Need some good advice for a friend in trouble....
Discussion
Guys
A very good and long term friend of MrsT7 is struggling big time and I want to try and help. I dont know the full ins and outs of the situation, but will try and outline what I know. Further details can be asked if required.
The lady in question is not of low intelligence, but has been dealt a pretty shyte hand tbh.
Met a bloke and fell for him big time, had two boys by him...one of which is now about 14/15 IIRC and a real together kid, helps his mum as much as pos and helps keep his younger brother sane as much as poss. Sadly, the youngest is about 10 and is badly autistic. This creates and causes HUGE amounts of stress and aggro for both single Mum and older brother.
Father died last year - the same DAY d
head boyfriend decided to bale out of the relationship........
Mother is fighting a potentially life threatening Cancer.
Lady is now really really up st creek. CSA not getting anywhere near hwat she is entitled to from what I hear, IE approx £60 every now and then,,,,,
Now, what hurts me , is that this genuinely honest girl often doesnt eat, because she doesnt have the spare cash to buy food for all of them.....thats just not right.
I think she getting as much benefit as befits and has a council flat, but thsi isnt just right.
Yes, she does has a debt burden - £13200 on cards, just from trying to keep clothes and shoes on young growing boys....
I REALLY want to try and impove this person life but have no idea how I can a big difference.
Im not asking for pity or any of the usual PH bks, because this is honest hard times and I want to make a better person have a better life.
I have mentioned IVA to MrsT7 , and this has apprently been considered, but , again, the lady in question is deeply concerned that an IVA coiuld result in her losing the boys - the LAST thing she wants.
As I said, I dont have all the details. but can obtain more info if required, but any advice on helping her out is truly welcome.
A very good and long term friend of MrsT7 is struggling big time and I want to try and help. I dont know the full ins and outs of the situation, but will try and outline what I know. Further details can be asked if required.
The lady in question is not of low intelligence, but has been dealt a pretty shyte hand tbh.
Met a bloke and fell for him big time, had two boys by him...one of which is now about 14/15 IIRC and a real together kid, helps his mum as much as pos and helps keep his younger brother sane as much as poss. Sadly, the youngest is about 10 and is badly autistic. This creates and causes HUGE amounts of stress and aggro for both single Mum and older brother.
Father died last year - the same DAY d
head boyfriend decided to bale out of the relationship........Mother is fighting a potentially life threatening Cancer.
Lady is now really really up s
t creek. CSA not getting anywhere near hwat she is entitled to from what I hear, IE approx £60 every now and then,,,,,Now, what hurts me , is that this genuinely honest girl often doesnt eat, because she doesnt have the spare cash to buy food for all of them.....thats just not right.
I think she getting as much benefit as befits and has a council flat, but thsi isnt just right.
Yes, she does has a debt burden - £13200 on cards, just from trying to keep clothes and shoes on young growing boys....
I REALLY want to try and impove this person life but have no idea how I can a big difference.
Im not asking for pity or any of the usual PH b
ks, because this is honest hard times and I want to make a better person have a better life.I have mentioned IVA to MrsT7 , and this has apprently been considered, but , again, the lady in question is deeply concerned that an IVA coiuld result in her losing the boys - the LAST thing she wants.
As I said, I dont have all the details. but can obtain more info if required, but any advice on helping her out is truly welcome.
Turn7 said:
Guys
A very good and long term friend of MrsT7 is struggling big time and I want to try and help. I dont know the full ins and outs of the situation, but will try and outline what I know. Further details can be asked if required.
The lady in question is not of low intelligence, but has been dealt a pretty shyte hand tbh.
Met a bloke and fell for him big time, had two boys by him...one of which is now about 14/15 IIRC and a real together kid, helps his mum as much as pos and helps keep his younger brother sane as much as poss. Sadly, the youngest is about 10 and is badly autistic. This creates and causes HUGE amounts of stress and aggro for both single Mum and older brother.
Father died last year - the same DAY dhead boyfriend decided to bale out of the relationship........
Mother is fighting a potentially life threatening Cancer.
Lady is now really really up st creek. CSA not getting anywhere near hwat she is entitled to from what I hear, IE approx £60 every now and then,,,,,
Now, what hurts me , is that this genuinely honest girl often doesnt eat, because she doesnt have the spare cash to buy food for all of them.....thats just not right.
I think she getting as much benefit as befits and has a council flat, but thsi isnt just right.
Yes, she does has a debt burden - £13200 on cards, just from trying to keep clothes and shoes on young growing boys....
I REALLY want to try and impove this person life but have no idea how I can a big difference.
Im not asking for pity or any of the usual PH bks, because this is honest hard times and I want to make a better person have a better life.
I have mentioned IVA to MrsT7 , and this has apprently been considered, but , again, the lady in question is deeply concerned that an IVA coiuld result in her losing the boys - the LAST thing she wants.
As I said, I dont have all the details. but can obtain more info if required, but any advice on helping her out is truly welcome.
