One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 4

One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 4

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Fermit and Sexy Sarah

12,787 posts

99 months

Saturday 25th May 2019
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Drew106 said:
HTP99 said:
Drew106 said:
Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Me. Loosing my wedding ring for the second time in under two years married. The first time we had to locate it in a one tonne bag of broken plasterboard. This time, missing since Wednesday, I had tried all avenues, bins, torch through gaps in floorboards, under everything, nowhere to be seen. Finally resigned myself to the fact it was gone, when the wife text, having found it on the ground over her allotment. Phew, time to superglue it to my finger!
Is it perhaps a little too small? hehe

I don't think rings should be slipping off your finger.
I think you mean too big!!?
Maybe I was referring to his finger...

..I wasn't.

I did mean too big. I clearly just have a backwards brain! silly
I just had an epiphany as to how a snug ring came off. On the evening in question I had a craving for a dirty doner kebab, having not had one for yonks. I bought the wife some spicy chips, and took them to the allotment. You know that bit at the end of the kebab, when the grease has built up and drips? Yep, straight on to my fingers, allowing ring to slid off at the first opportunity!

WarrenB

2,374 posts

117 months

Saturday 25th May 2019
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Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
I just had an epiphany as to how a snug ring came off. On the evening in question I had a craving for a dirty doner kebab, having not had one for yonks. I bought the wife some spicy chips, and took them to the allotment. You know that bit at the end of the kebab, when the grease has built up and drips? Yep, straight on to my fingers, allowing ring to slid off at the first opportunity!
Slippy ring is a common side effect after a dirty kebab.

Liquid Knight

15,754 posts

182 months

Sunday 26th May 2019
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Just a few today...

IDIOTIC TWUNTS WHO DO NOT USE THEIR HEADLIGHTS IN LOW LIGHT AND WET CONDITIONS!!!

...and the stupid woman in a white Corsa who nearly crashed into the back of my car from an eighth of a mile behind me because I slowed down for a thirty zone and she didn't. rolleyes


Blown2CV

28,697 posts

202 months

Sunday 26th May 2019
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Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Me. Loosing my wedding ring for the second time in under two years married. The first time we had to locate it in a one tonne bag of broken plasterboard. This time, missing since Wednesday, I had tried all avenues, bins, torch through gaps in floorboards, under everything, nowhere to be seen. Finally resigned myself to the fact it was gone, when the wife text, having found it on the ground over her allotment. Phew, time to superglue it to my finger!
sounds like it needs tightening up, or maybe you need to put on a few stone as is customary when newly married!

Fermit and Sexy Sarah

12,787 posts

99 months

Sunday 26th May 2019
quotequote all
Blown2CV said:
Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Me. Loosing my wedding ring for the second time in under two years married. The first time we had to locate it in a one tonne bag of broken plasterboard. This time, missing since Wednesday, I had tried all avenues, bins, torch through gaps in floorboards, under everything, nowhere to be seen. Finally resigned myself to the fact it was gone, when the wife text, having found it on the ground over her allotment. Phew, time to superglue it to my finger!
sounds like it needs tightening up, or maybe you need to put on a few stone as is customary when newly married!
Me, I can't put on weight if I tried, much to the envy of my wife. I could have a month of fry ups for breakfasts, Sunday roasts for lunch + tea, and a greasy takeaway after five pints in the pub, end I'd not move a pound over 11 stone. Not bad going being 41!

See the above I posted, it was kebab grease spilling down on to my ring finger lubricating it, I had an epiphany yesterday (the following joke post was pretty funny too!)

fatboy18

18,930 posts

210 months

Sunday 26th May 2019
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My mate lost his Wedding ring, we were Fishing in Southern Ireland, he mixed up a ball of groundbait and threw it into the lake, he then realised his ring was in the Groundbait! There's probably a large Carp swimming around with a wedding ring inside it now rofl

Europa1

10,923 posts

187 months

Sunday 26th May 2019
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Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Me, I can't put on weight if I tried, much to the envy of my wife. I could have a month of fry ups for breakfasts, Sunday roasts for lunch + tea, and a greasy takeaway after five pints in the pub, end I'd not move a pound over 11 stone. Not bad going being 41!

