When it comes to butching up a car's name, you can't beat a military reference. Old codgers among you will remember names like Commodore, Kadett, Bombardier and many others. Even we peace-loving Brits have delicately dabbled in military automotive imagery oft upon the rialto, albeit on the more effete historical side with cars like the Ensign, Vanguard and Herald.
The Americans are particularly fond of this sort of thing, and they're usually a lot more blunt about it too. You could easily imagine Hummer unleashing a Staff Sergeant at some point, or even a Lootenant, which if things get any worse could yet become a first-world housing solution. Though it's difficult to see Ford doing a Lance Corporal, or Mercedes a Field Marshal, it's depressingly easy to imagine Mrs Shed doing a Squaddie. Still, low rank is no bar to car badgery, as today's Isuzu Trooper Shed demonstrates.
Americans also like to put hard-sounding words like 'Duty' on the backs of their pickups. The same word on the back of this Trooper tells anyone driving behind you in that lightly choking perfumed haze that only 189,000-mile diesels can produce that you are a no-nonsense type who buys vehicles based on what they can actually do as opposed to what some marketing bod dreamt up a few years back after one too many pink gins.
In the case of a 1998 Trooper 3.1 turbodiesel that means chugging torque from the 4JG2 mechanical/indirect injection donk and nothing much in the way of power. Don't get too concerned about that 189k mileage though. As they like to say in the extremely remote and very rural area where Shed lives, that's nowt. In these greener parts of the land, the only vehicles that residents will entertain are Toyota Land Cruisers and Hiluxes, the prices for which are ludicrous. An early Hilux that looks only slightly less beaten-up than that Top Gear one that had a building dropped on it will easily command four or five grand, irrespective of mileage. Look up Landcruiser Amazons on eBay if you must but make sure you're sitting down first. Today you will find a 2007 one with a mere 204,000 miles up for £13,795, and a 150,000-mile stripling from the same year at £17,500. Gumph! Against these prices a solid, MOT'd diesel manual Trooper - and a nicely manageable 3-door one at that - looks like the bargain of the century at £1,295. But only if you like that sort of thing.
Any one of Shed's farming mates would probably scoff at this Trooper's almost entirely uncollapsed driver's seat bolster and its shameful absence of visible sponge poking through the fabric. They would earmark the hastily tossed-in footwell mat for early tossing out, revealing (they would hope) the indescribable munge of mud, shards of rusty metal, excrement, wool and carpet fibres that typifies the average farm vehicle's footwell. They might be disappointed with this Isuzu, actually, as the only mention of corrosion on the last MOT was an advisory on the driver's side seatbelt anchorage point. Although that last MOT was in June 2019 the ticket seems to run until 20 December this year. It must be a special farming MOT.
Duty spec Troopers are usefully free of the kind of fripperies that can go wrong whenever Big Jack puts his scabby mitt anywhere near them. The dash of this one is correctly presented with its accumulated coating of grime which cleverly stops fluids from getting into the switchgear whenever Gertie the goat gets a bit nervous in the passenger seat. The original radio has been spot-welded so that it only receives Radio Crud, presenting an easy listening selection of 1980s C&W, Roy Chubby Brown monologues and weather reports telling you it's raining again. Being a post-1996 gen-two model this one may have 'shift on the fly' 4WD, although that could be a typo for something more unpleasant. You even get old-worlde instruments like an oil temperature gauge. See how high you can get that!
For the second week in a row we are able to bring you a shed with not one but two air conditionings. According to the ad, both are dealer fit only, but the second one is the intriguing and very rare 'Stan on duty' model. Unreservedly recommended as long as you like a soldier and your sense of smell is kaput.
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