Talking to my dad about his will (expecting bad news)
Discussion
My elderly parents are a long time divorced, and recently my mother gave me a copy of her will, and this has spurred me into trying to get the same from my dad. The problem is that I am nervous about a) his reaction and b) what I will find, and so I’d like some advice to prepare myself.
My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of f
k all to his name.
I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the bd fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.
If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of f
k all to his name.I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the b
d fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
Is this a joke?
Even if he does own or part own their property, of course he would leave it to her. She's been his partner for 30 years. You're entitled to nothing. Anything you might get is a bonus, not a right.
If you do mention it, I hope he tells you to fk off and mind your own business.
Even if he does own or part own their property, of course he would leave it to her. She's been his partner for 30 years. You're entitled to nothing. Anything you might get is a bonus, not a right.
If you do mention it, I hope he tells you to f
k off and mind your own business. Jefferson Steelflex said:
My elderly parents are a long time divorced, and recently my mother gave me a copy of her will, and this has spurred me into trying to get the same from my dad. The problem is that I am nervous about a) his reaction and b) what I will find, and so I’d like some advice to prepare myself.
My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of fk all to his name.
I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the bd fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.
If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
Wow...quoted just in case!My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of f
k all to his name.I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the b
d fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
Jefferson Steelflex said:
My elderly parents are a long time divorced, and recently my mother gave me a copy of her will, and this has spurred me into trying to get the same from my dad. The problem is that I am nervous about a) his reaction and b) what I will find, and so I’d like some advice to prepare myself.
My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of fk all to his name.
I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the bd fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.
If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
So your dad you think has no assets, his partner of 30 yrs has paid for everything, I presume he is happy with her and her with him, you don't see him very often and not best buddies but he left your mum to go with this this other woman when you were young. Is that about right?My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of f
k all to his name.I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the b
d fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
Its sad he appears not to have been much part of your life- but it sounds like he is happy and will have timed it right by spending anything that he owns just before he dies or if owning nothing is being looked after by his new partner for the last 30 years and has enjoyed it. Good on him.
Sorry what was your question? how angry you should feel if he doesn't leave you any money or doesn't have any money left to leave to you? is that right? Hmmmm
When my dad passed away he left me with nothing but an intestate, effectively bankrupt estate and a bunch of creditors baying for money that wasn't there. Count your blessings OP.
I really hope your post was just badly written because it doesn't read well. What's in your dad's will is only your business if he wants to make it your business.
Personally I wouldn't dream of asking anything beyond "do you have a will, because it's a good idea".
My mum has shared the details of her will with me purely so that when the time comes I'm clear on her wishes. I'm grateful for that. If she hadn't done so that would be entirely her business and no concern of mine.
I really hope your post was just badly written because it doesn't read well. What's in your dad's will is only your business if he wants to make it your business.
Personally I wouldn't dream of asking anything beyond "do you have a will, because it's a good idea".
My mum has shared the details of her will with me purely so that when the time comes I'm clear on her wishes. I'm grateful for that. If she hadn't done so that would be entirely her business and no concern of mine.
Jefferson Steelflex said:
My elderly parents are a long time divorced, and recently my mother gave me a copy of her will, and this has spurred me into trying to get the same from my dad. The problem is that I am nervous about a) his reaction and b) what I will find, and so I’d like some advice to prepare myself.
My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of fk all to his name.
I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the bd fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.
If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
OP, ignore some of the very unhelpful comments above.My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of f
k all to his name.I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the b
d fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
I run a wealth management business and facilitate these types of conversations for my clients. The reason is of course inheritance tax. It is only by having an open and frank conversation around intentions on death that an often large tax liability can be planned for, and minimised.
I would position the conversation around inheritance tax initially. Ask the question, "have you taken advice or steps to minimise the bill".
The reality is that inheritance tax is 40% on anything above £325k and this can be a staggering sum, especially if a London property is involved.
Inheritance almost always an "elephant in the room" conversation.
Jefferson Steelflex said:
My elderly parents are a long time divorced, and recently my mother gave me a copy of her will, and this has spurred me into trying to get the same from my dad. The problem is that I am nervous about a) his reaction and b) what I will find, and so I’d like some advice to prepare myself.
My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of fk all to his name.
I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the bd fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.
If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
I suspect you know the answer already but......if your dad has left you in the lurch before at a stage when you were a teenager and 'needed' him more then I wouldn't hold out much hope for the will.My dad is in his 70s, and has for the past 30 years been shacked up with ‘the other woman’ but they never married. We see each other every now and then and we are meeting up next week pre-Xmas, but we are not exactly best buddies and he’s a bit tetchy so having a conversation about wills isn’t going to flow in the same way it would with my mum. Why it matters? Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets, despite living with his partner and doing everything together for the past 30 years.
