were selling back in 2001, very definitely a pre-facelift estate.

From new it went on a private plate 556HP until August 2014 when it was given an age related LN03JXA plate.

Was that the face lift cut over and this plate was "near enough" ?

ETA. Interestingly it shows as

First registered on the road 1st March 2003

and

Date registered 1 August 1992 <- this one presumably wrong ?

Edited by bob-lad on Wednesday 27th September 10:58

[idiotgap]

bob-lad said:

idiotgap said:

bob-lad said:

ian316 said:

idiotgap said:

I barge half way to work and cycle the rest. I was cycling home the other night through the badlands of South London and I saw a curious car, it's the second time I've seen it. The first time was a few months ago, I tried to take a video but it was too dark to make out the reg plate. This time I just noted down the number.

It was a pre-facelift S124 E200 (or 200E, I forget which), quite scrappy looking.

The reg number: LN03JXA

How can this be?

the reg doesn't work in the mot check

Works here.
Vehicle MERCEDES 200 TE
MOT valid until 14 September 2018

Yes, I verified the number checked out before I posted it. Would be very boring if it was just a dodgy made up plate.
I'm still mystified. This wasn't one of the Indian built saloons that Trade Sales in Slough were selling back in 2001, very definitely a pre-facelift estate.

From new it went on a private plate 556HP until August 2014 when it was given an age related LN03JXA plate.

Was that the face lift cut over and this plate was "near enough" ?

ETA. Interestingly it shows as

First registered on the road 1st March 2003

and

Date registered 1 August 1992 <- this one presumably wrong ?

Edited by bob-lad on Wednesday 27th September 10:58

I think you are getting there. It could well be a 1992 car I think the facelift was about 1993

[J4CKO]

Dont think my barge got picked up, a smidge over thread budget at £5250, my very tidy, well maintained and rather wonderful 5.5 litre 2008 Merc CLS, in silver with grey leather, looks like it has sold now as have taken a deposit but almost criminal how much car it is for the money.

Stuff like that needs to be priced competitively to sell quickly, there are CLS 55's that are still on from the start of the year at 12k, so much dross with massive ugly wheels, blacked out windows and daft number plates, that were grubby looking, higher miles, more expensive and the older spec. Some look utter money pits needing a load spending,

[Patrick Bateman]

What a steal. Has it given you much bother?

[MorganP104]

louiebaby said:

MorganP104 said:

louiebaby said:

Following on from the V8 dog-carrier love, this is not one I've spotted this Spanish E39 540i Tourer before:

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/2017...





I dislike the wheels. The M5 and M nonsense would need to come off. Ideally the trim would be switched to walnut, which would make the gear lever look much nicer.

Being an 02 it should have Isofix in the back too, so the perfect family wagon.

Should be haggle-able into thread budget, right?

A 2002 540i with 144k miles for £5,500? I'm thinking this should be in the "overpriced cars" thread. I do like an E39 (especially wagons), and I'm a big fan of BMW's 4.4 V8 of the era, so much love, but not at this price.

It's a £3,500 car, all day long... But five-and-a-half-large? Nah.

Don't be silly, they're obviously on the "up". I hear that black Autos with a couple of wife generated parking dings, blobs of sunscreen welded on to the boot trim where she's taken the kids to the beach and possibly a drivers side front caliper that isn't retracting enough so gets hot very quickly are now worth slightly North of £6k. Right?

Absolutely... Six bags should be the ENTRY LEVEL for such rare beasts. In addition to the charming features you've mentioned, I would expect a characterful whine from the rear diff, a speedometer with a mind of its own, anti-tamper light showing on the odometer, and a hard-to-trace front axle wobble, that starts at 63mph, and goes away at 71mph.

To be clear, these are just things I came up with off the top of my head, and are in no way related to the characteristics of an E39 I used to own. Honest.

[J4CKO]

Patrick Bateman said:

What a steal. Has it given you much bother?

Nope, Air suspension compressor for £104 fitted by me, it was leaking oil from the cam blanking plugs on the back of the engine £50 or so in bits, couple of ball joints and the handbrake failed the MOT so got that Refurbished

Depreciation has been, based on the new owner collecting at the agreed price, £1750,

£520 worth of tyres - 4 when I got it, another fo rhte MOT as one had a bulge in it.
£130 for the air suspension pump and having codes read),
£50 for the cam blanks,
£28, for balljoints
£200 for the handbrake being sorted.
£100 Odd bits and pieces, wheel centres etc.

Got sixty quid back off the dealer when purchased as the mirror fold didnt work one side, sold the original Comand unit and replaced with an Android one and was £100 up once done


It has cost me around £3000 to own it for two years and 9000 or so miles, plus £500 each year in ved and a fair amount of fuel,

VED was £45.06 a month
Insurance £270 for the year
Fuel, 15 to 30 to the gallon, average about 19/20 mpg.



I will be, for the foreseeable future, as long as I can put up with it, driving our Citroen C1.

Edited by J4CKO on Wednesday 27th September 13:51

[r129sl]

Gandahar said:

The problem with thread, and has been from day one, and 10 volumes back is that a best smoker barge seems to indicate it is a cheap thing to run. It's not. So the word Best is completely out of place.

Since when has good equated to cheap?

And what is a Citroën C1 and what do you use it for?

The rest of your post makes a lot of sense, though. Thank goodness they closed the library in the village. But I'm not worried: my wife says she has to go to the WI every night.

[TheLordJohn]

r129sl said:

Since when has good equated to cheap?

And what is a Citroën C1 and what do you use it for?

The rest of your post makes a lot of sense, though. Thank goodness they closed the library in the village. But I'm not worried: my wife says she has to go to the WI every night.