See the above I posted, it was kebab grease spilling down on to my ring finger lubricating it, I had an epiphany yesterday (the following joke post was pretty funny too!)
I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but i fear you will never achieve a PH-worthy, powerful, director's physique. You should leave, quietly, now. wink

Blown2CV

28,697 posts

202 months

Sunday 26th May 2019
quotequote all
Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Blown2CV said:
Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Me. Loosing my wedding ring for the second time in under two years married. The first time we had to locate it in a one tonne bag of broken plasterboard. This time, missing since Wednesday, I had tried all avenues, bins, torch through gaps in floorboards, under everything, nowhere to be seen. Finally resigned myself to the fact it was gone, when the wife text, having found it on the ground over her allotment. Phew, time to superglue it to my finger!
sounds like it needs tightening up, or maybe you need to put on a few stone as is customary when newly married!
Me, I can't put on weight if I tried, much to the envy of my wife. I could have a month of fry ups for breakfasts, Sunday roasts for lunch + tea, and a greasy takeaway after five pints in the pub, end I'd not move a pound over 11 stone. Not bad going being 41!

See the above I posted, it was kebab grease spilling down on to my ring finger lubricating it, I had an epiphany yesterday (the following joke post was pretty funny too!)
oh you can't put weight on... i'm incredibly happy for you irked

Fermit and Sexy Sarah

12,787 posts

99 months

Sunday 26th May 2019
quotequote all
fatboy18 said:
My mate lost his Wedding ring, we were Fishing in Southern Ireland, he mixed up a ball of groundbait and threw it into the lake, he then realised his ring was in the Groundbait! There's probably a large Carp swimming around with a wedding ring inside it now rofl
My dad did too, on his honeymoon. Smacked his hands together to clear sand off them on a Norfolk beach, and the ring went skywards, landing in a sand dune, never to be seen again. I felt cursed!

Fermit and Sexy Sarah

12,787 posts

99 months

Sunday 26th May 2019
quotequote all
Blown2CV said:
Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Blown2CV said:
Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:
Me. Loosing my wedding ring for the second time in under two years married. The first time we had to locate it in a one tonne bag of broken plasterboard. This time, missing since Wednesday, I had tried all avenues, bins, torch through gaps in floorboards, under everything, nowhere to be seen. Finally resigned myself to the fact it was gone, when the wife text, having found it on the ground over her allotment. Phew, time to superglue it to my finger!
sounds like it needs tightening up, or maybe you need to put on a few stone as is customary when newly married!
Me, I can't put on weight if I tried, much to the envy of my wife. I could have a month of fry ups for breakfasts, Sunday roasts for lunch + tea, and a greasy takeaway after five pints in the pub, end I'd not move a pound over 11 stone. Not bad going being 41!

See the above I posted, it was kebab grease spilling down on to my ring finger lubricating it, I had an epiphany yesterday (the following joke post was pretty funny too!)
oh you can't put weight on... i'm incredibly happy for you irked
I'm sure it will catch up with me. I'll be 50 y/o and need a crane to take me out the house, I'm sure....

HM-2

12,467 posts

168 months

Monday 27th May 2019
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Multiple counts of knobbery from the weapons-grade pillock in the grey Citroen Belingo I experienced half an hour or so ago.

> Count 1: Driving with a beanie hat pulled down so far over his head as to obscure the entirety of his eyebrows.
> Count 2: Failure to obey a "priority to oncoming vehicles" sign on one of those traffic calming gates, and failure to stop at "Give Way" line.
> Count 3: Intentionally swerving towards my car as I pass aforementioned obstacle.
> Count 4: Performing an over-the-pavement U-turn in a failed attempt to follow me after (1-3) whilst apoplectic with rage (?)

