Any justice in divorce?
Discussion
The basic story:
At 32 years old I buy a 3 bed house on my own. 2 year later I meet a women who becomes a girlfriend and moves in. She works, but I never ask her to contribute to the mortgage or household bills, so her salary is to do with as she like and our accounts are completely separate. Roll on 12 years and she has a child, so she stops working and I support her 100%. and I then marry her. 10 years later her mother dies, and she has a major middle age crisis, and runs off to live with a much wealthier family friend and they set up home together. Sh*t happens, so move on, no bad feelings, so we go to mediation to get a divorce. She says she wants a moderate amount of money from me so she can contribute to the new home she is setting up. Not a problem, its reasonable, I'm happy, she is happy, just get the stuff stamped i court.
This is where the problem is. The mediation people tell me she is entitled to half of everything, including all pensions etc before I even met her and I would have to loose 1/2 my home in the process. But I say she is living with a wealthy man who owns 2.5 times more than me, and they are buying a nice 4 bed house together mortgage free , so she is not on the street exactly. That does not matter they say, plus the fact the fact she never saved a penny from her salary and spent it all on fags and booze, so she has no capital, is my problem now.
So the court is not likely to agree to the sum she wants as its no where near 1/2 of my total worth? She knows what she has done, is in far better financial position than me now, and does not want to destroy me buy taking half of everything I have worked so hard for, for so long. Is the justice system so biased against guys who work hard to have a house and pension, that they cant accept what has been amicably agreed between 2 grown adults who can make their own decisions so screw everything up? Anyone here with experience of anything similar?
At 32 years old I buy a 3 bed house on my own. 2 year later I meet a women who becomes a girlfriend and moves in. She works, but I never ask her to contribute to the mortgage or household bills, so her salary is to do with as she like and our accounts are completely separate. Roll on 12 years and she has a child, so she stops working and I support her 100%. and I then marry her. 10 years later her mother dies, and she has a major middle age crisis, and runs off to live with a much wealthier family friend and they set up home together. Sh*t happens, so move on, no bad feelings, so we go to mediation to get a divorce. She says she wants a moderate amount of money from me so she can contribute to the new home she is setting up. Not a problem, its reasonable, I'm happy, she is happy, just get the stuff stamped i court.
This is where the problem is. The mediation people tell me she is entitled to half of everything, including all pensions etc before I even met her and I would have to loose 1/2 my home in the process. But I say she is living with a wealthy man who owns 2.5 times more than me, and they are buying a nice 4 bed house together mortgage free , so she is not on the street exactly. That does not matter they say, plus the fact the fact she never saved a penny from her salary and spent it all on fags and booze, so she has no capital, is my problem now.
So the court is not likely to agree to the sum she wants as its no where near 1/2 of my total worth? She knows what she has done, is in far better financial position than me now, and does not want to destroy me buy taking half of everything I have worked so hard for, for so long. Is the justice system so biased against guys who work hard to have a house and pension, that they cant accept what has been amicably agreed between 2 grown adults who can make their own decisions so screw everything up? Anyone here with experience of anything similar?
You cant get divorced without getting it agreed in court- so the judge looks at it to see if its fair, and if he thinks not they wont agree the divorce. This is the sticking point, that they can reject what you have already happily agreed if they think someone is getting a bad deal- seems crazy to me. This is nothing to do with payments for a child child - purely spousal maintenance.
Edited by blitzracing on Saturday 28th October 19:08
Ignore the mediators, they'll want to prolong things to make more money, like most of the legal industry involved in divorces.
You can come to any arrangement you like, and will need to have it formally drafted as a court order. The court is very unlikely to disagree if both of you are in agreement, but may ask if everyone is happy with it if it appears particularly abnormal. I'd suggest looking at a clean break order if at all possible, particularly as she's moving in with someone else and presumably is able to work.
You can come to any arrangement you like, and will need to have it formally drafted as a court order. The court is very unlikely to disagree if both of you are in agreement, but may ask if everyone is happy with it if it appears particularly abnormal. I'd suggest looking at a clean break order if at all possible, particularly as she's moving in with someone else and presumably is able to work.
I was reading this yesterday:
I'm fighting my ex-wife for every person who's been shafted by Britain's divorce courts
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/fight...
