Cracking retorts....

Cracking retorts....

Author
Discussion

ProPlus

Original Poster:

3,810 posts

239 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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Finally got to use one of my favourites yesterday....

A Friend said to me they were looking for sympathy.

I told them they can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary!!

They were completely gobsmacked for a few seconds not knowing what to do before tha laughter started....

Anyone else got any good ones??

ewenm

28,506 posts

244 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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I use "I'm sorry, you appear to have mistaken me for someone that cares" fairly often. Usually followed by a grin or wink.

dick dastardly

8,312 posts

262 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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Churchill had some great ones.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober.

Phil Hopkins

17,110 posts

216 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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"No, you're the Gaylord."

minimax

11,984 posts

255 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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'Your Mum'




...it's the big cahuna, the gun that only comes out when all other witty retorts have been exhausted

BliarsGoing

72,857 posts

238 months

Friday 15th September 2006
quotequote all
dick dastardly said:
Churchill had some great ones.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober.


Once, when Churchill was sleeping on a train, a woman came in and noticed his fly was open. She said "Mr, your penis is sticking out!". Churchill awoke, and answered: "Madam, don't flatter yourself. It is merely hanging out."

F.M

5,816 posts

219 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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"excuses are like assh*les...everybody`s got one...."
Platoon...

minimax

11,984 posts

255 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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how about ricks reply to senhor engarte(sp?) when he was enquired upon whether rick liked him "well if I gave you any thought I probably wouldn't" hehe


cool

littlegreenfairy

10,133 posts

220 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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My favourite:

"I'm sorry, I think you have mistaken me for someone who gives a toss"

Tunnelmeister

12,568 posts

281 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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I hear what you're saying, and you raise some valid points, but its still bullshit.

DennisTheMenace

15,603 posts

267 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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SEFP.

TonyHetherington

32,091 posts

249 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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minimax said:
'Your Mum'




...it's the big cahuna, the gun that only comes out when all other witty retorts have been exhausted




Abso-lutely. It's the be all and end all of retorts. To be honest it's said in jest amongst my group of friends and the only way of out-trouncing is a "your dad"...throws 'em every time!!!

Anyway, to the "you confuse me with someone who gives a toss" brigade, I'm sorry but that is just above the playground level of "I know you are but what am I" *





*from the man who just said "your mum" is a cool comeback

Plotloss

67,280 posts

269 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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Heres 10p, go phone someone who gives a .

littlegreenfairy

10,133 posts

220 months

Friday 15th September 2006
quotequote all
TonyHetherington said:
[
Anyway, to the "you confuse me with someone who gives a toss" brigade, I'm sorry but that is just above the playground level of "I know you are but what am I" *






But it really is the only come back when someone is wittering on for what seems like hours about how amazing it is to get totally foooked on drugs every night and how its so cool that he has his own set of scales blah blah blah blah blah ad infinitum. (I will be using a different come back next year as this one is wearing thin)

ewenm

28,506 posts

244 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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littlegreenfairy said:
TonyHetherington said:
[
Anyway, to the "you confuse me with someone who gives a toss" brigade, I'm sorry but that is just above the playground level of "I know you are but what am I" *






But it really is the only come back when someone is wittering on for what seems like hours about how amazing it is to get totally foooked on drugs every night and how its so cool that he has his own set of scales blah blah blah blah blah ad infinitum. (I will be using a different come back next year as this one is wearing thin)


We can vary it with Plotloss's one above (although that does have a financial implication hehe)

littlegreenfairy

10,133 posts

220 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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And it'll cost even more as I've been informed that a call box now has a minimum payment of 20p.

ewenm

28,506 posts

244 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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littlegreenfairy said:
And it'll cost even more as I've been informed that a call box now has a minimum payment of 20p.

Well, that's crossed off the list then yikes

JagLover

42,268 posts

234 months

Friday 15th September 2006
quotequote all
ProPlus said:
Finally got to use one of my favourites yesterday....

A Friend said to me they were looking for sympathy.

I told them they can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary!!

They were completely gobsmacked for a few seconds not knowing what to do before tha laughter started....

Anyone else got any good ones??


Yes, the retort is supposed to go "you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary, and it's about as much use to you"

The Dude

6,546 posts

246 months

Friday 15th September 2006
quotequote all
minimax said:
'Your Mum'




...it's the big cahuna, the gun that only comes out when all other witty retorts have been exhausted


yes

We have a variant round here "your brother", only to be used in arguing with one of our mates who's brother is gay. It's a modern twist on an old classic. The opportunity to use it doesn't arrive often so if you can pull it off it's devastating.

hehe

TonyHetherington

32,091 posts

249 months

Friday 15th September 2006
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LGF - I saw on Green Wing (the hospital comedy series on channel 4) the most PERFECT sentence for you to say to that guy....

...when he's chattering on about being all cool-on-coke, say to him "oh actually, hang on, can I just stop you there a sec..." (as though you're just about to add to the stimulating debate)....



.....and get up and walk off. Genius