Seeking perspective from older heads
Discussion
My friends and I are in our early/mid forties. Some of us have gone from having a balanced life in our 30s and plenty of free time, to work addiction, complex lives (e.g. moving country, refurbishing the house, children's social calendars, other such things) and intense stress in our 40s. It's a choice, I suppose, but not an easy pattern to break.
I am assuming it's part of the rhythm of life, like our 20s were relatively carefree and our 30s were about, I don't know, maybe creating financial stability.
Does life calm down in your 50s?
I am assuming it's part of the rhythm of life, like our 20s were relatively carefree and our 30s were about, I don't know, maybe creating financial stability.
Does life calm down in your 50s?
It can do. I recognise your description as we have been through it!
We are now both in our early 50s. Our mortgage is paid off and we have no debt which is not cleared monthly. We have one son who is just going into his third year at University.
Since he left school, we can now again largely do as we please, which in my wife's case is working very hard at a job she loves, and in mine working like a nut for six months and then spending six months pottering about with my cars and doing our house up.
We are now both in our early 50s. Our mortgage is paid off and we have no debt which is not cleared monthly. We have one son who is just going into his third year at University.
Since he left school, we can now again largely do as we please, which in my wife's case is working very hard at a job she loves, and in mine working like a nut for six months and then spending six months pottering about with my cars and doing our house up.
I guess it all comes down to what you want from life?
I have a pretty simple life. Me, the Mrs and a few dogs. If I'm not at work, I'll most likely be out with the dogs, beach walks, sitting in the garden or tinkering with the car. I don't go to pubs, clubs etc but occasionally make the effort to go to the cinema, or go further afield to see a show or something. There are other stresses I guess, like some health problems, but they are what they are. Worrying won't help. I'm simply pretty happy with my lot but for some it'll sound like hell I'm sure.
I have a pretty simple life. Me, the Mrs and a few dogs. If I'm not at work, I'll most likely be out with the dogs, beach walks, sitting in the garden or tinkering with the car. I don't go to pubs, clubs etc but occasionally make the effort to go to the cinema, or go further afield to see a show or something. There are other stresses I guess, like some health problems, but they are what they are. Worrying won't help. I'm simply pretty happy with my lot but for some it'll sound like hell I'm sure.
For me when I was in my 40s life was extremely stressful allthough sucsess full and then it all went pop and divorce arrived.
A new life was eventually started and now life is good.
Now at 60 years old I know what I want out of the remaining years. Good health and happiness are top of the list. Love from a good woman helps.
I'm not wealthy and have to work,but I enjoy it and it keeps me strong and fit which normally means I sleep well and that's important .
A new life was eventually started and now life is good.
Now at 60 years old I know what I want out of the remaining years. Good health and happiness are top of the list. Love from a good woman helps.
I'm not wealthy and have to work,but I enjoy it and it keeps me strong and fit which normally means I sleep well and that's important .
I'm 49, my wife 48. We made the decision to work intensely in our 30's and 40's and then retire to a warmer Country; Italy, Southern France, Spain were early contenders.
As it happens, we found a bargain property in the Algarve, Portugal two years ago (bank repo, new, needed finishing, bought it, spent 2 years finishing it to a high spec), sold our UK home and I moved here a year ago, mortgage-free, no debts etc. I down-sized my online business to allow for me to only work a couple of hours a day.
My wife spends 2 weeks a month in Amsterdam where we own an investment apartment in the centre because the company she works for has its European headquarters there. She plans to work there for another 4 years and then retire with me in Portugal. I spend a week a month in Amsterdam and really like the contrast between beach home and city apartment.
Both kids are at University, one plans to live in either The Netherlands or Belgium, the other is already set up in Denmark.
So, depending upon your choices, work ethic and a good measure of good luck, you can enjoy a slower pace at 50.
As it happens, we found a bargain property in the Algarve, Portugal two years ago (bank repo, new, needed finishing, bought it, spent 2 years finishing it to a high spec), sold our UK home and I moved here a year ago, mortgage-free, no debts etc. I down-sized my online business to allow for me to only work a couple of hours a day.
My wife spends 2 weeks a month in Amsterdam where we own an investment apartment in the centre because the company she works for has its European headquarters there. She plans to work there for another 4 years and then retire with me in Portugal. I spend a week a month in Amsterdam and really like the contrast between beach home and city apartment.