This bloke is putting up a proper fight over a ridiculous divorce arrangement, and if a few others did so too then things might be improved. Can't say I have any experience in the matter (yet
) but thought it might be useful.
I'm fighting my ex-wife for every person who's been shafted by Britain's divorce courts
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/fight...
This bloke is putting up a proper fight over a ridiculous divorce arrangement, and if a few others did so too then things might be improved. Can't say I have any experience in the matter (yet
) but thought it might be useful.
Surely you can both agree to whatever you want it doesn’t have to be half. Oh and never date anyone who has less wealth than you always be the kept man / toy boy and avoid such nonsense. How anyone is entitled to half of anyone’s pension is beyond me it’s your pension has nothing to do with anyone else.
ellroy said:
In answer to the original question: None what so ever.
^^This, a workmate of mine who had worked bloody hard for all of his working life got done by the money grabbing b
h who we all thought was 'alright' a few months back. He lost all of his savings, his car, the lot, she did the dirty on him and then took him for everything he had. His solicitor basically told him to bend over and accept the consequences. Karma's a bh though, last I heard she had terminal cancer........spookly said:
Ignore the mediators, they'll want to prolong things to make more money, like most of the legal industry involved in divorces.
You can come to any arrangement you like, and will need to have it formally drafted as a court order. The court is very unlikely to disagree if both of you are in agreement, but may ask if everyone is happy with it if it appears particularly abnormal. I'd suggest looking at a clean break order if at all possible, particularly as she's moving in with someone else and presumably is able to work.
^^This^^You can come to any arrangement you like, and will need to have it formally drafted as a court order. The court is very unlikely to disagree if both of you are in agreement, but may ask if everyone is happy with it if it appears particularly abnormal. I'd suggest looking at a clean break order if at all possible, particularly as she's moving in with someone else and presumably is able to work.
Clean break is always the way to go. Exactly what we did: no mediation whatsoever. Decided what was fair and told the solicitor/s to get on with it in the proper legal format. Costs kept to a minimum.
However, if I have read the OP correctly and done my sums right, there is a problem. A child who is still a minor (ours were adults and were long gone from the family home).
It is utterly inequitable that a woman can shack up with another guy like the OP's wife has and bleed her (ex) husband dry. Contrast it with the situation if she marries the new beau...
The judiciary (especially in the higher courts) are hopelessly out of touch with modern life.
One child- mine and support for her is not the issue, she will get anything she needs from me without question.The soon to be ex wife is not trying to bleed me dry at all, this is the point, she only wants about 10% of my worth, but I'm being told the court wont accept this as she has no capital of her own.
It strikes me I have 3 options:
Submit the 10% and make sure everyone understands she is happy with this and see what happens in court.
Roll over and pay a much larger sum if forced, and hope she will pay a chunk back when all's done and dusted. If this fails I better get used to eating cold baked for retirement or drop dead quickly.
Not bother getting divorced at all if she will agree with the 10% she wants for the new house passed over, and just let her get on with it. I have no desire at 57 to remarry some car crash menopausal woman in this age group!! This means she can still have the complete family home, my pensions and life insurance if I drop dead, at wont point I wont care anyway. Ill add to this I'm 10 years older than her.
It strikes me I have 3 options:
Submit the 10% and make sure everyone understands she is happy with this and see what happens in court.
Roll over and pay a much larger sum if forced, and hope she will pay a chunk back when all's done and dusted. If this fails I better get used to eating cold baked for retirement or drop dead quickly.
Not bother getting divorced at all if she will agree with the 10% she wants for the new house passed over, and just let her get on with it. I have no desire at 57 to remarry some car crash menopausal woman in this age group!! This means she can still have the complete family home, my pensions and life insurance if I drop dead, at wont point I wont care anyway. Ill add to this I'm 10 years older than her.
When I got divorced we told the solicitor to just serve the divorce papers and make that happen.
We never discussed the financial arrangements with anyone - it was simply my wife and I sitting down together and agreeing what was fair.
Although we had no children, which MAY therefore alter things (I don't know), why can you not do this? Do your finances have to be done through legal channels?
We never discussed the financial arrangements with anyone - it was simply my wife and I sitting down together and agreeing what was fair.
Although we had no children, which MAY therefore alter things (I don't know), why can you not do this? Do your finances have to be done through legal channels?
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