What's fair? Dividing living expenses with the girlfriend
Discussion
Girlfriend and I have been living together for around a 14 months. During which our rent & bills have been around £1000pm, also spending approx £100 PM on the dog, say £200 PM on food also.
Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.
My Girlfriend has been giving me approximately £250 per month and then contributing approx £50 per month to other stuff such as shopping, eating out etc.
This lower contribution is due to my girlfriend being a full time student and unlike previous years she has not worked this year. Around 12-14 months ago I also bailed my girlfriend out to the tune of around £1500
Now whilst I have a decent salary (£47k / £2700 PM), I actually have a fair bit of debt...
So in the next few weeks my girlfriend will start to bring in £2k per month in salary with a bit of student finance on top...
What is the fair thing to do in terms of dividing expenses?
Although I'll be on a higher income, I think 50/50 would be fair. Especially as i have paid out, say £13k over the last 14 months and after considering the aforementioned bailouts just a few hundred quid in return.
I'm all for sharing, but as my girlfriend knows I also have a sizeable amount of legacy debt - well over five digits.
So what would you do / what is fair?
My girlfriend has other ideas as to 50/50...
Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.
My Girlfriend has been giving me approximately £250 per month and then contributing approx £50 per month to other stuff such as shopping, eating out etc.
This lower contribution is due to my girlfriend being a full time student and unlike previous years she has not worked this year. Around 12-14 months ago I also bailed my girlfriend out to the tune of around £1500
Now whilst I have a decent salary (£47k / £2700 PM), I actually have a fair bit of debt...
So in the next few weeks my girlfriend will start to bring in £2k per month in salary with a bit of student finance on top...
What is the fair thing to do in terms of dividing expenses?
Although I'll be on a higher income, I think 50/50 would be fair. Especially as i have paid out, say £13k over the last 14 months and after considering the aforementioned bailouts just a few hundred quid in return.
I'm all for sharing, but as my girlfriend knows I also have a sizeable amount of legacy debt - well over five digits.
So what would you do / what is fair?
My girlfriend has other ideas as to 50/50...
There was a long thread on this recently, might be worth searching for it.
We calculate how much we each earn as a percentage of our joint income. We then work out how much we need to cover joint expenses and both contribute into a joint account using the percentage of our income. This covers stuff like bills, mortgage, food, holidays. Anything that isn't a joint expense (e.g. new handbag for the wife) comes out of our individual accounts.
So assume I earn £75k and the wife earns £25k and we jointly need £1000. I would contribute £750 and the wife would contribute £250 (these are completely fictional numbers).
We calculate how much we each earn as a percentage of our joint income. We then work out how much we need to cover joint expenses and both contribute into a joint account using the percentage of our income. This covers stuff like bills, mortgage, food, holidays. Anything that isn't a joint expense (e.g. new handbag for the wife) comes out of our individual accounts.
So assume I earn £75k and the wife earns £25k and we jointly need £1000. I would contribute £750 and the wife would contribute £250 (these are completely fictional numbers).
What's her idea of fair?
Given that's she's been a broke student for a fair bit she may just be looking forward to having a bit of cash and being able to enjoy not worrying about money for once. She may see you trying to up her contribution as a bit heartless, I'm only speculating here and I actually agree with your viewpoint. The only answer is to talk it through like you have above, maybe offer a few months grace to allow her to enjoy having a few pennies of her own for a while before increasing her contribution to your joint finances.
Good luck!
Given that's she's been a broke student for a fair bit she may just be looking forward to having a bit of cash and being able to enjoy not worrying about money for once. She may see you trying to up her contribution as a bit heartless, I'm only speculating here and I actually agree with your viewpoint. The only answer is to talk it through like you have above, maybe offer a few months grace to allow her to enjoy having a few pennies of her own for a while before increasing her contribution to your joint finances.
Good luck!
djc206 said:
What's her idea of fair?