My dad went and moved in with his new partner back in the 90s, and they have moved twice since then and now live in a salubrious part of Central London. When they first got together my dad was the bread-winner while she was studying for some specialist qualification, and over the past 25 years his partner has held a very high-powered job in the City and paid for pretty much everything they do, and my strong suspicion (based on off-hand conversations in the past) is that the property they share is in her name. She has no children but does have a niece to whom she is very close, so in my head this is likely route for the house in her will.
My dad won’t be happy about me even asking about it, but I can deal with that as I think it is something I need to know about. But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done? I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of f
k all to his name.I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the b
d fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure. My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
Jefferson Steelflex said:
If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
I don't know, but I do know they have more of a beneficial interest in the property than yourself, who's never lived in it.fking hell!! You greedy bd - worry about how much money you can earn and leave the poor guy alone. His will is his business, why would you be entitled to something his partner has worked very hard for? If he left with nothing, chances are that your mum has it all, therefore, you're already getting it!
king hell!! You greedy bd - worry about how much money you can earn and leave the poor guy alone. His will is his business, why would you be entitled to something his partner has worked very hard for? If he left with nothing, chances are that your mum has it all, therefore, you're already getting it!Helicopter123 said:
OP, ignore some of the very unhelpful comments above.
I run a wealth management business and facilitate these types of conversations for my clients. The reason is of course inheritance tax. It is only by having an open and frank conversation around intentions on death that an often large tax liability can be planned for, and minimised.
I would position the conversation around inheritance tax initially. Ask the question, "have you taken advice or steps to minimise the bill".
The reality is that inheritance tax is 40% on anything above £325k and this can be a staggering sum, especially if a London property is involved.
Inheritance almost always an "elephant in the room" conversation.
that's a fair point and one that I had not considered. I run a wealth management business and facilitate these types of conversations for my clients. The reason is of course inheritance tax. It is only by having an open and frank conversation around intentions on death that an often large tax liability can be planned for, and minimised.
I would position the conversation around inheritance tax initially. Ask the question, "have you taken advice or steps to minimise the bill".
The reality is that inheritance tax is 40% on anything above £325k and this can be a staggering sum, especially if a London property is involved.
Inheritance almost always an "elephant in the room" conversation.
Jefferson Steelflex said:
Well, I have a bad feeling that my dad has no assets
Then his will's irrelevant, if he has nothing to leave.Jefferson Steelflex said:
But let’s say my worst fears are realised and he’s not on the property deeds or anything like that. Is there anything that can be done?
You mean is there any way in which you can go up to her and say "You know the house you thought you owned 100%? Half of it's mine now, even though my dad wanted you to have it all"?Jefferson Steelflex said:
I’d hate to get to the day when a will is being read and it’s revealed my dad has 3/5ths of fk all to his name.
You mean he doesn't leave you anything?k all to his name.We can assume he's happy - while he's alive - with the current setup, can't we? And after he dies, he doesn't care what HE HAS...
And I guess you aren't asking if he would have anything to leave to Battersea Dog's Home or the woman he's loved and lived with for decades...
Jefferson Steelflex said:
I feel a bit strange worrying about money in this way – like it’s a bit dirty – but the bd fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure.
That's up to what he WANTS to do. Have you tried being really nice to him, and being a good son to him? Or do you just feel entitled to be "put right"?d fked off and left me and my mum high and dry when I was a teenager and I’d always hoped he’d make it right, but now I’m not so sure.Jefferson Steelflex said:
My mum made a big deal the other day of making sure I understood her wishes, how much money and assets she had and how she wanted me to deal with it, so I’m hoping my dad can do the same.
So let's say he says "Yep, I'm leaving it all to Doreen. You don't get a penny." - is that clearly understood enough?Jefferson Steelflex said:
If two people have lived together for 30 years, and in the current property for 20, does one automatically get a beneficial interest in the property if they are not named in the deeds?
No.If the property's registered with the Land Registry, then you can pay a few quid and find out.
If she owns it 100%, then it's not his to leave you.
If they jointly own it as tenants-in-common, then his part-ownership simply ceases to exist on his death, so it's not his to leave you.
If they jointly own it as joint tenants, with a defined ownership split, or he owns it 100%, then that still doesn't mean he'd actually choose to leave it to you...
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