Both kids are at University, one plans to live in either The Netherlands or Belgium, the other is already set up in Denmark.
So, depending upon your choices, work ethic and a good measure of good luck, you can enjoy a slower pace at 50.
I'm early 40's with a 2 year old son, mortgage, credit card debt etc but a satisfying job and relatively stress free life. Life was certainly more enjoyable in my 20's and 30's, perhaps because I had more money and more freedom. But more stressful now? Not really.
If I'm still alive at 65 I'll have a decent pension when I can hopefully start doing things that I want to do again!
If I'm still alive at 65 I'll have a decent pension when I can hopefully start doing things that I want to do again!
You kinda imagine that by the time you're in your 50s it'll be pretty much sorted. Senior enough at work to be earning a decent crust and taking it a little easier, calling the shots, kids a bit older, mortgage small or gone, looking forward to retirement.
The reality is work's still a b
h, but with younger people coming up behind trying to reinvent the wheel, you can't wait to get out.
The reality is work's still a b
h, but with younger people coming up behind trying to reinvent the wheel, you can't wait to get out. workwise in your forties usually your a bit more of an expert and perhaps have a senior position wth better pay but wth that goes more responsibility. So can get a bit stressful. It did for me. Fortunately for me I was in a position to go from running a department to contracting. Makes it a bit of easier life and I had plenty of time off between contracts.
No kids either, which is the Major expense, I never wanted them. My GF has two in their early 20s but they live with her in her own house. She also owns a business which she enjoys.
One of my mates, same age, is now a house husband as hi (younger) Mrs earns very good money and they have two kids 8 and 11. Seems happy enough.
I'm Now 56 but threw in the towel four years ago. I'm currently doing my house up to sell and clearing off to my apartment in Portugal. (So that knocks the GF on the head!)
No kids either, which is the Major expense, I never wanted them. My GF has two in their early 20s but they live with her in her own house. She also owns a business which she enjoys.
One of my mates, same age, is now a house husband as hi (younger) Mrs earns very good money and they have two kids 8 and 11. Seems happy enough.
I'm Now 56 but threw in the towel four years ago. I'm currently doing my house up to sell and clearing off to my apartment in Portugal. (So that knocks the GF on the head!)
I made some bad decisions in my 40s, working at least 6 days a week and ignoring home life, so my wife moved on. I was a director of a company and all the others were in the family, they wanted to sell and therefore got me out of the business. All the clients followed me, a legal battle started, they lost but created such bad publicity that the clients moved on again.
I was lucky to get some high paying work until I retired. Biggest regret is working so hard that I took my eye off my marriage and lost it all.
I was lucky to get some high paying work until I retired. Biggest regret is working so hard that I took my eye off my marriage and lost it all.
227bhp, I take your point but there are similarities across our lives as a group. Like that u-curve that shows happiness vs. age or vs. having children, for example. Or the data that shows that people spend a lot less in retirement than in their pre-retirement life.
So I am interested in whether a stressful 40s is part of the general pattern.
So I am interested in whether a stressful 40s is part of the general pattern.
I'm 47. Made redundant from the City 2 1/2 years ago and while I'm comfortable, I never made enough to retire on. After 9 months of getting bored I set up my own business targeting a niche left open by the banks and advisors. While I'm nowhere near earning the same as I used to, I am thoroughly enjoying learning new stuff all the time and building, brick by brick, a legacy.
But that isn't the highest priority in my life. I'm very aware health and personal comfort start falling off a cliff pretty soon. So investing in yourself to maximise your physical and mental wellbeing is even more important. Why am I working on building the business? I want to sell or float it in 5 years and then fk off to a ski resort in the winter/surf destination in the summer, for as long as my body can take it and I don't get bored. And in the meantime I still plan on doing plenty of both!
As others will point out, you're a long time dead. Set your priorities, then focus on them.
But that isn't the highest priority in my life. I'm very aware health and personal comfort start falling off a cliff pretty soon. So investing in yourself to maximise your physical and mental wellbeing is even more important. Why am I working on building the business? I want to sell or float it in 5 years and then f
k off to a ski resort in the winter/surf destination in the summer, for as long as my body can take it and I don't get bored. And in the meantime I still plan on doing plenty of both!As others will point out, you're a long time dead. Set your priorities, then focus on them.
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