Given that's she's been a broke student for a fair bit she may just be looking forward to having a bit of cash and being able to enjoy not worrying about money for once. She may see you trying to up her contribution as a bit heartless, I'm only speculating here and I actually agree with your viewpoint. The only answer is to talk it through like you have above, maybe offer a few months grace to allow her to enjoy having a few pennies of her own for a while before increasing her contribution to your joint finances.
Good luck!
Though it appears that he has been subsidising her for a while now. If she was entitled to the full loan amounts then approx £75 a week is hardly anything, and she would have had spare cash anyway.Given that's she's been a broke student for a fair bit she may just be looking forward to having a bit of cash and being able to enjoy not worrying about money for once. She may see you trying to up her contribution as a bit heartless, I'm only speculating here and I actually agree with your viewpoint. The only answer is to talk it through like you have above, maybe offer a few months grace to allow her to enjoy having a few pennies of her own for a while before increasing her contribution to your joint finances.
Good luck!
If I were you I'd be asking for half. On £2k a month she can afford to do that comfortably.
It will be up to your judgement to decide on this. If you have been paying her way through the entire relationship, asking for a reasonable amount from her could cause a nasty surprise . . .
ETA you have generously helped her while she was studying, in spite of being in debt (which her costs would have contributed to). I think the least she could do is pay half to help clear your debt. After that doing % of income or whatever seems reasonable.
Edited by Donbot on Friday 25th August 22:42
If it flies, floats or...
XJ75 said:
We calculate how much we each earn as a percentage of our joint income.
We did it like that initially. Then as our incomes and outgoings rose we fixed her contribution. Now I pay out about 20x what she does on 4x the gross income to cover mortgage, bills and food. And I pay for things like cars, holidays, meals, etc. She still occasionally goes off on one that I don't pay enough. if what youre posting in earnings is straight - 2k7 v 2k - it should really just be split down the middle by way of mutual pays to a house account.
After a while it should cease to be relevent who pays what but at 14 months youre hardly old dogs. Money is not worth fighting over but that that comes in time.
After a while it should cease to be relevent who pays what but at 14 months youre hardly old dogs. Money is not worth fighting over but that that comes in time.
Thanks for the opinions so far. I feel like I have been very selfless with finances so far - We've lived in two nice places together, enjoyed good food etc.
I've always had a car allowance for the last few years, I had a nice £25k lease car at £285 a month BEFORE we lived together. But found that when we moved in together I could no longer afford it so had to downgrade to a £2k motor. I found it a bit ironic as she then had a much better, more valuable car then me (Funded by her mum, bought before our relationship.)
You can probably detect I have a bit of resentment for that...
So I am looking for something back now that a reasonable income is in sight for her. It is in the form of a bursary, but I don't see that any differently to a salary really.
If there was none of the aforementioned history (IE myself paying over 90%) then I'd be happy with the proportional split - even if it meant I was paying 75%...It would just feel fair and I feel like I'm a fair person.
However, paying almost all the bills for over a year whilst having my own debt (She doesn't have any, bar student debt which yes is valid - but very very different.) I felt was reasonable grounds to go for 50/50.
I've always had a car allowance for the last few years, I had a nice £25k lease car at £285 a month BEFORE we lived together. But found that when we moved in together I could no longer afford it so had to downgrade to a £2k motor. I found it a bit ironic as she then had a much better, more valuable car then me (Funded by her mum, bought before our relationship.)
You can probably detect I have a bit of resentment for that...
So I am looking for something back now that a reasonable income is in sight for her. It is in the form of a bursary, but I don't see that any differently to a salary really.
If there was none of the aforementioned history (IE myself paying over 90%) then I'd be happy with the proportional split - even if it meant I was paying 75%...It would just feel fair and I feel like I'm a fair person.
However, paying almost all the bills for over a year whilst having my own debt (She doesn't have any, bar student debt which yes is valid - but very very different.) I felt was reasonable grounds to go for 50/50.
We did the same as xj75 has suggested. When we bought our own house my partner wanted to pay half the mortgage, so her contribution rose.
