Manufacturers, especially those from Der Vaterland, have become very adept at creating new markets to spin more profit. This has led to a swathe of new variants that, the day before they were launched, we had no idea we needed. The problem, though, is we're often still scratching our heads trying to understand what the benefit is the day after, and the days after that. Coupé SUVs are the greatest example of this. For me, they are the most ridiculous machines.
We're in a world in which going green has become a pathological pursuit. Underpinning the obsessiveness is a legitimate need - to reduce our global CO2 output. Few would dispute this is a good thing. Yet at the same time, the great buying public has been convinced - by car marketeers mainly - that they should drive nothing but SUVs, which, funnily enough, just happen to provide higher profit margins.
As anyone who knows anything about anything will tell you, SUVs are bigger and heavier than the hatchbacks and estates we used to buy. And if you've also studied GCSE physics, you'll know this means expending more energy to move them. So in a world where the zeitgeist is to consume less, we're swapping to higher consumption, more polluting cars. Marvellous. And on top of that, they are taller and less stable through bends and, because of their added weight and typically bigger wheels, don't ride as well as the traditional stuff either.
PHers have been saying this stuff for years, of course. Yet there is an upside: better practicality. Generally speaking, an SUVs higher roofline adds a bit more headroom and a deeper boot. Which is fine. Until you make a coupé version, which has less rear headroom and a smaller boot, therefore negating the only tangible benefit of buying a SUV. And the intangible, too. Coupés are meant to be cooler and better-looking cars, but every time I see a BMW X6 on the road, I look at the person behind the wheel and wonder why they bought a preposterous car that looks like an oversized shoe.
Four-door coupés are another questionable genre. What's the point of buying a marginally more practical, four-door version of an impractical two-door car, which is itself a spin-off of a far more practical alternative? Still with me at the back? If not, then in short: why buy a BMW M440i Gran Coupé when, if you need the practicality to transport an armchair, you can buy an M340i Touring instead. There, simple.
Except it isn't. Granted, it's not often you pop round to see a friend for a cup of tea and leave with the armchair you were sat on, but it does happen. I know it does, because it happened to me just the other day. My mate was getting rid of an old armchair and asked whether I knew anyone who would like it. "Yes," I said, "me." But the caveat was he needed shot of it ASAP, and I was in a BMW M440i Gran Coupé. Obviously, it's not going to fit in that.
Still, for the sake of trying I got out the tape measure and took down the chair's vital statistics, then measured them against the M440i's internal dimensions with its seats down. To my surprise, this armchair-shaped square peg did, indeed, appear to fit in this BMW-coupé-shaped hole. Easily, as it turned out. I could've also relieved him of a dozen scatter cushions (and very nearly did) but, apparently they weren't part of the offer. Shame.
All of which got me thinking. The M440i does actually tick a lot of boxes and offers something more. I wouldn't have managed to get that armchair in a two-door M440i, and I sure as hell wouldn't have got it in an M340i saloon. It would've fitted in a Touring, true - yet while that's a handsome car, it's not as handsome as the Gran Coupé, is it? Not to my mind it isn't. We can argue about the Gran Coupé's design details (yes, its flary nostrils being the most obvious) but the overall shape is very lovely. I found myself admiring it a lot.
I also admire how it drives, which, as Matt Bird described in his recent review, is very well indeed. It's fast, agile and comfortable. And on top of that, it's beautifully made and comes with very easy access to the back seats. Plus, because it's a sleek coupé, it slips through the air like a needle, producing fewer CO2s than a bulky SUV. It's a win, win, win. So I am removing four-door coupés from the 'of questionable value' additions to the automotive world, but feel free to disagree in the comments. I have an inkling that one or two of you will.
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