Best smoker barges 1-5 large [Vol 14]

[steeevvvooo]

Gents. After a lot of lurking and the occasional imbibed post I will be buying something in the near term. In true thread style I will most likely be buying unseen as I am living in America and moving back to the UK mid June. I want a car lined up before I come back. I should really buy something newer from a main dealer for peace of mind but I've found a lot of dross out there. Might as well take a punt on a barge!

Wildly varied car history (most recently for example a megane RS cup, 996 911, V8 vantage prodrive, shed priced Golf V5 etc) and also a few of the barge persuasion:

P38, bought on eBay, last minute bid, while being egged on in the pub, for less than £2k. Fixed a few things (air suspension, some minor electro niggles) and sold it a couple months later when I have up throwing money at it. Loved the car for the forest green paint, lush cream leather and waft of the , and actually enjoyed getting stiff sorted on it. Two young kids mean that would now need to be strictly a.project car which I don't have space for.

Longest owned car ever was a 2006 CLK 220d avantgarde. Mini barge I know, but was a very comfy cruiser.

406 coupe 3.0 V6 auto sort of fits the brief too. Mrs Gran was convinced it was a Ferrari though (Red and Pininfarina designed, so not bad for an old woman really!)

Have a 2007 XC90 3.2 at the moment but unfortunately the steering wheel is on the wrong side for the UK and the road from here back home is a little flooded...


Next I want something like a 5 series/A6, preferably estate. Maybe an A8/7 series. Really like the W221 in certain colours. Has to have 5 seats (well, seatbelts) for two kids cars and dog harness). Must be able to convince my wife to be seen dead in it (400 Lexus and old mercs won't cut it) and I want waftiness with toys. Modern looking(ish) should satisfy the wife. Prepared for some bork... I like to live dangerously.

[Krikkit]

derin100 said:

JOB2.5-16 said:

r129sl said:

The results of the Anglia auction are interesting. A lot of no sales: anything over-priced didn’t go and a lot of the scrap didn’t sell. Maybe the market is cooling finally. But some bargains as noted. The 525iX tourer for £2k is interesting.

It was interesting, right up to the huge hole at the front of the right hand sill. I have a bit of an itch for one of those, I was under bidder on one at H&H last year but wouldnt have touched that white one.

Also, obviously there are quite a few model specific parts in them IIRC of the type that would be only obtainable (If still available) through BMW.
I don't how much of a problem this is on the 5-er but on the E30 325ix there are model specific parts that one necessarily intuitively predict like body panels etc.

A front suspension refresh would be very expensive looking at realoem - the front is a McPherson strut rather than independent setup, so everything's changed. I bet things like subframes, engine mounts etc are all different too.

[SpeckledJim]

Krikkit said:

derin100 said:

JOB2.5-16 said:

r129sl said:

The results of the Anglia auction are interesting. A lot of no sales: anything over-priced didn’t go and a lot of the scrap didn’t sell. Maybe the market is cooling finally. But some bargains as noted. The 525iX tourer for £2k is interesting.

It was interesting, right up to the huge hole at the front of the right hand sill. I have a bit of an itch for one of those, I was under bidder on one at H&H last year but wouldnt have touched that white one.

Also, obviously there are quite a few model specific parts in them IIRC of the type that would be only obtainable (If still available) through BMW.
I don't how much of a problem this is on the 5-er but on the E30 325ix there are model specific parts that one necessarily intuitively predict like body panels etc.

A front suspension refresh would be very expensive looking at realoem - the front is a McPherson strut rather than independent setup, so everything's changed. I bet things like subframes, engine mounts etc are all different too.

Life's hard enough without volunteering to attempt to run an 80's / 90's 4x4 German exec.

Say you win (which you won't) - what's the actual reward?

[E65Ross]

dme123 said:

E65Ross said:

This was a 2006 car with the 7g tronic gearbox.

Ex-MIL had a 2007 CLK220 cab from new, and it was riddled with faults from day one, and I've never known anyone have a new car (or any car other than ancient barges) that had so many issues. They still have it, and it's not done many miles, but it's absolutely knackered and the roof hasn't worked for years. The Fisher Price/Mr Blobby interior design "language" Mercedes used at the time is laughably dated now too.

I don't think even a V8 could make one desireable to me; my 2008 Volvo C70 is better in absolutely every way, and it's even less floppy.

Edited by dme123 on Thursday 18th April 14:54

Yes, something with the hydraulics went with the roof of my dad's car..... among many other things.