Well I know what I think, but it isn't what you want to hear.A very good and long term friend of MrsT7 is struggling big time and I want to try and help. I dont know the full ins and outs of the situation, but will try and outline what I know. Further details can be asked if required.
The lady in question is not of low intelligence, but has been dealt a pretty shyte hand tbh.
Met a bloke and fell for him big time, had two boys by him...one of which is now about 14/15 IIRC and a real together kid, helps his mum as much as pos and helps keep his younger brother sane as much as poss. Sadly, the youngest is about 10 and is badly autistic. This creates and causes HUGE amounts of stress and aggro for both single Mum and older brother.
Father died last year - the same DAY d
head boyfriend decided to bale out of the relationship........Mother is fighting a potentially life threatening Cancer.
Lady is now really really up s
t creek. CSA not getting anywhere near hwat she is entitled to from what I hear, IE approx £60 every now and then,,,,,Now, what hurts me , is that this genuinely honest girl often doesnt eat, because she doesnt have the spare cash to buy food for all of them.....thats just not right.
I think she getting as much benefit as befits and has a council flat, but thsi isnt just right.
Yes, she does has a debt burden - £13200 on cards, just from trying to keep clothes and shoes on young growing boys....
I REALLY want to try and impove this person life but have no idea how I can a big difference.
Im not asking for pity or any of the usual PH b
ks, because this is honest hard times and I want to make a better person have a better life.I have mentioned IVA to MrsT7 , and this has apprently been considered, but , again, the lady in question is deeply concerned that an IVA coiuld result in her losing the boys - the LAST thing she wants.
As I said, I dont have all the details. but can obtain more info if required, but any advice on helping her out is truly welcome.
In short, steer well clear. Some people live their lives like an episode from Eastenders. You won't be able to change that. Your life will just become entangled in someone else's s
t.You'd have to do your own research on this, but I'd be shocked if an IVA had any bearing of custody of children. I mean, Id be shocked.
So I'd say she should post on moneysaving expert, people there can offer advice and are a community setup to help people like this. And Cab.
After that, if it were me I'd keep it simple.
What are outgoings
What are incomings
Can I reduce outgoings?
Can I increase I comings?
If new improved outgoings are larger than Incomings, then drastic measures, IVA or bankruptcy. But owing 13k isn't really a bankruptcy thing in my opinion, an IVA and working through it could be a really good solution. But look at other options first to see if she can't do anything different.
To your specific point, food banks are also there to support people like this. Clothes for boys, ebay. Etc.. Etc...
So I'd say she should post on moneysaving expert, people there can offer advice and are a community setup to help people like this. And Cab.
After that, if it were me I'd keep it simple.
What are outgoings
What are incomings
Can I reduce outgoings?
Can I increase I comings?
If new improved outgoings are larger than Incomings, then drastic measures, IVA or bankruptcy. But owing 13k isn't really a bankruptcy thing in my opinion, an IVA and working through it could be a really good solution. But look at other options first to see if she can't do anything different.
To your specific point, food banks are also there to support people like this. Clothes for boys, ebay. Etc.. Etc...
stuthe said:
said: You'd have to do your own research on this, but I'd be shocked if an IVA had any bearing of custody of children. I mean, Id be shocked.
So I'd say she should post on moneysaving expert, people there can offer advice and are a community setup to help people like this. And Cab.
After that, if it were me I'd keep it simple.
What are outgoings
What are incomings
Can I reduce outgoings?
Can I increase I comings?
If new improved outgoings are larger than Incomings, then drastic measures, IVA or bankruptcy. But owing 13k isn't really a bankruptcy thing in my opinion, an IVA and working through it could be a really good solution. But look at other options first to see if she can't do anything different.
To your specific point, food banks are also there to support people like this. Clothes for boys, ebay. Etc.. Etc...
Im not even sure if she can afford internet tbh Stu, but obvs I can....So I'd say she should post on moneysaving expert, people there can offer advice and are a community setup to help people like this. And Cab.
After that, if it were me I'd keep it simple.
What are outgoings
What are incomings
Can I reduce outgoings?
Can I increase I comings?
If new improved outgoings are larger than Incomings, then drastic measures, IVA or bankruptcy. But owing 13k isn't really a bankruptcy thing in my opinion, an IVA and working through it could be a really good solution. But look at other options first to see if she can't do anything different.
To your specific point, food banks are also there to support people like this. Clothes for boys, ebay. Etc.. Etc...
I dont believ outgoings can be reduced, Mrst7 and her best mate meet the Lady every 6ish weeks and always leave a few quid to assist.....
I dont know enought her situation or even IVA, but I did als how much diference it would not having the card debt and the answer was - a huge amount, hence my immediate thought of IVA....
I'd say the first thing is to get that £13,200 credit card debt moved to somewhere with the lowest interest rate or it will drag her down like a brick whatever else she does.
