Issue with my daughter's nursery - what would you do?
Discussion
I have a tricky situation I want to sense check with you all.
My daughter goes to a nursery - the care that is provided there is absolutely fine and I have no issues.
I have had some issues with the owner however who it now turns out is a bit of a loon.
The issue started when she put her fees up 22pc in January this year without any explanation. It's her business and she can do what she wants but she provided no explanation about this to the parents so I asked her for justification for it, which I don't think is unreasonable. Anyway she sent me a series of very unprofessional and aggressive emails basically saying it is what it is and if you dont like it go elsewhere. Fair enough. I told her I was disappointed with the lack of information given and the way it had all been dealt with but I told her I wouldn't be corresponding with her over it any further.
I haven't raised it as an issue since initially emailing her in January and we have been paying the increased fees since without issue.
Yesterday there was a very unpleasant incident when I dropped my daughter off. The bell on the front door frequently doesn't work so you either need to shout "hello" through a fanlight window of the room which is next to the front door or knock on the door loudly. I did both yesterday and the owner opened the door in a very aggressive way and then went off on one when I pointed out the bell doesn't work. She escalated the conversation very quickly saying the bell works fine (it doesn't) and then bizarrely she said it has a fault they are aware of. She was ranting and raving so I said look, I don't want an argument over it I have to get to work now. I perhaps unwisely added sarcastically "to pay the nursery fees" and then walked off. She wasn't happy and went in and slammed the door.
Anyway, later that day my wife gets an email saying Mr perch acted inappropriately when dropping off his daughter today and was rude and aggressive (I was neither). The nursery owner then makes a further allegation saying I have previously had my card marked for acting inappropriately on one occasion in February this year. She said that I was told that they couldn't give my daughter eye drops because it wasn't in the original packaging, I then allegedly "threw the medicine on the floor and walked off". This is entirely false and didn't happen. I put the eye drops in my pocket and that was it, she could still go into nursery and it didn't make any difference.
So I'm now in the unusual territory of having false allegations made over my behaviour, some of which are in my view fairly serious. The problem I have (which is why I've posted it here to see what people think) is that I am now in a bit of a quandary for two reasons. The first is if they are prepared to make stuff like this up, how do I know the next allegation isn't going to be that I touched a staff member inappropriately or that I made an inappropriate comment to them? The second is I am a regulated individual and false allegations like this can be obviously career limiting (or ending).
My wife thinks I need to challenge them on this and ask for the door CCTV for both incidences and for a witness statement from the staff member who said I threw the medicine on the floor and walked off. I could also potentially make a SAR request for anything they hold on this fictitious event.
My wife does not want to move my daughter from the nursery because the staff are (apart from the insane owner) great. But the owner is a nut job and I am now pretty concerned about the fairly sinister way this has developed with allegations of inappropriate behaviour being made against me, without any evidence and several months after the event.
What would you do?
My daughter goes to a nursery - the care that is provided there is absolutely fine and I have no issues.
I have had some issues with the owner however who it now turns out is a bit of a loon.
The issue started when she put her fees up 22pc in January this year without any explanation. It's her business and she can do what she wants but she provided no explanation about this to the parents so I asked her for justification for it, which I don't think is unreasonable. Anyway she sent me a series of very unprofessional and aggressive emails basically saying it is what it is and if you dont like it go elsewhere. Fair enough. I told her I was disappointed with the lack of information given and the way it had all been dealt with but I told her I wouldn't be corresponding with her over it any further.
I haven't raised it as an issue since initially emailing her in January and we have been paying the increased fees since without issue.
Yesterday there was a very unpleasant incident when I dropped my daughter off. The bell on the front door frequently doesn't work so you either need to shout "hello" through a fanlight window of the room which is next to the front door or knock on the door loudly. I did both yesterday and the owner opened the door in a very aggressive way and then went off on one when I pointed out the bell doesn't work. She escalated the conversation very quickly saying the bell works fine (it doesn't) and then bizarrely she said it has a fault they are aware of. She was ranting and raving so I said look, I don't want an argument over it I have to get to work now. I perhaps unwisely added sarcastically "to pay the nursery fees" and then walked off. She wasn't happy and went in and slammed the door.
Anyway, later that day my wife gets an email saying Mr perch acted inappropriately when dropping off his daughter today and was rude and aggressive (I was neither). The nursery owner then makes a further allegation saying I have previously had my card marked for acting inappropriately on one occasion in February this year. She said that I was told that they couldn't give my daughter eye drops because it wasn't in the original packaging, I then allegedly "threw the medicine on the floor and walked off". This is entirely false and didn't happen. I put the eye drops in my pocket and that was it, she could still go into nursery and it didn't make any difference.
So I'm now in the unusual territory of having false allegations made over my behaviour, some of which are in my view fairly serious. The problem I have (which is why I've posted it here to see what people think) is that I am now in a bit of a quandary for two reasons. The first is if they are prepared to make stuff like this up, how do I know the next allegation isn't going to be that I touched a staff member inappropriately or that I made an inappropriate comment to them? The second is I am a regulated individual and false allegations like this can be obviously career limiting (or ending).
My wife thinks I need to challenge them on this and ask for the door CCTV for both incidences and for a witness statement from the staff member who said I threw the medicine on the floor and walked off. I could also potentially make a SAR request for anything they hold on this fictitious event.
My wife does not want to move my daughter from the nursery because the staff are (apart from the insane owner) great. But the owner is a nut job and I am now pretty concerned about the fairly sinister way this has developed with allegations of inappropriate behaviour being made against me, without any evidence and several months after the event.
What would you do?