[idiotgap]

XMified said:

r129sl said:

jet_noise said:

idiotgap said:

A concept I know, but I think this shows they've still got it in them to put out something special.
https://www.peugeot.co.uk/concept-cars/e-legend/

Back doesn't quite gel but other angles - wibble.

I am afraid that for me this epitomises the inadequacy of modern car design. In a sentence: not only is it backward-looking, but it is worse than the original to which it looks back. Whereas the original has the qualities of elegance, subtlety and femininity in its aesthetic, this has the very opposite. It is unsophisticated, blunt, aggressive, obvious and ham-fistedly heavy. Why the naked aggression? the automotive equivalent of a spider's web tattooed on the forehead? It's all jutting chin and flexing biceps. What sort of inadequate wishes to drive a vehicle like this? The over-detailed, over-sized wheels; the cartoon-clunky re-rendering into origami hardness of sensuous and soft curves; the raised fist to the original's raised eyebrow. It is cursed by the immoderation, unsophistication, desperation of our times. What a pile of st.

The colours are nice.

Wonderful. Your rapier-like dissection of all that is uncouth and unholy in modern car design philosophy does you credit.

I feel there are far more deserving targets for your ire than this thing, but the sentiment is wonderful. It gets lonely, watching everything in front of the A-pillar get angrier and angrier-looking, seeing BMW's kidneys threatening to envelop the entire front of the car, or interiors that scream nothing but "pimp", and wondering, "Am I alone in detesting this festival of brazen design vulgarity?"

Sensuality, nuance, suggestion, class- they're out. Will they ever return? I can but hope.

Drawing a distinction between classical muscle-car lines and the more modern self-important executive dross dominating a rear-view mirror near you, I still think it looks fab! The cartoon aggression is fun and would balance out the more wussy 107 in my garage a bit. Next to a leaf or a tesla it has character in spades. Of course if they actually build it, it'll be toned down and blobified into blandness.

[Bonefish Blues]

We really liked our 1st gen 320, and nowt went wrong with it. Unfortunately it was silver, and I sold it, coincidentally, but fortuitously just after I had fixed the first pinhead of rust that emerged from under the paint.

[derin100]

SpeckledJim said:

Krikkit said:

derin100 said:

JOB2.5-16 said:

r129sl said:

The results of the Anglia auction are interesting. A lot of no sales: anything over-priced didn’t go and a lot of the scrap didn’t sell. Maybe the market is cooling finally. But some bargains as noted. The 525iX tourer for £2k is interesting.

It was interesting, right up to the huge hole at the front of the right hand sill. I have a bit of an itch for one of those, I was under bidder on one at H&H last year but wouldnt have touched that white one.

Also, obviously there are quite a few model specific parts in them IIRC of the type that would be only obtainable (If still available) through BMW.
I don't how much of a problem this is on the 5-er but on the E30 325ix there are model specific parts that one necessarily intuitively predict like body panels etc.

A front suspension refresh would be very expensive looking at realoem - the front is a McPherson strut rather than independent setup, so everything's changed. I bet things like subframes, engine mounts etc are all different too.

Life's hard enough without volunteering to attempt to run an 80's / 90's 4x4 German exec.

Say you win (which you won't) - what's the actual reward?

That sums it up well. In the 80s/90s the 4WD options were much more limited. But, if you really need it now....?

When I looked in depth at what a 325ix Touring might have involved when I had a chance of buying a nice LHD one for here, I was quite quickly disabused of the idea.

[SpeckledJim]

derin100 said:

That sums it up well. In the 80s/90s the 4WD options were much more limited. But, if you really need it now....?

When I looked in depth at what a 325ix Touring might have involved when I had a chance of buying a nice LHD one for here, I was quite quickly disabused of the idea.

"You see", the seller boasted, "It's like a 325i, but it doesn't drive as nicely, the steering is corrupted, it's a bit slower, and of course worse on fuel. When it breaks, which it does a lot, it spends six months rotting on the drive eroding my conjugal privileges whilst I scour the globe for parts that don't exist."

There was a momentary-yet-somehow-lengthy hesitation whilst reality crystallised into painful little needles behind my eyes.

"So, you buying it then?"

[CharlesdeGaulle]

Nice one, Jimster.

[ian316]

I did fancy a clk until I was having a car moted and a 06 model that was was 6 yrs old was up before mine, and failed spectacular fashion on rust on the underside they wouldn't even quote him on the repairs

[Krikkit]

SpeckledJim said:

derin100 said:

That sums it up well. In the 80s/90s the 4WD options were much more limited. But, if you really need it now....?

