No good deed goes unpunished.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Author
Discussion

S100HP

10,330 posts

114 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
larrylamb11 said:
Commuting home from work, I spotted a hazard flashing mum-taxi with a pancake-flat tyre at the side of one of the busy roads I travel. It was quite a smart MPV with a gaggle of young kids on board and a sole mummy with phone to ear. Being an upstanding fellow and knowing I had a footpump in my car, I stopped to offer any assistance. I had a young family of my own back then and could envisage how stressful it must have been for her to be stuck in a dangerous spot with nowhere to go, young kids on board and clearly no idea of what to do next....
The lady was most grateful for the help and I suggested I inflated the tyre as best we could using my foot pump so we could limp to the nearest petrol station a mile further on and go from there.....
The first part of the plan worked well and I soon had the tyre inflated enough to safely drive on, although you could hear the air slowly escaping. The second part worked well too and she was soon out of harm's way, off the road and relieved to be tucked into a quiet corner of the petrol station forecourt. The third part of the plan was to gallantly swap the offending tyre for the spare, a familiar task for me but unfamiliar ground for the damsel in distress.

This is where it began to go wrong.

Turned out the MPV didn't have a spare as the space normally attributed had been sacrificed for seats... all that was available was a tin of 'tyre goop' that needed to be attached to the supplied air compressor and all pumped into the tyre in the event of a flat. This all seemed straightforward enough and I was soon well into the procedure, whereupon the air line blew off the valve connector (it had previously been slammed in the boot by the looks of it) and ejaculated Satan's load of foul smelling tyre sputum in my face! As a spluttered to my feet and wrestled the infernal device to a stop I looked down to see that the ejaculant on my face was the least of my problems..... The horror on our damsels's face was palpable as she apologetically offered wet wipes my way and I began to de-smeg myself. I was covered from head to toe, all my clothes, coat, shoes, the lot... and this stuff was sticky....
The net result was it wouldn't come off any of my clothes and they were all ruined, including my rather expensive coat! I also had the pleasure of enduring the remaining 45 minutes of my commute in a glue-y, sticky and stinking mess.... On the upside, I did manage to effect a good enough repair to see the lady back on her way - so good deed was completed AND i now had a rather nice coat for dog-walking and gardening!

I had to laugh.....
You got the MILF's number I assume? biggrin

Dagnir

590 posts

110 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
This was shaping up to be a good thread until the snorefest about DRL and auto-lights :*(

Edited by Dagnir on Thursday 10th October 18:39

Weekendrebuild

563 posts

10 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
[
The first part of the plan worked well and I soon had the tyre inflated enough to safely drive on, although

This is where it began to go wrong.

Turned out the MPV didn't have a spare as the space normally attributed had been sacrificed for seats... all that was available was a tin of 'tyre goop' that needed to be attached to the supplied air compressor and all pumped into the tyre in the event of a flat. This all seemed straightforward enough and I was soon well into the procedure, whereupon the air line blew off the valve connector (it had previously been slammed in the boot by the looks of it) and ejaculated Satan's load of foul smelling tyre sputum in my face! As a spluttered to my feet and wrestled the infernal device to a stop I looked down to see that the ejaculant on my face was the least of my problems..... The horror
The net result was it wouldn't come off any of my clothes and they were all ruined, including my rather expensive coat! I also had the pleasure of enduring the remaining 45 minutes of my commute in a glue-y, sticky and stinking mess.... On the upside, I did manage to effect a good enough repair to see the lady back on her way - so good deed was completed AND i now had a rather nice coat for dog-walking and gardening!

I had to laugh.....
[/quote]

You my friend are a fking saint . Should have a bank holiday named after you for that one . bow

thebigmacmoomin

2,279 posts

116 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
Byker28i said:
surveyor said:
Travelling along the M4 tonight in filthy evening weather, a black focus was barely noticeable as no lights.
It's amazing the number of cars you see who've turned the lights on one click, so have front driving lights only and no rear lights.
Front lights and no rear lights … that's DRL's .... or how lazy they make drivers as they automatically come on. I don't get them, why are the rears not on aswell.

eltawater

1,910 posts

126 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
thebigmacmoomin said:
Front lights and no rear lights … that's DRL's .... or how lazy they make drivers as they automatically come on. I don't get them, why are the rears not on aswell.
Because the original idea was to ensure that pedestrians could see a vehicle moving towards them (just in case they're unable to spot a 1 tonne+ pile of metal moving towards them....)

It's worrying the number of people I see driving around in the darkness with dark cars and only the DRLs on because the manufacturers decided to also switch on the dash lights at the same time, so the drivers are merrily pootling along completely unawares...

