Finding my birth mother
Discussion
Looking for some advice and maybe somebody on here who may have had the experience of finding their birth mother.
My adoptive parents have never kept anything from me and from an early age I've known about my adoption and the circumstances that surrounded it.
I do have some information, such as - date of birth, place of birth, name my birth mother gave me, the place I was handed over to my adoptive parents and the adoption society used.
I'm not of a young age to be looking for my birth mother, I'm almost 62 which would put her, in her early 80's. Chances of her still being alive are a bit slim I know, but I'd still like to know who she became, did she have a happy life, I do hope so.
Many thanks.
My adoptive parents have never kept anything from me and from an early age I've known about my adoption and the circumstances that surrounded it.
I do have some information, such as - date of birth, place of birth, name my birth mother gave me, the place I was handed over to my adoptive parents and the adoption society used.
I'm not of a young age to be looking for my birth mother, I'm almost 62 which would put her, in her early 80's. Chances of her still being alive are a bit slim I know, but I'd still like to know who she became, did she have a happy life, I do hope so.
Many thanks.
Joat said:
I'm not of a young age to be looking for my birth mother, I'm almost 62 which would put her, in her early 80's. Chances of her still being alive are a bit slim I know, but I'd still like to know who she became, did she have a happy life, I do hope so.
Many thanks.
Before you start, make sure you're prepared for the scenario not being as you might imagine. She could have died when she was 24. Or perhaps had 4 more kids with the same man and they all lived happily, with you being the only one to be adopted. Or had half a dozen other kids with different men who all ended up adopted. Many thanks.
In short, you might not like what you find.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Before you start, make sure you're prepared for the scenario not being as you might imagine. She could have died when she was 24. Or perhaps had 4 more kids with the same man and they all lived happily, with you being the only one to be adopted. Or had half a dozen other kids with different men who all ended up adopted.
In short, you might not like what you find.
On the flip side to that, she may well be unbelievably happy to see you, and you might have siblings that are great and you all get on like a house on fireIn short, you might not like what you find.
hucumber said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Before you start, make sure you're prepared for the scenario not being as you might imagine. She could have died when she was 24. Or perhaps had 4 more kids with the same man and they all lived happily, with you being the only one to be adopted. Or had half a dozen other kids with different men who all ended up adopted.
In short, you might not like what you find.
On the flip side to that, she may well be unbelievably happy to see you, and you might have siblings that are great and you all get on like a house on fireIn short, you might not like what you find.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
That would be great. OP said he hoped his mum had a happy life. If he prepares himself for her having had a lousy/tragic life, then anything else will be a bonus.
Thats true! I had prepared myself for the worst, and got the best scenario I could have imagined. My adopted sister on the other hand had a pretty disappointing reunion with her real mum.hucumber said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
That would be great. OP said he hoped his mum had a happy life. If he prepares himself for her having had a lousy/tragic life, then anything else will be a bonus.
Thats true! I had prepared myself for the worst, and got the best scenario I could have imagined. My adopted sister on the other hand had a pretty disappointing reunion with her real mum.The other knew her birth mother was 16 when she was born, so tried to make contact in her mid 40s, knowing mum would be about 60. She'd thought about what her mother would be like for decades, did her birth mother think about her, on her birthday etc? Turns out birth mother died in a road accident aged 18!
Obviously loads of happy endings to offset against those 2, but just remember, life doesn't always give you the outcome you hope for.
Here's another resource which might be helpful http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/default.ht...
I knew it might be a mixed bag of responses and yes I know it might not be the outcome I might have dreamt about, but it's something I need to do before it's too late.
I'm really interested to find out who she is/was rather than meeting up, it might be that she started a new life and that I'm her secret, things were very different back then if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the replies so far.
I'm really interested to find out who she is/was rather than meeting up, it might be that she started a new life and that I'm her secret, things were very different back then if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the replies so far.
Joat said:
I knew it might be a mixed bag of responses and yes I know it might not be the outcome I might have dreamt about, but it's something I need to do before it's too late.
I'm really interested to find out who she is/was rather than meeting up, it might be that she started a new life and that I'm her secret, things were very different back then if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the replies so far.
Best of luck, I wish I could provide help on how to trace her but I found mine with a lot of luck, a birth certificate with the correct spelling of my original surname and facebook!I'm really interested to find out who she is/was rather than meeting up, it might be that she started a new life and that I'm her secret, things were very different back then if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the replies so far.
I HIGHLY recommend this woman.
https://arielbruce.com/
ETA: OP I've just PMed you.
https://arielbruce.com/
ETA: OP I've just PMed you.
Edited by Blib on Monday 24th August 17:08
Evoluzione said:
I wonder what causes someone to do this after all those years.
I'm surprised no-one has said it yet, but consider why she never made contact....