Canon_Fodder said:
Quick question OP,
Does the owner have direct interaction with the children? Or are they just concerned with the ownership / management / admin of the business?
I am not entirely sure. From my perspective I just get an email from her with an invoice once a month. She has two nurseries in the locality and I think she is just in a management role rather than having any direct interaction with the children. She did, yesterday morning, take my daughter off me at the door which has never happened before.Does the owner have direct interaction with the children? Or are they just concerned with the ownership / management / admin of the business?
You know the choices are suck it up or move your child.
But is this the kind of sense check you were after?
- One person's 'unwise sarcasm' is another person's 'rude arse'.
- What she's written about you is bugger all compared to what they're saying about you behind your back.
- She can afford to lose you as a customer; you can't (easily) leave.
But is this the kind of sense check you were after?
- One person's 'unwise sarcasm' is another person's 'rude arse'.
- What she's written about you is bugger all compared to what they're saying about you behind your back.
- She can afford to lose you as a customer; you can't (easily) leave.
Canon_Fodder said:
Quick question OP,
Does the owner have direct interaction with the children? Or are they just concerned with the ownership / management / admin of the business?
Canon_Fodder raises a good question regarding her direct interaction with the children. If she is, I would be concerned about safe guarding issues regarding her behaviour around them. It may be totally fine, but I don't think I could get it out of my head if it were me.Does the owner have direct interaction with the children? Or are they just concerned with the ownership / management / admin of the business?
bigandclever said:
You know the choices are suck it up or move your child.
But is this the kind of sense check you were after?
- One person's 'unwise sarcasm' is another person's 'rude arse'.
- What she's written about you is bugger all compared to what they're saying about you behind your back.
- She can afford to lose you as a customer; you can't (easily) leave.
I don't disagree. The more pressing issue is, can I afford to have her make unsubstantiated allegations against me of inappropriate behaviour? Particularly given it was in February and she apparently did nothing about it. But is this the kind of sense check you were after?
- One person's 'unwise sarcasm' is another person's 'rude arse'.
- What she's written about you is bugger all compared to what they're saying about you behind your back.
- She can afford to lose you as a customer; you can't (easily) leave.
Fwiw it's not ideal but I don't care if there is bad blood between me and the owner for the rest of the time there - what I don't want is for her to feel emboldened she can make stuff up about me several months post the CCTV being available to substantiate any allegations she might make.
princeperch said:
What would you do?
Work out which you value more between being right and "winning" or your daughter being at a good nursery IMO.You're not dealing with a big chain here.
If you piss the owner off she can just decide she doesn't want your business.
Are you prepared to deal with that if it happens?
Get on a list somewhere else and suck it up for a bit, and/or...... raise a formal complaint with them about their response and claims about your alleged behaviour, and ask them to provide you with evidence of your 'incident'. If they can't its pretty much baseless so I wouldn't worry about it. They MUST have a formal complaints process and they cannot refuse to log it. If they do, go straight to Ofsted for their complaints process.
Shouting in front of kids (or at clients or that matter) that young is a bit of a red card for me.
Shouting in front of kids (or at clients or that matter) that young is a bit of a red card for me.
stevensdrs said:
It is unwise to enter a battle you cannot win.
There are only two choices. 1) Do nothing and say nothing and continue to give this nursery your business.
2) Find another nursery for your child.
Getting into a "she said", "he said" argument will not end well.
actually, there's a third option: he said all nurseries in the area have long waiting lists so why not start your own nursery OP? There are only two choices. 1) Do nothing and say nothing and continue to give this nursery your business.
2) Find another nursery for your child.
Getting into a "she said", "he said" argument will not end well.
There is no way for you to “win” this. The owner is judge jury and executioner, there is no higher power to appeal to if they are being unreasonable, and you are always going to have to deal with the owner one way or another.
Either suck it up, keep your mouth shut and hope you don’t have any more issues, or move nurseries.
Either suck it up, keep your mouth shut and hope you don’t have any more issues, or move nurseries.
OP, what benefit did you think firing off an email asking the owner to justify her prices would bring?
You’ve obviously pissed her off, and now she and her staff are watching you. They’ve also probably swapped a few stories of previous encounters with you, which have also been embellished with a few extra details to make them more juicy.
It’s unlikely they will make any serious allegations against you as you seem to think, but unfortunately you are now at the centre of the gossip at the nursery.
It’ll probably die down if you lie low and don’t entertain them, but somehow I have a feeling…
You’ve obviously pissed her off, and now she and her staff are watching you. They’ve also probably swapped a few stories of previous encounters with you, which have also been embellished with a few extra details to make them more juicy.
It’s unlikely they will make any serious allegations against you as you seem to think, but unfortunately you are now at the centre of the gossip at the nursery.
It’ll probably die down if you lie low and don’t entertain them, but somehow I have a feeling…
Edited by Ham_and_Jam on Friday 23 June 12:32
The answer you will not like.
Forget CCTV. Forget emails and a war.
Take her round a bottle of wine when you pick your kid up. Tell her you're sorry and you hope you can get on ok in the future. Even if you privately think she is the biggest t
t on the planet.
Your kid is happy there. Your wife is happy with your kid going there. There is a large waiting list for others. Sometimes it's better to just smile sweetly and make something go away even if you're in the right.
Forget CCTV. Forget emails and a war.
Take her round a bottle of wine when you pick your kid up. Tell her you're sorry and you hope you can get on ok in the future. Even if you privately think she is the biggest t
t on the planet.Your kid is happy there. Your wife is happy with your kid going there. There is a large waiting list for others. Sometimes it's better to just smile sweetly and make something go away even if you're in the right.
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