CS Garth

2,093 posts

52 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
larrylamb11 said:
I had to laugh.....
I was expecting this to lead up to some kind of Robin Asquith esque petrol station based sexual encounter thank you not a self-inflicted one man band bukkake party.

Top marks for effort

surveyor

Original Poster:

13,813 posts

131 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
thebigmacmoomin said:
Byker28i said:
surveyor said:
Travelling along the M4 tonight in filthy evening weather, a black focus was barely noticeable as no lights.
It's amazing the number of cars you see who've turned the lights on one click, so have front driving lights only and no rear lights.
Front lights and no rear lights … that's DRL's .... or how lazy they make drivers as they automatically come on. I don't get them, why are the rears not on aswell.
Too old for DRL.

w1bbles

398 posts

83 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
RicksAlfas said:
My car has no off for the lights:



(Merc C-Class).
Was the marble dash option expensive?

mwstewart

5,612 posts

135 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
surveyor said:
Travelling along the M4 tonight in filthy evening weather, a black focus was barely noticeable as no lights.

Took the time to get their attention and the lights came on. Discovered after I had passed it that the driver was incompetent and was driving with the main beam on.. Joy.

What good deeds have you done to have it rebound on you?
Thank you for that. I suppose main beam is better than nothing laugh

underwhelmist

720 posts

81 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
RicksAlfas said:
My car has no off for the lights:



(Merc C-Class).
What trim level do you have to order to get a marble dashboard?

eltawater

1,910 posts

126 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
underwhelmist said:
RicksAlfas said:
My car has no off for the lights:



(Merc C-Class).
What trim level do you have to order to get a marble dashboard?
Not sure but I'd pray that the airbag works!

bluezedd

413 posts

29 months

Thursday 10th October
quotequote all
I sorted a siezed brake caliper for an acquiantence, fitted new discs and pads (ones that were intended for my own car but decided he needed more if he orders me new ones). Old locking wheel nut was buggered and I warned against using them, but they were insistant. I had another set I took off my own car and gave them it for free.

They had a breakdown due to flat tyre, couldn't get the locking wheelnut off, no breakdown cover, missed an important work thing and had a go at me and blamed me for giving him the locking wheel nuts.

Then a few weeks later they seemed surprised when they needed help fitting a new starter, and I wasn't willing to. They said oh I should have listened to you about locking wheel nuts etc, but nope. No chance of me doing it.

It's a shame as I thought I got on with him really well and had a lot in common. That whole thing killed it.

M1C

1,186 posts

58 months

Friday 11th October
quotequote all
My story, we were in the Lake District earlier this year, going for a drive up to Tarn Hows (beautiful btw!).

On the way back down from there, going along a very tight road we came across a 19 plate Citroen Cactus in the middle of the road between two houses, the elderly lady passenger getting out, flagging us down, looking very worried..and the little old man at the wheel looking to be in some trouble, shaking away.

I get out of the car a bit worried... ready to see or discover something bad happening...but apparently he was fine?!! Okaaaaaaaay.

So what was the problem and how could i help? They were looking for their self-catering holiday cottage and were lost. The lady produces a print out with very vague directions. - but thankfully...a postcode!

Good Samaritan time!

So, my good lady puts the postcode into her phone's Google Maps....route appears.....and, OK, it's not far, only a couple of miles!

I try to describe where i think it is...but they really are struggling (as was i, to be honest)

"OK, if you could just follow me, we've found it on the map, just follow me"

Trouble was...we needed to go back - the other way to the way we were both facing.

" we need to turn around, OK?"

I said.

I mananged to partly squeeze into the driveway of one of the houses to get enough of an angle to turn around. I try to signal to the bloke to use the other house to do the same - but the old shaking fellow was a bit futher down the road and couldn't seem t reverse in a relatively straight line...and so decided to do a 3 point turn...oh no, this was going to be painful....one, two, three....four...five...you remember that scene on Austin Powers with the electric buggy thing i the tunnel....yeah, that!

So i offer to help him, but no, no no he's fine, he's managing, he waves me away, mid-shake.

Several minutes seem pass by as he goes back and forth engine revs flaring, clutch burning nicely and me thinking...was this really a good idea...and by this point several cars are backed up in both directions. I go to offer to help again but no, he wont allow it!

I get back into my car, trying to avoid eye contact with any of the other drivers as i feel somewhat responsible - the other drivers looking on in confusion/disbelief at both some old duffer doing a 63 point turn and some goon half sticking out of a driveway looking deeply uncomfortable (me)

Grrr!!!

OK! Eventually, he's around, we start moving off..is he following? Yes! Good!

