Friends hubby caught with his pants down.
Discussion
Don't know if this is the right forum, but it's a legal'ish bit of advice I require. About three years ago, my friends husband got caught out being unfaithful by catching a STD and having to confess.
The husband had been going on a bender with a bunch of lads.
My friend doesn't have very much confidence in herself and that had affected their love life to the point he wasn't getting any. Once the anger had died down, they agreed to continue the marriage, along with counselling etc etc with his assurance that he was indeed bi-sexual, but wanted a monogamous relationship with her.
It was going as well as could be expected but I could tell she had never really forgiven him and lost all trust in him.
Anyways, she's found out he's been on the hunt again. She threw a wobbler and said she wants to end the relationship.
Problem is, he's just not doing anything about it. He still lives in the house and is continuing as if everything can be worked out.
I've suggested citizens advice and stuff, but for my benefit - what can she do? She has a teenage son, full time job that could just about cover the full mortgage, there must be something she can do to get him out her life and the space to think about the future and her options.
Any suggestions?
The husband had been going on a bender with a bunch of lads.
My friend doesn't have very much confidence in herself and that had affected their love life to the point he wasn't getting any. Once the anger had died down, they agreed to continue the marriage, along with counselling etc etc with his assurance that he was indeed bi-sexual, but wanted a monogamous relationship with her.
It was going as well as could be expected but I could tell she had never really forgiven him and lost all trust in him.
Anyways, she's found out he's been on the hunt again. She threw a wobbler and said she wants to end the relationship.
Problem is, he's just not doing anything about it. He still lives in the house and is continuing as if everything can be worked out.
I've suggested citizens advice and stuff, but for my benefit - what can she do? She has a teenage son, full time job that could just about cover the full mortgage, there must be something she can do to get him out her life and the space to think about the future and her options.
Any suggestions?
k she can, she has no grounds.He runs a business from home, so I can understand he can't just up and move out.
My personal view is that they should put the house up for sale, split the proceeds and move on, but then, I do have a very simplistic view on life. Some people want to screw there ex's for every penny, but I don't think she's that type and will genuinely want the best for him as well as herself.
The unfortunate thing is, every day he stays, I can see her getting angrier and angrier. She really needs him out of her hair so she can concentrate on what needs to be done.
If she moves out, would she be doing herself any favours or handing him a golden egg?
My personal view is that they should put the house up for sale, split the proceeds and move on, but then, I do have a very simplistic view on life. Some people want to screw there ex's for every penny, but I don't think she's that type and will genuinely want the best for him as well as herself.
The unfortunate thing is, every day he stays, I can see her getting angrier and angrier. She really needs him out of her hair so she can concentrate on what needs to be done.
If she moves out, would she be doing herself any favours or handing him a golden egg?
Jasandjules said:
She can seek an order from the court for him to be removed from the house....
On what basis? Absent domestic violence, even if divorce proceedings were commenced, a court wouldn't order him to leave. If he's a legal co-owner, it doesn't have any jurisdiction to do so.La Liga said:
Ask her to search for "property adjustment orders".
AFAIK for a property adjustment order to take effect she will still have to institute divorce or judicial separation proceedings. It won't become operative until either the decree absolute is pronounced or the separation order is granted.She is going to need his full co-operation for a d-i-y job without involving solicitors. Any lack of same is likely to make things messy and more costly. That said, as with any other contract (because a marriage is just that) I would always take proper legal advice before tearing it up, even when the parties are not in dispute.
Any consent order needs to be watertight to prevent later unwelcome surprises - http://www.wardgethinarcher.co.uk/whats-new/104-ho...
Re the son. Two important questions: is he
- under or over 18?
- in full-time education?
- what degree of knowledge does he have about his father's extra-marital excursions?
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/...
As for moving out, I can understand the emotional problems continued co-habitation is causing but she needs to try to think rationally.
http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/legal/short-term.htm
http://anthonygold.co.uk/services/family-and-relat...
A self-employed husband running a business from the home (is this his main income source or just a sideline?) is an added potential complication.
The primary goal should be to reach agreement (I was fortunate, our children were grown up and were living independently and the split was amicable - everything 50/50) otherwise the only winners will be the solicitors taking a nice little earner out of their assets.
In the meantime, she might find this helpful. Absorbing the basics will save time (and therefore money) before any meeting with a solicitor.
http://www.lawdonut.co.uk/law/personal-law/cohabit...
While an allegation of domestic violence may well achieve the short-term goal of getting him removed from the property, I would suggest she doesn't go down that route if she is lying - http://www.separateddads.co.uk/falsely-accused-dom...
If he has any sense he will be legally represented from the off and she will have to maintain the deception throughout. Is she up for that?
What can happen to an innocent man when a woman lies - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2089962/...
and for balance
What can happen to a SWT - https://www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/newsroom/wom...
Edited by Red Devil on Saturday 16th August 22:18
User33678888 said:
How does that work exactly? They can perhaps tell him to leave, but what stops him coming back? As a private landlord that sounds an awful lot like an illegal eviction
Domestic Violence Protection Notice (DVPN) followed by Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO).Quite new, and (IMHO) flawed, but those would cover it.
maddog993 said:
Apologies but, with all due consideration of the gravitas & sensitivities of the situation described, it wouldn't be PH if I failed to point out the above.....
Maybe my choice of words to explain getting drunk should have been more PC, however, he was getting drunk and having sex with men. Just to clear that up.Their son is 14, it's been explained that the father had a adulterous affair but not with whom.
I don't know much about divorce and stuff, other than point them both in the direction of some of the links provided (thanks contributors) but I hope it stays amicable.
Edit to add: It is his main source of income.
Edited by Sophiefatale on Saturday 16th August 23:48
Edited by Sophiefatale on Saturday 16th August 23:50
Sophiefatale said:
Maybe my choice of words to explain getting drunk should have been more PC, however, he was getting drunk and having sex with men. Just to clear that up.
Their son is 14, it's been explained that the father had a adulterous affair but not with whom.
I don't know much about divorce and stuff, other than point them both in the direction of some of the links provided (thanks contributors) but I hope it stays amicable.
Edit to add: It is his main source of income.
Is having sex with men for money legal? Perhaps something can be done with that?Their son is 14, it's been explained that the father had a adulterous affair but not with whom.
I don't know much about divorce and stuff, other than point them both in the direction of some of the links provided (thanks contributors) but I hope it stays amicable.
Edit to add: It is his main source of income.
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