Well done for responding.
I dismissed it as gibberish and ignored it...

[J4CKO]

r129sl said:

Gandahar said:

The problem with thread, and has been from day one, and 10 volumes back is that a best smoker barge seems to indicate it is a cheap thing to run. It's not. So the word Best is completely out of place.

Since when has good equated to cheap?

And what is a Citroën C1 and what do you use it for?

The rest of your post makes a lot of sense, though. Thank goodness they closed the library in the village. But I'm not worried: my wife says she has to go to the WI every night.

A Citroen C1 is the next one up in the Little Tykes range, a smidge bigger than the "Cozy Coupe" and really good motivation for me to cycle more.

Nobody said barging is cheap, not ruinous and cost effective are the best you can expect, the CLS isnt a top level barge, even with a V8, its mid range compared tot he top level V12 mercs, BMW's etc, too many bits shared with the E class can make it actually not that bad to look after,

[J4CKO]

TheLordJohn said:

r129sl said:

Since when has good equated to cheap?

And what is a Citroën C1 and what do you use it for?

The rest of your post makes a lot of sense, though. Thank goodness they closed the library in the village. But I'm not worried: my wife says she has to go to the WI every night.

Well done for responding.
I dismissed it as gibberish and ignored it...

My post about running the CLS was gibberish ?

If so will reformat to make it clearer, was doing a sort of end of ownership report as thought it may be in context of the thread but perhaps rushed it a bit.

[Krikkit]

J4CKO said:

TheLordJohn said:

r129sl said:

Since when has good equated to cheap?

And what is a Citroën C1 and what do you use it for?

The rest of your post makes a lot of sense, though. Thank goodness they closed the library in the village. But I'm not worried: my wife says she has to go to the WI every night.

Well done for responding.
I dismissed it as gibberish and ignored it...

My post about running the CLS was gibberish ?

If so will reformat to make it clearer, was doing a sort of end of ownership report as thought it may be in context of the thread but perhaps rushed it a bit.

No, the bks posted by the other chap about a C1 being better.

[J4CKO]

Krikkit said:

J4CKO said:

TheLordJohn said:

r129sl said:

Since when has good equated to cheap?

And what is a Citroën C1 and what do you use it for?

The rest of your post makes a lot of sense, though. Thank goodness they closed the library in the village. But I'm not worried: my wife says she has to go to the WI every night.

Well done for responding.
I dismissed it as gibberish and ignored it...

My post about running the CLS was gibberish ?

If so will reformat to make it clearer, was doing a sort of end of ownership report as thought it may be in context of the thread but perhaps rushed it a bit.

No, the bks posted by the other chap about a C1 being better.

Ah ok, I mentioned a C1 as well, I have made it clearer anyway as reading it back it made sense to me, at the time but could see how it may not !

[J4CKO]

Gandahar said:

The problem with thread, and has been from day one, and 10 volumes back is that a best smoker barge seems to indicate it is a cheap thing to run. It's not. So the word Best is completely out of place.

It might be to buy and then will statistically cost more to run over the next 20 000 miles than a small Citroen C1 diesel that does 60mpg and can be chipped ! When something goes wrong, like the engine, it's cheap to fix.

I guess that is not sexy though.

What this thread should be called is

MEN WHO LIKE CARS TRY TO MAKE ANOTHER EXCUSE FOR GETTING ANOTHER CAR TO STROKE THEIR CAR FETISH WHILST THE WIFE EITHER NODS HER HEAD SAGELY OR JUST LEAVES YOU FOR A VEGETARIAN LIBRARIAN WHO RIDES A BIKE AND HAS NO BELLY PAUNCH.....



This is just a mutual masturbation session for men who should know better.

Continue wk wk wk for the next 10 volumes .....

Now looking forward to

"I bought an M5 E90 and using chip fat oil has cost me less than 20p over the last 14 276 miles. I also have 3 wives"

Edited by Gandahar on Tuesday 26th September 20:19

Indeed, I have actually gone from the barge to the C1 this week, you may well be right, for me I wanted to try a "Barge" (TM Pistonheads 1999) and I have unlocked that achievement, need to work on my TVR, Seven type thing and whatever other ones there are ?



the CLS is nicer in pretty much every way than a C1, apart from a crucial few points.

1/ its nice not to give a toss about it, dont want it damaged as it is like new but being smaller its less at risk and if it does get knocked, its not like trying to sort a bigger car out.

2/ No air suspension or other complexity, parts are pennies, if the engine fails, another one can be bought for £200

3/ No big car can be parked or maneuvered like a small one, or thread through narrow streets, sometimes a Smart car is much more pleasant and less stressful to drive than a 100 grand Range Rover.

4/ Costs very little, car is already paid for, £20 a year Ved, £150 to insure, 45 to the gallon or more, cant imagine motorised transport that isnt a moped being any cheaper, depreciation is minimal.

5/ My wife would say I dont look like a local politician./Councillor in it, she calls it the Councillor car, partly her lack of respect for the Barge, and partly, I guess true,

[Krikkit]

As an urban runabout the Barge has very little going in its favour other than being auto imo, a C1 is a better city tool.

Costs are a key factor, and many barges can endure a managed retreat for a long time, but ultimately a little car will generally be cheaper to look after. Citroen/Peugeot parts in particular are very easy to fit and cheap, something which Merc bits generally aren't in either case.

But Barge is a way of life, not just a monetary equation. I've gone from a small, cheap French car as a daily to a barge and don't regret it one bit (well, parts cost aside).

[Usget]

"t'is better to travel comfortably, ideally with bum-warmers, than to arrive."

With apologies to Stevenson.