Then I dragged her around the world, so she had to stop work, and we have a baby as well now, so I pay for everything.
I think as relationships get more serious, you worry less about this, and it just becomes 'our money', that's what has happened for us anyway!
Then I dragged her around the world, so she had to stop work, and we have a baby as well now, so I pay for everything.
I think as relationships get more serious, you worry less about this, and it just becomes 'our money', that's what has happened for us anyway!
EB89 said:
Girlfriend and I have been living together for around a 14 months. During which our rent & bills have been around £1000pm, also spending approx £100 PM on the dog, say £200 PM on food also.
Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.
My Girlfriend has been giving me approximately £250 per month and then contributing approx £50 per month to other stuff such as shopping, eating out etc.
This lower contribution is due to my girlfriend being a full time student and unlike previous years she has not worked this year. Around 12-14 months ago I also bailed my girlfriend out to the tune of around £1500
Now whilst I have a decent salary (£47k / £2700 PM), I actually have a fair bit of debt...
So in the next few weeks my girlfriend will start to bring in £2k per month in salary with a bit of student finance on top...
What is the fair thing to do in terms of dividing expenses?
Although I'll be on a higher income, I think 50/50 would be fair. Especially as i have paid out, say £13k over the last 14 months and after considering the aforementioned bailouts just a few hundred quid in return.
I'm all for sharing, but as my girlfriend knows I also have a sizeable amount of legacy debt - well over five digits.
So what would you do / what is fair?
My girlfriend has other ideas as to 50/50...
Get rid of the dog.Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.
My Girlfriend has been giving me approximately £250 per month and then contributing approx £50 per month to other stuff such as shopping, eating out etc.
This lower contribution is due to my girlfriend being a full time student and unlike previous years she has not worked this year. Around 12-14 months ago I also bailed my girlfriend out to the tune of around £1500
Now whilst I have a decent salary (£47k / £2700 PM), I actually have a fair bit of debt...
So in the next few weeks my girlfriend will start to bring in £2k per month in salary with a bit of student finance on top...
What is the fair thing to do in terms of dividing expenses?
Although I'll be on a higher income, I think 50/50 would be fair. Especially as i have paid out, say £13k over the last 14 months and after considering the aforementioned bailouts just a few hundred quid in return.
I'm all for sharing, but as my girlfriend knows I also have a sizeable amount of legacy debt - well over five digits.
So what would you do / what is fair?
My girlfriend has other ideas as to 50/50...
If you both work, it's madness having a dog.
Think of the expense. And then there's the vets bills.
Get rid of the dog. That will save quite a bit of money.
t. Dogs don't cost that much to run, and they give you free entertainment.The Mad Monk said:
EB89 said:
Girlfriend and I have been living together for around a 14 months. During which our rent & bills have been around £1000pm, also spending approx £100 PM on the dog, say £200 PM on food also.
Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.
My Girlfriend has been giving me approximately £250 per month and then contributing approx £50 per month to other stuff such as shopping, eating out etc.
This lower contribution is due to my girlfriend being a full time student and unlike previous years she has not worked this year. Around 12-14 months ago I also bailed my girlfriend out to the tune of around £1500
Now whilst I have a decent salary (£47k / £2700 PM), I actually have a fair bit of debt...
So in the next few weeks my girlfriend will start to bring in £2k per month in salary with a bit of student finance on top...
What is the fair thing to do in terms of dividing expenses?
Although I'll be on a higher income, I think 50/50 would be fair. Especially as i have paid out, say £13k over the last 14 months and after considering the aforementioned bailouts just a few hundred quid in return.
I'm all for sharing, but as my girlfriend knows I also have a sizeable amount of legacy debt - well over five digits.
So what would you do / what is fair?
My girlfriend has other ideas as to 50/50...
Get rid of the dog.Now our relationship has been a bit rocky recently, a lot of which can be attributed to money.
