Rape - the definition
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AC123

Original Poster:

1,287 posts

185 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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Somewhat of a sensitive subject, I know.

A mate of mine has just been found guilty of rape, sentence to be confirmed. The story goes as such...

Pulls a bird on a night out, they were getting off in a club (CCTV confirms). Went and got a taxi back to his place, getting off outside the taxi rank (CCTV confirms again). Gets in a taxi and takes her back to his house. They're both fairly pissed but crack on and get the deed done. Next morning she's gone, he thinks nothing more of it. Police come knocking that afternoon and arrest him for rape.

He's a pretty decent bloke and says he was fairly open with the police that they were both drunk, and that there were some blurry moments. She says she told him to stop in one of those blurry moments, he can't prove otherwise.

Court last week and found guilty by majority verdict.

It seems the traditional one night stand now requires a signed document of some sort from both parties.

I'm gutted for him, looking around it seems to be a 5 year sentence.

ali_kat

32,156 posts

252 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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frown I'm sorry for your friend's situation

He said; she said

Always 3 versions, his, hers & the truth

Such a shame they always side with the woman; opens the 'floor' to anyone vindictive frown

TwigtheWonderkid

49,211 posts

181 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
quotequote all
AC123 said:
Somewhat of a sensitive subject, I know.

they were both drunk, and that there were some blurry moments. She says she told him to stop in one of those blurry moments, he can't prove otherwise.
It's not that he can't prove otherwise, it's that he doesn't know either way. If she recalls saying no and he can't recall that she didn't, the assumption must be she said no.

Don't have sex if one or both of you are so drunk there are "blurry moments". Women that are that drunk cannot give informed consent, and men who are that drunk can't recall if consent was even given.

petemurphy

10,952 posts

214 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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its only going to get worse - basically if u pull a drunk bird now you're pretty much gonna be charged with rape if she so wished - what this guy writes is pretty much correct despite the daily mail protestations:

http://news.sky.com/story/1423128/outrage-over-bar...

Dixy

3,669 posts

236 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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Your mate is going to be one of many, it is going to take a while for the pendulum to swing back the other way a bit.
Far too dangerous a political hot potato for any of the spineless politicians to even approach. No one knows what happened in that case, I suspect even them, but as you describe, not rape in my book.

GT03ROB

14,033 posts

252 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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TwigtheWonderkid said:
AC123 said:
Somewhat of a sensitive subject, I know.

they were both drunk, and that there were some blurry moments. She says she told him to stop in one of those blurry moments, he can't prove otherwise.
It's not that he can't prove otherwise, it's that he doesn't know either way. If she recalls saying no and he can't recall that she didn't, the assumption must be she said no.

Don't have sex if one or both of you are so drunk there are "blurry moments". Women that are that drunk cannot give informed consent, and men who are that drunk can't recall if consent was even given.
...and based on this he has been found guilty. In this case it's not even his word against hers. She says she said "no", he doesn't know.

DanielSan

20,079 posts

198 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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As is so often the case, sexual equality when it suits...

MrBarry123

6,108 posts

152 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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Not a nice situation.

OP - if your mate is innocent, then I feel massively sorry for him.

However if she did say no and he carried on (regardless of how drunk they both were) then it's definitely rape and he deserves what he gets.

TwigtheWonderkid

49,211 posts

181 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
quotequote all
Dixy said:
Your mate is going to be one of many, it is going to take a while for the pendulum to swing back the other way a bit.
Far too dangerous a political hot potato for any of the spineless politicians to even approach. No one knows what happened in that case, I suspect even them, but as you describe, not rape in my book.
Why isn't it rape in your book. If person A says something happened, and person B doesn't know either way, one must assumed it happened. In this case, there's no reason at all to think she isn't telling the truth. Even he isn't able to say she's lying, and he was there. So she said NO, and he carried on and had sex with her anyway. Why isn't that rape?

buggalugs

9,292 posts

268 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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No means no but if they were both that drunk and both got themselves into that situation where things were a bit muddy then how can you say one of them is right and the other should go to jail?

From the story that's been told they went into the situation as equals and as adults.

BlackST

9,080 posts

196 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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My question is when I see rape cases and both people drunk is...

Why would the female leave a club and get into a taxi and go to a house/hotel/private place with a male other than to have sex?

Nobody heavily under the influence of alchohol goes somewhere quiet to have a conversation at say 3am.
If you wanted to get to know somebody better but not have sex you'd say give me your number and i'll get in touch with you tomorrow or in a few days time.

I just don't understand why somebody would go back to somebodies place without having sex on their mind.

bitchstewie

68,222 posts

241 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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OP were you at the courtroom to hear all of the evidence?

I know you hear some pretty shocking tales on the internet these days but at face value I'd struggle to see how "I'm sure I said no even though I was pissed" matches up with "Beyond reasonable doubt".

Just wondering if there are two sides and you have one whilst the court had both?

numtumfutunch

5,182 posts

169 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
quotequote all

There but for the grace of god...............

Back in the day I once pulled a bird at a party, although it was very much with mutual consent, and we willingly went back to my place
We were both sober and clean of drugs

The next morning she tells me its all been a massive mistake, she'd just split from her boyfriend etc etc etc and what was I doing?

Eeeek - major panic attack time from me

Nothing became of it and I never saw her again

Ive always been very, very careful since then

Sympathy's to your mate - assuming hes innocent!

NicD

3,281 posts

288 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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there has to be an app for this -gap in market

peter tdci

2,045 posts

181 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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BlackST said:
My question is when I see rape cases and both people drunk is...

Why would the female leave a club and get into a taxi and go to a house/hotel/private place with a male other than to have sex?
Undoubtedly so, but doesn't either party have the right to change their mind later on?

BlackST

9,080 posts

196 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
quotequote all
peter tdci said:
BlackST said:
My question is when I see rape cases and both people drunk is...

Why would the female leave a club and get into a taxi and go to a house/hotel/private place with a male other than to have sex?
Undoubtedly so, but doesn't either party have the right to change their mind later on?
That I guess is when other factors come into play. How distraught the female is believing she'd been raped. If there were any marks showing signs of struggle. The case that the lad puts across.
I guess we don't see these things being investigated.

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

157 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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bhstewie said:
OP were you at the courtroom to hear all of the evidence?
This is the key. Either ten or eleven out of twelve impartial strangers, who WERE there and listening intently, believed that he was guilty beyond reasonable doubt.

Can a very, very drunk person give consent?
http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/p_to_r/rape_and_sexual...

allergictocheese

1,290 posts

144 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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Very scant details, but it sounds as if the victim claims she said no, whereas the defendant says she didn't. Having heard both sides of the story the jury believed the victim and not the defendant. That doesn't sound particularly controversial to me.

Retroman

975 posts

164 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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I think going forward, if there's any doubt in your head that she might not be sober enough to consent or know what she's doing or may regret it once sober (i.e wouldn't have done it sober) then best not to do the deed.

Failing that, don#t initiate any moves. I'm pretty sure no man would get done for rape if a woman was the one making all the moves and climbing on top, no matter how drunk she is.

BlackVanDyke

9,932 posts

242 months

Sunday 8th February 2015
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Only way to be safe is to leave no room for doubt. That goes for anyone of any gender, and any pairing including between a married couple. If you're not going to be sure of remembering a clear 'yes' then you'll never be able to be certain that there wasn't, at some point, a 'no'.