I think my girlfriend is a *****
Discussion
After thoughts, if you have a moment!
I just found out that my sister has split from her partner of a decade, with whom she has a 3 year old boy, and about 3 months after they have bought a house, that they are in the process of renovating and spending a lot of money. Bit of a s
tty situation all round.
Anyway, my parents were due to come around Christmas day. My sister is working until two on the 25th and after that would be on her own with her little one. My mum asked that it might be nice if she headed up to mine afterwards and joined the festivities. She said I should check with my partner etc.
My initial reaction was yes, sure, of course but spoke about it first with my partner. I'm a little bit flabbergasted though, that she just started moaning about having to put off Christmas dinner till later in the evening (I do the cooking anyway), that there wouldn't be room, that she doesn't want our second kid's first Christmas to be depressing etc.
I feel like I'm going mad here - surely the right thing to do is just to say of course and have her over?! If her sister was in the same situation then I wouldn't hesitate to say it was ok.
Surely a bit of empathy trumps a few practicalities with this one?
Or am I wrong?
I just found out that my sister has split from her partner of a decade, with whom she has a 3 year old boy, and about 3 months after they have bought a house, that they are in the process of renovating and spending a lot of money. Bit of a s
tty situation all round. Anyway, my parents were due to come around Christmas day. My sister is working until two on the 25th and after that would be on her own with her little one. My mum asked that it might be nice if she headed up to mine afterwards and joined the festivities. She said I should check with my partner etc.
My initial reaction was yes, sure, of course but spoke about it first with my partner. I'm a little bit flabbergasted though, that she just started moaning about having to put off Christmas dinner till later in the evening (I do the cooking anyway), that there wouldn't be room, that she doesn't want our second kid's first Christmas to be depressing etc.
I feel like I'm going mad here - surely the right thing to do is just to say of course and have her over?! If her sister was in the same situation then I wouldn't hesitate to say it was ok.
Surely a bit of empathy trumps a few practicalities with this one?
Or am I wrong?
Why not have some compromises. Tell your girlfriend that you’ll ask your sister over as long as she doesn’t complain and the lunch is still at the normal time. Your sister will be so knackered she’ll probably fall asleep anyway.
Your girlfriend will feel bad and stop you and actually invite your sister over herself.
Then on Christmas Day, your sister will get drunk and start ranting about her ex and the kids will have a big fight and it will all be your fault.
Your girlfriend will feel bad and stop you and actually invite your sister over herself.
Then on Christmas Day, your sister will get drunk and start ranting about her ex and the kids will have a big fight and it will all be your fault.
Sounds like your GF may be a bit of a perfectionist. Does she like things ‘just so’ and/or have a very clear sense of how things should be done? If so, it isn’t ‘selfishness’, it’s a struggle with a strong inbuilt sense of duty to deliver your family the ‘right’ Xmas.
If so, an approach that might work would start with acknowledging that this does mean you will be sacrificing the Xmas you’d also prefer. However, point out to her you’d all be ‘doing the right thing’ by opening your house to someone who needs it at Xmas. That might just appeal to a higher sense of duty than the one she feels to make your family Xmas right.
But she may not be being mean to your sister. She may be trying (albeit in a misplaced way) to do right by you.
If so, an approach that might work would start with acknowledging that this does mean you will be sacrificing the Xmas you’d also prefer. However, point out to her you’d all be ‘doing the right thing’ by opening your house to someone who needs it at Xmas. That might just appeal to a higher sense of duty than the one she feels to make your family Xmas right.
But she may not be being mean to your sister. She may be trying (albeit in a misplaced way) to do right by you.
El stovey said:
Why not have some compromises. Tell your girlfriend that you’ll ask your sister over as long as she doesn’t complain and the lunch is still at the normal time. Your sister will be so knackered she’ll probably fall asleep anyway.
Your girlfriend will feel bad and stop you and actually invite your sister over herself.
Then on Christmas Day, your sister will get drunk and start ranting about her ex and the kids will have a big fight and it will all be your fault.
Of course the worrying thing there is that the last paragraph is almost certainly going to happen. Your girlfriend will feel bad and stop you and actually invite your sister over herself.
Then on Christmas Day, your sister will get drunk and start ranting about her ex and the kids will have a big fight and it will all be your fault.
67Dino said:
Sounds like your GF may be a bit of a perfectionist. Does she like things ‘just so’ and/or have a very clear sense of how things should be done? If so, it isn’t ‘meanness’, it’s a struggle with a strong inbuilt sense of duty to deliver your family the ‘right’ Xmas.
If so, an approach that might work would start with acknowledging that this does mean you will be sacrificing the Xmas you’d also prefer. However, point out to her you’d all be ‘doing the right thing’ by opening your house to someone who needs it at Xmas. That might just appeal to a higher sense of duty than the one she feels to make your family Xmas right.
But she may I tend to be mean to your sister. She may be trying (albeit in a misplaced way) to do right by you.
Good advice - thank you. If so, an approach that might work would start with acknowledging that this does mean you will be sacrificing the Xmas you’d also prefer. However, point out to her you’d all be ‘doing the right thing’ by opening your house to someone who needs it at Xmas. That might just appeal to a higher sense of duty than the one she feels to make your family Xmas right.
But she may I tend to be mean to your sister. She may be trying (albeit in a misplaced way) to do right by you.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff