One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 4
Discussion
Whenever the fog light topic comes up it always reminds me of the old Harry Enfield Dime Bar advert...
Fog light?
"Eh?"
FOG Light!
"Eh?"
...and if you have the audacity to suggest they should be used properly...
"That's bloke's a nutter. Oi! Nutter!"
Anyway.
Today's knob is the pick pocket who tried and failed to take my wallet while I was using a blow drier at Blyth services. Sorry to the cleaners for the mess. He hit my elbow with his nose before running off to a waiting Vauxhall Corsa.
Fog light?
"Eh?"
FOG Light!
"Eh?"
...and if you have the audacity to suggest they should be used properly...
"That's bloke's a nutter. Oi! Nutter!"
Anyway.
Today's knob is the pick pocket who tried and failed to take my wallet while I was using a blow drier at Blyth services. Sorry to the cleaners for the mess. He hit my elbow with his nose before running off to a waiting Vauxhall Corsa.
Just remembered another one. The Jaguar I-pace on the A1(M) headed south. Kept pulling in and out behind people only for the automatic brakes to cut in and do an emergency collision avoidance. Much to the amusement of everyone around him.
He'd pull out to overtake someone and the brakes came on.
He'd pull in behind someone having abandoned the overtake and the brakes came on.
He actually looked quite distressed about it when I overtook him. Hopefully he made it home without causing a major pile up and is reading the manual.
He'd pull out to overtake someone and the brakes came on.
He'd pull in behind someone having abandoned the overtake and the brakes came on.
He actually looked quite distressed about it when I overtook him. Hopefully he made it home without causing a major pile up and is reading the manual.
The bus ahead of me does a late stop and so isn't parallel to the kerb, o's rear is in the middle of the road so I can't pass easily, not least because there's a Focus coming the other way. Once the Focus had passed I planned on passing the bus if it hadn't yet moved off, but the Focus stops alongside the bus for two pedestrians to cross from it's side of the road and pass between me and the back of the bus. Black X5 behind me decides not to wait and pulls out from behind me and comes and squeezes through. Me, the pedestrians and the Focus driver all shake our heads and shrug mutually. For max t
t points, the black X5 also had X5 picked out in it's reg number by special tt spacing.
t points, the black X5 also had X5 picked out in it's reg number by special tt spacing.Was in Nottingham city centre last night, came out of the theatre around 9:30 - loads of people and obviously very busy that time on a Saturday night.
Complete tit in an Audi TT cruising around absolutely revving the nads off the car making it sound like gunshots.
People outside the theatre were jumping from the noise and a few kids were screaming.
I’ve really not heard a car make that sort of noise before.
Complete tit in an Audi TT cruising around absolutely revving the nads off the car making it sound like gunshots.
People outside the theatre were jumping from the noise and a few kids were screaming.
I’ve really not heard a car make that sort of noise before.
MellowshipSlinky said:
Was in Nottingham city centre last night, came out of the theatre around 9:30 - loads of people and obviously very busy that time on a Saturday night.
Complete tit in an Audi TT cruising around absolutely revving the nads off the car making it sound like gunshots.
People outside the theatre were jumping from the noise and a few kids were screaming.
I’ve really not heard a car make that sort of noise before.
Pop and bang map. YouTube it.Complete tit in an Audi TT cruising around absolutely revving the nads off the car making it sound like gunshots.
People outside the theatre were jumping from the noise and a few kids were screaming.
I’ve really not heard a car make that sort of noise before.
Tonight, I moved over for a new Civic Type R, in black (looked like a WRX in the fading light). Very weird car, even more so in the flesh. Looks like Formula 1 cues pasted onto a family saloon with Evo-Stik. I moved back out behind it and we then drove onto the outside lane of the dual carriageway where another road filters in to form the inside lane.
On said road is a triple champion cockspanner, full of total w*nkery, in his mighty silver 206/7 and immediately, he can sense, through his long scaly tail, that the CTR driver wants to be blown away by his spacktard driving ability. He screams up the inside of me and then the CTR, at about 80mph, in a desperate bid to undertake both of us, merely so we can be awed by his utter fannygobbling cocktttery.
But what's this? There's not enough space for the semi-amoebic snotgobbler to cut dangerously in front of the CTR, not even by his cataclysmically low standards so he hammers on the brakes, sending the nose into a stuka dive then jerks recklessly out, into the outside lane, now behind his target CTR, as his back end swerves and sways about in an unsettled and dangerous manner. The "Dafttt" meter is now banging on "Overload" as the Dongmaster sits on the CTR bumper.