Mine never made contact because her wI'm surprised no-one has said it yet, but consider why she never made contact....
ker husband told her she had ruined my life and if she got in touch she would ruin it even more. You can't assume anything, it could be one of a million reasonsBlib said:
I HIGHLY recommend this woman.
https://arielbruce.com/
ETA: OP I've just PMed you.
Thanks for the email Blib.https://arielbruce.com/
ETA: OP I've just PMed you.
Edited by Blib on Monday 24th August 17:08
I used to work with a bloke who did this, but went looking for his father. He spent a few years chasing leads, getting contact information, etc. Only for him to discover that his biological father had been prison for several years previously due to sexual abuse of children in the 60s.
Obviously I'm not saying that this will be the case with your mother, OP. But I wish you best of luck in your search
Obviously I'm not saying that this will be the case with your mother, OP. But I wish you best of luck in your search
Joat said:
I knew it might be a mixed bag of responses and yes I know it might not be the outcome I might have dreamt about, but it's something I need to do before it's too late.
I'm really interested to find out who she is/was rather than meeting up, it might be that she started a new life and that I'm her secret, things were very different back then if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the replies so far.
Interesting thread and not something most people ever have to think about.I'm really interested to find out who she is/was rather than meeting up, it might be that she started a new life and that I'm her secret, things were very different back then if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the replies so far.
Firstly best of luck
I can't put myself in your shoes but I guess one of my first thoughts was 62 years seems a long time to wait.
Tell me mind my own but I'm curious why now?
Go for it.
I grew up in similar circumstances and had always know I was adopted.
I never really got on with my adoptive father but one day when I was about 21 or so he gave me a folder with all the adoption docs in -
To cut a long story short, I found that my birth parents were both from overseas. My mother's name was in the documents and when I was about 23 I was able to trace her using the researchers of the International Social Service
We met and got on brilliantly - I also have a much younger half brother.
Unfortunately she had been ill with cancer before I knew her and despite recovering, she died suddenly about 3y after I found her.
In terms of my birth father, there were no records and my mother only knew his first name and that he'd been a soldier... trail dead
Shift on 20 odd years and I was given an Ancestry DNA kit which I sent off. When the results came through there was a whole string of strong matches to people unconnected with my mother's side.
I was lucky enough to gain a 3rd cousin (something like that) who is very into geneaology (I am distantly related to Dolly Parton through my maternal grandmother!) -- he narrowed down my matches and we found my father....
Unfortunately he'd been dead some years but I am in contact with his brother who has sent me bits and pieces. Turns out my father was indeed in the military (as was my uncle and grandfather).
The flipside to this is that having grown up in a family of long-lived people with no health issues, I now find myself with the knowledge that both my real parents were dead at a young age (mother 53 and father 50 -- a month after his birthday with a heart attack).
I am not sorry that I have traced them -- On my mother's side I have a great half brother in the Army currently in Lithuania and I have a whole range of relatives on his side. On my father's side I have gained a huge range of proper hillbilly relatives - father's family are all from Georgia and Tennessee - Deliverance appears to have been a documentary...
But not sure how i feel knowing that I am closely approaching the age my parents were when they died.
I grew up in similar circumstances and had always know I was adopted.
I never really got on with my adoptive father but one day when I was about 21 or so he gave me a folder with all the adoption docs in -
To cut a long story short, I found that my birth parents were both from overseas. My mother's name was in the documents and when I was about 23 I was able to trace her using the researchers of the International Social Service
We met and got on brilliantly - I also have a much younger half brother.
Unfortunately she had been ill with cancer before I knew her and despite recovering, she died suddenly about 3y after I found her.
In terms of my birth father, there were no records and my mother only knew his first name and that he'd been a soldier... trail dead
Shift on 20 odd years and I was given an Ancestry DNA kit which I sent off. When the results came through there was a whole string of strong matches to people unconnected with my mother's side.
I was lucky enough to gain a 3rd cousin (something like that) who is very into geneaology (I am distantly related to Dolly Parton through my maternal grandmother!) -- he narrowed down my matches and we found my father....
Unfortunately he'd been dead some years but I am in contact with his brother who has sent me bits and pieces. Turns out my father was indeed in the military (as was my uncle and grandfather).
The flipside to this is that having grown up in a family of long-lived people with no health issues, I now find myself with the knowledge that both my real parents were dead at a young age (mother 53 and father 50 -- a month after his birthday with a heart attack).
I am not sorry that I have traced them -- On my mother's side I have a great half brother in the Army currently in Lithuania and I have a whole range of relatives on his side. On my father's side I have gained a huge range of proper hillbilly relatives - father's family are all from Georgia and Tennessee - Deliverance appears to have been a documentary...
But not sure how i feel knowing that I am closely approaching the age my parents were when they died.
Edited by Lucas CAV on Monday 24th August 18:49
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