My Girlfriend has been giving me approximately £250 per month and then contributing approx £50 per month to other stuff such as shopping, eating out etc.
This lower contribution is due to my girlfriend being a full time student and unlike previous years she has not worked this year. Around 12-14 months ago I also bailed my girlfriend out to the tune of around £1500
Now whilst I have a decent salary (£47k / £2700 PM), I actually have a fair bit of debt...
So in the next few weeks my girlfriend will start to bring in £2k per month in salary with a bit of student finance on top...
What is the fair thing to do in terms of dividing expenses?
Although I'll be on a higher income, I think 50/50 would be fair. Especially as i have paid out, say £13k over the last 14 months and after considering the aforementioned bailouts just a few hundred quid in return.
I'm all for sharing, but as my girlfriend knows I also have a sizeable amount of legacy debt - well over five digits.
So what would you do / what is fair?
My girlfriend has other ideas as to 50/50...
If you both work, it's madness having a dog.
Think of the expense. And then there's the vets bills.
Get rid of the dog. That will save quite a bit of money.
We will both be working but when we're both out for the day we have someone come round and walk him off lead with other dogs. Our life is better with him and he was rescued from Spain where he was never walked and was either chained up outside or left alone in a dark garage...So he has a better life too. Trust me, he ain't the problem!
With the greatest of respect, I think you might be overthinking this. You have attributed a rocky relationship partly to money issues and, given what you both earn, this just isn't necessary. Money is an issue only when you make it one.
Unless the relationship is intended to be temporary I'd say you are way past the stage (after 14 month cohabiting) of 'my money'/'your money'. Just put everything into a joint account and spend from it, agreeing budgets as necessary. Shared assets and shared debts.
It isn't worth arguing with your partner over a few thousand pounds here or there. It just introduces a destructive energy to the relationship and benefits nobody.
Unless the relationship is intended to be temporary I'd say you are way past the stage (after 14 month cohabiting) of 'my money'/'your money'. Just put everything into a joint account and spend from it, agreeing budgets as necessary. Shared assets and shared debts.
It isn't worth arguing with your partner over a few thousand pounds here or there. It just introduces a destructive energy to the relationship and benefits nobody.
EB89 said:
Ha, we couldn't do that! The pooch makes us very happy. He has high quality, expensive food but doesn't cost much with the vet.
We will both be working but when we're both out for the day we have someone come round and walk him off lead with other dogs. Our life is better with him and he was rescued from Spain where he was never walked and was either chained up outside or left alone in a dark garage...So he has a better life too. Trust me, he ain't the problem!
Nice one. We will both be working but when we're both out for the day we have someone come round and walk him off lead with other dogs. Our life is better with him and he was rescued from Spain where he was never walked and was either chained up outside or left alone in a dark garage...So he has a better life too. Trust me, he ain't the problem!
Split 50/50 definitely.
Your monthly outgoings are £1300, that's only £700 each at the most! She'll still have £1300 of her own money then to play with and you'll have £2000 to play with. What's the big deal? You earn more and have a better job so why shouldn't you have a bit more spare cash to play with? She's a fresh student out of uni and has secured her first proper job taking home £2000 per month which is good for a first job by the way. You both have good amounts of disposable income.
Set up a joint debit account and both transfer £700 each at the start of every month. This is literally what me and my now wife did with very similar figures.
It would be a different story if it were £1.5k vs £4K take homes.
Your monthly outgoings are £1300, that's only £700 each at the most! She'll still have £1300 of her own money then to play with and you'll have £2000 to play with. What's the big deal? You earn more and have a better job so why shouldn't you have a bit more spare cash to play with? She's a fresh student out of uni and has secured her first proper job taking home £2000 per month which is good for a first job by the way. You both have good amounts of disposable income.
Set up a joint debit account and both transfer £700 each at the start of every month. This is literally what me and my now wife did with very similar figures.
It would be a different story if it were £1.5k vs £4K take homes.
Edited by Prohibiting on Saturday 26th August 08:52
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