When I looked in depth at what a 325ix Touring might have involved when I had a chance of buying a nice LHD one for here, I was quite quickly disabused of the idea.

"You see", the seller boasted, "It's like a 325i, but it doesn't drive as nicely, the steering is corrupted, it's a bit slower, and of course worse on fuel. When it breaks, which it does a lot, it spends six months rotting on the drive eroding my conjugal privileges whilst I scour the globe for parts that don't exist."

There was a momentary-yet-somehow-lengthy hesitation whilst reality crystallised into painful little needles behind my eyes.

"So, you buying it then?"

Perfect summary of obscure barging.

It's hard enough dealing with complex barges where there's tons of parts about, never mind obscure ones on backorder with the dealer!

[derin100]

SpeckledJim said:

derin100 said:

That sums it up well. In the 80s/90s the 4WD options were much more limited. But, if you really need it now....?

When I looked in depth at what a 325ix Touring might have involved when I had a chance of buying a nice LHD one for here, I was quite quickly disabused of the idea.

"You see", the seller boasted, "It's like a 325i, but it doesn't drive as nicely, the steering is corrupted, it's a bit slower, and of course worse on fuel. When it breaks, which it does a lot, it spends six months rotting on the drive eroding my conjugal privileges whilst I scour the globe for parts that don't exist."

There was a momentary-yet-somehow-lengthy hesitation whilst reality crystallised into painful little needles behind my eyes.

"So, you buying it then?"

No, no Jim...please...after you, Sir! I insist. Show us how it's done.

[0a]

Derin, one for you: https://www.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C672629

Fifteen thousand pounds.

[JOB2.5-16]

derin100 said:

SpeckledJim said:

Krikkit said:

derin100 said:

JOB2.5-16 said:

r129sl said:

The results of the Anglia auction are interesting. A lot of no sales: anything over-priced didn’t go and a lot of the scrap didn’t sell. Maybe the market is cooling finally. But some bargains as noted. The 525iX tourer for £2k is interesting.

It was interesting, right up to the huge hole at the front of the right hand sill. I have a bit of an itch for one of those, I was under bidder on one at H&H last year but wouldnt have touched that white one.

Also, obviously there are quite a few model specific parts in them IIRC of the type that would be only obtainable (If still available) through BMW.
I don't how much of a problem this is on the 5-er but on the E30 325ix there are model specific parts that one necessarily intuitively predict like body panels etc.

A front suspension refresh would be very expensive looking at realoem - the front is a McPherson strut rather than independent setup, so everything's changed. I bet things like subframes, engine mounts etc are all different too.

Life's hard enough without volunteering to attempt to run an 80's / 90's 4x4 German exec.

Say you win (which you won't) - what's the actual reward?

That sums it up well. In the 80s/90s the 4WD options were much more limited. But, if you really need it now....?

When I looked in depth at what a 325ix Touring might have involved when I had a chance of buying a nice LHD one for here, I was quite quickly disabused of the idea.

You’re all quite right, it would be a pointless but noble quest to run on of these cars. A very good friend of mine is trying extremely hard not to lose the plot with his 300TE 4Matic. I agree with him that it’s potentially the coolest thing in the world, especially in the spec he has, but it’s eternally broken. How he chuntered after a drive in my 300TD!

[GTI16V]

Clean, low mileage W140 S500.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/mercedes-s500-future-cl...

[GTI16V]

0a said:

Derin, one for you: https://www.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C672629

Fifteen thousand pounds.

15k?!!!!

[Jim the Sunderer]

This talk of parts scarcity is making me grateful that Jaguar had no money for 30 years to build any low volume specials and that there's a Jaguar dismatler within walking distance.

[Zonergem]

Barely a barge but the want is extremely strong. The guy posted it in the BX Facebook group a couple of nights ago saying he'd take £900 for it and was literally potless.



https://www.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C1100985

[Art0ir]

GTI16V said:

Clean, low mileage W140 S500.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/mercedes-s500-future-cl...

I spied this earlier.

I wonder which would be more ruinous

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Mercedes-Benz-S500L-AMG...

[derin100]

GTI16V said:

0a said:

Derin, one for you: https://www.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C672629

Fifteen thousand pounds.

15k?!!!!

That's what my wife had (as her first car) when we got married. Only it was the 1.1GL!

After the synchro went on the gearbox...a tree fell out it!

I'll if I can, scan (pre-digital photography days) the photos of me sawing a collapsed tree off of it's roof when I get back to the UK!