Nowt as queer as folk.

nonsequitur

20,083 posts

115 months

Monday 27th May 2019
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Four or five bikers at an acute angle when negotiating a right angled bend as I was approaching. The top half of their sorry bodies were in my lane.

Uber knobs all.

993kimbo

2,972 posts

184 months

Monday 27th May 2019
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The four Knobheads who undertook me in a 30mph zone, each on quad bikes and scattering men, women and children aside, as the families attempted to cross the road on a busy Bank Holiday Monday on Brighton's seafront.

Ear-bleedingly loud and tinny exhausts. Drivers wore shorts and t-shirts, no helmets and one of them flicked the v-sign to the Gatso camera as he went under it. I know what 60mph looks like and I'd guess they were doing 90.

I wish them all intense and painful gravel rash.

HTP99

22,443 posts

139 months

Monday 27th May 2019
quotequote all
993kimbo said:
The four Knobheads who undertook me in a 30mph zone, each on quad bikes and scattering men, women and children aside, as the families attempted to cross the road on a busy Bank Holiday Monday on Brighton's seafront.

Ear-bleedingly loud and tinny exhausts. Drivers wore shorts and t-shirts, no helmets and one of them flicked the v-sign to the Gatso camera as he went under it. I know what 60mph looks like and I'd guess they were doing 90.

I wish them all intense and painful gravel rash.
Probably in a rush to get back to their caravans for lunch!

993kimbo

2,972 posts

184 months

Monday 27th May 2019
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Nice bit of Hedgehog.

Edited by 993kimbo on Monday 27th May 19:13

MKnight702

3,096 posts

213 months

Tuesday 28th May 2019
quotequote all
HTP99 said:
993kimbo said:
The four Knobheads who undertook me in a 30mph zone, each on quad bikes and scattering men, women and children aside, as the families attempted to cross the road on a busy Bank Holiday Monday on Brighton's seafront.

Ear-bleedingly loud and tinny exhausts. Drivers wore shorts and t-shirts, no helmets and one of them flicked the v-sign to the Gatso camera as he went under it. I know what 60mph looks like and I'd guess they were doing 90.

I wish them all intense and painful gravel rash.
Probably in a rush to get back to their caravans for lunch!
More likely late for their Premiership club tryouts.

anonymous-user

53 months

Tuesday 28th May 2019
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The 2 Focus's (Foci ?) yesterday. The first one took umbrage that a car coming from the opposite direction, and turning left, had got to the mini roundabout before him, so went the wrong side of the roundabout to try and get as close as possible when he was turning right.
A couple of hundred yards later, entering a 20 limit with huge speed bumps, the car in front of me slowed down a bit too much for Mr Impatient in another Focus a few cars behind me. So he decided to floor it and overtake all of us, hitting his bumper on the speed bump and then noticing that the reason we had all slowed down was the horse now in front of him. Somehow, he managed to avoid hitting anything and raced off up the road. I was hoping to see him parked in a hedge round the corner, but unfortunately not.

j_4m

1,574 posts

63 months

Tuesday 28th May 2019
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Fatal stabbing outside my house, crime tent up and police tape everywhere. A lady decides that walking the 150m diversion around the next street is too far and tries to duck under the tape and walk straight past the tent. Police tape exists for a reason, and that reason is not for you to practice limbo.

Tankrizzo

7,247 posts

192 months

Tuesday 28th May 2019
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This chap building a fishing cabin out of Lego....only he doesn't know how to build a Lego house so he cable ties the bricks together...and then has to take it all apart again...and then decides to put a wood burner in a plastic house....oh and puts foam insulation as a roof...and then is surprised when the stove melts the insulation and the plastic chimney. All around his kids who'll be quite happily breathing toxic fumes...

I'm not sure if this is a piss take video series but I don't think so laugh

https://youtu.be/EO7Q9rGfrE8

anonymous-user

53 months

Wednesday 29th May 2019
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Posters that use native speaker and msm.

Edited by Thesprucegoose on Wednesday 29th May 15:22

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