Court order for children - any experience PH?

[wjwren]

Having major issues with my girlfriend's ex controlling her & what she can do. He purposely picks and chooses when he has the 4 children or has them 1 at a time so she cant go out with me or plan anything. Three years later he has told her he is still in love with her and will not let her get on with her life or help her have holidays with another man. Is a court order worth it? Any experience or advice please.

thanks

[solo2]

I have similar issues but the other way around. My Ex's new girlfriend won't allow him to see his kids when he wishes too and won't allow them into her home which he now shares with her.

Not sure a Court order is worth the paper it's written on in instances like this.

[wjwren]

Yes, that's what my girlfriend says : if he doesnt want to have the kids for me to go on holiday then nobody is going to make him.

[wolf1]

Take the kids on holiday with you then.

[wjwren]

We are doing that in August, and we took them away last year but it's his general control over having them 1 or 2 at a time to control what we do.

[surveyor]

wolf1 said:

Take the kids on holiday with you then.

This. Or parents. You can't really blame him for not being seen as child care, but this does not need to stop you arranging things yourself....

[PurpleMoonlight]

The Law is not able to force a parent to see their child, only to deny or restrict it.

So even if you had a court order restricting it to certain times/dates the father may not comply, but that would permit you to deny contact outside the appointed times/dates. Of course, the resident parent can effectively do that anyway without a court order so why go to all the hassle of getting one .....

[G-Rich]

wjwren said:

Having major issues with my girlfriend's ex controlling her & what she can do. He purposely picks and chooses when he has the 4 children or has them 1 at a time so she cant go out with me or plan anything. Three years later he has told her he is still in love with her and will not let her get on with her life or help her have holidays with another man. Is a court order worth it? Any experience or advice please.

thanks

There's this really weird thing that parents have to do when they have kids... it's called being responsible for them! Just because you seem to think you have a free offsite baby sitter, isn't an excuse for "hooray, we can get a holiday without the kids!". Yes - the ex is a parent too, and obviously doesn't give a stuff - if you have custody of the kids, based on the experienced read about on PH - that's a win already.

Grow up, and get real. Tell your GF to take responsibility for the family she has, and be thankful that they are all happy and healthy. Screw the ex - he's obviously not worth it - and you are - so show you're the man, and be the best you can be for her and the kids.

Apologies if this is O/T - but stuff like this winds me up.

edit - adding some more moaning.

Edited by G-Rich on Friday 24th July 09:42

[solo2]

I'm not sure the OP inferred that he expected the father to be free childcare, more that the father takes pleasure in still being in control of how his partner can live her life, ie plan to go shopping. It's a chore in itself but rather hard to do things like Christmas shopping for your kids when they are always with you and would see what you bought them!

I don't get what is with some people on PH these day, he asks a simple question on whether the Courts can make the father be a responsible parent and he starts getting flamed because posters wish to twist it.

Any wonder some people lurk more than they post

Oh, and feel free to flame me, I'm a snake with tits as you lot call me, a single parent and any other ste you wish to throw at me but at the end of the day all I ever wanted was for my ex to continue to maintain a relationship with his children but he's too spineless to stand up to his new woman who tells him what to do. I'm not fussed if he take one or both out at a time, one at a time is quality time with your child but it's just a shame some people cannot be a decent parent once they've left and do right for the kids who never asked to be put in that situation. If the boot was on the other foot and I'd withheld him seeing his kids I'd be slapped with all sorts of legal ste, but the Law is a one sided Ass at times.

Edited by solo2 on Friday 24th July 13:23

[General Fluff]

Sorry but OP does come across as though he's more worried about his inconvenience than how this might affect the kids. How do they do Christmas shopping? How about the same way as all other parents manage (non-separated ones). Same with holidays, etc, etc.

In this situation the mother holds the balance of power. She can prevent access altogether and make the father fight for it if she likes, as unfair as that can often be. The situation as presented is a bit odd and I suspect it's the OP that is bothered about it much more than the mother.

[Blanchimont]

OP. I was subjected to something similar when I was little.

Grandparents only wanted to see my sister, not me.

my Dad said, you see both of them or neither of them, you can't pick and chose, they're still your grandkids (kids in your case)

Seemed to work well. I was 3, so cared more about my toy car. (This is PH after all )

[G-Rich]

solo2 said:

I'm not sure the OP inferred that he expected the father to be free childcare, more that the father takes pleasure in still being in control of how his partner can live her life, ie plan to go shopping. It's a chore in itself but rather hard to do things like Christmas shopping for your kids when they are always with you and would see what you bought them!

Hi.

When I read the OPs post I read "can I get a court order to force my gfs ex to take the kids all together for a week so I can go on holiday with my new gf"

My view is, that if you are a parent, you take the kids with you on holiday - that's what parents do! They shouldn't be seen as an inconvenience in the relationship you currently have - that's life, that's parenting. It really has nothing to do with the ex in that respect. I agree that he shouldn't be able to exercise any control in this situation, you have custody of the kids, so surely it's as much as your convenience as his as to when you are happy to let him have them.

PS - internet shopping is great.

solo2 said:

I don't get what is with some people on PH these day, he asks a simple question on whether the Courts can make the father be a responsible parent and he starts getting flamed because posters wish to twist it.

Any wonder some people lurk more than they post

Wow, maybe I've been taking my kids on holiday, rather than wasting hours on an internet forum getting into arguments with people I don't know about people I don't know about stuff that doesn't affect me... In this case, things that involve parenting and people not taking responsibility for their kids touches a nerve. Opinions are like ar$eholes etc.

solo2 said:

Oh, and feel free to flame me, I'm a snake with tits as you lot call me, a single parent and any other ste you wish to throw at me but at the end of the day all I ever wanted was for my ex to continue to maintain a relationship with his children but he's too spineless to stand up to his new woman who tells him what to do. I'm not fussed if he take one or both out at a time, one at a time is quality time with your child but it's just a shame some people cannot be a decent parent once they've left and do right for the kids who never asked to be put in that situation. If the boot was on the other foot and I'd withheld him seeing his kids I'd be slapped with all sorts of legal ste, but the Law is a one sided Ass at times.

I am on your side in this - I don't live in the 1827 version of PH that you maybe expect all men to. My point, as above, is simply reading between the lines, that trying to get a court order so you can dup the kids and go on holiday is a little odd from a parenting perspective.