I hope the kid's clothes are not new designer stuff, and the smartphone bill is not £30pcm. These things tell you how savvy she actually is.
Cut out all the non-essentials, check all due benefits, do the sums and see how that looks. But from the replies above I think you may have to walk away because there's nothing you can actually do.
I hope the kid's clothes are not new designer stuff, and the smartphone bill is not £30pcm. These things tell you how savvy she actually is.
Cut out all the non-essentials, check all due benefits, do the sums and see how that looks. But from the replies above I think you may have to walk away because there's nothing you can actually do.
Simpo Two said:
I'd say the first thing is to get that £13,200 credit card debt moved to somewhere with the lowest interest rate or it will drag her down like a brick whatever else she does.
I hope the kid's clothes are not new designer stuff, and the smartphone bill is not £30pcm. These things tell you how savvy she actually is.
Cut out all the non-essentials, check all due benefits, do the sums and see how that looks.
3 different cards, no smartphone, NO non essentials - ie. no actually feeding HERSELF somedays....I hope the kid's clothes are not new designer stuff, and the smartphone bill is not £30pcm. These things tell you how savvy she actually is.
Cut out all the non-essentials, check all due benefits, do the sums and see how that looks.
I know this is PH and how harsh this place is , but truly guys,come one, this girl is in the s
t and I want to help her.....Gareth1974 said:
Is she getting PLP (formerly DLA) for the autistic child? If it’s fairly severe he’d probably qualify
PLP is over 16 but yes he should have an EHCP which will mean additional funding and support but it’s a complicated process so it’s worth the OP making sure she is getting everything the lad is entitled to. As for the debt you don’t say she has a job and she is in acouncil house so why not declare herself bankrupt? It might do her a favour she won’t be able to get into debt as easily.
Use the benefits calculator here https://www.turn2us.org.uk/ and the other advice there might be useful too.
I never understand with people on benefits - some seem to do alright, but then you get others, like the lady in this case, going without meals. Although I suppose having £13K on cards is going to be something of a drag, to say the least.
I never understand with people on benefits - some seem to do alright, but then you get others, like the lady in this case, going without meals. Although I suppose having £13K on cards is going to be something of a drag, to say the least.
Turn7 said:
Genuinely not the case, altho its very easy to judge from outside I guess......
I want to help, but with advice NOT cash...
I understand you want to help. And I am sure it is for the right reasons.I want to help, but with advice NOT cash...
But you won't be able to make a difference. Not from the position you are now. Everyone experiences tragedy in their life and it's truly horrible. But the main problem your wife's friend has are more to do with her life choices which likely reflect her personality and her judgement. This is what you can't change.
My (non-judgemental) suggestion made from the point of view having seen people try and help in similar situations is to focus on your wife and what she needs. Not what your wife's friend needs.
Sorry that sounds blunt - I realise it isn't the type of suggestion you were looking for so I won't clutter up your thread with any more of my cynical musings
Turn7 said:
Lady is not working - looked at getting job, but would stand to lose more benefit than created income.....
Please say what PLP refers to as I have no clue......
Personal independence payment I presume as that replaced DLA but it’s for 16+ not applicable in this case see my first reply. Please say what PLP refers to as I have no clue......
BoRED S2upid said:
Turn7 said:
Lady is not working - looked at getting job, but would stand to lose more benefit than created income.....
Please say what PLP refers to as I have no clue......
Personal independence payment I presume as that replaced DLA but it’s for 16+ not applicable in this case see my first reply. Please say what PLP refers to as I have no clue......
I’m pretty sure he’d qualify if the autism has been professionally diagnosed, and has EHCP.
Turn7 said:
I have mentioned IVA to MrsT7 , and this has apprently been considered, but , again, the lady in question is deeply concerned that an IVA coiuld result in her losing the boys - the LAST thing she wants.
The older one, no chance - he's a year from being an adult and any court would let him go wherever he wants if he's as clued up as you say.The younger one, I have no idea. However, that might be a place where you could make a real difference; maybe you could set up a consultation for her with a decent lawyer to clarify what would happen if she went for an IVA in her situation?
Gareth1974 said:
BoRED S2upid said:
Turn7 said:
Lady is not working - looked at getting job, but would stand to lose more benefit than created income.....
Please say what PLP refers to as I have no clue......
Personal independence payment I presume as that replaced DLA but it’s for 16+ not applicable in this case see my first reply. Please say what PLP refers to as I have no clue......
I’m pretty sure he’d qualify if the autism has been professionally diagnosed, and has EHCP.
BoRED S2upid said:
Gareth1974 said:
BoRED S2upid said:
Turn7 said:
Lady is not working - looked at getting job, but would stand to lose more benefit than created income.....
Please say what PLP refers to as I have no clue......
Personal independence payment I presume as that replaced DLA but it’s for 16+ not applicable in this case see my first reply. Please say what PLP refers to as I have no clue......
I’m pretty sure he’d qualify if the autism has been professionally diagnosed, and has EHCP.
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