Now snaking slowly along, with half of Cumbrias tourists in convoy behind us, after a few seconds i hear a strange 'bloop' from the sat nav....i glance down to see the image turn around! The map had been upside down! (the phone must have been laying the other way, if you see what i mean, just enough to flip the image around!)

We WERE facing the right way BEFORE! F**CK!!! We can't turn around again!!! We can't tell him! Let's just carry on and hopefully it'll re-direct us.....would it re-direct us? Would it bks! "Make a u turn"......"turn around!"

I'm NOT going to turn around! We'll be here all night! So we carried on for several minutes...going the wrong way..me hoping desperately for the sat nav to find another road which would somehow take us BACK the way we'd come...but WITHOUT going back the same way...I didn't want the duffers to realise i'd messed up. I dont think the bloke would have as he was barely with us but his missus might!

Now, quite riled, I asked SWMBO to look for another route - only for her to give me one of those stares that says "YOU started this...YOU sort it out, you TOTAL BELLEND"

Eventually....probably...15 minutes further away...it found another route, and so, another 15 minutes later, we reached the destination..., as we rounded the last corner, i signalled a thumbs up/goodye wave in preparation to make a swift exit.....only to find we had pulled into a picnic area forest car park.....with not a single house anywhere in sight?!

The Cactus draws alongside with the codgers smiling and nodding having seen my premature thumbs up. I grimace back.

I thought to myself you wont be smiling in a minute, we're ALL fking lost now!

I get out and speak to the lady again - "well, as you can see...i don't think this is the place! Err....let me have another look at the map...err..."

I get back in the car to see SWMBO looking very sheepish.

"I put the wrong sja sj dhdhzzdjdnjdjn"

What?!

"Calm down"

Calm down, why?

"I..........*sigh*......... put the wrong postcode into the sat nav"

WHAT!!!!!???

Oh fking hell. I'm not telling them that!!

"OK, we'll try another way i shout over, would you mind following us again?!"

"Yes love", said Doris, with Boris still nodding away, poor bugger.

Now with the correct postcode in, we get another route...is the screen rotated the right way???!! Yes, thank God!

So we head off, and again after several more minutes of twisty roads, squeezing past other cars, me checking Mr Cactus driver is still alive and following us...the sat nav lady tell us we will reach our destination, around the corner and here we are!

I stop and lean out of the car and point at the house to show them this is the one.

You are f*cking joking?!?!

It was the house who's driveway i'd turned around in about an hour ago.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

Thumbs up, bye *waves*

What a total disaster. And i was only trying to help.

CS Garth

2,093 posts

52 months

Friday 11th October
quotequote all
Outstanding!

xjay1337

13,020 posts

65 months

Friday 11th October
quotequote all
Jesus biggrin

On the basis of that story I'm not ever helping anyone again! biggrin

RobM77

33,228 posts

181 months

Friday 11th October
quotequote all
rofl Brilliant!

RazerSauber

469 posts

7 months

Friday 11th October
quotequote all
underwhelmist said:
RicksAlfas said:
My car has no off for the lights:



(Merc C-Class).
What trim level do you have to order to get a marble dashboard?
Isn't that a rather used work bench?

Shakermaker

9,971 posts

47 months

Friday 11th October
quotequote all
RobM77 said:
It doesn't matter whose fault it is, I don't want to have an accident and I will take steps to avoid one. Operating my own lights isn't exactly onerous.

The lights could have turned on in that circumstance, yes, because it was getting dark; that's all that matters here - they could do.

My point is very simple: it's not a good idea to have no control over when your lights come on, because lights are commonly used as a method of communication between drivers. Think of motorways: you're overtaking a lot of the time and a flash can mean "please pull out".

Edited by RobM77 on Thursday 10th October 17:10
I'd have to take the opposite view. Whilst I do agree it isn't difficult at all to put your lights on, the number of cars that we still see on the roads without lights is a greater issue where auto lights would help them and us out, whilst the situation you describe above is minutely smaller in comparison. Having had my lights in my main cars set to auto for 5 years now, I've never once had them come on at exactly the same time as someone waiting at a side road. But I still see many cars without their lights, as per threads like this.

Short Grain

1,093 posts

167 months

Friday 11th October
quotequote all
Dagnir said:
This was shaping up to be a good thread until the snorefest about DRL and auto-lights :*(

Edited by Dagnir on Thursday 10th October 18:39
Agreed, start your own thread ffs!! Actually, keep this one, change the title, maybe we can start one without being derailed by lighting experts!


rossub

2,397 posts

137 months

Friday 11th October
quotequote all
M1C said:
My story, we were in the Lake District earlier this year, going for a drive up to Tarn Hows (beautiful btw!).