The CTR driver must have spotted him, so moves over and the skunky little Pugtwunt floors it into the distance...slowly. I give him the high beams to applaud his phenomenal skill at nearly killing someone while he doubtless gloats in a pool of urinous pride at his faecal abilities.
On said road is a triple champion cockspanner, full of total w*nkery, in his mighty silver 206/7 and immediately, he can sense, through his long scaly tail, that the CTR driver wants to be blown away by his spacktard driving ability. He screams up the inside of me and then the CTR, at about 80mph, in a desperate bid to undertake both of us, merely so we can be awed by his utter fannygobbling cockt
ttery.But what's this? There's not enough space for the semi-amoebic snotgobbler to cut dangerously in front of the CTR, not even by his cataclysmically low standards so he hammers on the brakes, sending the nose into a stuka dive then jerks recklessly out, into the outside lane, now behind his target CTR, as his back end swerves and sways about in an unsettled and dangerous manner. The "Daftt
t" meter is now banging on "Overload" as the Dongmaster sits on the CTR bumper.The CTR driver must have spotted him, so moves over and the skunky little Pugtwunt floors it into the distance...slowly. I give him the high beams to applaud his phenomenal skill at nearly killing someone while he doubtless gloats in a pool of urinous pride at his faecal abilities.
I'm trying to be more positive this year (again) but yesterday I reported two drunk drivers.
One Fiesta Fusion nearly hit me head on and a hysterical woman got out and said it was my fault. She only had one headlight and was driving along the middle of the road. She stank of alcohol. When I mentioned that she got in her car and drove off. I called that in on the spot.
Second a Renault Laguna was all over the road. Doing 25-35mph on a national speed limit section. Rolling off the verge one side and hitting the curb the other. Dialed 999 and stayed back. That car was stopped just shy of the Norfolk/Lincolnshire boarder on the A17
I pulled up behind and an officer asked if I was the one who made the call.
"Yep. Report a drink driver today and save a life tomorrow".
The Renault had passengers so I offered to give them a lift home if the driver was over the limit or refused to do the roadside test and waited a while.
A while later a Police van and another car turned up. All occupants of the Laguna were taken in custody (three of the four in cuffs). I was not given any more details apart from my very kind offer of a lift would not be needed.
I don't know about the Fiesta but the Laguna was a result eh?
Happy New Year everyone.
One Fiesta Fusion nearly hit me head on and a hysterical woman got out and said it was my fault. She only had one headlight and was driving along the middle of the road. She stank of alcohol. When I mentioned that she got in her car and drove off. I called that in on the spot.
Second a Renault Laguna was all over the road. Doing 25-35mph on a national speed limit section. Rolling off the verge one side and hitting the curb the other. Dialed 999 and stayed back. That car was stopped just shy of the Norfolk/Lincolnshire boarder on the A17
I pulled up behind and an officer asked if I was the one who made the call.
"Yep. Report a drink driver today and save a life tomorrow".
The Renault had passengers so I offered to give them a lift home if the driver was over the limit or refused to do the roadside test and waited a while.
A while later a Police van and another car turned up. All occupants of the Laguna were taken in custody (three of the four in cuffs). I was not given any more details apart from my very kind offer of a lift would not be needed.
I don't know about the Fiesta but the Laguna was a result eh?
Happy New Year everyone.
bristolracer said:
May well be that when you phoned the Laguna in the registration popped up as being a vehicle of interest, at which point bib dispatched a welcoming committee.
Sadly I suspect many drunk driver calls nowadays can't be responded to as the police seem to have zero traffic resources.
Thank everyone who voted Tory for that. Sadly I suspect many drunk driver calls nowadays can't be responded to as the police seem to have zero traffic resources.
Countdown said:
Leave them to it. From my experience anyone who has been involved with any form of illegal street racing is a liability to everyone else on track. Liquid Knight said:
The Renault had passengers so I offered to give them a lift home if the driver was over the limit or refused to do the roadside test and waited a while.
Personally, I wouldn't be doing that. They're more than likely to be friends or family of the driver. I can't imagine them being happy at Dad/Brother/bezy friend being put in a cell 'because' of your call. Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Liquid Knight said:
The Renault had passengers so I offered to give them a lift home if the driver was over the limit or refused to do the roadside test and waited a while.
Personally, I wouldn't be doing that. They're more than likely to be friends or family of the driver. I can't imagine them being happy at Dad/Brother/bezy friend being put in a cell 'because' of your call. 
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