how to tell the wife?

Author
Discussion

jamesters

Original Poster:

154 posts

71 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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so i want to buy a car that my wife really doesn't want me to buy...mostly due to it being old and to small (in her words), do i buy it and bring it home or cave in and move on? frown

anonymous-user

53 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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Get a grip, if you want it, buy it.

bristolracer

5,528 posts

148 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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They do say that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission..........evil

jamesters

Original Poster:

154 posts

71 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
haha! ok lord vader i won't argue with you

Xcore

1,336 posts

89 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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Who’s money is it?

J4CKO

41,287 posts

199 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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Dont ffs take advice off blokes on here about your relationship, they will tell you to man up etc etc, everyone is Gene Hunt on here but in reality, how many dont have to get some approval, it does have a lot of a sexist bias "how can a mere woman tell me what to do, i am man GRRR", but any relationship, regardless of gender is a partnership with shared resources, without knowing the specifics and how your relationship works, we cant really advise, only you know if its a good idea.

Going and just buying it is a bit stupid, some relationships work like that, usually where there is plenty of money, it resources are pooled and finite, then it pays to discuss and negotiate. Some women may see buying old and wonky cars as an endearing bit of fun "Oh he is in the garage playing with his old heap" and others may see it as a massive issue.

I bought a ca against my wifes wishes a few years back, caused a load of agro, car went tits up as well just to compound the situation, you need to use, charm, guile and bribery to get what you want, dont lose her trust over some old car, as next time her heels will be even further dug in.

I fully admit i am a pain in the arse with cars, that is who she married so will have to get used to it to a certain extent, all the bills and everything are paid, so I will be getting something half decent soon.

jkh112

21,889 posts

157 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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Does she need your permission to buy a handbag ?

alorotom

11,908 posts

186 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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Some cars have been discussed and bought others I’ve just lusted after and then just went and bought. Some have been well received others less so. There haven’t been arguments about any of it though as she knows that’s what I do in the same way if she goes and blows an equivalent amount on a bag or a special pair of shoes or a piece of jewellery I dont say anything - it’s this latter point you need to be prepared for and accept (especially based on the value)

milfordkong

1,222 posts

231 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
J4CKO said:
Dont ffs take advice off blokes on here about your relationship, they will tell you to man up etc etc, everyone is Gene Hunt on here but in reality, how many dont have to get some approval, it does have a lot of a sexist bias "how can a mere woman tell me what to do, i am man GRRR", but any relationship, regardless of gender is a partnership with shared resources, without knowing the specifics and how your relationship works, we cant really advise, only you know if its a good idea.

Going and just buying it is a bit stupid, some relationships work like that, usually where there is plenty of money, it resources are pooled and finite, then it pays to discuss and negotiate. Some women may see buying old and wonky cars as an endearing bit of fun "Oh he is in the garage playing with his old heap" and others may see it as a massive issue.

I bought a ca against my wifes wishes a few years back, caused a load of agro, car went tits up as well just to compound the situation, you need to use, charm, guile and bribery to get what you want, dont lose her trust over some old car, as next time her heels will be even further dug in.

I fully admit i am a pain in the arse with cars, that is who she married so will have to get used to it to a certain extent, all the bills and everything are paid, so I will be getting something half decent soon.
This ... it's all about negotiation and convincing, whilst i've always bought the cars I wanted to buy for better or worse - I've never just turned up with them without talking to her about it before. She soon stopped listening to the 'Savings account on wheels' argument, but I think at this point she's just come to accept that buying stupid cars is part of me and when I get obsessed with the idea of buying a car it's incredibly difficult if not impossible to get me out of that mindset ... I've lost some money and i've made some over the years (not why I buy any car but it's the only tangible way to justify it to a non-car person)....

I'd just put some more hours in on convincing her personally.





Yex 450

4,583 posts

219 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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Boring, thought this might have been a VBRJ thread smile

psi310398

9,036 posts

202 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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jkh112 said:
Does she need your permission to buy a handbag ?
Unless she's buying Hermes and you are buying a shed, I'd suggest that these are hardly comparablesmile...

FWIW, I'd never drop more than a couple of grand without discussing the matter first. It's normally a formality but it seems only courteous, if nothing else.

MFR_TT

214 posts

84 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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I need to know what car it is before I decide the choice you should take.

jamesters

Original Poster:

154 posts

71 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
haha some great replies on here, and yeah its more of a case of things are bit tight these days so wasting some savings on an old car seems very stupid to her at this time. partly she is right it depends if the car is in good order and if a sensible price is agreed because i wont be paying his asking price anyway as i went to look at it once and it seem a little over valued for condition.

jkh112

21,889 posts

157 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
psi310398 said:
jkh112 said:
Does she need your permission to buy a handbag ?
Unless she's buying Hermes and you are buying a shed, I'd suggest that these are hardly comparablesmile...
Handbags can be far more numerous than cars.

psi310398

9,036 posts

202 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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jkh112 said:
Handbags can be far more numerous than cars.
Not in my householdsmile!

jkh112

21,889 posts

157 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
psi310398 said:
Not in my householdsmile!
Maybe that is why you feel the need to ask before buying a car! wink

jamesters

Original Poster:

154 posts

71 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
quotequote all
oh she had more handbags in years we been married then cars all respect i still on my first car smile what a great runner its been to me i think problem is i looking at cars older then my current car lol she cant see the logic biggrin she rather me buy a big ugly suv on a finance and prob end up more broke

luckystrike

536 posts

180 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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If by your own admission it’s overvalued I’d lean towards ‘not buy’ anyway, regardless of how she feels- it sounds like it would make a financial dent that isn’t needed at this time.

Without any more details I can only echo above, a relationship should be built on mutual trust and pooled assets - going behind someone’s back to buy anything when they expressly don’t want you to hurts on principle just as much as it does financially, if not more so.

If we’re talking a showroom mint 205 gti for £800 it’s a different story of course.

bennettse2025

202 posts

72 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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We really do need to know what car it is

J4CKO

41,287 posts

199 months

Tuesday 24th April 2018
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jamesters said:
haha some great replies on here, and yeah its more of a case of things are bit tight these days so wasting some savings on an old car seems very stupid to her at this time. partly she is right it depends if the car is in good order and if a sensible price is agreed because i wont be paying his asking price anyway as i went to look at it once and it seem a little over valued for condition.
Old cars generally will go tits up, its the law, well mine do anyway biggrin

have spent a grand or so a shonky old TT inthe last six months to keep it going, would be scrap if I couldn't do the work.