On the way back down from there, going along a very tight road we came across a 19 plate Citroen Cactus in the middle of the road between two houses, the elderly lady passenger getting out, flagging us down, looking very worried..and the little old man at the wheel looking to be in some trouble, shaking away.

I get out of the car a bit worried... ready to see or discover something bad happening...but apparently he was fine?!! Okaaaaaaaay.

So what was the problem and how could i help? They were looking for their self-catering holiday cottage and were lost. The lady produces a print out with very vague directions. - but thankfully...a postcode!

Good Samaritan time!

So, my good lady puts the postcode into her phone's Google Maps....route appears.....and, OK, it's not far, only a couple of miles!

I try to describe where i think it is...but they really are struggling (as was i, to be honest)

"OK, if you could just follow me, we've found it on the map, just follow me"

Trouble was...we needed to go back - the other way to the way we were both facing.

" we need to turn around, OK?"

I said.

I mananged to partly squeeze into the driveway of one of the houses to get enough of an angle to turn around. I try to signal to the bloke to use the other house to do the same - but the old shaking fellow was a bit futher down the road and couldn't seem t reverse in a relatively straight line...and so decided to do a 3 point turn...oh no, this was going to be painful....one, two, three....four...five...you remember that scene on Austin Powers with the electric buggy thing i the tunnel....yeah, that!

So i offer to help him, but no, no no he's fine, he's managing, he waves me away, mid-shake.

Several minutes seem pass by as he goes back and forth engine revs flaring, clutch burning nicely and me thinking...was this really a good idea...and by this point several cars are backed up in both directions. I go to offer to help again but no, he wont allow it!

I get back into my car, trying to avoid eye contact with any of the other drivers as i feel somewhat responsible - the other drivers looking on in confusion/disbelief at both some old duffer doing a 63 point turn and some goon half sticking out of a driveway looking deeply uncomfortable (me)

Grrr!!!

OK! Eventually, he's around, we start moving off..is he following? Yes! Good!

Now snaking slowly along, with half of Cumbrias tourists in convoy behind us, after a few seconds i hear a strange 'bloop' from the sat nav....i glance down to see the image turn around! The map had been upside down! (the phone must have been laying the other way, if you see what i mean, just enough to flip the image around!)

We WERE facing the right way BEFORE! F**CK!!! We can't turn around again!!! We can't tell him! Let's just carry on and hopefully it'll re-direct us.....would it re-direct us? Would it bks! "Make a u turn"......"turn around!"

I'm NOT going to turn around! We'll be here all night! So we carried on for several minutes...going the wrong way..me hoping desperately for the sat nav to find another road which would somehow take us BACK the way we'd come...but WITHOUT going back the same way...I didn't want the duffers to realise i'd messed up. I dont think the bloke would have as he was barely with us but his missus might!

Now, quite riled, I asked SWMBO to look for another route - only for her to give me one of those stares that says "YOU started this...YOU sort it out, you TOTAL BELLEND"

Eventually....probably...15 minutes further away...it found another route, and so, another 15 minutes later, we reached the destination..., as we rounded the last corner, i signalled a thumbs up/goodye wave in preparation to make a swift exit.....only to find we had pulled into a picnic area forest car park.....with not a single house anywhere in sight?!

The Cactus draws alongside with the codgers smiling and nodding having seen my premature thumbs up. I grimace back.

I thought to myself you wont be smiling in a minute, we're ALL fking lost now!

I get out and speak to the lady again - "well, as you can see...i don't think this is the place! Err....let me have another look at the map...err..."

I get back in the car to see SWMBO looking very sheepish.

"I put the wrong sja sj dhdhzzdjdnjdjn"

What?!

"Calm down"

Calm down, why?

"I..........*sigh*......... put the wrong postcode into the sat nav"

WHAT!!!!!???

Oh fking hell. I'm not telling them that!!

"OK, we'll try another way i shout over, would you mind following us again?!"

"Yes love", said Doris, with Boris still nodding away, poor bugger.

Now with the correct postcode in, we get another route...is the screen rotated the right way???!! Yes, thank God!

So we head off, and again after several more minutes of twisty roads, squeezing past other cars, me checking Mr Cactus driver is still alive and following us...the sat nav lady tell us we will reach our destination, around the corner and here we are!

I stop and lean out of the car and point at the house to show them this is the one.

You are f*cking joking?!?!

It was the house who's driveway i'd turned around in about an hour ago.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

Thumbs up, bye *waves*

What a total disaster. And i was only trying to help.
That's epic .... could totally picture the whole thing in my head rofl